Obama with clasped hands

“Would I lie to you? NSA spying is totally legal!”

“America is a great place to make it big, except when it isn’t.”

“I support Blue Dogs against Republicans, year in and year out, because omigod Republicans — given the low moral caliber of the Blue Dogs for which I’m voting year in and year out (and something which I well understood in 2004 when I voted for John Kerry), a Republican could cause great damage. Yet I still proudly proclaim that I’m a progressive/ liberal/ socialist/ blah blah blah.”

“I really want to see the Democrats retake Congress in 2014 — even though they’re leaving dozens of Congressional races uncontested and won’t bother to primary their Blue Dogs. See, we only want to spread the Democratic faith in swing elections in which a demographically-critical segment of the public will regard a Blue Dog as marginally less worse than a Democrat. We’re not really interested in promoting the platform to the whole of America or anything like that, because what the Democrats really stand for is money.”

Over half of America wants single payer, but it’s off the table because a wasteful health care system offers more profits for well-positioned players.”

“We didn’t have sixty votes, except we didn’t really need sixty votes (because Reid could have changed the rules like he did with judicial nominations), so never mind.”

“Under the current regime global warming might kill us all, but let’s trust in the current regime because my current paycheck depends upon it. Besides, the President’s speeches make us feel good.”

Public school reform will close the achievement gap, except when it won’t.”

“It’s morally reprehensible to say that there isn’t much difference between Democrats and Republicans, except when the President does it.”

“The Grand Bargain won’t pass because the Republicans hate Obama (even though both sides want spending cuts) — which makes it okay that Obama told the Democrats he wanted a Grand Bargain this year, like he wanted it in 2011.”

Young people are more likely to favor socialism over capitalism in America today, but we can’t talk about socialism because America is a conservative country, except when it isn’t.”

Photo by Steve Jurvetson released under a Creative Commons license.