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Drone Wars Theme Song–The Road to Dystopia!

7:13 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

130211-Drones-Road-to-Dystopia-2

  • With apologies to Bob and Bing…
  • Okay, guys, time to prove just HOW OLD I AM again:

    THE ROAD TO DYSTOPIA
    To the tune of “The Road to Morocco”. Dystopia is pronounced Dis-TOPE-ya for the purposes of the song.
    For those of you who are too young to have ever heard it, watch this Youtube video to get the tune:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_w3UG6C_Mo

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Pushbuttons do not hurt our spines!
    Where they’re goin’, where we’re goin’, how can we be sure?
    Just keep on believing that our motives aren’t impure!

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Watch out! There’s no end to the line!
    I hear our target’s where they do the dance of the seven veils,
    They won’t be doing it too long with rockets on their tails!

    We certainly do get around!
    Like endless wars in Orwell,
    We’re Dystopia Bound!

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Look out! Well, clear the way, ‘cuz HERE WE COME!
    As long as they’re shot over there, we haven’t any cares!
    We hope our next-door neighbors don’t say five-fold daily prayers!

    We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
    Thinking just makes us go numb!
    They told us they would never shoot them off on US soil.
    Our government would never sell us second-rate SNAKE OIL!

    We certainly do get around!
    Like a Jimmy Cameron movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, we’re Dystopia Bound.
    Or a comic book by Alan Moore that’s made into a superbudget movie that gets everybody wearing Guy Fawkes masks,
    WE’RE DYSTOPIA BOUND!

    No cartoon next Monday because *drumroll* this coming weekend I will be in Artist Alley at Katsucon 19, at the Gaylord in National Harbor, MD, so if you’re there, stop by and say hi–and perhaps buy a signed print or two. For those of you who CAN’T make it, go over to my Facebook fanpage and click on the LIKE button to get updates on this blog and on my other art that’s available at the conventions.

    See you then. Intravenous Caffeine will be back in two weeks.

    YESYESYES–I admit it–I was lipsyncing!!!
    __________
    Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS.

    Rush to Judgment?

    6:51 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

    That which can never be unseen again!

    Ah, Rush, you did it this time! Not only did you demonstrate no knowledge of how contraceptive pills work (Did you really plug up your ears and go LALALALALALA when they talked about it in school? The sad thing is, I’ll bet your mother and your four wives were all smart enough not to try to tell you about it either!) but you also managed to accuse a private citizen of being a slut and a prostitute for needing so many birth control pills to cover an imagined outrageous sex life! And demanding that she film a porno to help defray the costs! Thanks Bill Maher and others for suggesting that Rush be forced to do the same to pay for his Viagra.

    Of course, Sandra Fluke, the young lady in question (and I am reaching that age when almost everyone except the Pope and most American politicians can be described by me as “young” grrrrrrrrr!) was not going in front of Congress to testify about her sex life and how she needed contraception to deal with it. She was attempting to talk to Daniel Issa’s all male panel on contraception about a friend who needed hormonal therapy that could best be delivered via “The Pill” as it was once quaintly known. Did that stop you from, ahem, slander and defamation of character? Never let the facts get in the way of a good innuendo!

    Now that sponsors have finally seen how poisonous you can be and started dumping your show, you have fallen on the bully’s defense and said you chose the wrong words in an attempt at levity. Ye olde “What’s the matter, don’t you have a sense of humor?” refrain. Well, tough bananas Rushbo. We ain’t buying it. It’s one thing when you make exaggerated claims against a public figure-it’s quite another thing to make totally unfounded accusations against a private citizen.

    It wasn’t just that you used the wrong words, Rush. It was that you made up something out of whole cloth and broadcast it to all the world so that your listeners would think that Ms. Fluke was a slut and a prostitute.

    Now the dittoheads are all making idiotic statements about “freedom of speech” without knowing what it is. Sure, Rush is free to LIBEL somebody. But if he does, then he is also free to accept the consequences of the same. Like lawsuits. Like losing sponsors. Freedom of speech generally excludes little things like perjury or yelling FIRE in the middle of a crowded theatre when there is no fire present. It also takes a dim view of what are generally known as “fighting words.” And in the world that RUSH would like us to live in, calling a woman a prostitute who was not engaged in the profession would generally justify his being shot by a male relative or friend of the maligned. Or run through with two feet of steel.

