Today I’d like to talk a little about consideration. Not the kind in which one takes a set of observations and facts and weighs them to form a conclusion or the kind that’s employed when deciding the most suitable punishment for a misbehaving child. No, this kind of consideration is the kind that used to be drilled into children by their parents and teachers. The kind that acts as a lubricant for social interactions. Just good, old fashioned respect and civility. The kind that seemed to be on life support in the 90s and removed and buried in the 2000s.
Why do so few people practice basic consideration these days? Why are people set on cynicism and self indulgence by default so often these days? Take the coffee junkie in my office for example. A really great guy, he’s smart, talented, friendly, reliable, etc. Sounds awesome, right? Yet he is so addicted to coffee that he requires his own coffee pot and every morning, he goes to the water cooler and fills his decanter with COLD water, (despite the fact that he’s going to make it hot), thus ensuring that nobody else will be drinking cold water any time soon. I mean, why can’t he fill it at the tap? It’s the same water. He doesn’t even know he’s being inconsiderate because he is so focused on achieving his goal of brewing his morning fix, it never occurs to him that there might be people who want a drink of cool water in the morning.
Then there is the person on the freeway who just absolutely cannot let you pass them or get into their lane in front of them. The few thousandths of a second that it might cost them is too precious to brook any interference, real or perceived. Or the person who pointedly looks the other way, rather than pausing to hold the door for somebody with an armload, the guy who plays his music too loudly late at night, the woman who refuses to leave a theater while her child’s tantrum reaches epic proportions, the litterbug, the person who won’t flush a public toilet… you get the picture.
None of these are new or even recent behaviors but they sure seem to be much more common than they were. And the result of a lack of consideration almost always raises the misery level for at least one person and sometimes even for the person being inconsiderate. Consideration and respect, yes even for strangers, is necessary for a civil society. How can we co-exist, much less work together amicably when the working model is “every man/woman for him/herself”?
I’m guilty of it too! Very much so! My threshold for absurdity is so low that I often assume that somebody is acting the fool when they may just be mistaken or oblivious. I guess when consideration is so rarely practiced, it’s easy to justify no longer practicing it yourself. Though I try to be considerate, I sometimes allow the tunnel vision to get the best of me and I can become a real A-hole.
I’m turning over a new leaf! I’m going to make every effort to be more considerate of peoples’ needs. I’m going to go out of my way to practice more random acts of kindness and offer a smile while doing so.
How about the rest of you Firepups? Will you join me in attempting to start a new era of kindness and consideration of others? Even if it doesn’t catch on, it’s bound to make us, (and maybe some other people), just a bit happier. And while you’re thinking about that, how about sharing a few random acts of kindness that you have received or witnessed? Let’s brighten up our Saturday!



177 Comments

Good morning my dear Margaret, so glad you are addressing this topic. More in a minute, I am as yet uncaffeinated.
Good morning Margaret :) Thank you for the post and host.
I’m on board!
I make a point of not just treating people well, but pointing it out to my children. I smile at folks in public, I hold doors, call people sir and ma’am, say please and thank you, and then make sure to point out to my children how it made my day better, or made the day better for the person I interacted with.
Above all other things – love. In our limited interactions with strangers every day we have an opportunity to love them as our fellows by respecting them and being kind. I try to live that each day, in each encounter. Sometimes I fail, but I know now that with love as my prime directive I do more good than harm.
Hmmm. Leaves me thinking, where do you live? I find most people are pretty considerate here in Austin, Texas.
A friend who was visiting and driving when I had a cataract operation said she couldn’t believe how much politer drivers were and how much less honking there is than in DC.
I work on campus and many folks rush to open doors for me since I’m older. Occasionally no one gives me a seat on a crowded campus shuttle, but mostly they do.
I mean, as you say anyone is thoughtless at times, including me, and a few people never give a damn, but mostly here (YMMV) I find people friendly and considerate.
Smiling at people in public is clearly the right thing to do here in Texas, but I’d point out that in Belgium or Maine (only places I can speak from personal experience) it clearly is NOT and it’s most considerate to conform to local custom.
Vermont confused me when I visited — half the people seemed to smile at strangers and the other half did not so I was at a loss for what to do.
Good morning Margaret, from Indianapolis! I am desperately trying to remember a slogan posted on one of those signs in front of a business recently…and I can’t. But it was apropos of your topic. Something about the rewards of being kind to others. We need so much more of that!
I did have two random strangers offer help yesterday when I was wrestling a big heavy wet rug into my car at the coin laundry!
There are no strangers, Spring Texan. Only friends you haven’t met yet! (or some such other corny shit)
Good morning to you. I’m here, 20 miles north of you, with a brisket on the smoker!
Women have to be a bit more…um…aware, when we smile at strangers. I haven’t had any unfortunate experiences, and I am very outgoing and friendly, but it is something we have to keep in mind.
Mornin’, Margaret, pups.
