What a joke. No, really, what a joke.  Tagg Romney wants to whomp the Prez up side the head? Despite the faux outrage over his “threat”,  I’m pretty sure the Taggster meant a metaphorical whomp. I’m equally sure the Secret Service saw it that way too. After all, Tagg isn’t spread eagle on the ground at the business end of a drunken Secret Service agent’s Glock. Besides, brother Josh apologized for him. Apparently, Tagg has the same aversion to embarrassing questions as Dad has to Evil Empress Whoopi Goldberg and the ladies of the View.

Please, don’t hit me Tagg! It’s a joke!

‘I’m Hankerin’ for a Shot of Milk in a Dirty Glass’

But let’s pretend, shall we? What if Tagg actually meant it? What if he is secretly a swaggering Mormon who’s handy with his fists, has a quick temper, and thirsts for a swig of milk…in a dirty glass? What if Obama had said to you, “Young ‘un. Your Pa is a dirty, low down liar!” I suspect you’d be pissed and spit back, “Meet me on Main Street at high noon you piss pot little varmint. We’ll duke it out mano-a-man.”

Hell, even Malia and Sasha would kick holy hell out of your knees if you said that about their Dad – as Tagg’s Dad occasionally does. Circling the wagons is what families do. Most of us don’t cotton to familial insults even if we suspect, deep inside, they might be more than a little true. It is the way of wagon trains – and families. Blood is thicker than water. It’s thicker than cold, hard facts too.

Empirically, Obama is right. Mitt’s pants catch fire more often than an unregulated oil refinery. In fact, he lies more often than his famously lying running mate, Paul Ryan (Romney’s robust 9% vs. Ryan’s wimpish 7%). In fairness, Willard had been lying longer, so the spread is understandable. (On a personal note, I think Mitt’s lies are more artfully crafted than Paul’s. His 47%  “mistake” that was merely inartfully put is comedy gold. Kudos, really. It put’s Paul “Ayn” Ryan’s “Balanced Budget Plan” to shame.

Props on Romney’s Wide White Belt and Straw Shoes

But Tagg does have a point that Obama calling Daddy a liar is disingenuous, even if the Prez only does it 2% of the time. Mitt has always been a quantity-over-quality man. However, Obama gets a lot of style points. His lies are to Mitt’s lies as a pair of finely tailored wool pants are to Mitt’s window pane check, polyester capris circa 1982. Props on Mitt’s wide white belt and straw shoes though.

Tagg, the point here isn’t Obama calling your Dad a liar. That is demonstrably true. The point isn’t you wanting to stomp the O-Man into a Chicago pizza grease spot. Even if your desire was just an inartfully stated joke. That’s your DNA’s fault. It isn’t even that Obama lies too so Dad is justified in calling him out on it – even though the political calculus suggests Malia and Sasha would be justified in coming to beat you like a 9th Century Persian tapestry from your Dad’s bathroom.

The point is that your Dad is a liar. And Malia and Sasha’s Dad is a liar. Worse yet, they both hire surrogates to lie so they don’t have to do the dirty work of politics themselves – though I suppose that does create  jobs for professional surrogates. There is no need to get all huffy about someone telling the truth about your Dad’s lies or for your opponents to chuckle in the corner…until they get caught in lies – even fashionable ones. Everyone knows everyone else is lying. Everyone enables the lies with applause, contributions, and votes. Lying is one of the traits that separates humans from apes – if you believe that sort of science. But that doesn’t make it right.

Damn! Now I want to take a swing at somebody!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor.