The three major religions of the world share the same God, but they differ on whom was his/her most important sidekick. Was it Jesus, Mohammed, or Moses?

Apparently, slaughtering those that don’t believe what you believe is the only way to find the truth. In an attempt to settle the key questions of how you should live your life and what happens when you die, the major religions of the world can think of only one way to get the answers…kill everybody and let God sort it out.

I had enough of this crap when I first learned about the Crusades, the Inquisition, and all the ancient horrors done in the name of the God by people fixated on the identity of God’s BFF.

The events of this week once again have me screaming, “ENOUGH.”

Supposedly a movie (I saw the trailer, and it is a piece of garbage equal to the anti-Jewish cartoons of the Nazi era.) was the reason America (a mostly Christian country) saw its Ambassador to Libya and three others brutally murdered and dragged through the streets in Benghazi.

I think it was just an excuse for Muslims to kill Christians.

Israel (a Jewish country) wants the United States to bless an attack on Iran (a Muslim country) because Israel’s leaders say they fear the Iranian nuclear program. On the surface, that makes sense, but I think it’s just an excuse to kill Muslims.

This crappy movie about Islam apparently was financed by an Israeli and promoted by that whacky burn-the-Koran guy Terry Jones. The “Reverend” Jones also has written a book entitled Islam is of the Devil, so you know his agenda. He’s just sorry he can’t find a way to legally murder Muslims.

As Mercutio says to Romeo after Tybalt fatally wounds him, “A plague on both (or all three of) your houses.”

If the zealots in the three major religions want to whip ‘em out to see who has the biggest sidekick, let’s give them Antarctica. We can give them Antarctica and huge piles of rocks and they can smash each other’s skulls to their heart’s content.

Just think of the giant violence boners that would result from crazy Christians, Jews, and Muslims just slugging it out to see which religion kicks the most ass. It should be a real donnybrook since God, the same God, is on all their sides…according to them.

If God truly hates Muslims, Christians, Jews, Gays, or the Boston Red Sox, I’m sure he/she is capable of smiting these groups without any help from the folks that think they know God’s will.

As I’ve said before, I don’t know God’s will, but I have a pretty good idea what isn’t.

“Kill, kill, kill,” isn’t a benediction, but it has been the battle cry of religious crazies since the beginning of time. Pain and suffering isn’t a sacrament, but religious crazies have been passing it out like some Satanic communion since the first cave man bashed another caveman over the head for insulting the volcano God.

These nuts seem to think that conversion by torture and intimidation somehow pleases the God of their understanding. Hang a witch, stone an adulterer, burn an infidel, rape the women, and kill the children…these are the ways religious nuts “promote” their faith.

Kiss my ass; I’m tired of it.

How do you stop these religious crazies? I wish I knew. If I say, “Kill them all,” I am just as bad as they are.

These people are suffering from illusions of religious grandeur. They are mentally ill, AND they are pointed at each other like weapons by the folks that profit from the death and destruction they create.

Joan of Arc offered a “God-endorsed” genocide to the French and the English. They loved killing each other back in the day, however, only the royal families ever got the spoils.

Religious leaders have been in cahoots with kings and potentates for centuries. The religious leaders deliver the zealots to do the bidding of the king, and the religious leaders get to live like kings. It’s an old story, but it works.

If you can get a bunch of religious crazies that aren’t afraid to die or a bunch of zealots that believe their God will reward them for killing his/her enemies, you, my friend, have got your world by the short and curly hairs.

That’s why drones are the cat’s tits…you get all the destructive power of a riled up bunch of zealots without having to worry about feeding them or where to keep them after you’ve killed enough for now.

The sick joke is that it’s never enough. But to keep from having to think about what we do, we really need to convince ourselves that there is a magic number of dead people that will bring about a perfect world.

That’s like believing there is a magic number of sex partners you must have to become a virgin again.

“A plague on both your houses.”

I’m going to be 58 this Sunday.

I moved into my dorm at Ohio University 40 years ago this week. The Vietnam War was in full swing but nearly forgotten.

AND…all I thought about was lady parts.

Is it any wonder I have been having flashbacks recently?

The war in Afghanistan is in full swing, but it’s nearly forgotten

AND…allI I can think about are lady parts.

That’s because I learned something I had never even dreamed could be a thought in someone’s head. There are very few things that surprise me anymore, but this week’s lesson in Voodoo Vaginomics left me speechless.

I did not know about this right-to-life myth that if a woman is a victim of “legitimate rape,” her lady parts will seize up and refuse to get pregnant. I still can’t believe anyone can keep this thought inside their head without their head exploding or, at least, sprouting horns.

The facts are that when a sperm and an egg meet… it’s Gamete on!

How can people believe such nonsense that if you get pregnant it wasn’t rape?

Then I remembered that these are the same people that believed that if you tied up a woman and threw her into a body of water you could tell if she was a witch. If she floated, the water didn’t want her and she was a witch. If she sank, she wasn’t a witch, but she would probably drown…TA-DA!

Evil spirits can’t cross running water. Garlic and vampires don’t mix. Witches ride brooms. When you die, you get to be king of your own planet. Cutting out the living heart of your enemy will please your god. Poking an altar boy in the butt occasionally ain’t no big thing.

What else, what else…

The earth is 6,000 years old. You must be entombed with all your worldly wealth and possessions so you can have a good time in your afterlife. Hurricanes and planes flying into buildings are punishment for not hating queers enough. Humans coexisted with dinosaurs. Once you’ve poked enough altar boys in the butt in one parish, it’s time to move to another parish.

Here’s my favorite…you can harm an all-powerful being by refusing to believe in them. That one is usually punishable by death.

