I’m writing this post standing up. Typing standing up sucks because the geometry is weird and I have to go much more slowly than I normally would with many pauses to make corrections when I hit more than one key at a time. I have to type this standing up though. You see, I can’t sit down.

This is quite embarrassing to talk about but this needs to be said and I hope I’m not running afoul of the rules. I am susceptible to boils. I have been ever since I was very young. Not just ordinary boils though. Huge, enormous abscesses that erupt randomly on various parts of my body. I’ve had a recurring one on my left shoulder blade that you could park a travel trailer on and have room left over for the campfire and a place to pee in the woods. If an ordinary boil is Mt Pinatubo, this one is more like the Yellowstone supervolcano.

This new one is in a very inconvenient place though. It started on Saturday when I felt an itch down in the area of my anus. I didn’t think much of it, everybody gets an itchy ass sometimes. By Sunday it had gotten annoying but I didn’t pay especial attention to it then either. By Monday it was uncomfortable and I noticed a swelling, just forward of where the two buttock muscles come together and just to the right of dead center. Not wanting an abscess there, I began the z-pac I’ve been holding onto, judging this to be the emergency I had in mind when I got it. By Tuesday it began interfering with my life, by Tuesday night it was painful. Wednesday I had to go out and get a money order to pay my rent and it was torture. I spent Wednesday night crying and in a haze of agony.

Normally these things aren’t a problem, just a visit to the doctor,  lance, drain and an antibiotic and I’m on the way home, none the worse for wear. These aren’t normal times though. As most or all of you know, I’ve been unemployed and without health coverage for going on two years now. While Congress bickers about giving tax cuts to the top two percent of the richest Americans, people like me are shit out of luck. Expired unemployment benefits and no health coverage equals very limited options for me. I’m going to have to lance this thing myself. I’ve done the one on my shoulder myself before. A couple of well placed mirrors and a sharp scalpel, some alcohol and some benzalconium chloride wipes and it’s history. No big. That one just sits on some muscle though, the location of the new one is in a much more awkward spot and there are some important things going on nearby, not the least of which is the femoral artery, vein and nerve, all tucked in the hollow where the leg joins the trunk just forward of the infected area.

Ah but the agony is exquisite! I lost my left big toe once when three tons of machinery fell on my foot and went through re-attachment surgery and recovery. I had second and third degree burns on forty percent of my boody when I was a kid. My skull has been fractured once and crushed on another occasion. I got gay bashed and my ribcage was stove in. All of that pales by comparison to what I’m enduring now. It was so bad last night that I tried to lance the thing with a steak knife, (sterilized of course) but I found out that I would have had to press so hard to pierce the skin that it would have continued on deep into the muscle. It might still be too hard to drain anyway because it doesn’t do one any good to lance these things until they’ve reached a softer stage. The tissue is just too firm to drain out.

Why is Obama in the title? I’m getting to that. Obama had a super majority in the House and in the Senate and could have gotten us real health care reform, had he actually tried, (or really wanted it). You have no idea how much I’d like to go see a doctor to get this treated like it needs to be and maybe get some pain killing narcotics to boot. But instead of health care reform, we got a lame ass giveaway to the private health insurance industry whose utility may be debatable, (actually it isn’t, it’s a piece of shit no matter which way you look at it), but doesn’t do any of us any good until 2014 and hell, that doesn’t address the fact that right now I can’t pay for food, much less a crappy insurance policy which they would find a way to deny coverage for anyway. If Obama and the Congress hadn’t sold us out, I could hop in my car and go to the doctor and get this dealt with properly.

So this is me, on the ragged edge, almost out of my mind with pain, unable to work out, sleep or even sit in my chair to type this post. This morning I got up and made a scalpel using the blade from a disposable razor that I liberated from it’s injected plastic case, (thankfully with only one tiny cut to show for it) and then snipped off at an acute angle. I attached that to the pocket clip of a disposable pen that had been scraped flat and I have it soaking in alcohol at the moment. It should be sharp enough to give me some control. I have my bzk wipes at the ready and I’m writing this and trying to come up with a lighting and mirror arrangement that will be suitable. I have a leather glove to bite into while I perform my surgery.

I’m going to have a friend standing by if possible and my phone programmed to 911 also ready to hit talk and be on the line with some help. I don’t think I’m especially brave, Kelly’s claims to the contrary notwithstanding and my pain tolerance is low. I learned early on that hands on medicine was not something I can do. I may not do this today, as I said, it may not be time to but it must be done eventually. I don’t like the idea of carrying out surgery on myself through a mirror but it’s the necessity I’m left with after the President and Democratic Congress I worked so hard to elect threw me over in favor of their corporate donors.

Thanks Mr Obama.

Change we can only imagine

UPDATE:

Boil has been lanced. A little blood but the relief was almost immediate. I wrapped a towel around my waist and took a nap. I doubt I’ve slept more than 4 hours in the last 48. I got up and moved around a bit and some drainage started. I can almost function again though still standing to type. Again, thanks Mr President. Thanks for nothing.

UPDATE II

After many fine suggestions in the comments, I’m going after some epsom salts and a heating pad, (I wouldn’t trust my old one to put even a damp washcloth on). Drainage continuing apace so I’m going to pick up some maxi pads too so I can at least function reasonably. I got a lot of rest last night and though I still have a way to go, there is no sign of infection at the area I excised yet. It’s nice to be able to think about other things than how much I hurt. Thanks again for the well wishes.

FINAL UPDATE

Still draining a bit. No sign of secondary infection but I’m still sitting on a pillow. Starting to itch deep inside so I’m assuming that’s a sign of healing. It’s almost back down to normal size and I’ve started working out again, though I’m not going to try to walk until next week. I’ve saved my home made scalpel just in case. The maxi pads worked great for the drainage by the way. I went through about half of a package of 16 so far.

Thanks to everybody who dropped by and commented and wished me well.