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Image by Kristal Kraft is called Kiss a Toad, and is under creative commons/noncommercial/attribution on flickr.
Purple Toad Hotel is a satire.
Purple Toad Hotel
John the Anchor: This just in, our web creeper has discovered a site called Purple Toad Hotel, where bloggers and readers have abandoned all manner of acceptable human behavior, and have decided instead to simply start telling the god-awful truth to each other. Alex?
Alex: Thanks, John. It is truly horrific to watch. Cold hard truths are being slung back and forth at an alarming rate, like nothing I have ever seen before. It is as if these people think they have some kind of a license, or something, to tell each other how they really, really, really feel. We have seen a few what you might call diplomats, you know, people without stone one, the negotiator types come in and try to put a stop to all the raw truths flying around, but they are just too massively weak for this heavy stuff. It all started when a discussion over fairy tales started out amicable, with typical exchanges of dishonest pablum and heaped bullshit that you see on the internet every day, but then took an ugly turn for the truthful.
John: We can’t have that.
Alex: No, we can’t. Here’s a clip from early in the fairy tale thread, where everybody was being nice and chummy even as they were lying through their teeth to each other. At this point, they even had a moderator, but they didn’t need it really because there was so little risk that someone might slip up and tell the truth:
6. @RantOnARoll to WorldsAuthority
Hey World. Nice seeing you again. How are the kids?
7. @WorldsAuthority to RantOnARoll comment 6 (see text)
The only thing that would be better is if you were here to share this lovely day with, Rant. Can’t wait to see your next post, bro. I know you’re the go-to on that Three Pigs story. Go Get ‘em.
Alex:What we don’t know at this point is, how it all got started exactly. Our cyber experts tell us that exchange of truthful feelings is so rare that there have been no formal studies. This thread picked up steam once it got started though, and has cut an astonishing path of truthful digs across a multiple bandwidths. Here’s a clip later on in the thread where the awful truths started spilling out. Experts believe this may have been very near to the beginning of the truths.
75. @RantOnARoll in reply to WorldsAuthority comment 62 (see text)
Eat my balls. There. I said it. I’ve always really really wanted to say that, World. You know just enough little things about a lot of subjects, so you’re not a World Authority at all are you?
76. @World’sAuthority in reply to RantOnARoll comment 75 (see text)
I don’t know why I even bother with you, you and your rants, you and your rolls, you and your whine. Goldilocks wasn’t a goddamn burglar. You wouldn’t know that though because you never read anything. You never read because you’re drunk all the time. There. I said it. I’ve always really wanted to say that.
77. @HungryTroll
The kittens never lost their mittens. The sadistic mother took them. Everyone knows that.
78. @IHaveAGreatBigHarley in reply to Hungry Troll comment 77 (see text)
Honestly. I like you here. I like you because you are the most pathetic troll I have ever seen in my life. You can’t troll your way out of a bag, can you? No, and I like that because it makes me feel kinda good, trip-trapping on your bridge so that other people can see my spectacular put-downs. That is the truth. I have never been this honest in all my life.
79. @BigJohnson in reply to IHaveAGreatBigHarley comment 78 (see text)
It’s okay to ride bitch if you’ve got a Big Johnson. There. I said it.
80. @IHaveAGreatBigHarley in reply to @BigJohnson comment 79 (see text)
Good. Then I’ll say this. I have never in my life read through any complete post that you have ever written. Even though I comment, I swear, I can’t get through your posts. Why? Because I never have the slightest clue what you are actually talking about. I hate your overwritten witty shit, Big. Fuck you. There. God, I feel so much better. I have wanted to say that for years. And quit saying the word toadbagger. It is offensive. Oh man, does it ever feel good telling the truth. Why have we waited so long?
John the Anchor: Is there any indication that there might be an end in sight to this truth marathon?
Alex: Well, as far as we can tell, this truth free-for-all at Purple Toad Hotel could go on for quite a while. There were reports this afternoon of some attempts at moderation to bring this thread back to a normal, dishonest comfort zone typical of all the other normal, dishonest blog sites. We heard back through a direct tweet from someone who calls herself NiceUntilNow, and the tweet said quote, Blow it out your ass, dickheads.
John the Anchor: I guess that means there is at least the possibility that the Purple Toad Hotel might break new ground on the internet by doing away with all the formalities and just telling the truth. Stay tuned for updates.
25 Comments
Just so you know, the made up names in this satire are not stage names for real people. World’s Authority, for example, came off of a baseball cap. Rather, sometimes satire is a great way to laugh at ourselves. I know I need to do that, or else I would fly apart!
Humm…sounds a bit like Rumpelstiltskin.
Thank you C-S.
Gawd, what would we do without humor?? Or the ability to laugh at ourselves?
LOL, yes. I love fractured fairy tales, just glanced but will have to listen tomorrow because we share a screen for the sound part. Mason hates fairy tales but I love them, and heard recently that a new set of ancient ones have been discovered.
Thanks!
I do not know what we would do, if we could not step back and laugh at ourselves from time to time. Thank you for stopping by, walkinboots.
Or poems.
Excelsior
The shades of night were falling fast,
As through an Alpine village passed
A youth, who bore, ‘mid snow and ice,
A banner with the strange device,
Excelsior! {Amerikanski dumkuf}
He braved the pine tree’s weathered branch.
He braved the fearful avalanche
A tear stood in his bright blue eye,
But still he answered, with a sigh,
Excelsior!
