I felt this kind of shit coming on ever since Michael Crichton’s State of Fear, but it’s still depressing to see in the flesh.

Ugh. I was kind of enjoying the catfight before full-blown stupid waddled in through the saloon doors and started breaking wind.

“Quite revealing, quite revealing. Yes. Yes. Since you asked, Lois, I find this meatloaf to be shallow and pedantic. You have shamed yourself in our eyesFART FART FART.”

Let’s lock this down once and for all:

(1) Manning supporters want the parade to be about Manning. They do not give a solitary fuck if this turns the annual event into a NASCAR rally of pseudoprogressive causes. (“Mumia! Mumia! Wasn’t Gay! Free the man now anyway!!”) They (and you) have shown in this thread alone that they’d casually burn the whole damn thing to the ground if they can’t have their way.

(2) Manning is NOT a national hero. His treatment is abominable, but what he did could have been more so. As has already been argued ad nauseum, it was only dumb fortune that he didn’t get more people killed than a thousand drone strikes. By all indications, he dumped the docs for no other reason than he had the opportunity to, and thought he’d “become an hero” (sic). His supporters are using his completely-unrelated orientation to make the SF celebration All About Him (And Them).

(3) A handful of butthurt purity-on-a-pedestal cause-junkies does not equal “everyone else,” despite the comparable noise they can make. Yes, YOU don’t want to be part of the celebration anymore because YOU can’t twist it to your will. That’s YOU. And all your rowdy friends.

But the parade will go on long after everyone else has forgotten who the hell you ever were.

I always enjoy anecdotes about how a given CEO works 30 hours a day, fifteen days a week, 520 days a year. Sure, Brinker’s doing it because she’s cancer’s comic-book caped crusader. But when the CEO running my company sends his trolls out to inform everyone he hasn’t slept since he was five, he’s gotta wonder why we’re all laughing so hard.

Wait.
Wait wait wait.
Wait.

The same people who were perfectly willing to throw the election and the entire nation to the warmongers of the GOP a few months ago because Obama “betrayed” them and hurted they fee-fees are now “concerned”-in-quotation-marks that, gasp, the military is killing people?

Christ WEPT, what a bunch of imbeciles. But at least their consciences are clean! That’s all that really matters.

A.B. (After Breitbart)

Christ wept.

Sadly, no. The phrase is, “You behave or I swear to God I’ll send you to the Trotters’ for a sleepover.” And the speaker leans forward and makes Dr. Evil scare-quotes while saying “sleep-over.”

*shows off picture to neighbor*

“Ain’t no coons gonna come rob MY house! All my kids know how to handle firearms respon–”

*BOOM from inside house*
*high-pitched screaming*

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Call an ambulance!!”

We have to remember that these yokels live most of their lives in a fantasyland in which all the bad guys wear either black hats or primary-colored spandex costumes, or are obscene racial/sexual stereotypes.

Then they turn the corner one day and come face-to-face with a “shooter” who is just another cracker doofus with a crazy look in his eyes and a gun, and it’s like looking into a mirror and the world comes crashing down and OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO NOW

It’s why they masturbate so furiously over the murder of Treyvon Martin, endlessly screaming that he “must be guilty of sumpin’;” it just better fits the script the act out in their skulls every day.

Let’s now fret about the idiots at Big Beeffart having “accidents.”

In Ye Olden Times, Tea Party Patriots would tar and feather a man before forcing boiling tea down his throat, burning his flesh inside and out. Oh, but poor widdle Stevie got his toof chipped by the mean mean mans!

*Crowder points excitedly at the gap in his teeth that’s always been there as evidence*

Quadrennial Sparkle Pony Merry-Go-Round

Understand the reference but please stop indirectly associating my favorite show with those crackpots.

I’m torn between wanting to ask all the pseudo-prog third-party fart-heads if they’ve heard anything from Roseanne Barr since the election, and never wanting to hear about Roseanne Barr ever again.

Would it be unfair to recall the Twitter rampage by a certain gentleman from Greenville, South Carolina against Ms. Fluke?

…Not to mention the ever-classy reactions from “9-11 conservative” Dennis Miller, who refers to her as “Moan of Arc.”

Ms. Fluke has remained calm and intelligent throughout all the poop-flinging; Limbaugh, the gentleman from Greenville, and Miller, and Noonan, and on and on and on, have carried on like the low-performers on an elementary school playground. (It’s not like they really have a choice, is it?)

From the same minds that think wearing a red tie is a signal.

“But my mom says I’m cool!!”

“But…but I have the receipt! Right here! See? One presidential legacy! Dubya got one and he’s an idiot! IT’S NOT FAIR!!”

In the words of a man who has played wise men: WAKE THE FUCK UP.

“what Michael Bay is to movies, but without the profitability and veneer of high culture”

Ha ha, what?

Anyway: Haven’t read a full issue of Newsweek since the late ’70s (oh God, SO old) and it was crap then. Have leafed through the thinner version of the 2000s; that it could have fewer pages and still be worse was a wonder to behold.

Well, it didn’t “take” that time, but I feel real good about our chances THIS time! (In other news, the more I smash my head against this brick wall, the more I feel it’s a smarter move than walking around it. Maybe it’s the blood loss but I think I’ll break through any second now!)

“Billy Jack” is indeed teh poop, but it’s freakin’ “Citizen Kane” compared to its sequels “The Trial of…” and “…Goes to Washington.” Tom Laughlin planned a fifth* round with ol’ BJ (“The Return of Billy Jack”) in which the aged ass-kicker dresses up as a priest to infiltrate a cabal of child molesters (oh WOW) and bust ‘em up real good, but the film was never completed.

I’m sure it would’ve been as sensitive, sensible, and thoughtful as the rest of Laughlin’s movies. (Seriously, ten minutes of “The Master Gunfighter” and I’m ready to claw my eyes and ears off.)

The weird Wiki article on “Return” says the molesters are organized by “The Godfather of Godfather’s.” Holy shit, I bet Herman Cain loves that.

*Billy got his start in “The Born Losers” and yeah, it sucks too.

They knew they were going to “Like It” before they were sure it was even going to be made.

And now Objectivists can ignore their own “the market has spoken” mantra and point at that figure and shriek SEE IT IS A GOOD MOVIE SO STOP LAUGHING AT ME SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP

(Oh God, I can’t wait for ASIII: Live Free Or Shrug.)