The selfishness of the 80s continues. The Opera Generation I call ‘em, me, me, me, me, me, me, meeeeeeeeee.
Good morning, KrisAinTX! I too am happy to get to the weekend (though I plan to make it into work briefly). In South Austin so might be a little more than 20 miles.
It was before my time (so it was REALLY a long ways back), but I understand the Texas Highway Department used to have signs and a campaign that said “Start a Chain of Courtesy.”
I think you’re right. I just google-mapped it and I’m 26 miles from campus. As the crow flies, though, it has got to be only about 14 miles.
Morning Margaret, Hold on a minute I’m looking for my bag of peeves, oh here it is right in front of my nose.
Prof Higgins had it backwards of course, regarding consideration for others ‘why can’t a man be more like a woman?’ Is it that women are held to a higher standard, more training, experience in what others need, taking care of children and others? Probably, but perhaps there is some neurological evidence that women’s brains are congenitally more adept at empathy? Are they able to recruit female soldiers to murder by drone?
What are the odds that guy at the water cooler would be female?
Well perhaps I better stop now.. you know.. leave some room for others :-)
Thanks, Margaret, a very good idea. The closest I’ve come this week was shopping with my elderly friend, and a couple of Amish kids were there about to get in line behind us with just a couple of items, so I told them to go ahead since we had the cart full. They were quite taken aback. Of course, us ‘English’ are supposed to be beastly.
Here’s a baby hummingbird bluesman and I found abandoned and dazed after yesterday’s storms, are feeding it up after waiting for parents to show up, that didn’t;
https://picasaweb.google.com/RCalvo8/RandomPictures#5769994094306907906
Good morning all and thank you, Margaret for a great topic and beautiful post.
It may be easier to be considerate of strangers because they have yet to earn our ire. Remaining considerate of those that have slighted us or flat out done us wrong is far more of a challenge. Life is littered with such people and I must admit being short on tolerence lately.
Yep, Msm, you smile a lot in these pages. Another another nice thing about these innertubes
That happens, but I’ve always been amused to notice that it’s folks who’ve done something they know better than, who get the grudge going. If they treated you well, they’re less likely to tell you you have irremediable faults.
Good morning! Sorry for my tardiness!
Ah, makes me think you have to frequently take the dreaded IH35. I loved the bit KUT ran for awhile about Molly Ivins telling someone new in town that the secret to happiness in Austin was stay off of IH35.
Only the mother feeds the chicks. Male has nothing to do with them after mating. That looks like a fledgling and should be able to fend for itself if it’s nest was close by. Mom would have been showing it where the food sources are. Nectar = 4 parts water, 1 part refined white sugar. They must eat about every 30 minutes because of high metabolism.
That’s a good one. I’ve always called it the “I got mine” era.
Peggy
Please forgive the lateness of my entrance this morning. Computer problelms again, but we figured out the problem. Faulty cord, believe it or not.
Now to read the comments.
Super post, by the way.
Awww! Do you think you’ll be able to save it?
Someone way smarter than me once said that resentment is poisoning yourself to hurt somebody else.
I might add it’s illegal to have a hummer in your possession unless you’re a licensed rehabber.
Thanks, we’re pretty busy and thankfully three adults to take care of baby. spud watched for over an hour from thirty yards away, and no parent showed up. The baby was chirping for attention. That’s the only reason we finally took care of it, since it had gone too long without anything to eat or any parent arriving.
Is there anything about caring for animals you don’t know? You’re a priceless gem SD.
So appropos.
Heh, cats and hummers, that’s it.
My life of crime has come to a new crux!
You know what, maybe you’re right, but maybe not. I seem to assume that people know when they should do better, but maybe they don’t. Otherwise, wouldn’t they just apologize and try to do better, instead of carrying
If mom’s around she’ll hear the chirping and come take care of her fledgling. They only nursemaid them for about a week after fledging, teaching them what flowers to feed from and how to catch bugs. Bugs needed for protein. I’d call a rehabber and ask what to do.
Ruth the desperado.
Gah. Don’t you love it when you’re in the middle of a comment and poof not only do you get kicked out of the comment, but then you’re redirected to some post from 5 years ago.
I was trying to say carrying the grudge.
Nevermind. :)
The internets have a strange sense of humor.
Thoughtful post, Margaret!
When I moved to Western Mass. more than 12 years ago, drivers here were pretty much like those in D.C. & northern Va.
Now, for the most part, they’re waaaaay more polite. Drivers have started stopping and blinking their headlights to indicate that they’ll block so that you can turn against traffic, or go ahead, or get out of a side street, or whatever.
Then, like as not each driver will give the other a quick wave of good cheer or thanks.
Does something nice to the synapses of both.
About a year ago, I even saw this happen in Boston. (Cue drum roll!)
The internets should show a little more consideration.
At least, all I have to do is buy a new cord. It’s been a very frustrating week. I’m so glad we diagnosed the problem.
