A long, long time ago, in an old magazine called True, I read of an early flamboyant eschatologist who had predicted the End of the World with some precision, and when the midnight hour approached he informed his gathered faithful, "I don’t think anything will happen tonight; I’m going to bed." There was silence, then the laughter, and eventually screaming derision. And in his later years he could be found on some streetcorner, proclaiming "I never said the world would end; I never said that!" to very few who mostly ignored him. Sic semper sickos.

I thought about this prognosticator when I observed another quote from one Condo Leaser Rice* (spelling phonetically from NPR), advising us we’d better not leave Afghanistan unless we wanted terrorists to attack us here. She had the authority to speak, because she had been shilling for the Crawford Cretin when the biggest act of terrorism on our shores happened, and soon after she took up the chorus that we should leave Afghanistan and head for Baghdad before the next news cycle, because there lay many more photogenic targets, including a comic book villain for her pet cowardly lion.

"The problem here is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly he can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."

That’s Condo, AKA Mushroom Sally, 8 Sep 2002, in support of deserting the battle where we were to trap Al Qaida at Tora Bora, and rushing off in pursuit of those who had done us no harm.

In a weekly news article, there are reports from the front. Here is what certain members of the Taliban had to say about how it was going for them in the time between 9-11 and 2003. (Identities of the following speakers available through the above link.)

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HAQQANI: Two days before the September 11 attacks on America, we were all celebrating the death of [Northern Alliance commander Ahmed Shah] Masood, [who was assassinated by Qaeda agents posing as television reporters]. But the September 11 attacks turned our cheer into deep concern. We gave those camels [a derogatory Afghan term for Arabs] free run of our country, and they brought us face to face with disaster. We knew the Americans would attack us in revenge …The entire government started to fall apart. I never thought the Taliban would collapse so quickly and cruelly under U.S. bombs. Everyone began trying to save themselves and their families.

AKHUNDZADA: Once proud Taliban mullahs and fighters changed the way they dressed so they wouldn’t be recognized. No one wanted to be identified as a Talib. Friends and relatives who had respected me while I was a commander now turned away.

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Aha, but help was on the way! Many miles away, across great seas, an insipid little gnome saw a great opportunity to become an actual hero in a Second City sort of enterprise where spending and suffering and dying was assigned to those forced to tread where he feared while he sat on his ranch and waited. The cavalry was riding to the rescue! – of the Taliban.

Here are some quotes from Taliban fighters after the US invasion of Iraq in 2003.

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HAQQANI:Arab and Iraqi mujahedin began visiting us, transferring the latest IED technology and suicide-bomber tactics they had learned in the Iraqi resistance during combat with U.S. forces. The American invasion of Iraq was very positive for us. It distracted the United States from Afghanistan. Until 2004 or so, we were using traditional means of fighting like we used against the Soviets—AK-47s and RPGs. But then our resistance became more lethal, with new weapons and techniques: bigger and better IEDs for roadside bombings, and suicide attacks.

MOHAMMAD:Those first groups crossing the border were almost totally sponsored, organized, and led by Arab mujahedin. The Afghan Taliban were weak and disorganized. But slowly the situation began to change. American operations that harassed villagers, bombings that killed civilians, and Karzai’s corrupt police and officials were alienating villagers and turning them in our favor. Soon we didn’t have to hide so much on our raids. We came openly. When they saw us, villagers started preparing green tea and food for us. The tables were turning. Karzai’s police and officials mostly hid in their district compounds like prisoners.

KHAN: The Americans and their Afghan allies made mistakes after mistake, killing and arresting innocent people. There was one village in Dayak district near Ghazni City where the people had communist backgrounds, from the days of the Russians, and had never supported us. But the police raided the village, beat the elders at a mosque and arrested them, accusing them of being Taliban. They were freed after heavy bribes were paid. After that incident the whole village sent us a message asking forgiveness for the abuses of the communist era.

HAQQANI: The unpopularity of the Karzai regime helps us immensely. In 2005 some Afghans thought Karzai would bring positive change. But now most Afghans believe the Taliban are the future. The resistance is getting stronger day by day. … I admit Taliban commanders are being captured and killed, but that hasn’t stopped us, and it won’t. Our jihad is more solid and deep than individual commanders and fighters—and we are not dependent on foreigners, on the ISI [Pakistan's intelligence agency], or Al Qaeda. Personally I think all this talk about Al Qaeda being strong is U.S. propaganda. As far as I know, Al Qaeda is weak, and they are few in numbers. Now that we control large amounts of territory, we should have a strict code of conduct for any foreigners working with us. We can no longer allow these camels to roam freely without bridles and control.

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There you have it, cause and effect, the sterling advice of Mushroom Sally and how it has played out in the real world beyond the reach of teevee. Oh, I forgot to mention, Mushroom plays the piano. Quite well, we are told. It’s part of the reclamation project. You are encouraged to like her despite all the death and destruction because she plays the piano. Like one of the Five Fixers who turned us into just another banana republic, ex-inJustice O’Connor, who is depicted on the cover of her autobio as a little girl riding a horse. It’s meant to make you like her better. This monstrous destruction of everything which has quality and meaning in our public life, we handmaidens who helped create and maintain the worst disaster ever to befall the Offal Office, why, we’re just like you!

I’m touched.

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*Condo Leaser: As you may know, in California there are development laws which may require a portion of any project be set aside for low-income housing. In academia, this works out to apportioning a set percentage of faculty and facilities to low-rent bottomfeeders of failed policies, called the Bilge Bracket. Stanford, which somehow maintains a status as a major institute in our land, has a Hooverville, a dilapidated tarpaper structure built on the worn and rejected materials of the past. Mushroom Sally is on the staff at Stanford. For parity, UC Berkeley just across the Bay was forced to accept the Torture Tout, John Yoo. It’s a bloody job, but apparently somebody has to house these undesirables.