humboldtblue

Last active
2 years, 5 months ago
  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post How Can I Live Without You

    2013-08-22 14:35:45View | Delete

    Thanks for the words and the music lists and the ass-shaking Colombians and the gumdrops and the virgins and the loadpants and the meth-cooking-Alaska-Clampetts and the emo-progs, diddly-fingered clergy and juicebox jugaloos and George Tierney jr. of Greenville, South Carolina and the sons of Ericson’s son of anarchy and petty insults and the Jill Stein brigade and the Greenwaldian legion, the scared-catholic-sexual-awakening platoon and the anger-bear-screaming-at-the-clouds division and the Obama death ray squad and the KJ-Lo purity-and-I-have-never-and-will-never-suffer-another-man’s-hands-to-touch-that-which-is-Jesus’s's gliitter choral quintet and the … fuck it, you know what I mean.

    Catch ya on the flip side mah San Diegga. Keep an eye out in the sports pages for an East County flash, a young striker who when she isn’t making like Barry Sanders against Chula Vista, is reminding folks that Messi may just have a skin tone like Balotelli with locks from Kingston and foot speed to make Bolt seem a flash in the pan.

  • Huh, having greedily re-read some of these classics it dawned on me that the funniest, most sarcastic and sharp comment threads were those in which I did not participate.

    Huh, funny that.

    Know this ya fucking quitter, you got fumbledick from ME!

    Strange loses his eyes and you lose your verve, motherfuckers, fucking mother-fuck-fucking fuckers. Both yiz.

    Oh, and seriously, the fuzzy bunny bund and the dykes on bikes? You aint never lied!

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Friday Night Shakira’s Ass: The Last Assening

    2013-08-16 21:40:02View | Delete

    Send in the clowns — I don’t know who wrote that song. I don’t know who came up with the melody for that song. I have no clue who the fuck jotted down the lyrics to that song.

    I know this — fuck them motherfuckers.

    Fucking clown songs.

  • Fucking quitter, just like a Palin except without the meth and the out-of-wedlock-shotgun-marriage-cold-Alaskan-winter-back-seat-Camaro babies.

  • When’s TBogg going to Shakira’s-Ass/Sarah Palin’s-Boobs camp for his sexism? Methinks we hate most that which we see in ourselves…

    Yea, TBogg, when are you going to apologize for running a gif of a woman who performs for a living and uses her oodles of physical and musical talents to entertain us? Huh? I mean, that’s just sexist garbage, focusing on a woman who shakes her ass in a manner that’s illegal in 37 states, shouldn’t you focus on modesty, decorum and respect?

    And yeah, Palin, I mean, sheesh, Bogg, all she did was strut onto the national stage with the last whispers of her beauty tacked to her like cheap sofa fix, wink, canoodle and sigh at the legions of sexually repressed cretins who populate the modern Republican party and attempt to influence a national election with a mix of pig-ignorant talking points and some fuck-me-pumps.

    You’re an ass, TBogg, you really are.

  • I have never met Bob Filner and at this point I surely never will. I love boobs too, Bob, seriously, like, a lot.

    But Bob? It’s Friday and my lady friend just made me watch old “Fame” clips because a man she saw today reminded her of Leroy Johnson (it’s not funny, Bob, and yes, that’s the characters name).

    See Bob? I wasn’t into Leroy. Me and you, guys like us, manly-men with super tight hamstrings and a dance move repertoire more reminiscent of a Romney-Eastwood dance number featuring the “lovely Kitty”, well, we were more Debbie Allen am I right?

    Well, I know you freedom marched and shit like that, I mean, I tried to freedom march without my diaper in 1967 and all I got was a white-momma whoopin’. But hell, Bob, if all it takes to keep you from a-grabbin-and-a-joshin’-with-those-lady-folks-near ya is a few days at camp Hand-Clasp then I figger it was worth it. Good luck, Bob.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Dix Pix Nix Clix

    2013-07-25 10:59:48View | Delete

    I too was worried about my political future considering some of my past actions on the internet. I mean, I was with this shit from the beginning when my dad thought Hotmail was a porn subscription and my mom thought geocities was a gay bar.