Does anyone know if there’s been a greenwarrior siting recently? I haven’t seen her. Hope her wrist’s okay.
So very true and I’ve always been of the mind that respect is earned and I still believe that but I’m beginning to think that basic consideration is a different animal. The person going down the road at 50 mph in the left lane with a cell phone glued to his/her face certainly earns our ire but it’s an act of being oblivious, not of being deliberately mean to us personally. Though it could be said that this person has certainly earned being given the finger, that accomplishes nothing but raising their ire and now you’ve got two people feeling upset and miserable. It’s exasperating, I know and it sometimes grates to be considerate of the absolutely inconsiderate but if everybody made a point to treat everybody else better than they have been treated, then we’ll finally be headed in the right direction.
Just walked out the front door to check the fire in my smoker and interrupted two rabbits having sex in my front yard.
Sorry rabbits. I didn’t mean to be rude.
Hey demi! Sorry your intertubz are acting up today.
I saw her in a myFDL thread yesterday AM. Didn’t chat at all, but she’s been around :)
Good morning to you.
w00t! Bunny sex! Were they gettin’ it on like rabbits?
We moved to central Texas early in 04 from the San Francisco Bay Area and were stunned at how polite ALL drivers were. The city we live in is very small and even strangers wave when passing. It seems that civility has faded somewhat over the last 8 years but for the most part polite driving is very much the rule rather than the exception here as well.
What a nice story. See what positive reinforcement can do?
At Jones Beach, on the Isle of Long, there were signs up on the roads saying “Courtesy is Contagious” and that is true. One person holds the door open for the next, and that person does the same for the next, and before you know it, you’ve started a movement!
I’m pretty sure they were gettin’ it on as rabbits. Horny little things.
We’ve got it figured out. I’m using a different, shorter cord, so I’m not at my desk. It’s pull up a couch today, actually. :)
You know I’m all for everyone being nice to each other. I’m not always able to be my best angel, but I do try. I like to smile at friends I haven’t met yet. And, I like to help others. And, speaking of that, Bob, my homeless friend hasn’t been at his bus bench for about 4 days and I’m concerned about him. I’ve asked folks around that corner, but no one knows anything.
So true, so true. The CBL says that 80% of people are unconcious 90% of the time.
Oh, good to hear.
Is the brisket for your family, or are all y’all having another party?
When I go to the grocery store, the courteous/helpful baggers always offer to push my cart to the car and help me unload my purchases. I know there will come a time when I need assistance, but for now I offer them a “No thanks–I’m gonna get hot (100 degree Florida weather) or wet anyway, you don’t need to get hot (or wet), too.” Hopefully, they enjoy a brief respite and are happier about serving those who NEED the assistance: the two-toddler-toting Mom, the cane-carrying elder, etc.
You live in the part of Texas where the state motto still actually means something. Houstopolis lost that decades ago and it is currently almost non existent in San Antonio, (or as I call it, Houston West), where it is every man/woman for his/her self.
(spelling is not my friend)
Poker night at a friend’s house. They have a couple of kids near my younger daughter’s age and my wife and I have become good friends with the couple.
There’s also the most excellent convenience of said couple living across the street from oldnslow and cbl.
So the brisket will go to my family of 4, the friend’s family of 4, and oldnslow, cbl, probably my younger brother, and anyone else who shows up early for the card game.
I knew while I was writing this that our demi would appreciate it.
As usual, the fabulous CBL is spot on. I think I’m gonna steal that, unless she comes on and forbids me. ;)
You’re right and we are very happy for that.
That’s real nice. You have a good life, Kris. Family, friends, smarts.
As you are first hand aware CBL is a kind and giving soul. Feel free.
One time, several years ago, I think it was a late night, I said the 11th commandment is/was Thou shalt not be an a**hole. Got a big laugh.
Next time you read the news, look how much is composed of untruths, cynicism and greed. That’s the friction being generated in our civilization. It needs a lubricant like kindness and consideration in order to function. Without it, we’re as doomed as an engine without any oil.
I DO believe that’s the problem. they’re unconscious and overwhelmed.
I’ve noticed so much more of this just in the last decade or so, and I’ve begun to think all our contraptions isolate us.
When i see a person with somebody else talking on a cell phone to someone else again, I think “WHOA!” That person doesn’t want face time.
I think we’re frightened of each other to the point of phobia sometimes.
The human brain needs face time; needs to see the other person;s eyes and facial expressions.
It’s a REQUIREMENT for emotional and intellectual health.
But we keep getting more and more isolated and nuts instead.
Be careful out there, I was nearly smashed into by a guy on the freeway the other day, who just decided he wanted to be where I was. I doubt he even knew we’d almost wound up road burgers.
LMAO! That’s a good one to remember and live by!
Yeah.
It seems to me that’s about the ONLY thing that’s “trickled down” is bad behavior, nasty and socio-pathology
I often wonder if it comes through the interwebs just how kind, caring and smart Kris really is. Despite his upbrining he is truly a great guy.
