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“This land is mine…” Bite me, Scott Walker

7:28 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

110222-wisconsin-protest

Despite an auspicious opening for my manga parody BLECCH! at Katsucon this weekend, this old man has to admit that the con played knick-knack paddywhack on his whole body and that he needs his head examined for taking on the grueling task of convention sales when he’s at an age when most people are thinking of doing nothing for the rest of their lives. I’m fighting off the con crud–that odd disease you get from being in close proximity to thousands of similarly under-rested people for 3 straight days–and I’m looking out at a dusting of snow here in Alexandria VA and hoping it melts before I need to go out for anything (let alone shovel it). So I’m going to be brief today so I can go hide under the covers in the hope of staving off what seems like the start of a sinus infection.

But I can’t go without expressing solidarity and support for the civil servants, the state employees, police officers, teachers, firemen and everyone else who are in danger of being totally shafted by that A–hole of a novice governor out in Wisconsin. On a personal level, my dad was a civil servant in DOD his entire career, and my wife is a recently retired one. So I have witnessed government workers being dumped on for every government shortfall and seen their cost of living increases and benefits slashed all my life as if paying them a decent wage was responsible for the national debt, instead of wars that didn’t have to be fought, paying for jet fighters that didn’t have to be made, bailing out banks that posted record-breaking profits within months of the supposed emergencies, etc., etc..

In case you didn’t know it, Rick Ungar and Mother Jones News are reporting that the infamous Koch brothers are behind the effort to destroy the bargaining power of public sector unions. Daily Kos seems to have their finger on the Koch pulse in order for THIS to get passed:

SECTION 44. 16.896 of the statutes is created to read: 16.896 Sale or contractual operation of state−owned heating, cooling, and power plants. (1) Notwithstanding ss. 13.48 (14) (am) and 16.705 (1), the department may sell any state−owned heating, cooling, and power plant or may contract with a private entity for the operation of any such plant, with or without solicitation of bids, for any amount that the department determines to be in the best interest of the state.

Naturally the rightwing rearguard has been trying to cover-up the fact that the only budget shortfall in Wisconsin was created by Scott Walker’s tax decrease and has been trying to stir up non-civil servants against civil servants, but no one’s buying it, thank God. I hope the democratic legislators who’ve fled to Illinois can hang tough. In my humble effort to help, I am publishing my graphic today without the ironic quotes over here so anyone who wants to use it for posters or anything else can do so. Just click on the small embedded image for the larger version. You may have to click on THAT image for the full size one depending on your browser.

Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS

Giffords Shooting Prompts Reactions From Around the Web

5:47 pm in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

CrosshairsAnimation

Various reactions to the attempted assassination of Gabrielle Giffords from around the web:

Sarah Palin: Well, ya never thought anyone but a lunatic would take me seriously, you betcha.

Sharron Angle: You can’t blame me for what happened in Arizona!

John Boehner: SOB!

John McCain: BUILD THE DAMN FENCE!

Wayne LePierre, EVP, NRA: It would be a tragedy to use this isolated incident by an obviously deranged lunatic to impair the rights of ordinary citizens to semi-automatic weaponry.

Heinrich von Grammarrecht: Obviously insane, he used imply when he meant … WTF did he mean?

Gilbert Gottfried: A funny thing happened on my way through Arizona. A congresswoman got sh … what, too soon? OK–this family walks into a talent agent’s office. He says I don’t do family acts. The father says “Wait’ll you see this one!”

Anne Coulter: I can hear all the liberals whining now…

Glenn Beck: Is it possible this liberal got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate? I’m only asking the question.

Wolf Blitzer: Some people are suggesting Congresswoman Giffords got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate.

New York Times: . . . although, according to some commentators, it’s possible Congresswoman Giffords got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate.

Rush Limbaugh: Congresswoman Giffords got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate. It said so in the New York Times.

FoxNews: Communist baby-killer Congresswoman provokes citizen to defend himself.

