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Over Easy: Scientists Re-Visit Mount St. Helens

By: Crane-Station Wednesday July 23, 2014 3:12 am

A group of 75 scientists led by Alan Levander of Rice University in Houston visited Mount St. Helens this week, to create seismic waves by controlled explosions, that will enable them to study the mountain with a new method that is akin to an “ultrasound and a CAT scan” of the volcano’s “internal plumbing.”

Mount St. Helens erupted at 8:32 AM PDT on May 18, 1980 killing 57 people and destroying 250 homes. A second eruption occurred 34 years ago yesterday, on July 22, 1980.

If there were such a thing as reincarnation for a day, May 18, 1980, as a witness to the Mount St. Helens eruption from the Portland area would certainly be an interesting choice. I happened to be home from college for a few days, where several people gathered on our family deck, to watch and take pictures. It was morning but it was dark. Amateur photographs from that distance were difficult to obtain with any resolution, because of the amount of ash that filled the atmosphere.

Although Forest Service and USGS scientists expected Mount St Helens to erupt, based on a spike in seismic activity at the end of March that year, prompting authorities to warn residents to evacuate, no one knew exactly when the mountain would blow. Some skeptical area residents refused to leave, including 83-year-old Spirit Lake Lodge owner Harry Randall Truman, who perished on May 18, during the eruption.

The scientists had been incredibly accurate in their predictions at that time, as it turns out, even if no one really took them seriously, and even if roadside attraction souvenir stands were instantly popular. The predicted eruption that actually happened prompted a common query and reply among residents observing from afar, that went something like, “What’s happened?” followed by, “The mountain just blew up.” No one really expected the first eruption; likewise the second eruption took people completely by surprise.

On the television news we saw police cars lining the roads near Mount St. Helens during the volcanic event, and they all had the hoods of their cars up- officers had to try and cover the automobile engines, to prevent the ash from inflicting permanent damage. People in the area covered their faces with t-shirts. It looked like a black snowstorm. Deer and wildlife ran, and birds tried to find a wire to sit on. For a while, it was hard to conceive of the idea that we would have a world again. The event was very upsetting to nature.

It is good to know that scientists today continue to monitor activity and assess potential risk to human life, by using new methods to look at Mount St. Helens and other peaks in the volcanically active Cascade Range. Active mountains in the Cascade Range include Mounts: Rainier, Baker, St. Helens, Adams, Hood, Three SistersMcLoughlin, and Mount Shasta.

Mount St. Helens’s pre-historic human residents were a collection of tribes. Each had a unique language and name for the mountain, as well a legend known as “Keeper of the Fire.” Although there are many versions of many legends, a prominent one that relates to Mount St. Helens is the story of the Bridge of the Gods, and the creation of the Columbia Gorge.

Author Chuck Williams writes:

In most versions, Mount Hood and Mount Adams, sons of the Great Spirit, fought over a beautiful female mountain. The brothers shook the earth, blocked the sunlight, threw fire at each other, burned the forests, drove off the animals and covered the plants needed by people with ash. The fight cracked the Cascade Range, forming a canyon and a tunnel which emptied the huge lake east of the mountains. The Great Spirit returned and was furious. He left the Bridge of the Gods, the stone arch over the Columbia River, as a monument to peace and placed an elderly, weathered female mountain, Loo-wit, at the bridge as a peacemaker- and as a reminder to the brothers of how transient youthful beauty is. Loo-wit was the keeper of the fire, which had been stolen from atop Wy-east (Mount Hood) by Coyote the Trickster.

Related:

Mount St. Helens eruption: Rare aerial photos never seen before, shot during 1980 eruption

Scientists Plan Explosions Under Mount St. Helens

Electricity And Seismic Waves Give New View Of Mount Rainier’s Volcanic Plumbing

Bibliographic reference for Keeper of the Fire legend:
Mount St. Helens A Changing Landscape
text by Chuck Williams
Introduction by Ray Atkeson
1980: Graphic Arts center Publishing Company PO Box 10306 Portland, Oregon 97210 ISBN 0-912856-63-7
page 19.

Vimeo- Remembering Harry Truman

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Frog Gravy: An Evening Spades Game

By: Crane-Station Sunday July 20, 2014 6:14 am

Author’s note: Frog Gravy has been around for quite a while. It is a non-fiction incarceration experience in Kentucky, in jails and in prison, during 2008 and 2009. Frog Gravy is reconstructed from voluminous notes that I took, during the time I was locked up. Three of the essays are published. I will seek to publish all of it; however, there has been an unfortunate delay because during the course of a home invasion at some point, the original hand-written notes were stolen by someone unknown to me. This stalker is also an identity thief and a cyber stalker/hacker.