It’s soooooooo scary how many oblivious people there are out there and almost astonishing that there aren’t more pile ups.
Thanks demi. I’m very grateful for what we have here, and I’m often in awe of the life I get to live. There are challenges, sure, but we always get through them. I’m always surrounded by people who love me and are always there for me.
Goes back to what I said earlier on in the thread. It all comes down to love.
Not too surprised to hear that about Houston (which ranks with Boston though not quite as high as somewhere I don’t want to drive), but I am SHOCKED to hear that about San Antonio!!!! Say it’s not so, someone!
I’ve always been struck by the saying I once heard on the radio that:
“Dallas is the New York of Texas, Houston is the Chicago of Texas, Austin is the California of Texas, and San Antonio is the Texas of Texas.” . . . but maybe that’s changed?
Gotta go, have a 9 am appt and a drive north to get there.
Have a nice day, all!
I have learned that there are some situations where it’s more important to be kind than right.
I went out to lunch the other day with two gals I had met at the gym. After lunch, on the way home, I realized that I just didn’t have a very good time. One of the gals is nice, but pretty clueless about a lot of things. The other one is smart but is a very negative person. She disagreed with me on every subject I tried. I’ve decided not to have lunch with them again, even though I know it’s important for me to get out of the house, have “face” time with people, but I think I’d rather stick with the nice and smart friends I’ve made here.
Oh, it comes through, Big Time. And, it’s also very apparent that Kris has been raised by superior people…you and whatshername.
Kuroneko is giving me a foot rub, which is really considerate of her but it’s almost always followed by attack the toes mode.
x 2!
I’ve put a lot of thought into this. Coming from the bustling SF Bay Area and moving to a quiet small town in Texas was a big change. It gave me the opportunity to make some observations. I’ve come to think that people aren’t more self-centered or unconscious by choice, but as a mechanism of survival.
In our economic times and climes, people are often forced into survival mode; facing the immediate situation or problem with the utmost focus and intensity, overcoming the obstacle, and moving to the next, not taking time to breath or relax.
I see it is people having blinders on. They’ve got a family at home. They’ve got a job where they’re overworked and underpaid. They’ve got a mortgage that they can’t afford. They’ve got creditors hounding them. This causes people to internalize their focus, and results in what can be perceived by the outside world as rudeness.
I think it’s a generational problem, but not a product of nurture (or lack thereof), but a product of environment. Outside factors have forced many in my generation to live their entire lives in survival mode.
Dare I state that I find this a bit of a curmudgeonly rant? For every rudeness there are acts of kindness, for every self involved individual there are those who care and show it.
Surely the downward spiraling economy has made more folks introspective or even self involved, the increasingly violent culture in which we find ourselves must contribute as well. But, in the main, I think the author displays her own bit of self involved portrait painting.
Hi, this it HotFlash, but posting from hpschd’s computer since my won’t talk to the internet just now. 2 things real quick as I have to dash.
1.) When I read Jane Austen in hs, I thought it was so funny that the Bennetts referred to each other as Mr Bennett and Mrs Bennett and were at least as polite to family members as to guests or strangers. We all were drilled on `company manners` but politeness to family and closest friends kind of got lost in the shuffle. Now after a couple decades of marriage, I have concluded that rigorous politeness is most important with people you live and work with every day. After all, most murders are domestic and the bitterest wars are civil.
2.) Of late I have seen some snappishness here at the Lake that I found troubled me deeply. One day this week was particularly bad, seemed like every thread I went to turned int a raccoon fight. I am wondering if the heat and tension about drought and all isn`t a contributing factor, on top of the ambient tension of global warming, political dysfunction, endless wars, being killed and eaten by the rich and such. I mean, we DFHs need to work together, and if we can`t we are well and truly fucked. And that scares me more than global warming.
Thank you again Margaret, and all the rest of you guys, for thoughtful consideration of this topic, and reminding us to be excellent to each other.
Actually, I’ve always thought of Austin as the Texas of Texas.
Good morning. I think you’re right about cell phones. It makes me sad when I see 2 people sitting toghther both on the phone. Sometimes I ask if they are talking to each other.
I am a VERY defensive and alert driver because I ride a motorcycle. Every day. Hyper alert at ALL times. It is what keeps me alive. The great news is the state of Texas is currently running an ad campaign aimed at motorcycle awarness. It is effective. People look for motorcycles.
Another person smarter than me once asked ‘Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?’.
On our road trip, it was not a surprise really, but the cities all had totally different behavior from the outlying areas. The kind of protective driving – oblivious or not – from city drivers was pretty grating, while out in the country we were waved at, waved through, and generally treated like company.
Thank you for sharing your opinion with us. Good morning!
I think that’s true but we have to stop ourselves from responding in kind, to turn the other cheek as goes the expression.
