Many tactics have been employed in the Republican frenzy to govern the female reproductive system instead of the country.

Alabama is trying to pass a law that would require doctors performing LEGAL abortions to dress like Princess Leia when she was Jabba the Hut’s slave girl.

Wyoming is trying to pass a law which would require the conception to be recorded on video and broadcast nationally before a LEGAL abortion can be performed.

“Hey,” you might say. “What about Wyoming women who have been raped or are victims of incest?”

The answer in Wyoming, and amongst the new crop of Republicans is, ”Screw ‘em, they wouldn’t be pregnant if they kept their legs together.”

In Pennsylvania, women must obtain a special abortion ID card 6 months before a LEGAL abortion because of the high incidence of abortion fraud in the Keystone state.

Here in Ohio, the Republicans in charge of the State House are trying to pass a new law that would require women wanting LEGAL abortions to purchase a billboard on which must be the headline, “Guess Who Wants to Murder Her Baby This Week.”

The newest tools in the pro-life arsenal are making LEGAL abortions so hard or so humiliating (or both) that women give up. It is despicable, but I fear effective.

These f&ckers aren’t happy just dropping anvils on women that want LEGAL abortions; they want to cut off access to contraception, as well.

So, Republicans figure, if you can’t get an abortion and you can’t prevent pregnancies with chemical contraception then all this screwing will grind (sorry, I couldn’t help it) to a halt.

I have no idea why Republicans are against screwing. It seems to me that once two people become consenting adults, they should be able screw who and when they want…and don’t forget how they want.

What about rubbers?

I may not be listening closely enough, but I don’t hear about Republicans wanting to make getting rubbers more difficult or more humiliating. I know they don’t want kids to have rubbers, but I don’t think they are all that anti-rubber, in general.

Why is that?

As it turns out, extra prostitutes have to be flown into any city where Republicans hold their National Convention. Hookers won’t do it unless you wear a rubber (or, so I’ve heard), so Republicans want to make sure they have access to inexpensive and widely distributed rubbers. It wouldn’t be nice to take something home to the wife.

Otherwise, Republicans would be trying to pass laws that would require rubber buyers to tape their rubbers to their foreheads before leaving the store. Those rubber machines in bar bathrooms would disappear or be moved out by the bar. Married people would be required to bring permission slips signed by their spouse if they wanted to buy rubbers.

You would have to speak French to purchase certain kinds of rubbers (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean). All rubbers would be labeled SMALL.

Liberals and Progressives might learn a little something from their conservative, nut ball colleagues.

Consider…

Concealed weapons are LEGAL, but we could pass a law that would require people to conceal weapons and spare ammo clips in their ass. This might cut down on some of the larger and most dangerous weapons.

Guantanamo is LEGAL, but we could pass a law that says all “interrogations” must be televised, and the interrogators must hide their identities for safety by wearing rubber Halloween masks and French maid costumes.

Unilateral, unprovoked invasion of another country is LEGAL, but we could pass a law that would require the members of the Executive and Legislative branches of the government to mark off the days of the war on their genitals with permanent marker.

Vast, bottomless lakes of campaign cash from pet billionaires is LEGAL, but we could pass a law that would require candidates to wear patches naming donors of more than $1 million on the back of their suit coats.

Republicans want to manage the reproductive systems of each and every woman of child-bearing age. There is no comparable control being suggested by Republicans over men. Women are being singled out because they have female parts. There is no way around that.

Is the motivation religious? Is the motivation because Republicans think women are inferior? The ultimate motivation is a mystery, but the fact that Republicans want to control women is nearly inarguable.

It’s almost like the rich, White, Christian men have decided that they made a mistake by letting women out of the kitchen and now they want to regain control. What worries me the most is that these guys are stupid enough to think it’s possible.