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captphealy

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  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Thursday Night Basset Blogging

    2012-05-24 07:43:56View | Delete

    The Power of Glower compels you!

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post They Call Me Quiet. But I’m A Riot.

    2012-05-22 18:38:42View | Delete

    Dude, your ass is SO much finer than Shakira’s…

    Wait a minute…oh, wow, now I have feelings I don’t understand…

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Internet Man Does Not Want To Be On The Google Anymore

    2012-05-20 16:51:41View | Delete

    Dear George Tierney,

    I am an exiled Nigerian Prince, and a lawyer as well. I would be happy to represent you in court, and guarantee you will receive FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS upon the resolution of your lawsuit.

    Please send me your Social Security Number and the account and routing numbers for any and all bank accounts in your name, so I can set up the fund transfers which will take place at the proper time.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Thursday Night Basset Blogging

    2012-05-03 19:19:59View | Delete

    Does Wembley show any signs of missing the erections that went along with the seizures?

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Barack Obama Did Not Personally Kill Osama Bin Laden In The Parlor With A Candlestick

    2012-04-27 14:18:47View | Delete

    Ben Shapiro’s head, where thought goes for a vacation.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Andrew Breitbart NOT Killed By ACORN Deathdrone … Or Was He?

    2012-04-21 11:33:30View | Delete

    Beat me by 30 seconds…

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Andrew Breitbart NOT Killed By ACORN Deathdrone … Or Was He?

    2012-04-21 11:32:50View | Delete

    justin1776
    ummm.. i am in the health care field…

    First thought: justin1776 has learned a lot while mopping floors and cleaning toilets in a hospital.

    Second thought: hell, having spent an hour a week at the podiatrist’s for the past six months, I’m in the health care field, too…

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Thursday Night Basset Blogging

    2012-04-19 17:47:23View | Delete

    Magnificent.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Thursday Night Basset Blogging

    2012-04-12 17:29:51View | Delete

    “And now, welcome to the Hour of Glower Power!….”

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

    2012-04-03 12:39:13View | Delete

    It’s all fun and games until an unexpected firecracker goes off, someone screams, and it turns into the conclusion of a Tarantino film.

    …or “The Wild Bunch”, or “Bonnie & Clyde”, or…

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post All Your Jewz Are Belong To Us

    2012-03-09 13:51:23View | Delete

    Well, I say “fight fire with fire”. This lapsed-catholic-current-agnostic has a codicil in his will allowing his local Temple to throw him a posthumous bar mitzvah. I spend so much time kvetching about my health, it’s really only a formality at this point…

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post The B-Team Is Go!

    2012-03-08 11:15:15View | Delete

    Thunderturds are GO!

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Jesus Wept, Shirley Sherrod Laughed

    2012-03-07 12:55:21View | Delete

    The problem, of course, is that they didn’t selectively edit it in the right way.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Friday Night Not Just Any Ass Blogging

    2012-02-17 22:53:53View | Delete

    This just puts me in mind of “1985″ by Bowling for Soup*:

    She was gonna be an actress
    She was gonna be a star
    She was gonna shake her ass
    On the hood of Whitesnake’s car…

    *Actually, the first time I ever heard the song was as an encore at a Richard Thompson “1000 Years of Popular Music” concert, and that is still the best version of this song I’ve ever heard.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Chunky Reese Witherspoon Is The New Typhoid Mary

    2012-02-16 16:37:32View | Delete

    I fully support Rep. Notter’s efforts to get dudes to stop taking birth control pills.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post All Your Vaginas Are Belong To Us

    2012-02-16 13:41:18View | Delete

    There should have been an amendment requiring the doctor to buy you dinner and drinks first…

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Calling All Nerds (Solved!)

    2012-02-15 14:11:34View | Delete

    Our IT guy says to defrag the hard drive.

    Of course, that’s his solution for everything…

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Somebody Got Slut All Over My CPAC

    2012-02-14 19:17:22View | Delete

    Skirts no more than three finger-widths above the knee.

    But we all know, as the old tequila ads had it, two fingers is all it takes…

    Also, plus: anything which will be produced by search parameters “Erick* w/25 condom” is pretty much guaranteed to put me off my dinner.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Everybody Must Get Stoned

    2012-02-12 16:17:43View | Delete

    So, freedom of religion means the freedom to make other people do what your religion says other people must do. Noted.

    Also, fuck you, Mitch, you hypocritical gasbag. Go fellate a katana blade.

  • Picture

    captphealy commented on the blog post Handel, Party of One? Your Cross Is Ready

    2012-02-07 12:25:21View | Delete

    Fuck her

    Not even with rubber gloves and a 10-foot dildo. Ain’t touchin’ that toxic harpy.

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