Truthiness!

Here’s the question I’d like to ask Perry, Bachmann and Santorum at the next debate:

“Some of your opponents claim, just like you, that God has called him (or her) to be the next President. That means only one of you is telling the truth, am I right? Would you care to enlighten us as to which person isn’t lying?”

I really, really don’t put a lot of stock into anonymous, “apocryphal” email stories like this. Seems pointless to me. I mock my conservative family members and friends of passing this stuff around, and will do the same with liberals as well.

A textbook case of “protesteth too much” if there ever was one. Conspicuous much?

“Maybe they’re just ignorant dumbasses, or maybe they’re dog-whistling to the racist/nativist elements of the Republican base.”

“Is “so-and-so” stupid, or clever?”

That conundrum can be applied, basically, to every nationally prominent conservative in my lifetime (born 1963). And I say that having been raised in the south by hard-core southern Republicans, so it’s not like I’m making a judgment like that from an inexperienced point of view.

But that being said, these talking points that Bachmann and Perry trot out (no pun intended) are all conceived and vetted by handlers. Bachmann has no earthly idea what the U.S. Immigration policy was in 1890. I guarantee you that. But those who conceive her policy stances—and tell her what to say—are VERY aware indeed. And so is the audience.

We can only hope.

This all sounds so awesome! My only question is: When do we get to riot? Will someone send me a text notification?

You’ve gotta admit at least one thing: the coloreds sure were better behaved back in the day. You didn’t have to hear all that awful rap music, and didn’t have to compete with them for jobs, either. Ah, the good old days…

Exactly.

It has to give a person pause when you realize that your representative has determined that he’s better off protecting his wealthy donors at the expense of his constituents. What does that tell you?

And I have to add that I’m a bit concerned about the poor folks who will get fat eating my trail of crumbs…

Eventually, a person has to come to grips with the fact that it just doesn’t make sense to keep fighting losing battles anymore. In light of that, I’ve had an epiphany and have just decided to become fabulously wealthy instead… That’s right, I’m joining “the dark side.” It was nice knowing you guys.

ps–Try not to kick me too hard when I’m on the way back down…

Exactly.

Obama is not in the White House to make Democrats happy. Or Republicans. He’s there to keep Wall Street fat and happy. No matter how this plays out, in the end, they are the entity who he feels he needs to please above all else. He doesn’t care how it looks to outsiders, because folks will ultimately vote how the generally always do. If he doesn’t keep Wall Street happy, he’s screwed politically; if not worse.

Even if he ends up a one term president, he’s still the first black president and a cultural icon to many for the rest of his life. And will certainly never have to worry about how to make ends meet, either.

To recap: Demi “hopes for the best” but imagines Rick Perry groped my friend because she’s a slut and must have been “asking for it.” And she knows this by “paying attention to what’s on people’s hearts” and “sticking to her strong principals.”

“I hope she wasn’t asking for it.”

I’m supposed to see her tomorrow. I’ll try to remember to ask her if she was wearing some sort of tarty french maid’s outfit or a regular chef’s coat. That would be a shame if Perry was lured into such behavior by my slutty friend’s wanton behavior.

Don’t get me wrong, I think I have a pretty good idea what was on Rick Perry’s heart when he groped a friend of mine–on more than one occasion–when she worked a few catering gigs at the Texas Governor’s mansion several years ago. But I have no way to know for certain what it was, exactly, do I? Maybe he just wanted a cheap thrill. Or perhaps it was true love. Who am I to say?

“…I prefer to follow what’s on people’s hearts.”

That sounds really nice… but since there’s absolutely NO WAY for anybody to actually know with any degree of certainty what “on” or in anyone else’s heart; what you’re really telling us is that you prefer to go through life believing what you want to believe, facts be damned.

Whenever I think of Perry touting his “jobs” record, I remind people that the jobs he’s talking about are very low-wage, exploitative-type “labor.” As opposed to ones that folks can actually live off of in some relatively comfortable fashion.

But now I’m thinking that’s why Perry’s becoming so popular among establishment conservatives with money and clout. Because those crappy jobs are exactly the types of jobs those folks WANT to be created. They could give a fuck how many middle- upper management/executive positions Perry’s “policies” have created. These guys want fodder, godammit!