There are more things in heaven and earth, Barack, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Not that presiding over Bush’s 3rd and 4th terms requires much of a philosophy, all it requires is a nice suit, a Pretty Words Dictionary, an abundant supply of drones, and a functioning website

Having helpful friends at the helpful NSA and helpful FBI is also a helpful help when controversy rears its unhelpful head and decision points must be reached regarding when and how and where to catapult the propaganda so the terrorists won’t win.

For example . . .

In solemn testimony to Congress on behalf of the Powers That Be, Inc., NSA Director Keith Alexander and FBI Deputy Director Sean Joyce reassured Americans that their civil liberties would never ever be violated by the NSA or the FBI or the CIA or the DIA or by any police or sheriff’s departments anywhere for any reason whatsoever. Alexander’s closing remarks were especially solemn and fully restored the trust of the American people in the entire intelligence community, particularly in the leadership of the NSA and FBI . . .

The director of the National Security Agency was overheard offering a round of beer to the FBI’s second-in-command following Tuesday’s congressional hearing on the NSA’s controversial surveillance programs. The three-hour hearing had just wrapped up around 1 p.m. when NSA Director Keith Alexander turned to FBI Deputy Director Sean Joyce and praised him for his testimony. ‘Thank you, Sean,’ Alexander said, according to a clip of the exchange that was first reported by Ben Doernberg. ‘Tell your boss I owe him another friggin’ beer,’ he added. Yeah?’ Joyce responded. ‘Yeah,’ said Alexander. Alexander and Joyce sat side-by-side during the hearing and took turns answering questions from lawmakers about the recently disclosed government surveillance programs.

Call me a radical anarchist Firedog worshipping nihilist America hater, but I solemnly think this Shakespeare quote should be flashed at the bottom of the screen every time an NSA or FBI or White House hack “testifies” about those enhanced surveillance techniques they’re being so transparent about . . .

“We are arrant knaves all, believe none of us.”

If they actually believed in transparency, they’d put up billboards all over the Beltway emblazoned with another relevant observation from Shakespeare . . .

HELL IS EMPTY AND ALL THE DEVILS ARE HERE

We don’t have a government any more, it’s become a national security cult of schizophrenic, egocentric, paranoiac prima-donnas . . .

Before I head to the comment thread to answer questions from lawmakers, I’m going to post Edward Snowden’s concise summary of the new reality confronting them . . .

The US Government is not going to be able to cover this up by jailing or murdering me. Truth is coming, and it cannot be stopped.