    Now, as everyone who’s seen The People vs. Larry Flynt know, the test of whether a satire is slanderous or not is whether any reasonable person would believe it to be true or not. So far, I haven’t seen one dittohead who did not write the various forums saying how outrageous it was to have to pay for this woman’s sex life. Just as you said she was doing. There you have it–proof that reasonable people would actually believe Rush’s twisted statements to be the literal truth. Or that none of Rush’s listeners are reasonable people. Take your choice :)

    Unfortunately, the correct answer is BOTH OF THE ABOVE.

    BTW check out this article, Rush, so you can slander your most vocal critic:

    Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS.

    Ron Jeremy Pulls a Sarah Palin–Explanation below!

    6:56 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

    Sarah Palin only made some notes, but Ron got nearly an entire script!

    EXCLUSIVE! Ron Jeremy, star of a huge number of adult movies, has been caught by our staff using crib notes. While on the set of "Jurassic Pork III", Jeremy wrote lines of dialog on his "Ron Jeremy" as an aid to remembering them during shooting. "Hey, I’m not getting any younger and after all the movies I’ve done," Jeremy said, "I need a little help–so much of the dialog sounds the same. I mean, how the heck AM I going to be able to film Dirty Bob’s Xcellent Adventures 35 when I’ve got the dialog from Dirty Bob’s Xcellent Adventures 29 in hand?"

    This stunning revelation follows upon the recent brouhaha concerning Sarah Palin’s use of notes on her "Palm Pilot" while mocking President Obama for using a teleprompter in the same speech. Fox News also produced videotape of Dianne Feinstein for having crib notes written on her hand for a debate in 1990.

    Jeremy replied, "Come on, you’re in a smokeless bar and some hot chick gives you her phone number and you’ve got nothing to write it on, what’re ya gonna do? I guess I’m not stupid enough to make fun of somebody else for doing it when I’ve got almost 10 inches of phone numbers on my own!"


    REPORT FROM KATSUCON–Katsucon 16 was held this last weekend and your cartoonist was in attendance, ‘tho barely so because of the really cold temperatures in the DC area. Man, that walk from the parking lot got harder and harder every time I made it. I’m still not sure the Gaylord is the proper venue for an anime con, considering that the Gaylord is targeted at upper income levels and the average con-goer is 15-25 years old with little disposable income–especially in THESE times. The lack of public transportation limits local participation to people who can drive or get rides and the price of parking at a "resort" convention facility is rather daunting. Also the dearth of reasonably priced fast-food or family restaurants can really bite into a budget. While there were some preparedness issues (no one on-hand at the hotel to post schedule changes and treating the formal ball as if it was a rave with a dress code), the hotel staff was very helpful, especially the concierge, and despite frozen feet from trudging back and forth to the car, a good time was had by all. Shoutouts to my friends Lori Collins, Tala in blue, Chris Malone from Blue and Blond, Kittyhawk from Valkyrie Yuuki, Mike Terraciano from Dominic Deegan, Oracle for Hire. Only took a few photos (the cold trudge through icy paths from parking bit into my picture taking enthusiasm), but they are posted at my Flickr account, along with some recent pictures of the Blizzard of ’010 near my house.


    Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

    Well, It’s a Little Bit Better than ‘The Christmas Pouch’

    6:59 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

    Sure to warm the cockles of your heart--or the cockles of something

    Yours truly is as sick as a dog, fortunately having a doctor’s appointment already scheduled for this morning. We’re going to have to keep our normal discussion very minimal. As you may have heard, the mawkish Glenn Beck has risen to a new height of mawkishness with a bathetic barrage called "The Christmas Sweater", available as a novel, a kid’s picture book, and movie-fied stage show with Glenn acting out all the parts. Supposedly autobiographical, Beck trades in on his mother’s apparent suicide (or accidental drowning) to provide the kind of emotional blackmail which passes for heartwarming, replete with every Christmas cliché and missing none. Sales of the books supposedly made all four of the NY Times bestseller’s lists, while his staged reading managed to only sell handfuls of tickets in the major cities. Audiences were bussed in to make up the difference, while ministers gathered outside to protest Beck’s wrapping himself in the garland of Christmas spirit while his normal persona spews hate, race baiting and wrapping himself in Kleenex and the flag as he cries that he just loves America too much.

