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Required cast:
Michael Steele, Basso blotto
Mark Sanford, Houndentenor
Sarah Palin, Off coloratura
Female Reporter, Contraltoid
Governor’s Chorus
———————————————–
(Governors, sprechstimme)
He hikes The Trail without his tail
His Bible’s got some tears
He waltzes to the NGA
And takes Presidential airs
And inside that stuffed suit
Are we sure there’s something there?
I’ve even heard him sing of Buenos Aires.
He’s absent from the Capitol,
Is his veto pen for real?
He called for all those budget cuts
But he stimulates a deal.
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Mark is not an asset to the Party!
(Sarah Palin)
I’d like to say a word in his behalf
Sanford. makes me. laugh.
(Michael Steele)
How do I solve a problem like Mark Sanford?
How do I catch that clown and pin him down?
How do I find the words that mean Mark Sanford?
An idiot?
A bumbling fool?
A frown?
Many a thing I know I need to tell him,
(Chorus of GOP Governors: He’s married, for one)
Many a thing he ought to understand,
(Governors: She’s married too)
But how do I make him stay,
(Governors: Superglue?)
And listen to all we’ll say,
Why can’t he keep his zipper out of his hand?
(Governors: Look at each other and shrug)
Oh, how can I solve a problem like Mark Sanford?
(Governors: Seppuku?)
How can I hold a moonbat in my hand?
(Governors to themselves: Can you believe this drivel?)
(Sanford’s buddy Senator Larry)
When he’s with her he’s confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And he doesn’t know exactly where he is.
(Female Newspaper Reporter)
He’ll be at Hartsfield in Atlanta
Flying home from Argentina
(Governors, one per phrase)
Viagra!
He’s a demon!
He’s a man!
(Female Reporter)
I will pester him for facts
He will lie about the facts
And I’ll nail him the emails later on.
(Sanford)
She is graceful! She is calm!
She’s erotic! She’s da bomb!
She doesn’t have headaches! She’s an angel!
(spoken) But hey… that’s going into sexual details.
(Governors Chorus)
How do we solve a problem like Mark Sanford?
How do we catch a clown and pin him down?
How we find the words that mean Mark Sanford?
(Separately)
A hypocrite!
An adulterer!
(Together) A clown!
Oh, How do we solve a problem like Mark Sanford?
How do we hold a moonbat in our hand?
13 Comments
Heh.
I grow weary of dealing with these odd creatures who boldly proclaim personal anointment by the one great dog, yet continually strew about their fetid, stinking offal for others to scrub from the land of odd.
Would that they simply stay home and pick up their own shovels.
Delightful post, BCT! *g*
beautiful! :~D
chapeau!
bravo!
I wish I had a voice. I want this on stage, with proper footlights and the whole bit. It deserves no less! Huzzah!
Please! Just ONE MORE BOW before the curtain closes. Better yet, let it go viral, all youse guys with the fancy hardware.
Cue roses for the honoured Parodorifier!
707!!!
Brilliant
What Hugh said.
Effing Brilliant!
“Off Coloratura”
pure genius!
FunnyWheelieDiva
I can claim credit only for Contraltoid. My nomme de nette, BargainCountertenor originated in the works of Professor Peter Schikele. So do Houndentenor, Off Coloratura, and Basso Blotto.
The assignment of voices and casting is however my own, and I gratefully accept your praise. Punaise, my hat’s off to you … I know I can always count on you for a groan.
This started out as Sanford singing, “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” with a chorus of John Ensign, Newt Gingrich, Larry Craig and other libido-challenged R-political figures. But it kept morphing into Sanford being the problem rather than having the problem. The muse can be a real bitch at times.
One word: DepoProvera (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depo_provera#Other_uses). One shot and the problem goes away for many weeks. I don’t know why the political handlers haven’t thought of it themselves.
Bargain, wow. all that musical training put to perfect use! What a hoot!
your fellow posauner
Bravo, BCT!