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Gangnam style a la Pentagon–Gubmint StyleThe latest titillation taking our minds off of real news is, of course, the fact that Gangnam Style has just beat out one of Justin Bieber’s songs for the top download off of YouTube. Oh, that isn’t the story? Oh, the Pentagon scandal!
The latest titillation that’s taking our minds off of real news is, of course, the fact that someone actually had sex with a general. And didn’t have to by virtue of marriage. That’s right, Dave Petraeus, our star commander from Iraq by virtue of the fact that he didn’t suck as bad as the others (the surge worked, right?) and present, until recently when he handed in his resignation to spend more time with his family, head of the CIA, had an extramarital affair. With a groupie! His biographer, Paula Broadwell. Now that’s one welluva broad, if you ask me.
Now the details confuse me, but somehow, this was all discovered because Jill Kelley, who was also involved somehow with the General, got harassing emails from someone (the aforementioned Paula Broadwell) and asked the FBI to discover who. (Dear FBI–can you find out about all these broads who keep e-mailing me about the size of my equipment and how I can make it bigger? Must be nice to be able to call up your friendly agent and get results.) She, I think, was also engaged in exchanging “flirtatious” emails with General John Allen (who bears an unfortunate resemblance to Elmer Fudd). Hey, we got four–bridge anyone?
Well, all I can say is that this gives new definition to the concept of “surge.” Oppan Oppan Gubmint Style! Now that’s what I call PSY-ops!
Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS.
4 Comments
Best headline of the day.
The events surrounding “having an affair with a General” make us normal working types realize what it is all about. Perhaps some of it has to do with the “glamor” of bedding down with all that power.
Or maybe it is about the money?
Kelley ended up getting so “liked” by the General that they were allowed, simply from that “friendship” to have exclusive brokering ability between wealthy business people in the USA and the officials in the Korean government. IUn fact,t he title Kelley ended up with was “Honary Consul to the nation of So Korea.”
And this is yet another way that these affairs came to the attention of the press. Apparently one American business man was quite displeased when Kelley mentioned that his “brokerage payment” to her would be some 80 million dollars. She let him know that without this “commission,” he wouldn’t have any way of being in the loop for the business deal. Since this commission was 100 times greater than what is normally asked, the businessman spilled it to the press.
Paula is angry. Jill got a medal from the Joint Chiefs of Staff. And a lapel pin and a signed certificate from Admiral Mullen Chief of Staff. And Jill was helping P4 get a no-bid contract for coal gasification with the President of South Korea.
All Paula got was a “I Destroyed A Village To Save It” tee shirt.
Broadwell was a biographer only if biography and hagiography are interchangeable. Then again, who knows in the new paradigm.