Tucker Carlson: They should just take him out and hang him… oh, no, wait a minute, no, they shouldn’t…
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Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS

Will Sanity Be Restored? Not If WE Can Help It…

10:13 am in Politics by GregoriusU

A screenshot from Fox News showing the Stewart-Colbert Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear snowed out--in October

And FoxNews viewers from DC swear they saw it--but forgot their names

Well, it’s not a cartoon, but damn, it’s been so long since I posted anything, I just had to post SOMETHING. First of all, my bronchitis is “mostly” gone. I feel better but my strength isn’t up completely back to where it should be. It will be by the end of the week. Thanks to my well-wishers who expressed good wishes. We won’t mention what I wish for those who wished the opposite :D

I DID get to the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear on Saturday. Wish I’d done more to publicize it, although the boys certainly did not need MY publicity. The subway (errrr Metro–how gay is that? –Samantha Bee) was incredible. There were lines 20-30 minutes long to buy tickets and then olive oil was spread on the riders to get them all squeezed into the cars. When the doors finally opened at L’Enfant Plaza, it was like projectile vomit as the trains disgorged their charges.

By the time I actually made the rally location–and I admit I was moving slowly due to my energy levels–you literally could not get two blocks from the mall before foot traffic slowed to a shuffle-along. The DC police had wisely shut down several streets. My own uninformed crowd guesstimates said there was at least 150k people there and possibly as high as 300k. I think the TOTAL number of people who came to the Rally was close to the latter, but because of the difficulty getting within site and sound of the stage–and there were video feeds with huge sound systems to relay the proceedings to the further away, BUT THERE WERE THAT MANY PEOPLE THERE–that the back of the crowd was very fluid with people arriving, staying for a while, and then leaving to get a better view ON THE INTERNET. In fact, I couldn’t stay to the end because I couldn’t find a good place to both see and hear what was going on. The CBSNews paid for crowd count said 215,000. That’s a reasonable number for the amount of people who were there at any single moment in time.

It was odd to see how the news media handled it. Although pre-rally shows began at 10 am, and some people had been there since the night before, I could not find any crowd estimates on the cable news stations. It was as if nothing was going to happen. Contrast that with the ballyhoo that characterized Glenn Beck’s revival meetin’. By Sunday, the coverage rapidly evaporated after 6 am–yesterday’s news. DId they get wind of what the main point of the Rally was? That the media, fanning the flames of partisanship, is one of the major contributors to the chasm that is seen between political viewpoints today? As people, we work together everyday despite differences–Jon Stewart likened it to merging into the lanes of a tunnel–a very apt simile for someone in the NY/NJ area. Yet in politics, there is this perception of near civil war, at least the way the news media provides soapboxes to the MOST extreme elements.

Some of my progressive friends have opined that Jon and Stephen STILL missed the point–after all, the most extreme elements are all ON THE RIGHT. That may be so. But the point of the rally wasn’t to point fingers at THEM. It was to point fingers at the people on the sidelines who are busily asking both sides if they need more gasoline to put out the fire. They are no longer informing us. They’re like the reporter in Ace in the Hole/The Big Carnival who prevented the rescue of the man trapped in a cave to prolong the news story. In the movie, the trapped guy died. But now, we’re the people in the cave. Will we have a release like the Chileans? Or do we go down in the interests of real journalism?

Thanks Jon and Stephen. It was a good rally.

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Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

4:00 pm for America? Take Tea and Pee…

11:42 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

100920odonnell-satanism-etc

It must be 4 pm for the United States of America with tea parties in full swing and the Republican party is running around with wheel chocks to keep them cannons on deck. Joe Miller up in Alaska doesn’t just want to gut Social Security like most Republicans–he thinks Unemployment Insurance is UnConstitutional! After all, why should we have to pay for those lazy slobs when they could just pick themselves up by the bootstraps and get a job–in India, where so many of our jobs have been outsourced. You think they’d paid MONEY into that so-called insurance. There goes a man who’s never had to worry about his next meal. Funny how that kind of person always knows what YOU should do in a situation they’ve never experienced. Lisa Murkowski, the incumbent he beat out of the primary, may run as an independent.