IOW, you are taking the occasion to be nasty. Congratulations on being an excellent example of uncalled for rude behavior.
You clearly don’t know Margaret.
What do you get out of writing a comment like that?
You’re kind of new here, aren’t you?
I make an effort to be polite in the face of rudeness or dismissive behavior. I try to value people even when it seems they don’t value themselves or others.
I think I should add (since all the stuff I’m saying here might give people the impression that I’m a good guy…) that I don’t do these things out of the goodness of my heart. My motives are self-centered to the extreme. It’s a matter of self-preservation. Being the angry alcoholic that I am, I cannot afford to live in anger or resentment. When I do that I drink. When I drink I cause a shit-ton of wreckage with those around me, and then I have to clean it up. I hate cleaning.
So I’m nice because I hate cleaning.
I attended a fireworks display at Zilker Park in 2005 I think and during the show, there was this girls in her late teens probably, who was crouched against a utility box, her finger crammed in one ear, cell phone glued to the other and she was frowning in concentration, talking on her phone. Through the entire display. She never saw one starburst go off. I’ve always wondered why she came. She wasn’t with her parents but her friends.
As Margaret did @79. Well played, Margaret. Two gold stars!
I couldn’t agree more, and this speaks to what hpschd mentioned about racoon fights here at the Lake. Sometimes a commenter has to be right, right, right so much that they eventually embarrass themselves with their rudeness. Sad.
That outbreak usually seems, imho, to be from commenters who aren’t so much interested in whatever is under discussion, but in stirring up discord.
‘Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy’ is probably the most-oft repeated mantra in my head when interacting with my wife. It’s saved my couch from sleeping with me more than once.
One was bound to come along. How can one have a post with “consideration” as a tag without inspiring someone to come and give us an example of it’s antithesis? Turned out to be a great illustration though, didn’t it? Let’s not get off track by responding in kind. :)
Spot on Kris.
Lots of excellent observations.
I don’t mind seeming to be a dumb bunny, but I don’t understand what the upside of causing discord could be. Can someone explain this to me?
And it took me fifty two years but it’s finally sunken in that responding to rudeness with rudeness boots nothing but making yourself miserable. Kudos to you for figuring that out earlier than I!
The view of the dogs behind the lead sleddog is the essence of team work in this competitive business culture. ” What do you see?, says the boss. ” Well, you’ll be looking at it until you become that dog! ” Our team sports have to have a top dog, too. Even the ultimate team sports, baseball and football, have the Big Dog theme and it really supports the 5% of Claire Booth Luce fame or elitist meme pervading our culture, our media, our twisted historical myths. And the boorish behavior of our fellow citizens towards the other, unfortunately, is revealed and revered simultaneously. It’s ugly but serves the messaging of our capitalist, elitist country. Authoritarianism and American exceptionalism are just manifestations of the ” I’m a winner ” and by any means necessary they get the rewards. The zero sum game in full bloom.
I agree and it’s killing us. Our exocrine systems were not built to handle such heavy duty stress.
Nonetheless, there’s always time in a day to take a deep breath and meditate, even for a mom net and re-center ourselves.
I perceptive rudeness as rudeness, and crazy as crazy.
Every time I get in the car or talk to someone I try to dial it back.
I’ve got tons of stress and there’s a little trick I use; I compartmentalize; leave it at home…some days, I better at it than other days.
But I try really hard not to walk around in anger and self-pity. I try REALLY hard not to do that as it makes me very unhappy
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
I meant Endocrine systems…….))))))blush((((((
Yeah, but really, who wants flies?
So I’m now chortling at the urge to reply to you “Get off my back!”, hoping you’ll realize I’m joking. The baby bird is taking most of my attention at present. Have been offering it mosquito larvae since yesterday, it is licking them, and spud wants me to chew them up for it.
We try to avoid discussing politics and socio-economic policy here at PUAC. Thank you for your understanding.
LMAO! I was hoping you didn’t take that the wrong way. It surely wasn’t meant as a rebuke! See what our society does to us? Yikes!
Spiders.
Excuse my manners. Good morning demi, Margaret and fellow firepups.
I’ve been in a lurking mode and late to the diner most days.
Oh no! What kind of Freudian slip would “exotrine” systems be? That’s funny!
Hopefully you never will find out by experiencing it personally.
Margaret, thanks for this post. I don’t have time to go through the thread but thought I would add. I try to live by this philosophy of general kindness and consideration. I have taught my children to do things like address a cashier by name when they have a name tag on. Check out the reaction you get from a cashier when you do this. I end every (non-contentious)conversation with strangers with “have a great day”.
Here’s the best one. I recently opened a pizza shop on a main intersection in my town. when we are not busy, we stand outside and wave to the cars going by. It has doubled our business. It is more effective than any advertising I pay for. But I also notice that Sooo many people will try to ignore us, just unable to muster enough human kindness to wave back to an old, fat Italian guy waving. Some people are hilarious in their attempt and lengths they will go to not to make eye contact or acknowledge us at all.
