In the wake of the latest revelations of what everyone always knew, the largest press conference in the history of the United States has been planned for tomorrow in the Nationals Park baseball stadium in Washington, D.C. The powerful people lining up to apologize for having claimed the ongoing War on Iraq has had nothing to do with oil were deemed too numerous to gather in any indoor facility.

Former Congressman David Obey, who screamed at Congressman Dennis Kucinich in a Democratic caucus meeting for suggesting that oil might be one factor in the war, is currenly on a plane back to Washington to MC the mass apology. The line-up includes each major television, radio, and print news outlet in the United States. Select commentators, columnists, cartoonists, and talking heads of all varieties will represent each organization apologizing.

Former Senator Tom Daschle is quoted in the event announcement as saying, “We believe the time has come to set this straight. We collectively denied the obvious. In apologizing for having instinctively covered for one of the most destructive industries on earth, no individual or organization is necessarily continuing to pretend to have believed any particular purported reason for the war. What we are saying is that we ought to have asked for a credible reason before taking an action that has killed well over a million people, destroyed a country, ruined the good name of our nation, hollowed out our economy, and enriched the people we said had nothing whatsoever to do with it. We’re sorry.”