Prey tell me said a mountaineer
What in the world are you doing here
And why do you climb up here so high
Just to give that silly cry ?
Excelsior ? – Thats the one
The answer came both quick and blunt:
It’s just a advertising stunt.
I represent Smith, Jones, & Jakes,
A lumber company that makes…
Excelsior!
or King Midas.
Outstanding. Did you write this? Lots of good stuff in it!
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow did and here is the analysis.
Oops, crap. Try this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excelsior_(Longfellow)
LOL, laughing at myself again, because I did not know this! Thank you.
Bullwinkle’s corner. I grew up on Rocky and Bullwinkle and have the first 3 seasons on DVD.
One more before I turn in. Courtesy of MAD MAGAZINE
Jabber-Whacky
Or
On Dreaming, After Falling Asleep Watching TV
Isabelle Di Caprio
‘Twas Brillo, and the G.E. Stoves,
Did Procter-Gamble in the Glade;
All Pillsbury were the Taystee loaves
And in a Minute Maid.
“Beware the Station-Break, my son,
The voice that lulls, the ads that vex!
Beware the Doctors Claim, and shun
That horror called Brand-X!”
He took his Q-Tip’d swab in hand;
Long time the Tension Headache fought–
So Dristan he by a Mercury,
And Bayer-break’d in thought.
And as in Bufferin Gulf he stood
The Station-Break, with Rise of Tame,
Came Wisking through the Pride-hazed wood,
And Creme-Rinsed as it came!
Buy one! Buy two! We’re almost through!
The Q-Tip’d Dash went Spic and Span!
He Tide Air-Wick, and with Bisquick
Went Aero-Waxing Ban.
“And hast thou Dreft the Station-Break?
Ajax the Breck, Excedrin boy!
Oh, Fab wash day, Cashmere Bouquet!”
He Handi-Wrapped in Joy.
‘Twas Brillo, and the G.E. Stoves
Did Procter-Gamble in the Glade;
All Pillsbury were the Taystee loaves,
And in a Minute Maid.
It’s a shame we no longer have humorists like we had in the 11950s and 60. People like the writers for MAD and Jay Ward of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Bob Clampett and Stan Frieberg with A Time For Beany, Mort Saul and the rest.
Sometimes I think we have lost our sense of humor.
http://www.brownielocks.com/fracturedfairytales.html
http://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=fractured+fairy+tales+youtube
Purdy funny that you made such good use of Tallywacker arrogance and misogyny, C-S, whether consciously or not, lol!
Had a fun discussion around that the other day on a post. It actually went surprisingly hilariously…and well. ;o)
Rec’d while laughing.
Thank you so much for stopping by, and, most of it was unconscious! I have always been fascinated with groups, and find it most uplifting when groups can ultimately enjoy a discussion, even if the topics and emotions are heavy.
Thanks again!
Oh my goodness, I am in heaven. I did not even know these were there. I love fairy tales, fractured fairy tales and jack tales. Thank you so much!
“It’s a shame we no longer have humorists like we had in the 11950s and 60. People like the writers for MAD and Jay Ward of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Bob Clampett and Stan Frieberg with A Time For Beany, Mort Saul and the rest.
Sometimes I think we have lost our sense of humor.”
Oh, these guys are fabulous, aren’t they? It would be sad if we lost all things humorous.
You have created a most interesting satire predicated on the concept of the unrestricted telling of the truth.
I only wish I had thought of this first.
Let’s start a petition for an annual ‘Truth Day’ where everyone must tell the truth for 24 hours.
Of course, that would be the end of civilization as were know it.
A day like this would be very interesting. I can see retailers, for example, ditching the whole customer is always right idea, and so on. No doubt, a day like this would end civilization. Hat tips are in order! Thank you so much for stopping by and reading and commenting. A fascinating subject!
I think an apt description of ‘Truth Day’ would be:
‘Welcome To The Jungle’
Or, perhaps more accurately:
‘Welcome Back To The Jungle’
In the final analysis, they aren’t called ‘roots’ because they grow at the top of the evolutionary tree.
And, of course C-S thanks for sharing your insights and mind with us.
I like it!
I like it!
I like those psychedelic mushrooms. Pun intended.
Good pun!
I might call these donkey tales, but maybe I’m biased.
In fact, such a site once existed, although it was far more profanely prophylactic than can be satirised–it was called ‘Political Flesh Feast’ and it was started by MAMZ (AKA) Markos Antonio or wtf Moulitsas Zuniga) banned trolls in 2006, of which we were already legion.
Peeder, who started the blog, was also banned at DKOS, evEn though he had been the Tech Pro behind the Daily Kos set-up.
Peeder’s thesis was that once trolls had their own space where anything and everything goes (except outing and criminal activity) that there would naturally occur an agreement of and a movement to, something resembling normative behaviour, even among vicious internet trolls, even when provided their very own play ground.
This premise, of course, was disproved and the trolls ran roughshod to the extent that Peeder became heavily abused (especially after revealing himslef to be essentially a self-hating Jewish moderate Republican, which undoubtedly scared him shitless) and in the end he whitewalled the site after imploring the hardest of cores to basically “get a life” and stop wasting our time trolling the tubes.
Fuck that.
CS here, replying on Mason’s screen. Fascinating story. Thank you for sharing and for the grins as well as this history!
History and grins better than a tale of tears.
Mescaline cut with chocolate pudding powder is also preferable to a heroin overdose.
Although I wouldn’t know for sure myself…somebody told me.
Somebody who is currently dead.