We find the interaction with the public so much fun that we are almost addicted to it. We feel so good at the end of the day having made 500 plus people a day smile and wave that we feel bad if we are to busy to go out and wave for a while. Best advertising scheme I ever came up with, and it’s free.
Good morning and thanks for de-lurking for us.
Outfielders.
I’ve been noticing the different ways that people try to correct another. I’ve seen:
Get a Grip
Really?
You must be joking, and there’s the question
Are you out of your f*cking mind?
More brilliance from Ms. Calvo.
Good one!
What a fun story and don’t kid yourself, you’re making an impact on those studiously oblivious people too.
And we want spud to take pictures while you do it!
LMAO!
Maybe it’s just the 80s, or whatever. But I observe a practical sociological component. With individual exceptions I find cities to be courteous, if not particularly considerate of me personally. It’s rare you see the person who could obviously use a seat standing on the subway. Holding the elevator, saying excuse me, sorry, or thank you, a smile when appropriate. Density makes this a very practical strategy. There is no utility in confrontation with pissed off people in chance encounters.
Rural areas and small towns have a similar result from the fact that you do know every one. The jerks tend to be shunned.
The suburbs, or cube farms, where you are there but not ‘of there’ don’t provide much utility from considerate behavior. With no particuar need to interace with your neighbors focus on individual interests has free reign. There’s no mechanism to stop the cold water hog, just the resentment that he’s (it probably is a he) mucked up my service infrastructure.
So it boils down to an anti-Goldilocks density effect: to little and too much (rural/dense urban) are ok and medium (suburban, sprawl urban) are just wrong.
At least from the perspective of saturday morning quality sociological analysis.
Please thank spud for the full belly laugh.
That’s wonderful. I gave a balloon to an attorney I worked with for his birthday, and he walked home with it, in D.C. He told me the next day that it was priceless to see the folks who’d avoid looking, smiling and making eye contact, but thankfully it was not that large a proportion of the people he passed.
Guess you all can tell I’ve been around baseball players recently?
I think we all need to learn to disagree without getting personally insulting. I have a couple of phrases that I use with people in my life…
Gee, I just don’t see it that way.
I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me.
**
Here, I really like the YMMV sentiment.
Wow! I’d never considered that but you’re right. I think perhaps densely populated means that people have to get along as a matter of pure utility and in the more sparsely populated areas, people have to be able to rely on the limited help that’s available to them in case of emergency so again, consideration would have utility.
Wonderful words to live by Demster!
thank you all for another good morning of really enjoyable conversation. Off to throw stuff;
https://picasaweb.google.com/RCalvo8/RandomPictures#5770194404024712786
spud doing well spearchucking!
Is that what it was? ;)
Good morning everyone and thank you for the post Margaret.
oldnslow, I see a lot more motorcycle riders in our area wearing the bright yellow/green, or orange t-shirts that we see construction workers use. Just a thought to help out.
Out to start my day. Have a wonderful weekend all.
Thanks again Margaret.
Morning Pups,
Thanks Margaret, very appropriate topic, always. Sorry I was late getting here but I must have re-painted my self-portrait at least 6 times already, just today.
Yikes! Don’t sneak up on spud!
Our increasing lack of consideration for one another is, in part, a product of individuals in our culture having less commonality of experience with one another.
We have crerated a culture where individuals can immerse and indulge themsevlves, to a degree unimaginable a generation ago, in small subcultures that isolate them from one another.
Our culture has been atomized. An example of this is television. When I grew up we had 2 channels. Everyone in town was watching essentially the same thing. Now, I have 362 channels. Except for extraordinary events, I am seldom watching what other people in my community are. The internet is another example in terms of discussing politics. Now, virtually anyone can find an e-ghetto where the political talk is tailored to their particular world view. Individuals not sharing that specific ideology are seen as trolls.
In an atomized culture, where commonality of experience is the exception, you can expect that individuals will have less consideration for one another.
Thanks for being here and as always, hug the fabulous CBL for me!
I’ll bet it’s a wonderful portrait.
Bye bye, sweet man. Hug that girl.
And, ps, I adored that poodle skirt cake she found for Jane.
I think “atomized culture” is both descriptive and appropriate. Thanks for sharing that one oldgold. Welcome and good morning!
Great observations oldgold, and good morning.
A movie I watched last night featured the line – ‘Blogging isn’t journalism. Blogging is graffiti with punctuation.’
LMAO! Sometimes without the punctuation but clearly that character must have been a dead tree journalist or something. Heck, I almost have no use for traditional media sources anymore.
Awesome zen practice there, mind/body coordination and all. Atlatl involved?
Good stuff, oldgold. Commonality of experience.
I’ve been walking in the park every morning. There’s a one mile exercise path that runs through the park and nearly all of the people I encounter on the path will give me eye contact, a smile and a g’morning. It’s pretty amazing and starts my day with me feeling good about myself and others.
