Steven Thrasher commented on FB:

Almost everyone wants to go back to Prop 8 in blaming blacks and Hispanics, even though within days or weeks in 2008 even that was proven to be hooey. I didn’t point out in my piece (though you did beautifully in yours) that there is good data about the urban/rural divide, as well in NC about how well the amendment was defeated in well educated population centers. It just came back to “huh, must be black homophobia.” Even Toure, another black brother from Fort Greene, went on MSNBC spouting this shit without facts! As I told Michelangelo Signorile, it’s annoyed me that Ruben Diaz was the ONLY black or Hispanic senator to vote against same-sex marriage here in New York (every other single one did), and a little less than half of white senators did…and yet, black homophobia is still stressed! Meanwhile, the first and only black president is for gay marriage, as are the only black governor and the chair of the CBC and most black mayors of large black cities — and our colleagues in the media keep lazily coming back to this untrue meme.

I replied:

It’s maddening, not productive and says a lot about the need for divide and conquer and to foment conflict even in people who should know better. I take it as a similar phenomenon that people in Blue states believe everyone in the South is stupid and uneducated. It’s not that a lot of people aren’t, obviously, lol, but it discounts 1) there are educated people who are working for change, 2) that the answer to the South’s intolerance is not to tell those here working for change to flee, but to support the fact that we are willing to fight for our rights where it is more difficult, not to demean us or render us invisible.

I just feel like I am running out of time; I think the last two years of watching my body breakdown prematurely because of the myriad neurological/auto-immune disorders (the severity of which is nastily affected by weather/barometric changes) has taken away my ability to do more, to be confident about what I can do.

I am reminded about that when I think of how often I have to say no now to speak to groups, go to panels to share what I know, conferences I used to enjoy traveling to, meeting and speaking to people in states where it is tougher than I have it here. It sucks.

The horrid truth is the proponents of hate seem to have boundless energy (and money), because they are driven by fear of change and the knowledge that they are on the losing side of history. Their goal is to make as many people on the side of progressive change as miserable as they can while the bigots go down in flames.

That said, I often find myself equally frustrated by allies of all sorts, ones who don’t have to live in the worlds of demographic intersectionality that I do, often oblivious to the frustration of being attacked on all sides — racial bias in the LGBT community, heterosupremacy in the straight community, misogyny, regional bias (people, please stop telling me to move!). It’s less hostility than profound ignorance that still needs to be addressed with purported allies that is soul-draining.

As I noted, NC and Amendment One was just an acute example of the perfect storm of BS. The fact that we know it could have been defeated if 1) voters knew the full harms (most North Carolinians supported some form of legal recognition for same-sex couples) and 2) they came out to vote. Neither happened.

But that’s a frustration that you all know about on a host of issues — the electorate at large has been put to sleep, content to go about their business and watch or read little news, sit in front of the idiot box watching the latest reality show, and never attend a city council meeting, write a letter to the editor, and don’t know any local or state officials in races on the ballot.

And then out of those who do bother to show up at the polls, so many are low-info voters who base their vote on the most clever (or fear-inducing) 30-second commercial.

It’s pretty depressing when you think about it, but even with all of that, we are still winning in the long run. I have to believe that. Otherwise, yes, I would give up. I’m glad so many are in this to win it, it’s just that most of the money and power structure is behind the status quo.

I do have to say it’s tempting to return to anonymity and check out of the political process like the uninformed, unmotivated masses and just live my life again. The problem is that political engagement/social justice is in my family’s DNA, and I don’t think I can just shut it off.

Note: Someone on FB said “I tend not to question why people are hateful. It actually doesn’t help me and experience as taught me that too much questioning of other peoples motives can only burn me out.”

My problem (or is it even a problem) is that I’m just curious about human nature and how we do/don’t challenge “what comes naturally” when it comes to understanding, accepting and affirming that difference is not a threat. The current politics in this country seem to bring out in the worst in people, who are willingly showing their fear as aggressive hatred of difference.

I wrote the piece in the “thinking out loud” vein. I’m not looking for kudos or anything (so many others do so much more), but thank you all for the kind comments of support), I just wanted to express what I am feeling, something I do rarely on the blog any more, but did a lot back in the early days (2004).

I think the whole labeling/societal impact argument is one of the reasons this particular problem/condition gets short shrift. It’s pretty clear that there’s some nature involved here, not just nurture. What portion exactly is still up in the air, with treatment options so far not particularly effective.

Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer, for instance, were at one time children; their upbringing can’t explain it all – something was terribly broken about their brains as kids. The question is even if there were tests or evaluations to help diagnose their sociopathy, there was no way to treat it. If we were able to pinpoint a future sociopath, what becomes of kids like that? Isolation? Drugs? Behavioral therapies so far are only building a better sociopath. So we’re left with few options and a scary future for about half of the kids (and society). At least the article puts various points of view on the table. That’s more than I’ve seen in other mass media about this subject, as unpleasant as it is.

From where I sit, his coming out on marriage equality wasn’t important or the timing of it (before or after the election). His statement doesn’t change the fact that my marriage isn’t recognized in NC.

The push for marriage equality in the LGBT community has come from the states where LGBTs already have employment protections, DPs, CUs and other state-sanctioned legal recognition and want to see full marriage equality. Most of the paid activists and donors live and work in those areas, and that’s what drives the agenda and pressure on the President. It’s definitely not my primary issue, and to the extent it helps or hurts his re-election prospects it’s hard to say.

