Conspiracy theorist radio host Alex Jones explained to his audience today how the government could have been behind the devastating May 20 tornado in Oklahoma.

Hey Alex, the cave floor called. It wants its batshit back.

Charles Woodson (who won the Heisman in 1997) will probably end up in the Hall of Fame.

While we’re on the subject of self-righteous former Heisman winners, RG3 should STFU.

Even though these are the first 10 songs that came up in my random shuffle, 9 out of 10 were songs first owned on vinyl. I blame Obama….

Can’t Buy Me Love – The Beatles
Bad Motor Scooter – Montrose
I Saw The Light – Todd Rundgren
The Lazarus Heart – Sting
Lips of Ashes – Porcupine Tree
Sister Moon – Sting
Undun – The Guess Who
Wah Wah – George Harrison
I’m Not Your Stepping Stone – The Monkees
Just What I Needed – The Cars

Stone Free – Jimi Hendrix
I Can’t Wait Much Longer – Robin Trower
Confusion – The Gathering
Jungleland – Bruce Springsteen
Lady of the Light – Black Bonzo
Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts I-V) – Pink Floyd
Deadwing – Porcupine Tree
Church of the Machine – Symphony X
You Can’t Always Get What You Want – Rolling Stones
Got To Get You Into My Life – Beatles

Chances – Panic Room
Day of the Eagle – Robin Trower
I Believe in Love – Dixie Chicks
Time Traveler – Michael Angelo Batio
Crossfire – Stevie Ray Vaughan
Watcher of the Skies – Genesis
Lords of Karma – Joe Satriani
Camel’s Night Out – Eric Johnson
Deafening Silence – Izz
Roundabout – Yes

Letters: A Short Essay – Echolyn
A Firth of Fifth – Genesis
Locomotive Breath – Jethro Tull
Jaco – Pat Metheny Group
Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens – Louis Jordan
South Side of the Sky – Glass Hammer
Carry On/Questions – Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Sleeveless in Seattle – Dixie Dregs
You Know What I Mean – Jeff Beck
Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin

“Cinema Show” – Genesis
“Fluff” – Black Sabbath
“At the End of the Day” – Spock’s Beard
“Empire” – Queensryche
“Domination” – Symphony X
“Barbary Coast” – Weather Report
“Can You Hear Me?” – Renaissance
“Take Me As I Am” – October Project
“She’s a Woman” – Jeff Beck
“Reelin’ in the Years” – Steely Dan

My rhetorical question to the Naderites regarding Supreme Court nominees was posed in the context of Nader’s oft-repeated mantra that there was, “not a dime’s worth of difference” between George W. Bush and Al Gore.

A hard-right dominated Supreme Court and two long, unnecessary, costly wars have cost us a hell of a lot more than one damned dime.

Thank you. You at least answered the question. As one who lived through Nixon, Reagan, George H. Bush and the utter catastrophe of two — count ‘em — two terms of the worst candidate to be elected to anything I’m still waiting for that backlash you imagine. I thought it would take 20 years to undo the damage of Reagan but here we are, 30 years later and things are actually worse. So, if you don’t mind, I’d really like to avoid your short term pain, long term gain fantasy, because Romney and a right-wing Congress driven by the likes of Paul Ryan will having nothing in store for folks like me but endless pain, for generations.

That doesn’t even take into account what would happen if President Mittster has any Supreme Court nominees. Ruth Bader-Ginsberg is currently the oldest Justice on the Court (79) followed by Scalia and Kennedy (76) and Breyer (74). It’s entirely possible the next President could appoint as many as 4 new Supreme Court Justices. For those that don’t know, Romney’s key Constitutional adviser is Robert Bork. As bad as the assault on women’s reproductive rights is now, it could get exponentially worse if Romney is elected.

BTW, here’s a question for the die-hard Naderites: Do you truly believe Al Gore would have nominated anybody even as remotely bad as John Roberts or Samuel Alito?

He definitely looks different without the mullet and do-rag

Miracles Out of Nowhere – Kansas
Chupacabras – Phideaux
Mississippi Queen – Mountain
Like a Rolling Stone – Bob Dylan
Riders on the Storm – The Doors
Domination – Symphony X
You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away – Beatles
That’s the Way Love Is – Bobby Darin
Meltdown – Vinnie Moore
Inner City Blues – Marvin Gaye

Never Been Any Reason – Head East
Broken – Magenta
Undun – The Guess Who
The Hard Way – Mary Chapin Carpenter
Can You Hear Me? – Renaissance
Black Market – Weather Report
That’ll Be The Day – Buddy Holly
Nowhere Man – The Beatles
Daydream – Robin Trower
The Wind Cries Mary – Jimi Hendrix

That’s the Way Love Is – Bobby Darin
Damned if I Do – Alan Parsons Project
Incense and Peppermints – Strawberry Alarm Clock
Shame the Devil – Robin Trower
Find Another Fool – Quarterflash
Mary Mary – The Monkees
She is My Sin – Nightwish
Private Idaho – B-52′s
Into the Void – Black Sabbath
Lady of the Light – Black Bonzo

This is better than could be hoped for as Fox Security (presumably the same Fox Imperial Stormtroopers that Bill O’Reilly unleashes after his sexual conquest fails) are subjecting Fox employees to “enhanced interrogation techniques”

“Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard”

Minstrel in the Gallery – Jethro Tull
Sweet Lorraine – Uriah Heep
In the Time of Our Lives – Iron Butterfly
Eleanor Rigby – Beatles
At the End of the Day – Spock’s Beard
Road Games – Allan Holdsworth
Mr. Crowley – Ozzy Osbourne
The Pinnacle – Kansas
Crushing Day – Joe Satriani
Killing Yourself to Live – Black Sabbath

Rain Forest – Michael Angelo Batio
Home – Magenta
Kid Charlemagne – Steely Dan
Rock You Like a Hurricane – Scorpions
Time Stands Still – Karnataka
Artificial Paradise – Sylvan
Satch Boogie – Joe Satriani
Waiting for the Sun – The Doors
Broken – Magenta
Rime of the Ancient Mariner – Iron Maiden

Candle in the Wind – Elton John
Everybody’s Fool – Evanescence
Ice 9 – Joe Satriani
The End – Beatles
Domination – Symphony X
A National Acrobat – Black Sabbath
When The Water Breaks – Liquid Tension Experiment
Hand of Doom – Black Sabbath
Last Train to Clarksville – The Monkees
Pride and Joy – Stevie Ray Vaughn

Everywhere You Go – Illusion
Kid Charlemagne – Steely Dan
Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) – Eurythmics
That’s Why It Hurts – Sylvan
Jet City Woman – Queensryche
Tangled Up In Blue – Bob Dylan
Desert Rose – Eric Johnson
Her White Dress – Kingfisher Sky
Highway Star – Deep Purple
Killing Yourself To Live – Black Sabbath

So in the span of two days the world loses:

A man who used to be a Monkee and

A man who used to throw monkey poo

Assemblyman Brian Jones equates these licensed professionals with “back alley” abortionists.

The wrong Brian Jones drowned