Quite a few layers of paint, it does get muddled from time to time.
Oldgold is very smart and very well spoken but has unfortunate;y had to put up with a lot of abuse here at FDL. I think we would all do well to remember, (myself included), that having a different opinion is clearly not like being stubbornly wrong about one’s facts.
Uh-oh. Another explosion of feathers in the living room. Somebody was busy last night. :-/
Yes, I’ve noticed this too. I’m impressed by oldgold’s tenacity and perserverance. ((oldgold))
Thanks to all for a wonderful conversation. We don’t have to stop but Phoenix Woman has a new post up. I’m going to start getting my day together but I’ll be back and forth for a while. Hope everybody has a great weekend.
Definitely! It is partly due to oldgold’s example that I wrote about this topic.
There are so many opportunities at the Lake to learn. Great inspiration for good behavior as well keeping up with the world.
Thank you for this morning’s post. Peggy, you’re a peach. A pear. The apple of my eye. Why, you’re a whole fruit salad.
Thank you for the post Margaret, and to all who joined the conversation for the company. Off to tend my fire, wrap my brisket, and let that baby coast to a beautiful finish.
Have a great weekend everyone… and hold a door for someone. Or smile. Smiling is good.
Oh, like it’s the first time I’ve been called that! Thanks for being here and being you, wonderful ((((demi)))). :)
Thank you indeed Kris!
Good morning, all. demi, usually runners and walkers will smile, wave, or somehow recognize others. I have watched attitudes and actions change over the years (many years) of running. Early in my running career, it was generally acceptable to try to intimidate or actually harm runners by car. It was as if runners were an unacceptable afront to the “good people” who drove cars; I won’t bore you with examples. Over time that has really changed to the point that people often go out of their way to allow runners and walkers to move along safely.
I know, I know. It should have been “affront.”
In case you come back by, Margaret, it is a good topic; we actually talk about it sometimes here in our household.
Hi BearCountry and thanks for stopping by. It’s done my heart good to know that there are so many others to whom committing kindness is important.
I think most people who are inconsiderate are oblivious. I recently had a friend (who’s a psychologist fergawdsake!) ready to start in on the people who tailgate him (should he make a bumper sticker? etc) when he’s cruisin’ in the left lane. He didn’t know (a guy in his late fifties) that the left lane is generally for passing and if the right lane is available, you let the person who’s on your butt in the left lane go by without resentment. He was going on how people flash their lights at him, and gee he’s going 80-85…when I asked if he could get into the right lane without having to slow down, there was sort of a silence on the other end of the phoneline….as if he was thinking “why should I?” So he learned something new, and no more talk about a bumper sticker.
Yup.
Hmmm, sounds like he may have been thinking about your words. I’ve actually talked to people who consider it their duty to drive exactly at the speed limit in the left lane. I asked them why that was and I’ve never gotten a real answer. Just some justifications about the posted speed limit being the maximum allowable speed and yadda, yadda, yadda.
Hahaha, I see you’ve traveled the same highway as my friend, though he goes a little faster.
I just don’t get why some people think it’s their responsibility to keep everybody else going at what they believe is a safe speed. I think it may be ego. I think one increases the risk by forcing others to go around them because it doesn’t slow speeders down, it just pisses them off.
“It all comes down to love.”
I second that e-motion!!!
Sing love
Bring love
Live love
Give love
http://acmeartscollective.com/acmerecords/2012/04/21/give-me-love-george-harrison-tribute-sessions/
G.Harrison tribute sessions in the acme studios
Late, as usual. I simply don’t get into subjects too early, and being the west coast, I’m up against timing anyway.
One word: “Magnanimity”
I would suggest the work of people like Thich Nhat Hanh as a counter to the things that pass for dialog on the web these days, even (sometimes especially!) FDL.
Rather than harangue about consideration, perhaps simply practice it, with no thought of reward or recognition for doing so.
One of the most magnanimous hosts here on FDL is Suzanne, who never allows a person showing up to be ignored, nor comments addressed to her unanswered, and if it does get past her, doubles up in effort to rectify.
Others here do it also, but Suz is the most consistent. Therefore, I find the least inconsideration consistently on her threads.
Well, if I am to be hit by another vehicle on a freeway, I prefer it to be doing 55 rather than 70.
No ego here, unless it is egotistic to want to live with little injuries to either myself or my occupants.
catching up on the comments here. thanks for your concern. last visit to doc, he didn’t like how deformed my hand and fingers were getting from being squashed by the cast. i’m now in a splint and going to physical therapy. i worry that being out of the cast is less protected in terms of bone healing. now it’s the splint that feels like cactus and i have 3 different kinds of pain in my fingers from doing my pt homework. on a positive note: the range of motion of the fingers improves a little bit most days i go to therapy.
