Oh, Crap. I just remembered I’m doing Over Easy this Thursday for Ruth, while she’s traveling. No, I don’t procrastinate and I’m not writing this at the Last Minute. Nosiree. That would never happen, I swear to Dog.

A horse

Don't eat me, Wilbur. Go Over Easy, instead!

Anyway, let’s talk about our roots. I’m a fourth generation atheist agitator, mixed race like our president, descended from socialists, homosexual product union of actors, prostitutes, and red diaper babies revolutionaries. Sometimes, I think about what would’ve happened to me if I’d been born in Africa, or Mother Russia, or Ireland, where My People Come from. Or could’ve been sent, if we’d been sent to a colony, like Australia.

Malaysian authorities have a possible elephant murder mystery on their hands after three more pygmy elephants reportedly were found dead on the island of Borneo Wednesday (Jan. 30).

The grim discovery brings the death toll to 13 this month, and according to the AP, authorities are investigating suspicions that the diminutive elephants were poisoned.

Well now that sucks. I mean, really? Who wants to hurt an elephant? People who do that are just mean. There’s a long, ugly story for you: the history of humans and elephants. I still remember the old B&W movie with “Tarzan” about that, I watched as a child. It made me cry, when the bad guy shot the elephant so he could follow her as she trundled to her deathbed to the “Elephant Graveyard” for the cache of ivory he would find there.

Speaking of large pieces of meat:

LONDON/DUBLIN (Reuters) – Tesco, the Co-operative Group and Aldi fired a supplier controlled by Ireland’s most powerful beef baron on Wednesday for selling them burgers shown to contain horsemeat.

The three retailers said they would no longer use Irish supplier Silvercrest Foods because of trust issues relating to where products were sourced, following a similar move by Burger King last week.

The world’s No. 3 retailer, Tesco, reeling from a wave of bad publicity after the Irish food safety authority discovered a frozen burger contained 29 percent horse meat, said it would continue to buy Irish beef from other ABP companies.

Tesco Ireland said the contract, worth 15 million euros, was a small part of ABP’s business and the company also promised to use DNA testing equipment to check the content of products on its shelves.

The move is a blow to Ireland’s 2 billion euro (£1.6 billion) beef industry, which had hoped that the discovery the horsemeat came from Poland might limit the fallout.

“We took that decision with regret but the breach of trust is simply too great,” Tesco technical director Tim Smith said in a statement announcing the termination of its contract with Silvercrest, a subsidiary of Larry Goodman’s ABP Foods.

Um, ick? I guess we don’t have to be afraid we’re the only country that, er, experiments with new and exciting recipes. Darnit, I love horses. We don’t need to eat them, OK? Even if they are cheap.

BERLIN (Reuters) – Germany’s openly gay foreign minister has told Moscow’s envoy to Berlin a Russian draft law banning “homosexual propaganda” contravenes human rights and could harm the country’s ties with Europe, Spiegel online said on Tuesday.

The German foreign ministry confirmed the meeting on Monday evening between Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle and Russia’s ambassador in Berlin, Vladimir Grinin, but declined to comment on what they discussed.

Westerwelle had made clear that in Germany’s view the law violated the European human rights convention, the report said.

“Such a law will hamper European-Russian relations and will harm Russia’s image in Europe,” it cited an unidentified official as saying, setting out Westerwelle’s position.

Westerwelle told Grinin he spoke as a “friend of Russia” who wanted Moscow to better defend human rights and democracy, Spiegel said.

Scuffles broke out on Friday between gay activists and Russian Orthodox Christians in Moscow when the State Duma, Russia’s lower house of parliament, backed the draft law.

Critics see the law as an attempt to shore up support for President Vladimir Putin after months of protests that have sapped his popularity in the still largely conservative country.

Homosexuality, punished with jail terms in the Soviet Union, was decriminalized in Russia in 1993, but much of the gay community remains underground and prejudice runs deep.

What the hell, Russia? Get with the program, already. Gay Rights are the New End of the Cold War. You People (as we like to say here in Murka) need to stop bothering with this crap and focus on something important, like inventing a new lunar powered potato chip. Your oil executives are paid enough to manage it, get one of them to fund it and stop funding the Orthodox Church’s attention-grabbing gay bashing.

Speaking of frothy things, have some bubbles.

And just because I love Ruth and want to make her home state of Texas look good, here’s news from Alabama, the foreign country slightly to the east and north of Texas:

MIDLAND CITY, Alabama (Reuters) – A gunman suspected of fatally shooting an Alabama school bus driver before holing up in an underground bunker with a young child is a Vietnam veteran with anti-government views, authorities and an organization that tracks hate groups said on Wednesday.

Law enforcement officials from multiple agencies were bivouacked near the bunker in Midland City but offered few details about a standoff with the shooter that stretched into its second day on Wednesday.

Authorities said driver Charles Albert Poland Jr., 66, was killed after the gunman boarded a bus ferrying more than 20 children home from school on Tuesday.

The suspect demanded the driver let a student off the bus, Alabama media reported. When Poland refused, the man boarded the bus and shot the driver before taking a 6-year-old kindergarten student and fleeing the scene.

“Don’t forget about Poland,” as the saying goes.

What’s on your mind this morning? If I’m a little tardy with my H&P’ing, forgive me, I was … um, definitely not having sex with that woman last night and listening to Billie Holliday singing about smoking, drinking and diamonds.

Nope, that did not happen.

Photo by epSos.de released under a Creative Commons license.