Frog Gravy has graphic language and the inmate names are changed.

This is a new essay. While thieves may steal my identity and everything that I have written or scribbled over the last 30 years (because they did), my sincere wish is, that the voices of the women in Frog Gravy can be read by many who are interested in this subject.

Frog Gravy: An Evening Spades Game, KCIW ‘PeWee Valley’ women’s state prison, near Louisville, sometime in 2009.

I am seated at a steel table for four in Ridgeview Dormitory, in the ‘day room,’ only it is evening. The room is packed and loud, with the television blaring, the microwaves going, the washers and dryers going. Inmates are talking on the inmate phone in succession, near our table. Since our table is near the stairwell, people are constantly walking by.

My hillbilly friend in the wheelchair, Sandy, is my Spades game partner. We are playing against Suzy and Erica. We have been dealt a mediocre hand, and we will lose. But we are having fun. And my morning did not begin with the belief that the entire world was out to fuck me over. After all, the birds greeted me and escorted me during my walk to school.

We are discussing various reasons that inmates get sent to cell block, which is the jail within the prison, and serves as a euphemism for the ‘hole.’ Erica says, “Up in Shelby they was making dildos out of rubber gloves and pads and they was getting away with it.”

I say, “Yeah but that’s jail. Rules are different everywhere you go. I’ve heard that here, you get more time in the hole for getting caught with tobacco, than just about anything, right?”

Suzy says, “You remember Amy? That white girl? She had “cocksucker” tattooed onto the inside of her lip? She went home.”

I say, “But she didn’t get that tattoo while she was here.”

Sandy says, “Fuckin’ Sheila got ninety-for-one-hundred-and-eighty twice, for fuckin’ tattoos.”

I realize that I don’t have any idea what a 90-for-180 is, and I decide that, I actually don’t want to know. On the news, there is some sort of a headline story that our country is nearly broke, or something to that effect. An inmate news-watcher and card player at the table beside us poses two questions, relating to the news story: “Where did all the money go, are they smoking crack in the White House? Can’t Obama go suck some dick, and get it back?”

Meanwhile, near the phone, two inmates are conversing, and I only catch the last of one of them saying, “…murderer. Over dope. He burnt ‘em up in their trailer.” She adds, “Did I do anything to turn you off?”

“And, you can go to the hole for cussing someone here, I’ve heard,” I say.

Alecia, the inmate with horrific OCD, pauses as she walks by our table and says, “Well. At least if I go to the hole, I’ll go to the hole with a clean pussy.”

As she is leaving, I say, “Better not. Once you get there, there is no such thing as having the water cut on all the time.”

Your internal clock gets acclimated to a prison routine, in any given setting. We are losing the spades game, and I begin to keep a closer eye on the phone, wishing for some phone time with my family. The inmate on the phone hangs up and says, “Foster care just took her kids. It’s just a misdemeanor, so her dad’ll go pick her up from jail. So I told her sister, you know what, just don’t worry about it. And she didn’t.”

“How does that all work, foster care taking the kids and all?” I ask Sandy.

“The way Kentucky works is that it doesn’t,” she says. “You can murder your parents and then get on with your life. Just don’t get caught with weed.”

“Give me one saying you learned growing up, Sandy, please? It doesn’t have to be true hillbilly, you know, just a saying.”

“Well, slap my ass and call me a whore, I’ll call you Daddy and ask for more,” offers Sandy.

“Sandy. Not all the detail, and information.”

“Oh all right: He’ll tell a lie, and the other one’ll swear to it.”

It is nearly time to leave, and go to a night class. Tory, my classmate, is waiting for me to get up and walk to class with her. She asks me, for no particular reason, as we begin our walk, “Bird Lady, what do you think your plans will be, later this summer?”

I think about how to answer the question. I do not know what my plans are. What could they be? I say, “Maybe I’ll move to Pine Bluff Dormitory. What’s Pine Bluff like?”

Tory says, “They have lives. They cook. They have dogs.”

We walk to our evening class.

