His Emancipation of Reality Proclamation should assure his place on the pudgy, gated community Mount Rushmore.

The car elevator makes an excellent platform for snipers to pick off the undead.

Mitt’s confusion on this point is understandable – his 1916 map shows Persia and the Ottoman Empire, so he had to guess.

After hearing Bush say the purpose of our armed forces is to fight and win war in one of the debates with Gore, I had no doubt he’d land us in a shooting war if he was elected.

Maybe Romney never weighed in on the PNAC, but he’s definitely drunk from the fountain of warborg juice, and thinks Dr. Strangelove had a happy ending.

Wondering who’s first to contradict Romney’s debate lies:

Romney on the stump
Ryan on the stump
R/R campaign walkback strike force

Lehrer lacked the clock speed to keep up with Romney’s running over him. Big Bird would have been better. Let’s hope for a less muppet-like performance from the next mods.

Can’t imagine Shieffer will do any better. Have a hard time seeing Crowley not favoring the horse race.

The MSNBC crew gave Romney the award for dominating time of possession, although the only account of that I have seen so far shows Obama to have used more of the clock, despite appearances. Obama definitely spent more time not obviously lying.

Sure felt like Lehrer let Romney get away with awarding himself the last word regardless of who started.

Wordcloud summary: Romney just going make medicare people get tax.

I did like the little Mitt’s Very Busy First Day in Office bit Obama threw in.

I’d rather see a veracity chart than the CNN mood chart at the bottom of the screen.

Fairy Boggfather please see what you can do to:

1) rid the world of pharmaceutical advertising directly to consumers.

2) reinstate the fairness doctrine.

3) ban depleted uranium in munitions.

4) outlaw aspartame.

5) dial back advertising in everything.

6) lock up the criminals from the last adminstration & those responsible for the atrocities above.

7) reconcile Lost and Carnivale endings.

8) remake Dirty Dancing with Paul Ryan as Robbie the Creep.

That is so racist against Tucker and his fellow members of the homo sociapathis race. Disgusting!

To quote Mickey O’Neill:

You’re not going anywhere, you thick lump.

You stay until the job’s done.

Thanks for all the words, and puntuation marks &c. There aren’t enough monkeys and typewriters in the whole world to replace you.

Is he including foetus-people and corporation-people to pad that percentage?

And I guess it would probably be viewed as racist if they admitted that their objection to abortion really only applies to white foeti.

Of course Mitt backs personhood. Some of his favorite people (corporations, my friend) were conceived in rape of other people(corporations, my friend). Corporations born to stovepipe all the value from the raped corp into his pocket.

Was the mob bust-out based on Bain’s vulture piracy or vice versa?

Let’s play Republican-base straw-man mad-libs. I’ll start:

Swellists: Corporations are People, my friend
Jesists: Cells are People, my friend
Gunists: Only Gun Owners are People, my friend
Whitists: Only Whites are People, my friend

Mitt Romney walks into a bar with a two-foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. He sets the poodle down on the bar. The bartender says “I guess you won’t be needing a drink.” Mr. Romney says, “No, but my dog will have bourbon, doubles, and keep ‘em coming, he’s got a long ride ahead of him.”

Barack Obama walks into a bar with a two-foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. He sets the poodle down on the bar. The bartender says “I guess you won’t be needing a drink. Mr. Obama says, “No, but if you have a nice Chardonnay that goes well with salami, my dog will have a bowl.”

Paul Ryan walks into a bar with a two-foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. He sets the poodle down on the bar. The bartender says “I guess you won’t be needing a drink.” Mr. Ryan says, No, but make my dog a 7&8.” Barkeep: “I know how to make a 7&7, but what on God’s green earth is a 7&8?” Mr. Ryan: “18. Hahahahahahah.”

Joe Biden walks into a bar with a two-foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. He sets the poodle down on the bar. The bartender says “I guess you won’t be needing a drink.” Mr. Biden says, “Is this a fucking joke?”

Maybe there’s a deduction for retro-baptizing the feti his investment Stericycle incinerated.

It’s so sad when the honey badger chases you into the Wait-a-Bit tree. The calculus seems to be that there are things so toxic in the returns that they’re worse than tanking his presidential bid.

Has anyone connected the dots between Mitt’s pranks of giving forced haircuts to suspected gay students and the haircuts that employees, retirees, and creditors got from Bain’s predatory takeovers? Cue the soundtrack to Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street . . .

In terms of the whole corporate pirate thing, it would be irresponsible not to speculate as to Mitt’s pirate name. Seems at the moment, at least, to be
Jelly Bones Stu. I kinda like that for someone so apparently lacking in backbone when it comes to positions on, uh, every issue.

Were the Mass records destroyed to cover up issuance of letters of marque and reprisal?

Arrgh, the 12th of September looms.

Take Sarah Palin’s conviction mix with Mitt’s vocabulary and articulation, and you get one truly epicurean word salad.

Have we confirmed that a dressage-themed sheet cake is the best trollbait of all time?

Imagine the pantry and fish tanks required to keep a year’s supply of foie gras, lobster, beluga and truffles on hand. You people don’t understand the sacrifices we make.

Did Thurston’s position on abortion make its last reversal once the last of his sons was married and the risk of paternity suits dropped to an acceptable level?