Fanatics, zealots, extremists, freaks, crazies…call them what you like, but we are butt deep in them here in America. We have both liberal and conservative freaks. Some of these folks are harmless; they seek to control themselves. It’s the freaks that want to control others that scare the dog water out of me.

Try for just a minute to imagine the brain that believes that “legitimate rape” victims can’t get pregnant. There is no mercy in that brain. It has installed a belief system that makes it conclude that there is no need for an exemption of any kind for a ban on abortion.

“That woman was abducted and gang raped, but she must have wanted it or she wouldn’t be pregnant. That 12-year-old girl that got knocked up by her uncle wants us to believe that she didn’t ask for it.”

That’s some mind, isn’t it. If you could open such a mind and look in, you would see snakes and worms.

We don’t need trials…we just wait to see if the woman/girl becomes pregnant. In the case of girls younger than the age of consent, a pregnancy would prove that the man was guilty only of having sex with a minor which, thank God, is still illegal.

So, a woman claims she was raped by a stranger that fled the scene. She must contact the police immediately and go for a medical exam and have a rape kit drawn. The police just have to wait to see if she gets pregnant before filing charges. If she’s not pregnant, they can search for the “rapist.” If she is pregnant, they make her pay for the rape kit and arrest her for filing a false police report. AND…she gets the bonus of having the rapist’s baby against her will.

It that sick world there is consensual sex and forcible rape. One can cause pregnancy and one can’t. All you have to do is wait. If the rabbit dies, you are dealing with a slut that needs to have that baby so she can learn her lesson

It’s just that simple.

By the way, Todd and the rest of you nuts, your theory only works for man-on-woman-no-condom-vaginal-penetration-to-climax rape. How on earth do we determine if any other type of rape is legitimate?

Never mind. I forgot…you don’t really give a shit if there’s no fetus to save.

Two weeks ago I wrote about the ball kicking contest in Wisconsin. This week I get to use the word vagina…and it isn’t even gratuitous. I also will work in “dick,” but that will be gratuitous. It seems that June is genitalia month.

So, what’s with the dicks in the Michigan legislature?

The only thing I can figure is that these Godstapo assholes have spent their entire lives with good, subservient Christian women that turn their brains in at the first sign of a man.

These penis-brain sons-of-bitches have adopted a belief that includes the “men-are-always-right-so-shut-your-mouth-and-open-your-legs” interpretation of the Bible. What bothered the Speaker of the Michigan House more than the word “vagina” was the fact that someone with a vagina back talked him.

Godstapo boys believe in original sin. It was Eve that f**ked up the whole Garden of Eden gig, as far as they are concerned. Eve and her evil vagina seduced Adam into eating the forbidden fruit.

Adam’s punishment was to get thrown out of the Garden and to become mortal. Eve’s punishment was to get tossed from the Garden, become mortal, and to start having periods and suffer the pain of childbirth.

SO…the Godstapo believes that the sluts that get pregnant “by accident” need to suffer the pain of childbirth because that’s the way God wants it…AND… the Godstapo believes they are here on earth to make everybody follow God’s law which they believe they have the sole right to interpret…and when I say “they, “ I mean the men folk.

The Godstapo boys believe they are supposed to take over everything in the name of God…it’s called the Christian Dominion Movement, and they are serious as a heart attack. They are serious, and they will brook no insolence from people with vaginas. After all, it was a person with a vagina that screwed up the whole living-forever-in-paradise routine.

Frankly, I don’t know why thousands of these Godstapo mother**kers aren’t smothered in their sleep by the person with a vagina that sleeps next to them…unless the women are too exhausted from taking care of all the children Godstapo men keep planting in their bellies.

If I treated the women I’ve loved like they were evil, brain-dead sexual orifices, I’d consider myself lucky not to wake up with my penis super glued to my thigh and  my best girl standing over me with a baseball bat.

I think the Godstapo has spent so much time with women that have been raised to believe that independence means eternity in Hell that they have no idea of what a woman scorned is capable.

In the Godstapo mind, any woman not under the thumb of their proper master, a man, is just a slut time bomb waiting to infect the “good” women with silly notions like women ought to be in charge of their own sexuality and fertility.

Crazy, conservative, Rush-lovers say the problem with liberals is that we always imagine the worst possible outcome whenever we discuss politics. They say we overreact.

For example, when SCOTUS made the Citizens United decision, liberals said, “Corporations will be free to spend billions of dollars to support pro-corporate politicians; the average voter won’t be able to compete and democracy hangs in the balance.”

See, we overreact.

I fear that the Godstapo might accomplish this Dominion thing. Imagine the headlines in an America ruled by the Godstapo:

• Woman claiming rape was wearing “slutty” underwear, case dismissed

• Woman with one black eye a “slow learner” says County Judge

• Schools must teach that evolution is Satanic lie

• Female virginity test required for marriage license

• Non-Christian cults lose tax-exempt status

• Crucifixion is too good for the Godless says the Senate, burning at the stake approved

Am I paranoid? Am I overreacting? Nope.

This isn’t a fight for just women. Men have to step up and support our Moms, wives, sisters, aunts, daughters, nieces, cousins, and granddaughters, or they will become second-class citizens in a Godstapo country where doubting God will be a crime and where doubting evolution will be a virtue.

The Godstapo is serious and relentless. They move in and take every fraction of an inch they are given. One day, you look around and they are on the Planning Commission. The next day, they are on the School Board and City Council. Overnight they are in the State House and the Governor’s Mansion. Now we’ve got them in the House and Senate, and the Godstapo is working like crazy to get the Godstapo candidate Mitt Romney elected.

You are not paranoid if they are out to get you. Keep an eye on these pricks.

P.S.

Eric Holder and Barack Obama conspired to create gun violence so the public would demand stricter gun control…RIGHT…next month they will encourage screwing in a secret plot to end sex.