I am very unhappy because, while Obama never actually promised me a pony, I expected him to give me one anyway. After all, didn’t his campaign posters all say “HOPE” on them. And I’ve been hoping for a pony for years.

So just to show him how pissed I am, I’m going to vote Republican. Of course, that’ll mean revocation of ACA, banning abortion rights, loss of education grants, return of “Don’t Ask, Don’t tell,” privatized education,turning Medicare into a voucher system,and a bunch of other stuff that I’m bound to not like. But dammit, I didn’t get a pony.

And that’ll sure show him!

Well, dang. I can see I’ve been over-thinking my get rich quick schemes.

Write email. Accuse liberals of being against good stuff and in favor of bad stuff. Throw in “freedom” and “socialism” as many times as I can work them in. Promise that if enough people send me money, I’ll go somewhere and spread the message about freedom (or something).

Hot damn! Who would’a thought it would be this easy?

Omigod! For Joe’s sake we gotta hope Obama never finds out what Palin said — her being an intellectual giant and expert on everything political and otherwise — or he’s gonna go all Chicago-style on ol’ Joe and push him off the train platform right in front of engine 86.

Upon finally realizing that I was taking the terribly serious people way too seriously,I decided to devote my summer to rereading everything Mark Twain and Terry Prachett ever wrote.

Yup. Shapely non-slutty sluts find swaggering, spitting, crotch-scratching macho men so attractive that biker bars have been forced adopt a “no nice wimmin allowed” policy.

It’s unfortunate really, but hey — business is business.

“As of Tuesday, the Forest Service had some 4,000 personnel, 62 helicopters and 10 air tankers committed to suppression efforts on over 100 fires including those in New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Wyoming and Utah.”
-US Forest Service Chief Tom Tidwell
June 19, 2012 5:57 AM

Ask me, that’s 4,000 personnel, 62 helicopters and 10 air tankers too many for folks who want to drown government in a bathtub.

Since when do “two sheriff’s deputies” constitute a SWAT team? And since when does an “accidental shooting” require a SWAT team, even if the town Erik the Important lives in had one? No mention of an ambulance–isn’t that standard procedure for accidental shootings serious enough to bring the cops?

It would be irresponsible to not speculate.

In Ace’s defense, when all you have going for you is fear, trembling and twisted knickers, sometimes you just gotta take a break to rest up some.

#5

You know it’s over when the fat lady sings.

Hmm . . . we see a photo of a young girl sitting in a bathtub of dirty water, and Lamborn sees child pornography. The only conclusion I can draw from this is that here is a man who should never be left alone with young children.

If Sarah Palin of Paul Revere’s Ride-fame can vote, and Michelle Bachmann, who believes “the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly to free the slaves” can vote, and everyone (above 18 yrs old) on the left side of the Bell Curve can vote (and here I submit in evidence John Stuart Mills’ quote: Not all conservatives are stupid, but all stupid people are conservatives),and people who watch Fox News exclusively can vote, then good ole Jonah is just not casting a wide enough “un-smarts” net.

More’s the pity that.

Sixgill,

As Mark Twain wisely cautioned, “Never use a fifty-cent word when a nickle one will serve as well.” As with Sarah Palin’s convoluted word salad, considerable interpretation, interpolation and translation is required to to boil Goldstein’s sentences down to their essences.

Which, near as I can figure are: Liberals believe in equality of opportunity for everyone (because they are egalitarians who favor a democratic form of government), and that’s un American because if All men (probably not women, of course–Founding Fathers considered women “property”, same as slaves, indentured servants, Indians, blacks, and the rest of the unworthy) are equal, then this country will collapse into fifty Country States same as what happened to the USSR . . . And for some reason that’s the corporate media’s fault, and liberals and Obama,also, too.

The man’s argument is a cake of manure covered in frosting. You’d have to be a damn fool to consume that shit.

“When you subsidize people, you create the dependency. You–you rob them of dignity.”

And of course this means that ol’ Ricko’s heirs will be cut out of his will when he goes to his great reward. Wouldn’t want to take away their dignity, you know.

If they weren’t so gullible, stupid and hateful, I’d feel sorry for them. It must really suck to be them.

You’d think that after a while the fun of being bat shit crazy would start to wear a little thin. But no, evidently not.

Evidently ole Sean has never heard of preventative medicine. Pregnancy IS a medical condition, seeing’s without good medical care, for every 100,000 births, on average 1,500 women would die in the process.

I wonder what the inside of Hannity’s head looks like.

“You are a traitor to your country.”

legal council? FBI? Forensics team? For that?

Oopsie, l’il Joey is off his meds again.

Bravo, JennO. And thanks for the email address.

What did you expect from a State named Virgin-ia?

(Although I personally believe Vaginia, State, would better suit.)

Wel, well, well, look at all those men there–nary a woman anywhere in the pack–deciding what’s best for the little ladies.

Those bozos ought to be put on the Terrorist Watch List.