Over Easy: The McCluskey Room

By: Crane-Station Wednesday July 16, 2014 2:59 am

On August 30, 1976, as Harold McCluskey and his wife Ella celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary before he reported to his night shift at Hanford’s Plutonium Finishing Plant as a chemical worker, neither of them knew that on that night, Harold would be involved in a spectacular, record-setting traumatic radiation accident so severe that he would be historically called “The Atomic Man,” nor did they know that the room where the accident would occur would be named “The McCluskey Room.” Indeed, they were unaware that Harold would be the subject of a Seattle Times article describing how his body in the room was “too hot to handle,” so he was “removed by remote control” and “put in a steel and concrete isolation chamber.”

The accident involved the explosion of an ion-exchange column containing about 100 g of 241 Americium, which is used (ironically) in smoke detectors. According to various reports, this amounts to 500 times the occupational standards lifetime limits.

Harold not only survived, due to miraculous or otherwise experimental interventional medicine, he lived another eleven years.

Earlier this month, Hanford and the government announced plans to go into the McCluskey Room and decontaminate it as part of their overall plan to clean and demolish the Plutonium Finishing Plant area of Hanford (see video). This is a hazardous endeavor requiring specialized suits, respirators and monitoring equipment, and the workers will have to exercise great care, planning, and training for their safety, as the McCluskey Room is one of the most hazardous sites under the Department of Energy’s purview.

In 1984, eight years after Mr. McCluskey’s accident, Margaret Mahar wrote an article for People that contained some direct quotes from Mr. McCluskey regarding what happened that night. He was performing an extraction process, to produce americium 241 that would be used in ionization smoke detectors. He realized that there would be an explosion, if he did so, so he called his boss and warned him.

Hanford workers had recently ended a strike and returned to work. McCluskey was concerned about the condition of the chemicals, given how they had been stored during the strike. Margaret Mahar wrote:

Americium, which is used in ionization smoke detectors, was extracted within an airtight steel ‘glove box,’ with McCluskey manipulating the controls from the outside. However, the vessel containing the active ingredient for the extraction process, americium-soaked resin, had remained in the cabinet throughout the strike.

McCluskey was uneasy about adding nitric acid to begin the extraction process. ‘They warned us when they built the plant,’ he recalls. ‘If we tried the process when the resin was even three months old, it would blow up.’ He called his boss and protested. ‘But when the boss called the powers that be, they said, “Go ahead.”‘ McCluskey, a soft-spoken, thoughtful man, did not walk out the door. ‘I’m not a gambler. When you’ve only got a 12th-grade education and you’ve put nearly 30 years in a job, and you’re facing retirement….’

That Mr. McCluskey was put in a position where he was forced to make a decision to risk his life because he fears he will lose his job if he doesn’t, as he nears retirement, is so egregious it shocks the conscience. The article goes into the horrendous and quoted details of the accident that make you feel as if you have picked up and science fiction book. It also describes what life was really like for this man and his wife in the aftermath. His own neighbors no longer want to come to his home. He must to go to different barbers, because he is ruining their business. His life is in ruins. His health is in constant spiraling decline. Experimental medicine. Heart attacks. He can no longer hunt or fish. He is losing his eyesight. He listens to the Bible on tape.

If you read the cleaned up articles today, you would think that Mr. McCluskey was injured on the job due to an unforeseeable accident and he recovered to live a full and happy life eventually dying of natural causes.

The truth is quite different, and all that you can imagine about the government’s behavior at that time getting worse is most certainly true. Mrs. Ella McClusky was reduced to declining the government an autopsy report on her husband when he died, because they were trying to balk at paying up for medical expenses, for being in the wrong. This is as surreal as it gets:

An investigation into the explosion confirmed that the resin mixture had become unstable exactly as McCluskey had warned. He sued the Energy Research and Development Administration for $975,000, settling in 1977 for $275,000 plus lifetime medical expenses. Even then, according to Ella, the government balked at paying up. A feisty former teacher and nurse, she took over: ‘I told them they wouldn’t be able to do an autopsy when he died. They said that wasn’t fair. Then they paid.’

and:

The atomic man doesn’t express anger, but Ella sometimes does. ‘The Hanford and Department of Energy spokespeople tried to make it seem as though it was just an industrial accident, like someone falling in a sawmill,’ she says. ‘It was a catastrophe that ruined Harold’s life.’

As you ponder what you might do if you were in Mr. McCluskey’s situation, remember that Donna Busche was the second Hanford whistleblower firing. What would you do?

To Ella and to Harold McCluskey, Thank you so much, for taking a stand for safety, integrity and grace, and never backing down.