Then there’s Sharon Angle in Nevada. You know, the one that thinks the Second Amendment gives us the right to an armed insurrection if we think the gummint has turned tyrannical? She evidently parses that out from "a well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state." I wonder what was in the Founder’s coffee THAT morning! She’s also said that the citizens of Nevada need to "take out" Harry Reid and she didn’t mean for dinner. As all people who speak without the intervention of brain cells, she had to retreat from this statement and explain that she meant they had to take him out OF OFFICE. Fine, Sharon, but please, try passing your words through that space between your ears next time.

Then there is our latest darling, Christine O’Donnell. The winner of the Sarah Palin look-alike contest who dated Satanists in high school before becoming a professional Christian. I guess the ability to spin on a moral dime — or on an unholy altar! — is considered a plus in tea party circles–except when it isn’t! So far, the established right has harped on her financial problems and, shall we say, the alleged creative use she’s made of campaign funds to help allay them, but her views on self-gratification have always been right on the spot! That one–there–no, there–yes, mmmmmmmmm. PUNISH ME GOD!

The problem is that American cannot laugh off these tea partiers, no matter how crazy they seem, because some of them are going to be elected. The Republicans might be trying to keep them in the fold, but they aren’t herding sheep, they’re trying to herd cats, and if you’ve ever tried to get a cat into the carrier to go to the vet, you know exactly what I mean. While they might seem laughable, so did a bunch of weirdos that dressed like overgrown boy scouts in Weimar Germany. The good thing about the tea party is it has no leadership, not even Glenn Beck, no matter how hard he tries. The bad thing is that someone WILL come along who understands how to play to it. And that’s when I visit my relatives in Canada for an extended stay.

In other news, I have debuted a collection of my cartoons from the Bush era. BUSHWHACKED: The Wurst of HAIL DUBYUS! appeared for the first time at InterVentionCon last weekend and is 80 pages of high quality reproductions of some of my best Bush era cartoons from the original 300 DPI files. I’ll be hawking it at other cons throughout the year, but you can buy it at IndyPlanet. This blog is not commercial–I’ve been doing it out of a sense of "doing something" to make a difference–so please take a look and help defray the costs of my artistic and satiric endeavors :) If you’re ever at a comics convention where I’m appearing, I’ll be happy to sign your copy!

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Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

I Need to Scream!

6:55 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

100830-becksMLKrevival

Before I launch into today’s rant, I want to thank everyone who commented on my post last week. WOW! 18 Comments! All very thoughtful and very generous to my drawing :) Thenkyewthenkyewthenkyew!

Well, what with Glenn Beck’s 9-12 movement, you’d think he’d have used THAT day to present his plan for America. But you’d be wrong. You see, Glenn has discovered that God is big bucks, and Glenn certainly wouldn’t want people to be working on the Sabbath. He’s right about that. Listening to Glenn Beck is HARD @#$%^& WORK!

So Glenn looked about for another day to hold his political rally–errr religious revival? And lo and behold, God made him chose the very anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s "I have a Dream" speech. Purely by accident–or by the Hand of God. Quite frankly, I think Glenn totally capable of not knowing when MLK gave that speech, considering the mish-mash he makes of American history. But considering the low cunning that usually pervades his work, it’s JUST possible that the choice of date was intentional.

Anyway, he delivered a plan for America–as short of details as Mr. Beck is short of cards in his deck–with Sarah Palin on hand to rescue the civil rights movement from liberals and black people. Huh? You see, in Mr. Beck’s reformulation of MLK’s dream, Dr. King was fighting for civil rights for ALL people, not just oppressed minorities. He wanted to protect white people’s rights. Like the right of Dr. Laura Schlesinger to say "Nigger nigger nigger" on her radio program. And the right for poor people to stay dirt poor while the rich maintain their right to get filthier rich.

Glenn even found a niece of MLK who agreed with him–not that anyone ELSE of Dr. King’s family had the wool pulled over their eyes. Al Sharpton held a counter-rally to try to uphold Dr. King’s ORIGINAL dream–you know, the one Beck is trying to rescue from progressives who, consarn it, want to extend civil rights to immigrants and poor people. For a while, we had Dueling Rallies down here in Washington. And not very musical.

