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You Know Why They Hate Us?

8:09 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Joe Scarborough, Conservative Fruitcake

(photo: DonkeyHotey/flickr)

MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough created a controversy on Monday by suggesting Muslims and Arabs protesting the infamous, and infamously bad, anti-Islamic video hate America because of their religion and culture. “You know why they hate us?” he said. “They hate us because of their religion, they hate us because of their culture, and they hate us because of peer pressure. And you talk to any intelligence person, they will tell you that’s the same thing, and all those people who think we’re going to go over there and change them are just naive.”

Joe is specifically blaming Islamic religion and Arab culture, which isn’t necessarily true, but there are some connections – just not the type he’s suggesting. Before throwing his baby out with the bathwater, consider this:

Islam is not the problem. The Koran teaches more or less useful, peaceful lessons about loving your neighbor and doing good – at least you can interpret it that way. The Koran is no different than most holy books in that sense. It is all in the interpretation and who does the interpreting. Fortunately, the vast majority of Muslims follow the peaceful part and leave the troublemaking to a relatively small percentage of over-zealous firebrands. Violence is not a Muslim thing, it is a human thing.

Using Religion to Stir Up Trouble

Just as some fundamentalist Christians make weird and violent interpretations of the scriptures, some Muslim clerics who do the same with the Koran. There is little difference between a preacher who advocates killing abortion doctors or spewing Westboro Baptist’s, “God Hates Fags” lunacy and a Muslim cleric launching a fatwa against the U.S. because we “allowed” a nutty, money-laundering, soft porn maker to insult Muhammad and Allah. Both are prostitutions of religious teachings. But, that doesn’t mean that media, and especially politicians, don’t use religion to stir up trouble in the service of their own agendas.

In the current case, a gaggle of extremists wanted to advance their agenda. They could’ve made a more genuine argument by pointing out the many pitfalls of American policy and the damage they’ve been dealt by the World’s Only Remaining Superpower™. However, that’s a complicated, tough sell. Bar charts, pie graphs, and lectures from historians about American policy’s effect on the Arab/Israeli/American quagmire are yawners. It’s much easier to get the kids busy making fire bombs and laying in a good supply of rocks and protest signs, then light a match. Poor, uneducated people who’ve heard nothing but lies for centuries are fertile targets for a little rage.

Middle Eastern governments have a variety of reasons for keeping America’s feet over their citizen’s fires. For some, like Egypt’s Mubarak, the reason was not appearing to be an American puppet. The current Egyptian government is in turmoil over sectarian divides and is a still morphing “democracy” sitting atop shaky legs. They don’t want their people probing the fault lines too vigorously for fear of an everlasting Arab Spring, summr, fall, and winter.

Until recently, Pakistan put on a love America storyline for westerners, but told Pakistanis all their problems come from Washington. In Afghanistan, Karzai wants to deflect attention from his unfortunate appetite for airplane loads of $100 bills. If he doesn’t distract his people, they might want some of those pallets of money themselves. Libya is in shambles and the government so weak they couldn’t help the U.S. even if they wanted. It is easier for them to float the idea that the U.S. could’ve made everything easy had they just invaded the place and thrown Gaddafi out – but since they didn’t go bomb their place, not ours. And, stop asking questions.
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The Democrat’s Conspiracy…As Told By Rush Limbaugh

3:59 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Except for the 700 people he conned out of money for the original 700 Club, most people think Pat Robertson is bat shit crazy – especially when it comes to natural disasters. In his mind, hurricanes attack because cities support Teh Gays. Or, he prays them away from his home base in Virginia Beach VA, where he has substantial business interests and many of his suitably righteous homies live. But in the panoply of right-wing shitting bats he’s not exactly alone – take Rush Limbaugh. Please.

Robertson probably thought the Log Cabin Republicans were in the Tampa Coliseum (that public place built without public funds), tempting Hurricane Isaac to attack the Republican Convention. The homophobic hurricane caused a sharp curtailment in the number of statements that will be “misquoted”…verbatim. Even Ann Romney was put off telling the heart-warming, just plain folksy story of her Olympic show horse.

