I am Roger II, pretender to the Visigoth throne, scion of the dynasty which ruled the the Goths in the West from 395 until the death of Roger I (aka, Roger the Impatient) who failed to wait and marshall all his forces before attacking the invading Tuarag vanguard of the Caliphate in 711 at Cordoba. The resulting closure of the Mediterranean brought on The Dark Age that enveloped Europe for 700 years. On behalf of the entire family, I would like to take this opportunity to express our sincerest possible regrets of the most profound nature for this interruption in the march of human progress………………………………….. In 410, my illustrious forebear Alaric “The Goth” Balt was driven to employ vigorous, even strenuous measures, enforcing payment of an obligation due from Honorious, Emperor of Rome, for services rendered. Perhaps seeking to perfect a security interest, perhaps contemplating his eventual “self-help” collection effort: Alaric marched…on Rome and demanded all the treasure within it and all the barbarian slaves..negotiations with Honorius broke down. Alaric lost patience and on August 24, AD 410 he let loose his Goths on Rome, which was sacked for three days.” I suppose, if you insist, you could call it the fall of the Roman Empire. No apologies for that. ……………………………. I should note here that Alaric (unlike American Presidents) adhered to the admonition later enunciated by that profound moral thinker, Tony “Scarface” Montana: “You think I’d kill two kids and a woman? Fuck that! I don’t need that shit in my life..” That is to say, despite the unpleasant necessity of killing all the adult men of arms in order to collect the unpaid wages of his soldiers (who had fought faithfully for Honorius), Alaric gave and enforced orders to harm no woman or child…….Considering that not every king is lucky in his nickname, I am giving advance instructions that I be known, should I regain my throne, as: Good Kindly Bold King Roger, The Big-Dicked and Just
I am the last, lonely, Trotskyite hippie..