This wasn’t about politics tho. It was about that old time religion that America lost 240 years ago. 240 years ago, that’d be 1770? What happened then? Perhaps he was rounding up the years from the Declaration of Independence…hmmm, I guess that’s when we abandoned God. Or King George. Or the Church of England. Or somebody. I guess that "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness," is too progressive for Mr. Beck.

After all, this country was founded by the Puritans–so goes the American myth–the most obnoxious bunch of holier-than-thou’s that ever walked the face of the earth. They left England for the freedom to practice their religion–and made other religions illegal the day after they hit Plymouth Rock. Then they outlawed Christmas and burned a few neighbors for firewood on the grounds that they were witches. The Puritans don’t exist today. There’s a good reason for that. Oh yeah, they held a Thanksgiving celebration–the next year they had a war with the Indians who’d helped them.

See Mr. Beck–you have no monopoly on mish-mashing history!

Glenn wants us to turn back to religion. He has no interest, he says, in becoming President. NOT THAT ANYONE ASKED! No, he’d rather be seen as one of God’s prophets.

Only Glenn spells it with an "fi" instead of "phe".
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Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

Piracy On the High Seas

6:47 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrr, this load of medical rubber hoses could be used to make giant slingshots to use against us!

I am somewhat loath to discuss Israel’s latest examples of aggressive self-defense. I belong to an online political discussion group with some friends. We have virtually stopped any discussion of Israel because it immediately devolves from a discussion into an emotion-filled argument with unspoken charges of anti-Semitism directed at any criticism of Israel. Let’s just say for the record that Arabs are Semites too, the cousins of the Jewish race if you believe your Bible stories…or your Qu’ran.

Doesn’t Israel have the right to defend itself? Of course it does. But that right falls a bit short of piracy on the high seas and the murder of civilians (I’m going to keep my criticism to the issue at hand rather than get into any kind of hoohah). Uri Avnery made some interesting points in his own critique on his news site. The arrival of this aid ship wasn’t any surprise to Israel. They’d had months, nearly a year, to prepare a response. And basically, they had three choices. Let the ship go without incident, and undermine their own blockade by doing so. Stop the ship and inspect it for articles of military use…and then let it go, affirming their right to blockade but giving a measured response to a humanitarian effort. Or put their knives between their teeth, drop onto the ship in the middle of the night like a swarm of pirates 35 miles out to sea and when the unarmed civilians aboard try to defend themselves with deck chairs and other improvised weapons, mow them down rather than throw a few canisters of tear gas. Guess which they chose? Arrrrrrrrr, right you are, matey!

Avnery compares the situation to the Exodus incident (a MAJOR motion picture by Otto Preminger from the book by Leon Uris, with Paul Newman as the handsome Israeli!) from Israel’s formative years. Why had the British done something so completely stupid? They weren’t stupid people. No, their actions came from arrogance, Avnery suggests, and that arrogance turned public opinion against them. Israel’s arrogance (and bunker mentality) is fast turning the world against them and they stand to lose their only Islamic ally, the Turks, because of it. Pretty soon, all that will be left to them is the US and as had been noted (in an article I can’t find right now because the net is acting wonky), the new generation of American Jews is not as solidly gung-ho behind Israel as the previous one. Only the Christian right (Glenn Beck IS Christian, isn’t he? We’ll find out when he reveals God’s Plan later this summer) in unquestioning in their support and heck, they’re seeking Armageddon!

The only problem will be finding a replacement for Paul Newman. Hey, Jake Gyllenhaal makes a great Persian!


Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

Responding to Botched Terrorism: I Can Shake My Fist Louder Than You Can

6:56 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

First Responders In Action

With the world reeling from President Obama’s surprise announcement of Supreme Court Justice–his old friend from Harvard and the U of Chicago Law School, Elena Kagan–you know, the one who’s never sat on the bench? I mean seriously, who announces something like this on Sunday night–you’re supposed to do it at 4:00 Friday afternoon!

