In response to Jane’s “What Do You Do When the President Is Just Not Into You?” and reading the comments especially about the dreadful OFA, I posted a typical ask-yourself-if-you’re-in-an-abusive-relationship quiz. Someone suggested a diary, and I got busy refining the questions. For the word partner, substitute President, Senator, Democratic Party (or the other big one), or to get to the real heart of the matter, corporatocracy (appropriate pronouns provided).
So, here we go.
1. Do you feel afraid to speak your mind or ask for something you need?
2. Does your partner make fun of your ideas or opinions?
3. Does your partner try to control every detail in your relationship?
4. Do you often feel guilty and second-guess your choices because of your partner’s negative comments about these choices?
5. Are you afraid of your partner’s temper, feel like you walk on eggshells, and monitor what you say or do around your partner?
6. Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner and justifying his/her/its actions to others?
7. Does your partner lie to get what he/she/it needs?
8. Does your partner use weapons to threaten you or others?
9. Does your partner discount your basic needs?
10. Does your partner criticize your family and friends (or your political allies) and ask you to stop seeing them?
11. Has your partner told you that “it won’t happen again” but it does?
12. Has your partner ignored you in public? Or put you down or insulted you in public?
13. Has your partner abandoned you for long periods of time and then returned when he/she/it needs something from you?
14. Do you feel that you have changed, lost touch with who you are, or become someone else in order to be with your partner?
15. Have your friends or family expressed concern about your relationship and/or your well-being?
16. Does your partner know how to make you feel bad (i.e., what buttons to push)?
17. Does your partner always claim to be right even when the opposite is obvious?
18. Does your partner say that if you try to leave him/her/it, your world will come crashing down?
19. Do you feel like you never get anywhere when you try to communicate?
20. Does your partner take certain topics off the table? Exclude you from decision –making?
21. Do you have reason to believe your partner may spy on you or in other ways interfere with your privacy?
22. Does your partner always have an excuse for his/her/its behavior?
If you answered “yes” to three or more questions, you are experiencing signs of relationship abuse. And what should people do when they find themselves in abusive relationships?