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And This Year’s Award for Biggest Jerks in Congress … The Envelope Please

7:06 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

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A shoo-in for a Razzie for 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 …

Well, the Academy Awards were last night and, just in case the fright-wing had any doubts about the liberalness of Hollywood, Michele Obama was on hand to deliver the Best Picture Award to ARGO. I’m sure Rush et al will be making hay out of that for the next week.

Actually, the reason the FLOTUS was there was to present an award to a movie that celebrated one of the few times when the CIA got one right. With liberal dollops of help from Canada, eh? Hey, Ben Affleck! Canada says you didn’t give it enough credit–how aboot a big “I’m sore-ry.” Teehee–couldn’t resist twitting my Canadian relatives.

The BIG SERIOUS news tho is the dreaded SEQUESTER that is aboot–err, about–to descend upon the American people. Yes, that’s right, once again the American economy is about to be wrecked by the Tea Partiers who love America–unless a last-minute rescue worthy of THE PERILS OF PAULINE gets performed. Said last-minute rescue will naturally screw everyone in the United States except the 1% of the 1%–but that’s OK because the sequester will screw EVERYBODY and push us back into the Great Recession. Might as well save SOME people! Too bad it’s the ones who already have life rafts.

At this point, I almost wish the SEQUESTER gets performed. It will be the first time the Pentagon actually loses money and MAYBE, those damn tax-hating nincompoops will see what havoc their ideology shall wreak. But I don’t have any confidence in that. The one thing that invariably happens when you prove a true believer wrong to his face is that he will retrench and believe all the harder. Sort of like saying “I do believe in fairies” to save Tinkerbell, only screaming it.

In any case, yours truly had a great weekend at Katsucon last week. I didn’t get to see too many friends because the weekend was so good for sales, I did not dare leave the table for more than a few minutes at a time. I premiered a new work based on the HELL GIRL anime which my friend Charles Dunbar showcased in his “Dead Like Us/Remixed” presentation at the con. Thanks to Kevin and Peter of A Kawaii Boutique for their company and for taking care of my table when I needed a break. And thanks to all the cosplayers and artists who dropped by to say hi and especially the ones who bought something!

Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS.

Drone Wars Theme Song–The Road to Dystopia!

7:13 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

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  • With apologies to Bob and Bing…
  • Okay, guys, time to prove just HOW OLD I AM again:

    THE ROAD TO DYSTOPIA
    To the tune of “The Road to Morocco”. Dystopia is pronounced Dis-TOPE-ya for the purposes of the song.
    For those of you who are too young to have ever heard it, watch this Youtube video to get the tune:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_w3UG6C_Mo

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Pushbuttons do not hurt our spines!
    Where they’re goin’, where we’re goin’, how can we be sure?
    Just keep on believing that our motives aren’t impure!

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Watch out! There’s no end to the line!
    I hear our target’s where they do the dance of the seven veils,
    They won’t be doing it too long with rockets on their tails!

    We certainly do get around!
    Like endless wars in Orwell,
    We’re Dystopia Bound!

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Look out! Well, clear the way, ‘cuz HERE WE COME!
    As long as they’re shot over there, we haven’t any cares!
    We hope our next-door neighbors don’t say five-fold daily prayers!

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Thinking just makes us go numb!
    They told us they would never shoot them off on US soil.
    Our government would never sell us second-rate SNAKE OIL!

    We certainly do get around!
    Like a Jimmy Cameron movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, we’re Dystopia Bound.
    Or a comic book by Alan Moore that’s made into a superbudget movie that gets everybody wearing Guy Fawkes masks,
    WE’RE DYSTOPIA BOUND!

    No cartoon next Monday because *drumroll* this coming weekend I will be in Artist Alley at Katsucon 19, at the Gaylord in National Harbor, MD, so if you’re there, stop by and say hi–and perhaps buy a signed print or two. For those of you who CAN’T make it, go over to my Facebook fanpage and click on the LIKE button to get updates on this blog and on my other art that’s available at the conventions.

    See you then. Intravenous Caffeine will be back in two weeks.

    YESYESYES–I admit it–I was lipsyncing!!!
    __________
    Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS.

    And Now Everyone Can Get Back To Work

    6:52 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

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    • Beyoncé shows she didn’t have to lipsync. 3rdQuarter Blackout–a conspiracy? SuperbowlXLVII is over-now get back to work!