    We have a modest proposal. We propose that Beck’s next literary effort be a sequel to be titled: "The Christmas Merkin." Beyond the expected Christmas drear, "The Christmas Merkin" has the advantage of sounding quite patriotic if you say it out loud with a bit of a twang. "The Christmas Merkin" will be sure to warm the cockles of your heart, or something else with a similar name. Not only will Glenn be able to sell multiple versions of this opus, but Christmas Merkins can be sold to exploit the demand. (For those of you unsure what a "merkin" is, Jake Gyllenhaal explained it on Jimmy Kimmel the other night.)


    Greg Uchrin is a satirist, cartoonist and professional cynic in Alexandria VA. This diary is cross-posted to his blog Intravenous Caffeine, the post-Bush era successor to HAIL DUBYUS!

    Sarah Palin’s New Book: Should it have been called ‘Ramblin’ Rogue’?

    6:50 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

    Christian Serratos she's NOT

    Does it seem to you that the single most important talent for young actors and actresses is the ability to take their clothes off? Not that I’m complaining, nubile pulchritude is an important aesthetic consideration of mine (I’m afraid the guys don’t do much for me). As I said a few days ago, any sweet young thing (of legal age) who wants to send me photos of herself, just send me an email. Actually right now I’d rather have money–year end is coming up and the squirrels are getting frantic wondering if they can afford any Christmas gifts…and nuts. I rather enjoyed that shot of Christian Serratos posing nude for PETA–she waited a whole YEAR after her 18th birthday! It could ALMOST get me to go see NEW MOON–except that in my world view, vampires don’t sparkle–but these are Mormon vampires who wait until marriage to put the bite on their loved ones so I guess they’re different. (Interesting, when I go to google images to find this picture searching on "christian serratos PETA naked", I go through about 10 pages and still can’t find the photo–Google doesn’t censor… so here’s the PETA page on the poster).

    Of course, Sarah Palin is another story–although she doesn’t sparkle either. This former beauty pageant contestant where she paraded her bathing suited body in front of a bunch of ogling judges and an audience, is extremely modest these days and objected strenuously to NEWSWEEK using a photo of her dressed in short shorts, calling it sexist (even though she posed for the photo in the first place–I guess posing isn’t sexist but showing the photographs is). Now it seems the photographer may have broken a contract by licensing the picture to Newseek–but whether that contract was with Runner’s World (for whom the shoot was intended) or with Sarah isn’t being mentioned. Could it be that Sarah, former governor and mom doesn’t want publication to sully her image? No no no! The pic was supposed to be withheld from publication until August 2010–just in time to heat up the off-year elections with an image of Republican MILFdom!

    What was SUPPOSED to be the only thing keeping Sarah in the public eye, besides her incessant twittering–excuse me, I meant tweeting–was her not very long awaited book about how wonderful she is, "Going Rogue". Yup, she’s just a rogue elephant, mavericking around, you betcha. I hear it’s marginally more coherent than her normal writing–I’ll have to get back to ya on that one–since it was actually written by somebody else. In the meantime, I’ll stick with my own title, Ramblin’ Rogue. Never fear, Sarah comes across as self-loving and responsibility-shedding as always. She HAS probably made an enemy for life in Katie Couric, who, Sarah claimed, is so lacking in self-esteem that Sarah allowed her an interview out of pity–I’ll bet Katie would love to meet her in a dark alley without any witnesses! But that’s OK, now that the election is over, Sarah’s new BFF is none other than Oprah herself! Especially since Sarah’s appearance gave la Winfrey her best ratings in two years. And we must not neglect the ever fair and balanced Faux News which demonstrated the size of the crowds waiting for Sarah’s book by using a clip from last year’s presidential campaign.

    Palin-Beck ’12? Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

    I’ll be attending ANIME USA in Crystal City VA this weekend–look for me in the purple Intravenous Caffeine T-shirt (for sale on my website) and say HI!