    I looked into running for local office and consulted a friend and IT wizard (self-described, the fuck) and asked him some questions while barbecuing with him and a larger group of friends and confidants and they all reassured me that it wasn’t some grainy crotch-shot sent via an AOL chatroom in 1999 that I had to worry about, they were all convinced that my biggest obstacle wasn’t dick picks at all, just the mere fact that I was, actually a dick.

    I told them to all go fuck their mothers and they laughed, oh they laughed.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Mexican Kids Are Shooting Fireworks Below

    2013-07-04 10:18:32View | Delete

    So it’s the airing of grievances day? Cool, let me get my list.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Leprechaun? More Like ‘Leprecum’, Amirite?

    2013-07-02 06:14:54View | Delete

    And after the disaster that was allowing cinnamon toast crunch to serve as the cereal of Loving v. Virginia, we now have the gay lobby in our pantries and knocking on our back doors while trying to climb in through the bathroom window to once and for all get us to come out of the closet.

    Where’s my trusty chifferobe?

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Richard Clarke Gives Infowars A Big Old Deathrace Boner

    2013-06-25 06:25:34View | Delete

    World War Z? (shhh, be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits, tewwowist alien wabbits).

    Monsters University? (we all know that academia is filled with the sort of devils, monsters and ghouls just itching to teach your impressionable and godly teenagers about gay sex, Marxist-Commie-anything-goes-if-it-feels-good doctrine and turning them into lesbians on a mission)

    Man of Steel? (ahem, I hesitate to even comment, but it’s obvious that this is coded sado-masochistic Castro district porn hiding behind the flag)

    Now you see me (and now you see me losing control of my car due to NSA operatives who hacked my Mercedes computer and killed me)

    This is the end (not sure if you have heard but Jim Morrison is still alive and living in an apartment with Assange, Hoffa and Lindsey Graham’s mistress)

    Fast and Furious 6 (no need for any commentary here, just more of Obama’s gun-running and arming of terrorists who are camped out along the Rio Grande with designs on invading Kansas)

    The Purge (get your FEMA camp clothes ready RealMericans, you’re gonna be rounded up any day now)

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Me & God Are Watching Skynet Grow

    2013-06-10 20:12:53View | Delete

    I received my Social Security number as my own when I was 14. It has followed me everywhere I have gone since. I registered for the Selective Service when I was 17 because I was part of an early enlistment group in the National Guard.

    I enlisted and served in two branches of the military between the ages of 18 and 25. I may have been a shitty soldier but I was photographed, tested, recorded, recommended, transferred, trained, re-tested, and every single identifying mark they could document, from a field exercise to a blood test to a freckle on my ear lobe, they recorded and documented.

    I have signed more forms than I can recall. They have my employment information, my phone number, internet service provider my tax returns, and criminal record if any. I have registered to vote, opened numerous bank accounts, applied for and worked at many jobs and at every step I was impelled to turn over the most intimate information of my existence.

    They have me, whenever they want me. My shit is out there and has been since the day they legally considered me an adult. I have, like a million other folks, been investigated and ok’d for a security clearance on numerous occasions and my risk never amounted to more than that I could reveal how to be a dumbass.

    But I’m supposed to take umbrage that they also collect the data I transfer through modern electronic media.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Me & God Are Watching Skynet Grow

    2013-06-10 17:35:02View | Delete

    Shit, if we’re gonna trade book titles I’ll have to grab my platitudinator and my library card. You must be one of those shocked folks.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Me & God Are Watching Skynet Grow

    2013-06-10 17:03:51View | Delete

    Snip away, what you describe is one of the reasons I rarely fly anymore but you were inconvenienced. I’d even side with you and argue that flight pre-screening is a waste of resources, but don’t conflate information gathering as it relates to national security with having your balls (or other bits depending on gender) shucked at the gate.

    Also, in both instances, by using the very public and very government developed internet and very public transportation you have entered the public space and therefore are subject to public rules.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Me & God Are Watching Skynet Grow

    2013-06-10 16:37:24View | Delete

    especially if Gronk and Hernandez continue their injury woes

    Yup. That’s why he’s been brought in, now if he wants to get high and mighty and demand snaps he’ll be back in Jacksonville quicker than a misguided lesbian can interrupt the first lady.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Me & God Are Watching Skynet Grow

    2013-06-10 16:28:26View | Delete

    After our Lord and Savior Tebow signs with the Patriots?!