At Over Easy we welcome Off Topic and we love lurkers to join and unlurk for the first time!

Over Easy: Bioprospecting in Panama

By: Crane-Station Wednesday July 9, 2014 4:02 am

In Gamboa, Panama, medical researchers who oppose deforestation are looking at ways to fight deadly disease like malaria and others by examining the fur of sloths, observing ant colonies and studying other rainforest plants and animals. The researchers in Panama are speaking of ‘biological hot spots’ in the rainforest, that serve as stable reservoirs for otherwise undisturbed diseases — until, that is, the human practice of deforestation which displaces otherwise stable reservoirs.

Yesterday in the Washington Post, in an article titled “How deforestation shares the blame for the Ebola epidemic,” Terrence McCoy discusses the commonality of the recent Ebola outbreak in West Africa with deforestation, a practice unprecedented in this area. The article explains:

Such a conclusion is particularly troublesome for West Africa, which has never before experienced an Ebola outbreak like this one, and is reported to have one of the world’s highest rates of regional deforestation.

-snip-

‘There are no longer any frontier forests in West Africa for future generations to exploit,’ researcher Jim Gockowski, who co-authored a study tracking Guinea’s deforestation, said in a statement.

What does that mean for Ebola? Quite a lot. For one, it brings people and wildlife into closer contact than before. And it also means a lot more bats, thought to carry Ebola, which increasingly pervade some forested communities.

Unbridled deforestation for profit must stop. The practice began with too many unknowns. The other issue of great concern is antibiotic resistance. Some of the answers may be in the rainforest, but unfortunately, and this is only an opinion, Big Contracts, Big Hospital Buying Groups coupled with Big Pharma are interested not in the least in investing in collecting sloth firs to investigate reduction in non-Big-Selling Diseases. Two thousand people die each day from malaria. But that’s someplace else. Same with Ebola. Rather, developers would much rather cut down the rainforests and replace them with developments.

Over Easy: Our Flawed Corrections System

By: Crane-Station Wednesday July 2, 2014 4:02 am

Beginning Tuesday, Idaho will not be renewing its 29 million dollar per year contract with Corrections Corporation of America (CCA). This is one small step in the right direction of doing something about our fundamentally flawed prison industrial complex. The US mass incarceration complex has performed perhaps one of the most brutal hatchet jobs imaginable on human rights.

This post is but a few thoughts on the subject, as I am doing some research and writing that takes me away from the computer. First of all, the entire prison system is profit driven. For example, in our county, the public defender and the prosecutor- both are paid by the DUI conviction. Also, many places have no speedy trial. The strategy is to warehouse one in the horrific jail, hide exculpatory evidence, threaten with a huge sentence, and extort a plea.

Care for the mentally ill incarcerated is non-existent and worse — the mentally ill are very often bullied or accused of malingering by unqualified state-appointed ‘experts’ during the trial phase. The subject of experts is worthy of a separate post.

On June 12, a woman died in a Pennsylvania jail for serving time, for fines. She died for being poor.

The constitution guarantees a defendant a right to confrontation of witnesses. This may sound simple, but there are endless tactics to get around this. In some cases, an ‘expert’ may testify regarding a defendant’s medical condition, for example. But, it is not exactly on the up and up, because the ‘expert’ in some instances either has had his or her license revoked, or in the alternate, never met the defendant. The two worst words in the English language will nearly always show up in an example like this, if it ever goes to appeal: “harmless error.”

So, no speedy trial. Many issues with witnesses once you get to trial. If a defendant loses at trial, which is virtually guaranteed, the laws are written so that there is almost no chance of a remedy. For one thing, you practically have to be a lawyer. And, good luck getting any discovery. All requests for anything reasonable like your own discovery will be denied and that will have to be appealed, until the statute runs out. The statute in this state, for perjury, falsified evidence, fabricated facts, outrageous, egregious juror misconduct, secret, ex parte meetings in chambers, altered dockets, and unbelievable HIPPA violations, is one year.

Imagine if you were mentally ill, trying to simply survive, much less collaterally attack a conviction and cite legal authority.

In addition to being a jailer for the mentally ill, the US is also locking up immigrants in growing rates. CCA reveals in its Form 10-K:

Operations
Management and Operation of Correctional and Detention Facilities
Our customers consist of federal, state, and local correctional and detention authorities. For each of the years ended December 31, 2012, 2011, and 2010, payments by federal correctional and detention authorities represented 43% of our total revenue. Federal correctional and detention authorities primarily consist of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, or the BOP, the United States Marshals Service, or the USMS, and the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, or ICE.