    Oh, yeah, I forgot–I DID use that picture and then deleted it from my Hard Drive

    7:00 am in Uncategorized by GregoriusU

    The Celebrated Obama HOPE Poster by Shepard FaireyThe not-so-celebrated Shepard Fairey parody by Greg Uchrin
    AN INTERVIEW WITH D. LeTANTE, DESIGNER OF THE MONA LISA

    I recently had the opportunity of visiting the studio of M. D. LeTante, the celebrated graphics artist and music sampler. While I was there, he unveiled for me his latest work, The Mona Lisa, a poster of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa in situ at the Louvre, in a limited graphics palette, underlined in big letters with the word, “REPRODUCE.” I took the opportunity of interviewing him for this journal.

    The Mona Lisa is your boldest work yet.
    Thank you.

    May I ask if the word “Reproduce” is a reference to the copy of the Mona Lisa in your work?
    Oh heavens no–in the first place, this is not a copy of the Mona Lisa–that would take HOURS–no, this is a photograph I took when I was in Paris for my senior year of high school.

    I didn’t think they allowed photographs.
    No, they kicked me out (laughs).

    You worked from a photograph, then?
    Yes, I scanned it into Photoshop and posterized it and smoothed it. With the addition of the word REPRODUCE it took less than 10 minutes. I never do anything that takes longer because I want to maintain the spontaneity of creation.

    I understand, nothing kills spontaneity like disciplined concentration.
    Yes, discipline kills inspiration. But to go on with your question: nor is it a copy in an artistic or philosophical sense. My poster is more of a re-contextulization and re-conceptualization of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa. Have you ever read Borges’ Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote? Pierre Menard has decided to write Cervantes’ Don Quixote. He buries himself in studying Cervantes’ sources and his period so that he can compose the Quixote, matching Cervantes’ work word for word. It is an amazing work, so much richer than the original. Cervantes’ work was superficial, grounded in his own time, but Menard’s had so much more depth because it was written in the 20th century. Similarly, my version of the Mona Lisa is grounded in the 21st century, looking back at the Renaissance. It makes a completely different statement in a Foucaultian context. One is forced to ask, what is this woman smiling at? And why is she smiling at all, while we are at war in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the world is being destroyed by global warming?

    Then what is the meaning of the word REPRODUCE?
    Exactly what it says–a command to be fruitful and multiply so we may satisfy the maw of our corporate overlords, like the humans in John Carpenter’s THEY LIVE satisfied the needs of the aliens who ruled the world. I’m thinking of doing a series on the concept.

    Oh? What would you call it?
    I think, “REPRODUCTIONS”.

    Shepard Fairey was impressed with THEY LIVE as well–he did a series of works on the command OBEY as used in the movie.
    Yes, we used to skateboard together. As a matter of fact, he’s the reason I decided to concentrate on re-sampling public domain works…that bad business with the Obama HOPE poster. But Shepard was always a bit lax about attributions and things like that.

    Yes. As a friend of Shepard Fairey, do you have any insights into that?
    I think so. I have no doubt that Shepard was using the larger photo of Obama with George Clooney. After all, taking only a portion of that photograph would put him well within the restrictions of fair use. When he cropped it, like Pierre Menard and the Quixote, he managed to reproduce the precise cropping that AP used to release a second version of that photograph. Naturally, when he found that other photograph on his hard drive, he realized that in this cynical world, no one would believe that he independently made the same judgement as some anonymous AP editor, so he had no choice but to erase it from his computer.

    He did say that he lied and deliberately destroyed the evidence by erasing it.
    See what I mean? He had to confess since no one would believe otherwise.

    But you do agree that AP is behaving like a stultifying corporate giant in insisting on its intellectual property? After all, the photographer said he couldn’t imagine anything better than his photograph being used to help Obama’s election.
    Oh, of course! But I do have a little quibble from the point of view of an artist. Supposing someone comes along and sees my masterpiece, The Mona Lisa. What’s to stop him from appropriating it and using it in his own artwork. That is so inappropriate. I mean, what are MY rights with regard to my own work? Mannie Garcia can be noble because his work was used in a noble cause, but I’m planning on selling my limited edition on eBay at 500 dollars a print. I need to have that protected. Shep would agree–look how he jumps on people who copy HIS work.