    Superbowl XLVII is now over and everyone can go back to work. It was amazing–so little seemed to be happening this week–except for the NRA deepthroating the feet that they were busy cramming into their mouths. Everything else seemed to be Superbowl related–a possible shortage of chicken wings (when DID they become America’s snack of choice?) and speculation as to whether Beyoncé would try to lip-sync her performance. Well, there was no shortage of wings–a shortage of beer would have been a worse occurrence–and Beyoncé proved that even if she DID lipsync the Star-Spangled Banner at the Inauguration, she sure as hell didn’t HAVE to. Not the most exciting game for the first half, but after the lights came back on in the 3rd quarter, it suddenly looked like a football game. We will ignore the conspiracy theorists who speculated that the blackout was planned to break the Ravens momentum, expecially since the 49ers didn’t quite catch up (if it was ANY conspiracy, it was perpetrated by the network, hehehe). Congratulations to the Ravens but a great performance by the Niners (if you don’t count the first two quarters).

    You know, when I was growing up, BASEBALL was the “National Pastime”. Football started to get on the map in 1958 with the Colts-Giants championship battle, dubbed the “Greatest” game in history–which I missed due to the NY blackout for a “local game”–like TV could cause spectators from NOT attending a championship game. There never seemed to be as much excitement for a World Series as for the Superbowl in my lifetime. Possibly because it’s easier to get excited for ONE game rather than seven. Possibly because the glory days of baseball were in the golden age from the 20s to 50s.

    But the intensity of excitement for the Superbowl is incredible! A paean to American excess. Even the COMMERCIALS are considered the greatest commercials in history. You know, if I wanted to commit any sort of crime, from highway robbery to murder, I’d commit it during the Superbowl–guaranteed that even IF someone noticed during the three-hour-plus gladiatorial combat, nobody would DO anything about it until the final whistle! I guess we’re lucky in one respect–even the criminals are too busy watching the game to do anything truly nasty!

    In the meantime, Yours Truly will be appearing in the DC area at Katsucon 19, the weekend of February 15-17 at the Gaylord at National Harbor, MD. I’ll be in Artists Alley so stop by and say hi–and perhaps buy a signed print or two. For those of you who CAN’T make it, go over to my Facebook fanpage and click on the LIKE button to get updates on this blog and on my other art that’s available at the conventions.

    See you then!

    Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS.

    Santorum: A Frothy Mix of Bad Theology and Worse Economics…

    6:41 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

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    Jesus would no doubt approve of Rick’s updating of his message.

    Since Rick Santorum thinks that the United States is a theocracy instead of a democracy and that President Obama is unqualified to lead it because he has the wrong “theology,” we thought it would be instructive to review the Eight Beatitudes of the Sermon on the Mount, as re-written according to RICK’S theology. Further, we wish to start a fund to send Rick a lifetime supply of ipecac to aid in his digestive problem since the constitutional separation of church and state seems to make him ill. We’ll all need some if he manages to foist his theology on us…

    Blessed are the uneducated, for you can’t wash an unused brain.
    Blessed are the blah people, for they won’t get food stamps (I didn’t say black!).
    Blessed are the rich, for they shall have even more money than you do.
    Blessed are the K Street lobbyists, for they shall get what they paid for.
    Blessed are the women who have been raped, for they are bearing a special gift from God.
    Blessed are the gays, for I’m going to get back at them for that frothy crack. (Umm, did I say that right?)
    Blessed are the impoverished sick, for that’s all the help they’ll get from me.
    Blessed are the soldiers, for they will soon be spreading Christianity in Iran.

    A special thanks to Fred and Bert Squirrel, who recorded his blathering while gathering some … nuts.

    I had a great time at Katsucon last weekend. Thanks to Kevin who helped me at the table (after my adventures in oral surgery the week before, I really wasn’t up to running an artist alley table all by my lonesome) and to Kristen who also pitched in at some crucial moments. A further thanks to everyone who stopped by my table and admired my art–with a double helping for those who actually bought something :) And shouts to all the friends I saw, Murder Nurse, T, Tala, Charlene, Jasmine, Alicia, Peter and all my other friends who have their own tables! I’ll be posting my con schedule for the rest of the year as soon as I get a few more confirmations.

    Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS.