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(Photo: "CAVE CANEM"/flickr)
Winner – Lena Dunham, now the viral video Obama Girl 2012 along with monster book advance – I feel a bad Foreigner hit coming on…Loser – Donald Trump, still finding ways to look ridiculous post-The Apprentice
Winner / Loser – Richard Mourdock, finding the positive side to Richard Speck and Albert DeSalvo, and portrayed as Voldemort on Stephen Colbert, has earned himself a lucrative earlier-than-expected post-congressional Fox career.
Maybe Winner – Katy Perry? Or Barack Obama? Or both? Or Michelle? Was it only a fundraiser? Is Barack/Michelle divorce on or off again? Is “Kissed a Girl” about Mee-shelle? is that Hawaiian retirement love nest still in the offing for January? so many questions, so little time…
Winner – Google ads, sucking the profit out of media since 1999. All your click-throughs are belong to us.
Losers – non-swing states. Letterman used to send gazebos to towns to spice them up – maybe he can send swings to make them feel better. What’s that? Oh, never mind.
Winners – Roman centurions and Hessians – GOP congress assured to quadruple budget for heavy horses and riflery, in order to #OccupySesameStreet.
Losers – Big Bird in Benghazi safe house as we speak, while Congressional militants surround – one targeted drone strike away from a frozen TV dinner.
Winner – Candy Crowley – now leading both male presidential candidates in latest Gallup poll.
Loser – Bob Schieffer – even less exciting than his year 2000 low. Perhaps might consider Hollywood – can take comfort in how Lugosi handled his later career.
Winner – Nate Silver, the demigod rockstar of pollsters, now Big Data crunching local nano-targeted polls and NSA eavesdropped data to accurately predict what you’re buying as Christmas presents.
Loser – truthiness. The need to be truthy is a vanity we no longer need to suffer, nor pompous factcheck.org – from “evolving” on issues to just reversing them, with a makeover, we can wash that man policy right out of our hair, immediately. Got the facts wrong? What-ever. Leading to:
Winner – Etch-a-Sketch. Suffering in the shadows of Orwell’s Memory Hole since its 1959 debut, Etch-a-Sketch made a surprise breakout earlier this year, and since then its appearance on talk show circuits and TV debates has been non-stop.
Loser – House, Senate and Governor races. Oddly, there are other elections this year besides President. Sorry guys, we decided to put that $2 billion+ media spend into our American Idol finalists. Consolation prize – you’re on the same ballots when early voting takes place – maybe you’ll see some trickle down effect on the ballot.
Winner – white guys. Proving when we work hard & put in a gutsy performance, we can still win. And when we just show up and parrot our opponent, we can still win. God, I love Being White.
Loser – Paul Ryan. Going from the party’s he’s-so-smart rockstar policy wonk to “the CEO’s nephew I was told to hire”, a fast trip from the boardroom to the mail room. Hey Paul, care to detail that Medicare plan again? Thought not.
Winner – US withdrawal from Afghanistan, marijuana legalization – November 7.
Loser – Social Security, November 7.
8 Comments
Winner? Big Bird in Benghazi safe house.
Losers? Like you say, truth, other candidates, non-swing states… and ultimately, all of us, all over again.
Which leads me to my next question… you wouldn’t happen to have an address for Big Bird? Always wanted to
move tovisit Libya. Seems so sensible, so stable, comparatively.Also, needs more Magic Clap.
Originally had US as ultimate winner (finally over) and loser (down the toilet), but too much a downer for a funny post.
As for the chicken, he’s a refugee of conscience in the Paraguayan embassy there. It’s a coming trend, diplomatic halfway houses. Just send your letter Poste Restante, c/o “el Gran Pájaro Amarillo con el Gordo Muy Largo” should suffice.
If it’s Magic you want, go see the Wiz.
Lena Dunham is a person expressing herself in her way for those who would find her manner worthy. She is expressing herself using her own creative manner. If you find her expression meaningful, fine. She is not lying, she is not pretending, she is an artist.
On the flip side, Republicans are natural born losers who “MAKE STUFF UP” to become winners so they can pretend to themselves they really one. That self deception is the seed of a paranoid state. Their entire self-inflated value is dependent upon a conglomerate of masks to fool anyone anywhere and bank on those who would otherwise think they were lied to would instead believe that it is others than them who are being lied to.
The irony here is that the democrats who believe that adopting the mask method that republicans wear are not democrats. They are hippocrits. Lena Dunham is not talking to them but to instead a range of people who are going to vote for the very first time. What she said was …
What really scares the cowardly republicans is the implication of integration – the image of interracial relationship. It scares the shit out of them that this coud be of any value to any white woman at all. It really scares them that their daughter would have a fantasy of seeing a partwhitepartnonwhite man important to the life of their daughter. It scares the shit out of them that anyone in society would support that notion and the cowardly repubes see that as a fire they need to put out.
The fact is, if you do not like her expressive suit, dont wear it. Doesn’t mean you have to burn down the store.
What? Was there a joke in there somewhere and I missed it?
Were you aiming for the post 2 blogs over? Here to play you need to be fun-knee.
Let’s try this – Lena Dunham is the daughter of 2 well-connected New York artists, one of who makes disturbing dolls and the other who makes over sexualized pop art, which may be how they met. Lena has been working with Tiny Furniture now as preparation for larger furniture later. She’s cast family and friends in her films to get around New York’s tough film unions (but does pay standard rate on the dolls). On becoming a Woman at 26 she started a show Girls, where she attempts to act younger than she is. To reward her perseverance and tony zip code, Random House gave her book a mega-advance, bigger than Hillary’s, almost as big as Paris Hilton’s monthly clothing allowance or the annual bonus for a starting Wall Street clerk. While Lena actually did it for the first time in 2004, it was kinda icky with a man who wasn’t very smooth and comfortable and he used a “wet suit”, in short a bit creepy and afterwards when she realized he’d lied about getting that high-power job with the big suits on Pennsylvania Ave, she figured she’d just fuggidaboudit for a while and go back to school and smoke some weed and just chill until Mr. Right came along 4 years later.
See how easy that is? Now, I’m not going to even speculate about whether Lena Dunham’s related to Ann Dunham. Oh wait, I just did. Anyway, it’s a big long list and we’re only at #1 – better hurry before this post rolls off top-of-the-pops.
Apparently, there’s hardly any drinking going on in here.
Shame. Nice place.
And surely to God there can’t be that many Nate Silver fans here, can there? I mean, a poll-integrator. Holy shit, what a strategic loser.
Winners: Those who survive election season.
Losers: Those who survive election season.
I thought there were going to be refreshments here.
Yes, you were assigned the absynthe, I the seconal. Q, whatever he can gin up from his leftover receptacles and those guys hanging out in the alley. Apparently none of us delivered.
Oh. Thought I was told to be absent; sorry I got it wrong. Got my medical marijuana card, and I’m kinda hard of reading now. Q was s’posed to bring the gin? Can’t count on him. Ever.
(Night, dears. I’m bushed.) So to speak. And OBombaed.