I still have to weigh in on the idiotic and unconstitutional Arizona law requiring cops to get ID from anyone they suspect is an illegal immigrant without racial profiling–HEY, all you guys in front of the Home Depot, get out your birth certificates! Vere are your papers! Ach, so, Mr. McCain-o, you were born in Panama, eh, John? or should I call you Juan!

Now, let’s turn to the response to the botched bomb in Times Square. I know, I know, so last week! The would be terroist, Faisal Shahzad–such a loser, not only did he botch the bomb, but he botched the bomb after botching the run-through and then he botched his getaway!–is actually an American citizen. Well, again the Constitution has become a worthless piece of paper–except for the Second Amendment, we can’t have a no-gun-buying list because that would infringe upon the rights of REAL Americans (according to Lindsey Graham). There has been so much fist-shaking (or as one commentator mentioned, "length" comparing) about ignoring Miranda rights for terrorists, stripping them of their citizenship, throwing them against a wall and shooting them, you’d think we were in some bizarro US. Or a 1984 world where Big Brother is some mythical real American, played by Bruce Willis or Kiefer Sutherland! Imagine, Glenn Beck being the voice of reason! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Let’s zip up our flies, gentlemen. the US court system can handle these kind of things without any help from the paranoid fist-shakers. If it can’t convict terrorists caught practically red-handed and we have to throw away our freedoms, heaven help us, the grand experiment turned out to be a failure.


Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

Beckstianity 101–Social Justice is un-American

6:52 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

Hey, Glenn Beck also listened to Born In The USA's lyric s for the first time too.

Now I don’t like to knock a guy twice in the same week. Not that I think it’s unfair, but it always strikes me as a lack of imagination on my part. Surely there’s someone ELSE you can lampoon, Greg. Oh, of course there is–and stop calling me Shirley. But Glenn Beck, bless his pointy little head, has managed to do so.

Of course, last Thursday’s cartoon wasn’t really a mock on der Beckstein (although the text was :) ). Getting Eric Massa on his show SEEMED like a good idea at the time. How was Beck supposed to know that a Democrat might not be disloyal to President Obama? Or that he would think that male-on-male tickling orgies might be misconstrued as sexual in nature? Or that he would take little Glennie to task for the alacrity with which right-wing commentators and Teabaggers call everyone they don’t agree with Nazis or socialists?

OK so his counterparts on Fox News all told him so. Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?

But he also managed not only to reveal that he never actually listened to the lyrics to "Born in the USA". I guess for the last 25-and-a-half he’s been looking at the FRONT of the album cover with The Boss’s tight-jeaned butt smiling at the camera in front of a flag, head-banging along and singing BORN IN THE USA every time it came around. Yeah, Baby, Born in the USA! And for 25.5 years he never actually "listened" to the lyrics to find out what Bruce Springsteen had to say. Well, I can understand that, sometimes even us boys from Jersey find it hard to understand New Jersey. But to ADMIT IT, as if he just found out something everyone in America already KNEW! that just boggles the mind.

Only to be topped by his warning to the faithful. Now if you thought 25+ years of cluelessness was bad, check out the evidence of a LIFETIME cluelessness. He told his audience that if they heard the words "social justice" in their churches, they should run away as fast as possible to find some other church that did NOT believe in "social justice", because "social justice" was nothing less than a codeword used by Nazis and Socialists! Now I’ve commented before on the peculiar form of Christianity some people espouse, the Calvinist belief that the poor are miserable, not just because they deserve to be, but because they WANT to be. Because if they didn’t "want" to be poor, why they’d just pull themselves up by the bootstraps and make a Horatio Alger success of themselves. So any talk of "social justice" actually allows them to go along, living off unemployment and welfare. This he says, in the middle of a recession where 1 out of 6 people of working age is either unemployed or underemployed. Way to go Glenn!

