Congress is on vacation, leaving work undone, so I will, too. I heard this at the movies. Imagine Paul Newman telling it.

Guy in his neighborhood bar, says, "This place, it’s awrite, but they got a bar over on south side that leaves this one cold. I mean, every other drink is gratis, and you can go to a room in back and get laid anytime you want."

General hoots, chiding, derision.

"You mean to tell us that – "

"I’m tellin’ ya, every other drink is free and you can go backstage and git laid anytime you want."

"I suppose you have visited this magical emporium?"

"No, but my sister has."

debra-lafave-4

We, all of us, voice the proper theme of gender equality. In fact, I once knew a very intelligent lady who was summa-cum laude from somewhere special who told me studies of some sort had proven somehow that male and female orgasm were the same. "Exactly the same," she emphasized. I ain’t one to argue with no summa-cum laude, but my secret sense of it was that she had empirically covered the same percentage of the bet I had, which is half.

Virginity is a boon for the girls and a bane on the boys. In our high school, by their own testimony, and although hardly anybody moved to town or left, all the boys were Lothorios and the girls were Madonna I. Sex with the girls is much more precious, while the boys cast their seed freely on the ground. This is due either to simple economics (the boys spend lust much more freely what the girls save) or evolution (protecting the birth cycle); you’ll have to consult some summa-cum laude on that one. I just know that a male teacher molesting a girl is an outrage – but I cannot for the life of me conjure up any sense of the damage I myself might have suffered had I at a lonely and crisis-ridden age been helped through that minefield of adolescence by an experienced beauty.

I have seen this point disputed, but always by the mothers of sons. Other than that, I am always and forever for gender equality; you betcha.

bogard
"Don’t Bogard that joint, my dear …
Pass it over to me …"