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John Kerry Makes a Deal

11:50 am in Uncategorized by David Swanson

Oh, damn it all. Barry, it’s not my fault.

Barry! Barr -er Mr. President, I got Congress out in the parking lot looking at the new SUVs. I’m pushing the missile strikes on the Syrian government hard, but just a few little ones, and then ka-blam we get em with the whole package deal, 800 vehicles plus fuel and maintenance, a little shock, a little awe, a little razzmatazz, and we reel em right in.

Ataboy, John, go get em.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Oh, damn it all.  Barry, it’s not my fault. They were on recess and listening to people at town hall meetings. And AIPAC is totally AWOL. And the lousy stinking pacifist Brits voted it down when I never even asked them. Apparently the entire House of Representatives is going to ride bicycles from now on.

That’s all right, John. That’s all right. They can’t hold out long. You’ll get em next time.

It makes no sense, Mr. President. We rolled right over them on Afghanistan and Libya and all the drone strikes and all the bases, and here they go saying No to bombing Syria. And I told them Assad was Hitler. And you told them it was this or support poisoning children. But nothing. What are we missing? What if we throw in free GPS and hands-free telephoning. Plus, that way we can keep a close eye on them while they pay us for the favor. Huh? Huh?

You see, there’s the old spirit. Now, listen, what we don’t want is for them to go rogue and get desperate and pick up an old wreck from down in the back lot.  You steer them away from that broken down Iranian convertible, OK?

Yes, Sir! John Kerry reporting for duty, Sir!

Oh, cut the shit, John, I’ve told you 18 times I’m not taping everything like Nixon.

Nixon didn’t have the technology to . . .

LET ME BE CLEAR, the problem with the missile strikes on Syria last time wasn’t the human cost or the financial cost or any of that crap. People didn’t want to join a war on the side of al Qaeda rebels and terrorists. We’d told them those were the Enemy for over a decade. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to find a war where we can jump in on the side of the government, against the Islamic Extremists. Congress loves governments. The media loves governments. Everybody hates extremists. And guess where we’re going to find this war?

Israel?

Good guess. Try again.

Iraq?

Getting warmer. Try again.

Well, I don’t . . .

Try again, that’s a direct order.

Ukraine?

Now I’ll tell you: Syria.

Syria?

Think about it, John. It’s genius, if I do say so myself. Look, people forget that Syria was our ally a few years back, but Congress remembers. We just flip back. We have to, or we’re fighting both sides of a war in Iraq and Syria. The key on Syria is to do something. Well what counts as doing something? Blowing shit up, that’s what. And nobody wants us blowing up the government. Well, we’ll blow up the rebels. Either way, we’re destroying U.S. weaponry on the ground, which is much smarter than giving it to local police as a means of creating demand for more. You think they won’t go for it because we’re flip-flopping, right? You’re always so damn terrified of flip-flopping.

You don’t know. You didn’t go through what . . .

Oh hell, they stole the votes in Ohio, John, and you bent over and said “Thank you sir, may I have another?” We’re not flip-flopping. We’re blowing up evil, evil people, lots of them. That’s the story. We’ve been funding and arming all sides in all of these wars for some time now, payments to the Taliban, weapons to ISIS. You know, the troops on the ground in Libya three years ago could have exchanged parts — they had the same U.S. guns.

Mr. President, there are hundreds of Americans who listened to us last year and have gone off and joined the rebels in Syria.

They can provide information, switch sides, or pay the price, John. Now, are you ready to go out there and make the pitch? I see the leadership on the curb there.

Mr. President, in all good faith, we’ve sold humanitarians on the need to bomb Assad, not bomb in defense of Assad.

Mr. Secretary, I’m giving you an order.

Mr. President, with all due respect, you keep saying there’s no military solution, there’s a million other approaches that don’t create this sort of SNAFU, that just . . .

Mr. Secretary, Hillary would not hesitate.

I’m on it. Read the rest of this entry →

Kerry Couldn’t Sell a Used Car

11:52 am in Uncategorized by David Swanson

After Secretary of State John Kerry suggested that President Bashar al-Assad avoid a war by handing over any chemical weapons his government possesses, Russia quickly seconded the motion, and Assad agreed to it.  Just as quickly, apparently panicked by the possible delay or prevention of missile strikes, Kerry’s staff put out this statement:

“Secretary Kerry was making a rhetorical argument about the impossibility and unlikelihood of Assad turning over chemical weapons he has denied he used.  His point was that this brutal dictator with a history of playing fast and loose with the facts cannot be trusted to turn over chemical weapons, otherwise he would have done so long ago. That’s why the world faces this moment.”

Could Assad be lying?  Could he hope to stash away a hidden weapons stockpile? Yes, and then at least a U.S. attack would have been delayed and more time gained to work on preventing it.  But that’s not likely.  Inspectors are very good.  That’s why Prsident George W. Bush wanted them pulled out of Iraq, where they had done a stellar job and the weaponry been eliminated.  That could conceivably also be why President Barack Obama wanted them kept away from the site of the August 21st attack and wanted to send missiles into Syria before the inspectors reached any results.

So, to all appearances, Assad has immediately done what Kerry just declared impossible.  How reliable, then, are other assertions of which Kerry professes to be certain?

Is it really an important international norm that one nation should bomb another in support of fanatical terrorists and on the stated basis that people had been killed with the wrong variety of weapon?

Is it really true that this war will be both unbelievably small and a significant blow to the Syrian government?

Kerry is trying to sell the same used car to people who want an ambulance and other people who want a tank.

Nobody’s buying.

It’s not entirely Kerry’s fault that he had to come on stage after Colin Powell’s performance, but it is his fault that he’s flubbed all of his lines.

If Obama withdraws his demand for Congressional authorization of war, it will not be because he and John Kerry played 12-dimensional chess and secretly hope to bring peace to the earth.  It will be because they played duck-duck-goose with such incompetence that they managed to knock each other unconscious in the process.

If a war is prevented here — and it’s way too early to say that — it will be the result of public opinion in the United States and the world, the courage of Parliament in Britain, and the glimmerings of actual representation beginning to sparkle through the muck and slime on Capitol Hill.

If celebrating Obama and Kerry’s super brave and strong heroism in stumbling into a Russian barrier to their madness gives them the “credibility” to put their guns back in their pants, then by all means celebrate that fiction.

But if we get this crisis behind us, we should understand that Parliament acted against war for the first time in centuries, and the public stopped Congress for the first time ever.  If President Obama doesn’t ask for an authorization, it will be because it is not going to pass.  Even if he didn’t expect to use it right away, he would want it passed if possible.

Congress’ apparent willingness to say no is the result of many factors, including the perversity of partisanship.  But the primary factor is public pressure.  That public pressure needs to intensify now that victory is in sight, not diminish.

And if it succeeds, Syria will still be in desperate need of a cease-fire, disarmament, a peace settlement, and actual aid (as opposed to humanitarian bombs).  Let’s not allow those needs to be forgotten if they depart from our television screens.  Those same television screens have tried to move us into support for war and failed dramatically.  We’re in charge now.  We run this country. They fill fluff that no one listens to into the spaces between advertisements for crap no one buys.  Fill the government in on the new arrangement. Read the rest of this entry →