Hi, y’all.
Tomorrow is the third meeting of the Occupy Austin Conscious Relationships Discussion Group. So far the discussions have been deeply thought provoking, just by virtue of getting a bunch of people with wildly different viewpoints together — people choosing to live their lives in different ways, with different abilities, orientations, upbringings … (Here are the notes from the second meeting about assumptions)
The next meeting is about gender roles and how they fit, or don’t our actual lives. In preparation, I’ve posted some conversation starters on my Facebook, like this classic CRIMETHINC Gender subversion poster or John Scalzi’s recent article on privilege and straight white male geeks. You can imagine the lively discussion that has resulted.
I keep feeling though that I have to defend myself against the idea that we should just transcend our differences overnight — stop talking about sexual orientation, race, or maybe even class and just recognize our common humanity. Perhaps it’s a beautiful idea, but how do we get there without working (fighting!) to dismantle the old systems, the old ways of thinking about all these divisions? To me, it feels like a position of privilege to make this argument — I’ve never struggled with that (gender, sexual orientation, bigotry of many kinds), so you should just get over your struggles with it.
In a way, it’s similar to what Occupy Wall Street itself faces. We can imagine that “A Better World Is Possible,” but unless we have serious discussions about what that would look like, and what’s wrong with this world, I don’t know how we’ll ever get there.
That’s what’s on my mind today, what’s on yours?
This is today’s open thread.



16 Comments

Good point … I often feel that the folks who don’t want to put in the time on those don’t actually want to admit how embedded they are in all of us. We are shaped by those cultural roles and norms more deeply than we like to face/admit … and more and more I feel our healthy selves involve some melding of what is and what we wish.
just thinking out loud …
thanks for Lola
I agree. I also see people who put in some work then balk at continuing to work to improve themselves and be more aware of their prejudices. It’s like ‘wait, you already made me examine myself for being sexist, now you want me to look at how I’m ableist too?” I think sometimes there’s an erroneous belief we’ll achieve perfection — that somehow we could unpack all of our culture’s effects on us and move through life serenely unaffected by them. It’s a lot harder to admit we’re all being affected all the time.
And yeah… I had to use Lola here, and such a great recording of it too.
x2 and especially Lola!
Thank you for this post, Kit. I personally wish we could all ask each other more real questions presented safely and listen to the answers. It’s not socially acceptable to ask the real questions unless they are addressed to a person perceived as a “lesser status person”.
Then you can ask whatever crap thought pops into your bigoted, racist, misogynist, ignorant little brain.
I think these discussions will build a framework of community, no matter how awkward they must feel in the beginning.
Thanks again.
I think you should become familiar with “Utopian” literature for some examples of “what it MIGHT look like”.
My favorites are the work of the late Olaf Stapledon; “Star Maker” first, then “Last And First Men”.
There are others too. Maybe “Island” by Huxley. Read that a LONG time ago.
Even read mine for a more “far out” philosophical underpinning too.
http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/2988
Yes I think we need to question everything we can, especially everything we’re told is “normal” or “supposed to be” by our dominant culture. Sometimes we’ll find out that the default answer is the right one for us, but other times we’ll discover that there are so many other ways of doing things or being or living than we thought. Asking questions helps us understand ourselves better and each other too, even when those questions are uncomfortable.
To me OWS exists on both fronts, when it’s working right — trying to dismantle the broken system while simultaneously trying to build a new one among its members.
As a longtime science fiction fan, I couldn’t agree more. SF writers have been doing the work of creating new, speculative societies since the genre began.
I love Huxley but haven’t read any of those 3, so they are definitely going on my book list. Thanks! My favorite Utopian society in SF is probably the one they by the end of Kim Stanley Robinson’s Mars trilogy. I find the whole trilogy (especially Green Mars and Blue Mars) to be a fascinating look at how we’d handle having a new world to build, almost from scratch.
Add in the Pacific Edge from the Three Californias by KSR … for the short version
KSR keeps me grounded in hope … when it all looks way too bad, time for another rereading!
Ohhh yeah Pacific Edge! I haven’t reread that in ages, gotta go back and do it. KSR also gives me that ‘little people make a difference’ boost when I read Years Of Rice & Salt.
Thanks for this Kit.
Through AA and the 12 steps I was led on a seriously deep path of self discovery and honesty. I found faults in myself that I never knew existed, prejudices and resentments founded in fear and insecurity.
It was exhilarating, terrifying, painful, and wonderful. The most important lesson I learned is to continue seeking. Continue to evaluate self, continue to seek information, continue to ask questions, continue to process answers, relate them to self and life and family and love.
I’m constantly seeking to evolve myself into a better person. This takes honest evaluation, deep self reflection, and humility. It’s painful but the payoff is wonderful. Not just for myself, but for the people I come in contact with in my daily life.
When we look at gender roles, societal prejudices, inherent systemic faults that are discriminatory in nature, etc., we find that these things are in all of us. Unless we identify the faults within ourselves through honest evaluation and begin to outwardly address these faults in our daily interactions we cannot hope to change the way of the world.
I find the biggest hurdle facing humanity in realizing a Utopian fantasy is fear. Fear of the other, fear of the outsider, fear of the unknown, fear of insecurity, not having your needs met, etc. Fear results in prejudice, prejudice results in the corruption of self, and the corruption of self results in the corruption of society.
If we all take a big step back and discover ourselves, embrace ourselves, and push those new-found feelings of love and light outwards, the world will be a far better place.
I’m in the middle of Woman At the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy.
A lot of her future world appeals to me.
If I were at an Occupy gathering, I’d be *Sparklefingering* everything you just said. Jazz hands!!
Great book! Follow it up with her He, She, and It.
Also I refer to HALT (from 12-steps) all the time when talking about communication.
Thanks, Kit. Appreciate the rec :)
Wonderful wisdom, that HALT. Also the self-awareness required to identify being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired before acting or speaking is a seriously positive exercise in self-exploration.