My fellow Americans.  What can I say? Shit’s f’d up. Yeah, you know what I’m sayin’. A lot of y’all ain’t got no jobs. A lot of y’all got bullshit jobs, but they don’t pay the bills. Those of y’all that got jobs that barely pay the bills, y’all don’t know how long y’all ‘ll have ‘em.

It is clear that the private sector has failed. Tax cuts, shmax cuts. We’ve RAINED tax cuts on the rich and the corporations, but do any of y’all see any jobs bein’ made right here in America?

(pause)

I didn’t THINK so!

We’ve  been tryin’ this same ol’ BS for over 30 years! Well, it ain’t worked yet.  Give more money to the rich, and they’ll create jobs. They used to call it “trickle-down.” I call it tinkle-down.  As in, the rich tinkle down on YOU, the American people, and when their profits aren’t maximized to their expectations, they get YOUR government to use YOUR tax money to bail their sorry asses out!

They’ve done it again, and again, and again! Now they want to take away some of your Medicare and Social Security in the name of America and “shared sacrifice” to increase their profit margins at your expense!

My fellow Americans. This President won’t stand for this sanctimonious, self-righteous, greedy-assed bullshit! F Them! If the private sector won’t create jobs in spite of the fact that our corporations are sittin’ their fat asses, mostly white, but never mind that–I’m white, too!, hence the gringo part–on top of the largest accumulation of wealth in the history of the human species and won’t do anything to create some frickin’ JOBS that pay a LIVING F’IN WAGE, well, then, YOUR government will. By God, Jesus, Buddha, Finagle, the Odd Gods of the Galaxy and all of the Saints be they lamented or not, if the private sector assholes won’t hire, your government will!

Effective immediately, any American who is willing to work for  a living wage will have that opportunity, for there is a whole shitload of work that needs to be done in this country. I won’t bore you with the details, for if you’ve driven down a street lately and hit a pothole, you know what the hell I’m talkin’  ’bout.

Meanwhile, football season has begun! Enjoy the game! And tell your congresscritter if he doesn’t get aboard with my plan, you will personally lynch his dumb ass!

God bless you. And God Bless the United States of America!

Oh, by the way, all you foreigners out there? I’m bringin’ ALL our troops home right now!

Thought you might like that. Just stop shootin’ at us for awhile and we’ll get the f out as soon as frickin’ possible.

Really.