• Happenstance commented on the blog post Tim Pawlenty Has Finally Found Someone He Can Beat

    2013-08-12 14:35:48View | Delete

    He must have an AWESOME combat record during his military service years. …Right?

  • So long as Filner doesn’t get his cone off and rip out his stitches, I suppose it’s okay.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post The Return Of Knee. Jerk Response.

    2013-07-17 18:24:07View | Delete

    Damn, people, aren’t you ashamed of yourselves now? Making poor El Tibby waste his time…over and over and over and over and over…and over…and…

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Mexican Kids Are Shooting Fireworks Below

    2013-07-04 12:00:42View | Delete

    Crescent moon means Islam, amirite?

    That, or gay cereal.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Leprechaun? More Like ‘Leprecum’, Amirite?

    2013-07-03 18:03:32View | Delete

    This is my preferred version:

    Scream and howl, bawl and whine
    Drink a bottle of turpentine
    I’m sure the sun will continue to shine
    Once you’re dead and gone

    Dead and gone, dead and gone
    Buried underneath the lawn
    Everything will turn out fine
    Once you’re dead and gone

    But don’tcha love this brave little culture warrior, though? It’s like he laid down a line of tape across the carpet, then put one foot down across it, and is now standing there sticking out his tongue…a full two feet and four inches of unstoppable goo-goo.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Nader Redux

    2013-06-29 11:30:27View | Delete

    Twenty-nine messages as I type this and eight of them are from one person whose entire argument is NO, U. That Darn Obama must’ve changed the definition of “progressive” while I was asleep!

  • Came for the arrogance, stayed for the childishness.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post The Choice Of A New Generation

    2013-06-24 15:22:24View | Delete

    As it gradually dawns upon him that The Fallguy and the Snowden isn’t going to have a happy ending* for anyone, Green Glenn still can’t keep from yelling about himself while hypnotized by the slimelight. The amount of backpedaling he’ll be doing in Act III will be epic.

    *Like any good pseudoprogressive, Glenn’s idea of a happy ending is the scene in The Dark Knight in which the Joker is burning a huge pile of money, except the money is MerriKKKan Cappitalismist Gubbermint Bewww.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Loading Up The Clown Car, Gonna Go For A Ride

    2013-06-04 17:30:11View | Delete

    Hey, you never know! If enough Purity-on-a-Pretty-Pretty-Pedastal Pseudoprogressives go through with their regular Throw The Vote campaign in 2015 (“Cry betrayal shrilly and loose the write-in votes!!”), maybe one of these arse-slugs could squeak into the Oval.

    Then the Workers’ Paradise will rise from the ashes of a destroyed nation! Sure, it’s never worked out that way in all history, but I have a good feeling about THIS time!

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post L’enfant Auteurrible – The Suckening

    2013-06-01 18:34:23View | Delete

    Eh, I wrote this one off with the first TV spot, and that was before I knew M. Night directed it for the Smith Family Mini-Me Project. I don’t need conspiracy theories about Scientology to drive me away from a self-announcing stinker like this.

    How the hell does M. keep finding work in Hollywood? The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, sure, but everything since then has been monumentally awful and now even star power can’t keep his turds afloat.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post The Fortress of Derpitude

    2013-05-22 12:30:04View | Delete

    I felt this kind of shit coming on ever since Michael Crichton’s State of Fear, but it’s still depressing to see in the flesh.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Accidentally Like A Martyr

    2013-05-17 20:14:47View | Delete

    Ugh. I was kind of enjoying the catfight before full-blown stupid waddled in through the saloon doors and started breaking wind.

    “Quite revealing, quite revealing. Yes. Yes. Since you asked, Lois, I find this meatloaf to be shallow and pedantic. You have shamed yourself in our eyesFART FART FART.”

    Let’s lock this down once and for all:

    (1) Manning supporters want the parade to be about Manning. They do not give a solitary fuck if this turns the annual event into a NASCAR rally of pseudoprogressive causes. (“Mumia! Mumia! Wasn’t Gay! Free the man now anyway!!”) They (and you) have shown in this thread alone that they’d casually burn the whole damn thing to the ground if they can’t have their way.

    (2) Manning is NOT a national hero. His treatment is abominable, but what he did could have been more so. As has already been argued ad nauseum, it was only dumb fortune that he didn’t get more people killed than a thousand drone strikes. By all indications, he dumped the docs for no other reason than he had the opportunity to, and thought he’d “become an hero” (sic). His supporters are using his completely-unrelated orientation to make the SF celebration All About Him (And Them).

    (3) A handful of butthurt purity-on-a-pedestal cause-junkies does not equal “everyone else,” despite the comparable noise they can make. Yes, YOU don’t want to be part of the celebration anymore because YOU can’t twist it to your will. That’s YOU. And all your rowdy friends.

    But the parade will go on long after everyone else has forgotten who the hell you ever were.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Pink Mail

    2013-05-06 12:19:58View | Delete

    I always enjoy anecdotes about how a given CEO works 30 hours a day, fifteen days a week, 520 days a year. Sure, Brinker’s doing it because she’s cancer’s comic-book caped crusader. But when the CEO running my company sends his trolls out to inform everyone he hasn’t slept since he was five, he’s gotta wonder why we’re all laughing so hard.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Closing Time At Café Drone

    2013-03-09 01:40:06View | Delete

    Wait wait wait.

    The same people who were perfectly willing to throw the election and the entire nation to the warmongers of the GOP a few months ago because Obama “betrayed” them and hurted they fee-fees are now “concerned”-in-quotation-marks that, gasp, the military is killing people?

    Christ WEPT, what a bunch of imbeciles. But at least their consciences are clean! That’s all that really matters.

  • A.B. (After Breitbart)

    Christ wept.

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Crazy Mama

    2013-01-31 00:52:46View | Delete

    Sadly, no. The phrase is, “You behave or I swear to God I’ll send you to the Trotters’ for a sleepover.” And the speaker leans forward and makes Dr. Evil scare-quotes while saying “sleep-over.”

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Playing The Odds

    2013-01-19 16:27:15View | Delete

    *shows off picture to neighbor*

    “Ain’t no coons gonna come rob MY house! All my kids know how to handle firearms respon–”

    *BOOM from inside house*
    *high-pitched screaming*

    “Oh my God! Oh my God! Call an ambulance!!”

  • Happenstance commented on the blog post Dear Mr. Gun Fantasy

    2013-01-08 18:50:40View | Delete

    We have to remember that these yokels live most of their lives in a fantasyland in which all the bad guys wear either black hats or primary-colored spandex costumes, or are obscene racial/sexual stereotypes.

    Then they turn the corner one day and come face-to-face with a “shooter” who is just another cracker doofus with a crazy look in his eyes and a gun, and it’s like looking into a mirror and the world comes crashing down and OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO NOW

    It’s why they masturbate so furiously over the murder of Treyvon Martin, endlessly screaming that he “must be guilty of sumpin’;” it just better fits the script the act out in their skulls every day.

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