Our customer contracts typically have terms of three to five years and contain multiple renewal options. Most of our facility contracts also contain clauses that allow the government agency to terminate the contract at any time without cause, and our contracts are generally subject to annual or bi-annual legislative appropriations of funds.

We are compensated for providing prison bed capacity and correctional services at an inmate per diem rate based upon actual or minimum guaranteed occupancy levels. Occupancy rates for a particular facility are typically low when first opened or immediately following an expansion. However, beyond the start-up period, which typically ranges from 90 to 180 days, the occupancy rate tends to stabilize. For the years 2012, 2011, and 2010, the average compensated occupancy of our facilities, based on rated capacity, was 88.2%, 89.9%, and 90.3%, respectively, for all of the facilities we owned or managed, exclusive of facilities where operations have been discontinued.

Over Easy: Ebola Virus Disease a Crisis in West Africa

By: Crane-Station Wednesday June 25, 2014 4:00 am

According to a report published in Business Insider on Monday titled, “Current Ebola Outbreak Is Now The Worst In History And ‘Totally Out Of Control’,” Doctors Without Borders’s Bart Janssens told the Associated Press that the current epidemic in Guinea is “now in a second wave” and that it is “totally out of control.” The World Health Organization (WHO) held a meeting on Monday, and posted information on the WHO website:

Ebola virus disease, West Africa – update

Disease Outbreak News
22 June 2014

Guinea

Between 16 and 18 June 2014, a total of 3 new cases and 3 deaths were reported from Gueckedou (3 cases and 0 death), Telimele (0 case and 2 deaths), and Boffa (0 cases and 1 death). This brings the cumulative number of cases and deaths reported from Guinea to 390 (258 confirmed, 88 probable, and 44 suspected) and 267 deaths.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):

Highlights

-June 16, 2014, the Guinea Ministry of Health announced a total of 398 suspect and confirmed cases of Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF), including 264 fatal cases.

-Affected districts include Conakry, Guéckédou, Macenta, Kissidougou, Dabola, Djingaraye, Télimélé, Boffa, Dubreka, and Kouroussa (see map).
254 cases across Guinea have been confirmed by laboratory testing to be positive for Ebola virus infection.

-In Guinea’s capital city, Conakry, 68 suspect cases have been reported to meet the clinical definition for EHF, including 33 fatal cases.
June 17, 2014, the Ministry of Health and Sanitation of Sierra Leone reported a cumulative total of 97 clinical cases of EHF (including 92 laboratory confirmations) and 49 fatal cases according to WHO.

-June 16, 2014, the Ministry of Health and Social Welfare of Liberia reported a cumulative total of 33 suspect and confirmed EHF cases, including 24 reported fatalities and 18 laboratory confirmations.

-Genetic analysis of the virus indicates that it is closely related (97% identical) to variants of Ebola virus (species Zaire ebolavirus) identified earlier in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Gabon (Baize et al. 2014External Web Site Icon).

-The Guinean Ministry of Health, the Ministry of Health and Sanitation of Sierra Leone, and the Ministry of Health and Social Welfare of Liberia are working with national and international partners to investigate and respond to the outbreak.

Ebola virus disease (EVD) or Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF) is a virus that has no known cure, but education remains important, as does the provision of care to patients that do become infected. Also, standard precautions are critical and require supplies. For the health care workers in the field to ensure their own protection, increased precautions and equipment are also necessary. In addition, there are only a few laboratories in the world that are equipped to handle and perform research on Ebola.

The virus was first reported in the Congo in 1976, and is considered to have come from fruit bats initially. Ebola is associated with a very high death rate (up to 90 percent). Ebola Virus is named after the Ebola River, where the first outbreak occurred in the Congo.

Photographs on flickr, creative commons:

Unrelated:

Last Wednesday, two of the three Decorah Eagles, D-18 and D-19 fledged, and the third, D-20, fledged on June 20.

Unfortunately, a short time later, two of the juveniles, in separate incidents were found down. D-20, the youngest, was weak and hungry. RRP believes it is a female. They fed her, re-released her, and the eagle father then located her. The second eagle was found in a creek, and the vet determined by x-ray and exam, that there is a humerus fracture on the wing. The Decorah Eagle Juvenile is at Save Our Avian Resources (SOAR), a rescue in Iowa, where surgery is planned to pin the fracture.