As I stated above, none of my criticism above advocates sitting out the election or worse, voting for Romney. What’s always curious, almost hilarious, is that somehow my blogging about where I believe the equality push should be is seen by some people as some sort of direct threat to his re-election. Really, if I had that much power, A1 wouldn’t have passed, no?

I’m no fan of the third party route, BTW; I don’t see it doing anything in the current structure other than guaranteeing a Romney election.

I’d love for you to find all of these epic posts where I am covering the President’s ass.

Um, why am I in a fantasy world? I’ve blogged many, many times that my priority, given I live in a state with zero employment protections, that ENDA is much more important than marriage equality. That’s why his coming out on this is newsworthy, but of little important or impact on my personal life. Marriage equality will only come to NC via SCOTUS, not a Presidential tip-toe on his personal views about the matter.

Guess you didn’t read my reaction post to the Amendment One outcome. Employment protections were always at the forefront of my focus. The GOP in NC made marriage front and center each and every time they put that bigot bill on the table. It ended up on the ballot only because that party took control in 2010.

I don’t disagree, Hunter, but it doesn’t mean one path at a time. Addressing the wrongs here can be done in myriad ways. The over-reach of A1 does call for a legal challenge.

The point is that NOM’s strategy has been to divide the black and gay communities as official policy, and in this state the same supporters of this amendment have been trying to chip away voting rights, adversely affecting POC voters. That’s why the support of the NAACP here in NC against the amendment is critical — pointing out that the forces behind it are not just homophobic, but patently racist. This fool just handed over a gift.

If you pick up a newspaper or turn on your TV, coverage of this has been massive here in NC, with public figures speaking out.

Can you at least be civil if you disagree with this guest poster? Next stop, the trap door.

They all consult NOM’s playbook.

Same-sex partners are clearly not covered, and in OH, the laws were indeed challenged for opposite sex partners.

No money from the DNC (yet), and no help from OFA on the ground.

You act as if I’ve not been touched by colorism, or racism, which is absurd – I’ve experienced shopping while black, hailing a cab while black, etc. So clearly I’m identifiable enough as non-white to catch heat. I’ve also experienced being told that I’m not “black enough”.

I wrote about it in a 2005 post; my mom told me about an incident in the 1950s: “Her exposure to the “test” occurred in the 1950s, while living in Brooklyn, NY, she was dating a young gentleman, who was brown-skinned. She was invited to a party in the neighborhood and brought her friend to the dance. At the door, the host leaned in to my mother and said that he could not be admitted with her. She was upset and asked to step inside to discuss the matter. The host was uncomfortable that my mom didn’t get the “secret signal”, but brought her in (while he waited outside), and was told point blank “He doesn’t pass the brown paper bag test.” He was too dark, and there was to be none of that going on at this party. Needless to say, my mom — and her date — left that party, embarrassed and hurt.” (http://goo.gl/XFNgg)

Hi Gary. We should be able to explore these reactions outside of the context of a heated mess like the Trayvon Martin case, when calmer heads prevail, but that almost never happens. Racism and homophobia (and sexism, transphobia, run down a list) are part of our culture and as thinking adults, we choose to address (or not to address) the “programming” we receive. The only way to do it is, as you have indicated with the “thousands of blacks in hoodies” inquiry, do some self-examination and have self-awareness that racism can be unlearned, and that people of good intent and nature can still harbor race-tainted bias. The loaded word “racism” prevents people from allowing themselves to believe they harbor biases, when in fact, it would be surprising NOT to harbor them given our culture.

I chalk a lot of this up to laziness. We’re not born racist, it’s learned. Human beings by nature like to classify and organize things into identifiable units; there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. However, if you choose, as an adult, not to extend your social circle beyond people just like you, what does that say?

At a simplistic level it’s about comfort. It does take more effort to learn about another person’s culture/religion/sexual orientation/etc. to find common ground and bond, but it’s hardly impossible. The issue is one’s viewpoint about whether the effort is worthwhile for their development as a human being or not. The fear of rejection, saying something stupid is powerful, and once those natural biases take root, it’s harder to overcome those fears.

But for some people it’s not worth the time or effort. Those are the people I challenge to examine why they have no friends that are POC (and not work colleagues or neighbors, that doesn’t count because those are “forced” associations). I’m talking about POC friends that you can have these kinds of difficult conversations about race with and feel it’s intellectually safe to do so without fear of offense. If people don’t have a diverse social circle, they need to ask themselves why.

I think most POC will tell you that for white people in our dominant culture, there is no sense that they have to socialize or understand cultures outside of the dominant one. On the other hand, POC, if they have any sense, know that they have no choice but to learn about the dominant culture in order to succeed. It’s about survival. Assimilating doesn’t mean abandoning your cultural norms, but for many whites, certain signifiers of non-white culture become seen as threats. I didn’t know about the hoodie-as-a-minority-wear thing, I must be behind the fashion times when it comes to what is seen as gangsta wear, lol.

But seriously, stereotypes exist because there is a kernel of truth about all of them; the problem is that they extend into bias against the individual. We’re thinking beings who let fear cast aside any rational consideration that the person in front of them is just as complicated a human being as they are, and should be considered that way first.

Absolutely. Without enough out and visible POC in the LGBT movement, the bigot machine will continue to club LGBTs with this garbage.

Tons of anti-amendment videos are online – here is the Protect NC video channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/ProtectNCFamilies?feature=watch

The trouble is, who knew that hoodies were an “ethnic” problem? Hard to assimilate when the dominant culture is already wearing them. It’s a moving target to know what fashions frightens people at any given point and time. I guess POC who aren’t gangstas have to keep up to date on these important matters. Geraldo may be a jack@ss, but as you said, many hold opinions like this.