My PTA schooling hasn’t started yet, but I suspect the blood flow generated by movement is helping your bones heal faster too! My kitty had hip surgery which actually took away the ball of his ball n socket joint and I love to see him moving as opposed to sitting/laying quietly as I know the movements are strengthening his muscles and tendons which are supposed to take over for the former ball n socket.
Hang in there and do the work, GW.
I wish I could say or do more.
Thank you for your comments. I’m sorry that the post was not to your liking but next week there will be another writer up. Have a great weekend!
And yep! Suz is a great gal and of a model to which I can only aspire.
Yikes! Sorry to hear about your hand troubles. I broke the last two metacarpals in 1982 and to this day I have an extra joint on the end of my right hand. They don’t cause me any pain but the bones or connecting tissues never knitted back together properly. I hope you can afford better care than I was able to back then. Thanks for stopping by and hang in there!
Good morning, Margaret and all, you have a fine thread going here and I have a small contribution. I raised my family in this country, and on visits back to New Zealand where I was mostly a pedestrian, what I would notice is that unlike here, pedestrians were at the bottom of the food chain when it came to crossing the road. Drivers simply ignored them and you had to expect to be ignored.
That difference, I feel, has been changing in towns and cities over the years. I notice it particularly going up to Santa Fe where I shop. Now, every corner has a crossing light and pedestrians simply must cross at those places, since the traffic is so heavy and so rapid compared with earlier times. (One thing that is aggravating, though, is that when you try to be a good citizen at the larger intersections, press the button and wait, half the time the pedestrian signal doesn’t work, so you miss your opportunity completely – or you just stride out with a red hand glaring at you.)
Santa Fe wasn’t built for that kind of congestion, and it definitely has changed the pedestrian/vehicle relationship. You cannot blame individual drivers though – they must move with the flow. (There’s a message there somewhere.)
But without fail, folk in ambulatory mode, person to person, give a greeting always and are most helpful in my neck of the woods.
That’s true in most of Asia too. I remember in Thailand, watching a woman get hit by a car and knocked down. The police made sure she was all right and wrote her a ticket for getting in the way of the car!
Thanks for stopping by and great to see you!
Please don’t get me wrong, Margaret. The post was fine. I am attempting to jump it up a notch or two.
I hope all pov are welcome in such as this. My comment including FDL wasn’t intended to point a finger here.
Of course they are! Sorry if it seemed I was indicating otherwise. :)
Hey Buck! You’re being funny, aren’t you?
You know that some posts are days long, some open all day, and some are more focused on the first three hours or so. So, I’m wondering why you decided to jump it up a notch or two.
If I didn’t know you to be the nice person you are, I’d speculate about your agenda here. Still, nice to see you on a Saturday morning.
Come again. I encourage you to jump in earlier in our conversations.
Yes, I know. And I have looked back and sometimes my beginning post is hours after the initial, especially in The Diner.
My notching it up was merely to point to a source I found to be most magnanimous and truly welcoming, no matter what. He (Thich) is a person I find can absorb the hardest comments and turn that into a sweeter perspective. I don’t think that capability is natural but is learned, mostly by dealing with one’s ego.
I first encountered his writings at a place I was visiting, ostensibly a spiritual setting, but found it to be contentious. And there, sitting on top of a shelf was one of his books. The contrast was amazing and the difference it made in my visit a turning point.
I also have a ways to go to be on the level I see Suz to be, and the only thing I can say is practice, practice practice, just like you would do to get to Carnegie Hall!
For me to get in early in the Diner is to get up about 3:30AM so as to at least have some coffee first!
You so know you are talking to a fellow left-coaster, don’t you?
We’re all different, thank goodness. I happen to have always been a morning glory. The diner opens at 4:45 here, but it doesn’t take me more than a few minutes to make my coffee. But, your mileage may vary. Ha. I had to say that.
Not just the making of it, but the ingestion of several cups to allow some room for excising foot-in-mouth disease!
I do usually get up about 4:30, but that tracks the morning sunrise, and now it’s getting later and later….come winter…..
My morning photography cannot compare to my evening photography, even though I am more of a morning person.
Go figure!
LMAO! I don’t ever seem to be that wide awake!
Thought that would tickle a funny bone!
I’ll let you in on a little secret, Margaret (may I cal you Peg?). Coffee doesn’t really help, if you at all notice the lapses into FIMD I exhibit any time of the day. But I would like to be able to blame it on something!
Of course you may.
Thanks Peg.
Off to do some shooting (photos!) at a wildlife refuge on the Columbia River.
I posted my personal opinion of the article, which is what I thought was intended here. You , on the other hand, gave your own impression of a rattlesnake, striking without much thought involved.
Methinks you put your friendship for the author, who, by the by, gave a much more polite response, in front of your using your brain. Ive really no interest in discourse with someone who derides “rudeness” with rudeness of her own. Please feel free to ignore my efforts here in future, at least until you understand the full meaning of the word polite.