~Update on the Decorah Juvenile Eagle: June 23, 2014~

From Kay Neumann, Executive Director, SOAR

‘X-ray shows oblique humerus fracture about an inch from the shoulder joint. Dr. Dirks will do surgery on Wednesday to pin. Will get plenty of food and fluids in him/her between now and surgery’

[The humerus is the large bone between the coracoid (shoulder) and the radius and ulna (elbow)]

There are two sites to visit for updates on the Decorah Eagles:

How a deaf and blind Brazil fan follows the World Cup

By: Crane-Station Saturday June 21, 2014 4:08 am

From USA Today:

Thanks to a Brazilian sign language interpreter’s amazing creativity, a young soccer fan who is blind and deaf was able to experience a bit of World Cup soccer earlier this month.

Also, Around the World (Cup) in Eight Photos shows eight lovely photographs of soccer/football fans from around the globe.

Over Easy: The Water Company Letter [Updated]

By: Crane-Station Wednesday June 18, 2014 3:32 am

Update: The company that is the subject of a good deal of ribbing in this satire has, to its good credit, sent a more detailed 2014 water quality report, that we just received a few minutes ago. The company has, in fact, met standards on required contaminants and volunteered on a few others- also no issues. That said though, and this is not the company’s fault at all…for example, few (only two shown here) runoff and chemical factory discharge herbicide and pesticides are even required, to be monitored in the drinking water, and this is an agricultural area. It remains a complex and larger issue.

Last week, we received a letter titled, “Paducah Water: Important Information About Your Drinking Water, Total Trihalomethanenes (TTHM) Violation.” The letter explains:

Our water system recently violated a drinking water standard. Although this incident was not an emergency, as our customers, you have a right to know what happened and what we did to correct this situation.

Trihalomethanenes, according to the letter are “four volatile organic chemicals which form when disinfectants react with natural organic matter in the water. At 0.081 mg/L, our tap drinking water was at least for a time, contaminated.

The letter says 0.081 is “not an emergency.” Could it be the water, that our teeth are not-emergency going bad at an alarming rate, and every night, Fred ‘does’ his eyes? Without going into the gory details, his eye routine involves me saying to him, “Oh, are you going to do your eyes now?” That’s how routine it has become, just like the box we have, labeled, “teeth,” that also has the ineffective mouth guard a dentist once suggested. But perhaps these are the normal routines of individuals who live with non-emergency environmental pollution.

We learned that when the West Virginia chemical spill happened that there really are hundreds of chemicals, toxins, and pollutants, and that the Ohio River, for example, could be more aptly named The River of Blood. Given the list of horrendous possibilities raising visions of the atomic era that earned Paducah the name “Atomic City,” we never once considered the simple possibility of a toxin hidden in plain sight in our drinking water.

The Paducah Water Letter advises:

If you have a severely compromised immune system, have an infant, are pregnant, or are elderly, you may be at increased risk and should seek advice from your health care providers about drinking this water.

Yet they knew, by their own admission, on 1/2/2014, that the minimum standard for one of these chemicals was exceeded, and the information was “distributed” on 5/29/2014, and got to us…last week. That is the background for this satirical rantire:

What should I do?

There is nothing you need to do. You do not need to boil your water or take other corrective actions. Spit your remaining teeth out where no one is likely to step on them because sores on the feet never heal. If a situation arises where the water is no longer safe to drink, notify an undertaker.

What does this mean?

This is not an emergency, unless you’re alive. If you are, there is nothing you can do about it anyway, except inform your neighbors. We waited six months to tell you these things in a letter so that anyone inclined to hire the likes of a functional lawyer from Tennessee and sue in Federal court for any health reason at all, the six-month cushion will curtail those urges you may have to tie up our rigged dockets, while you spit your teeth out, onto the sidewalk.

It’s not lost on us that a good deal of the riff-raff will be weeded out from trying to get some sort of reimbursement from the courts for the trouble of drinking a mere four poisons out of many thousands of possibles on the planet that we shouldn’t even have to monitor but for the goddamned libruls and their tree-hugging kinfolks who moved here from someplace else who vote, but who should be burned at the stake instead. There will still be many literal walking dead who will amazingly, walk into Federal court, year after agonizing year, burning up from the inside out like those Hanford downwinders or those uranium hexafluoride people, and we will have to out-wait them, while they have the utter gall to stay sick for years.