    Saw that one coming, he’s the perfect player for Belichick’s system because he can be used at multiple positions saving he can make the team.

    I recall when Tebow first found his way firmly in TBogg’s sights and I said then and have maintained (admittedly on very, very rare occasions) that Tebow is a hell of a football player if as shitty a quarterback as the league has ever seen and I’ve seen Mike Boryla up close and personal.

    Part of Tebow’s problem is that he’s Tebow and insisted he be given a fair shot at being a quarterbeck, but I bet you that if he makes the Pats you’re going to see him as he should have been used from day one — a guy who can line up at several positions and have an impact on the game. Plus, he’s enough of a wannabe soldier to salute, say yes sir and do whatever Belichick demands of him.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Me & God Are Watching Skynet Grow

    2013-06-10 16:09:09View | Delete

    I admit I am a bit surprised that millions of American citizens were shocked, shocked I tell you to learn that our country’s massive national security apparatus was on to this thing called the “internet.”

    What isn’t shocking is that for every comment regarding the violation of trust, the loss of personal liberty in being secure in your person and effects — neither of which have happened, by the way — is that the examples of a government run amok, trampling a citizen’s civil liberties are on display in courtrooms around the country.

    As far as I can tell, having read thousands of outraged comments regarding our nation’s largest and most secret government programs, not one of those commenters has been tossed into a prison cell with absolutely no recourse left to them. And I’m not just talking about the odious rendition program or the continuing human crime that is Guantanamo, but your regular run-of-the-mill Stasi disappearing trick.

    Our prison are full of men and women targeted, arrested tried and convicted using very similar measures that are being used on a massive scale at the Federal level, and outside of the one guy at Reason who focuses on law enforcement over-reach and scandal, we don’t give a flying pixel.

    Maybe I’m just a bad fucking citizen, but I really do have some trust in civil servants, professional men and women who perform the massive task of ensuring I can get freshly roasted “Betty’s Blend” from the Bean and not have to dodge a cohort of brownshirted christianists checking to make sure I am wearing a proper crucifix around my neck or to have ensure my meal for lunch is properly halal according to the edicts of Mullah Shitkar of the local mosque or that my girlfriend’s hair isn’t too fucking floozy for Rabbi Slutshamerwitz.

    We do a lot of things well in this country and intelligence gathering is right at the top of the list, but assuming that every secret government action is an assault on a citizen’s liberty is the talk of people who haven’t bothered to read their fucking history.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Juicebox Jesus: The Forsakening

    2013-04-29 18:49:24View | Delete

    Clearly it’s a plot, a nefarious plot, dark-hearted and sinister, like when your sister won’t tell you what “french kiss” means and you end up sodomizing the giant bear you won at the carnival and planned on giving to RyeLee-Jeen’ne as a token of affection and the hope that you could squeeze a li’l sumptin-sumptin.

    Right?

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Juicebox Jesus: The Forsakening

    2013-04-29 15:44:44View | Delete

    Is it too soon to refer to Tebow as a right-wing conspiracy nudnik now that the entire football establishment, from the loudest of loud-mouth coaches exhorting 10-year olds to smash each other to the hat-throwing-curse-bombed-petulance of the NFL has banished him from the land of the unclean and unrighteous?

    He is light and you godless motherfuckers hit the off switch.

    Jesus and mega-church flim-flammers are up in arms that Tebow has been ignored, degraded, insulted and yes, nearly crucified, by the Pharisees of the media, left-wing-Obamaunist-bullying-cabals-of-feminist-Nazism and the ol’ okey-doke-sip-and-toke crowd.

    Nudnik may just be the perfect word, regardless if it was produced kosher or not.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Juicebox Jesus: The Forsakening

    2013-04-29 14:49:23View | Delete

    Wait’ll you get a load of young master Ben Shapiro opining on Jason Collins’s coming out story.

    Side note — my mom taught both Collins boys (they’re twins and towered over my short little mama) in the 7th and 8th grade and had nothing but fond memories of the young men. She followed them through their careers at Stanford and then into the NBA. Loved the boys and loved the family.

  • humboldtblue commented on the blog post Fear And Fapping On Campaign Trail 2012

    2013-04-24 09:41:25View | Delete

    I’ve been at work since 430 this morning awaiting your post. Thank you.

  • Load More