But the corker is that hitherto, lots of church leaders thought Glenn was the bee’s knees. Now, they’re up in arms–because if there’s one thing that Christian churches have in common, it’s preaching charity, helping your fellow man, fighting for social justice, because their founder, that #$%^&* liberal Jesus Christ, said it was important. More important than praying as a matter of fact. Even the Mormons, who most people figure on being iffy Christians–and Glenn Beck, having been raised Catholic, converted to Mormonism in his adulthood. Looks like SOMEBODY hasn’t been paying attention in church for a long long time. I mean, we all try to not listen to sermons, but usually some of what was said sinks in after a few decades of repetition. But it’s just like Born in the USA. Glenn Beck just doesn’t pay attention. He’s off in his own little world, dreaming dreams no man ever dreamed before, because they’re too #$^&*( crazy to begin with.

Well, Glenn’s finally "clarified" his statements–I think now he says he meant Big Government instead of Nazis–and apologized in the standard approved format and his faithful congregation have returned to the fold, knowing that Glenn didn’t really mean what he said, even though he did when he said it. But myself, I’ve got to wonder–does this man even HAVE an attention span?


PS to The Seminal. Thanks for all the comments, guys. I know I ought to be responding, but I usually pull an all-nighter when I’m putting my blog/diary together so when I’ve finally uploaded and done all the social network updates, I crash and burn. Nonetheless, I do read the comments when I am conscious again and am grateful even for the critical ones :) Thanks again.

Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

I guess we’re lucky Eric Massa didn’t try to tickle Rahm Emanuel

6:45 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

They TOLD you not to look, Glenn!

Poor Glenn Beck! He was sure he was onto the key to the downfall of Obama’s socialist fascism. Rush Limbaugh told him not to do it. Bill O’Reilly told him not to do it. Michelle Malkin told him not to do it. But…he did it. He booked Eric Massa.

Eric Massa had been loudly proclaiming that he was being forced out of office because he was the key vote for dooming health care. Salivate, Glenn, Salivate! What did they do to you? What kind of pressure did they put on you? Well, I have non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. NEVER MIND THAT–the WHITE House–what did they do? OK, there were these sexual harassment allegations. AH-HAH! And those weren’t true at all? Well, of course, I groped a few people. Guy people. I mean, who doesn’t when you’ve had a few?

Ummmmm…

And then there were the tickle fights. Nothing sexual at all there. How can you say that’s sexual harassment?

Ummmmm…

I’ve been fighting these charges all my life. What we need to do is campaign reform! Stop calling each other names like socialist, fascist! You can be a progressive and a fiscal conservative at the same time! What we don’t need are these teabaggers pretending the deficit didn’t happen until Barack Obama took office.

Ummmmm…

Don’t worry Glenn, you didn’t waste our time. THAT night. Now try not wasting it every OTHER night!


Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

Well, It’s a Little Bit Better than ‘The Christmas Pouch’

6:59 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

Sure to warm the cockles of your heart--or the cockles of something

Yours truly is as sick as a dog, fortunately having a doctor’s appointment already scheduled for this morning. We’re going to have to keep our normal discussion very minimal. As you may have heard, the mawkish Glenn Beck has risen to a new height of mawkishness with a bathetic barrage called "The Christmas Sweater", available as a novel, a kid’s picture book, and movie-fied stage show with Glenn acting out all the parts. Supposedly autobiographical, Beck trades in on his mother’s apparent suicide (or accidental drowning) to provide the kind of emotional blackmail which passes for heartwarming, replete with every Christmas cliché and missing none. Sales of the books supposedly made all four of the NY Times bestseller’s lists, while his staged reading managed to only sell handfuls of tickets in the major cities. Audiences were bussed in to make up the difference, while ministers gathered outside to protest Beck’s wrapping himself in the garland of Christmas spirit while his normal persona spews hate, race baiting and wrapping himself in Kleenex and the flag as he cries that he just loves America too much.

We have a modest proposal. We propose that Beck’s next literary effort be a sequel to be titled: "The Christmas Merkin." Beyond the expected Christmas drear, "The Christmas Merkin" has the advantage of sounding quite patriotic if you say it out loud with a bit of a twang. "The Christmas Merkin" will be sure to warm the cockles of your heart, or something else with a similar name. Not only will Glenn be able to sell multiple versions of this opus, but Christmas Merkins can be sold to exploit the demand. (For those of you unsure what a "merkin" is, Jake Gyllenhaal explained it on Jimmy Kimmel the other night.)


Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!