But Rush was “alleging no conspiracy” of the sort. In fact, Rush was, “alleging no conspiracy” that “the regime”, “the government”, and “Obama” ordered the National Hurricane Center to fake Isaac’s forecast to interrupt the tea party that is the Republican Convention.

“Alleging no conspiracy”, loudly, Rush said, “What could be better for the Democrats than the Republicans to cancel a day of this? I’m just telling you folks, when you put all this together in this timeline, I’m telling you, it’s unbelievable.” True, it’s unbelievable, but “the timeline” isn’t that unbelievable part.

This will come as a surprise, but the Democrats were probably more upset than the Republicans. With the delays and cancellations, the public didn’t hear walking w(h)ig and birther Donald Trump. A host of lesser Republican ignorati didn’t have the chance to dispute science and say incredibly stupid things they had to explain ad hominem before claiming they never said any such thing (while videotape of them saying every such thing plays in split screen).

Republican ladies didn’t get the chance to throw panties and tea bags on stage when that dashing hunk Paul Ryan appeared. Heck, even Mittens didn’t get to make an acceptance speech where he was for something (Romneycare) before he was against it (Obamacare). Good Lord, the Democrats don’t stand a chance now that the Republicans lost a campaign day as time runs out.

It seems clear that if anyone “is alleging no conspiracy”, it’s the Democrats.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor

Dear Abby: Traditional Values Dumbassitry of the Week

5:52 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

It’s a rare week when someone from the Traditional Values cabal doesn’t say something insane. This may be a result of being insane. It may be a result of too much bottle feeding as a baby. Maybe they are even geniuses and just like screwing with the rest of us. Who knows? But just for sad, sad giggles so we can keep from crying, here is some Traditional Values Dumbassitry of the Weak (pun intended).

Christ-Like Pat Robertson Offers Christ-Like Advice About Christ

Pat Robertson with his eyes closed

Pat Robertson (Photo: Daniel Oines / Flickr)

Pat Robertson is up to his old verbal tricks again. I was expecting him to come out with something about God sending the droughts, frying egg on the sidewalk temperatures, or the “corporations are people because I am one” argument because Paul Lynde was gay. Then, SURPRISE! It’s “Christ-like” to dump your Islamo-terrorist girlfriend. Who knew?!

Brad, a 700 Club viewer, asked Pat for some relationship advice on Monday – which is a little like asking a Catholic priest for marriage advice.

Brad has a Muslim girlfriend and he’s “worried that leaving her will turn her off to Christianity and, it isn’t exactly Christ-like.”  – which seems like an odd question considering Muslims probably aren’t too turned on by Christianity anyway – I know I’m not.

Pat’s advice was spot-on, for a zealot…’Jesus doth command, kickith thy biatch to thy curb‘. “Yes, it is Christ-like [to break up with her],” Robertson said. “In the Old Testament, they were forbidden to intermarry with the heathen.”

It wasn’t immediately clear whether Pat was referring to Muslims or Christians as being “the” heathen.

700 Club co-host Terry Meeuwsen added with Freudian slippery chuckles, “It’s funny how we twist and turn what God’s word has to say to make it right for what we want.”

Boy howdy Terry, you said it! Pat ‘whole-Christian-hearterdly’ agreed. “Jesus said, ‘I didn’t come to bring peace, but a sword. He’s not gentle Jesus, meek and mild. He really isn’t.”

Well no-duh Patrick.

My Lunacy Can Top Your Lunacy Mr. Televangelist

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1:39 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

When you’re talking about the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) a good defense is apparently a good offense – and no one is more offensive than Pat Robertson.

Robertson, God’s official gaffemeister, says it’s okay to punch out of a presumably ‘traditional’ marriage if one spouse has Alzheimer’s.

“I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s (the spouse) going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her,” Robertson said.

From the quote, it’s hard to tell if he intends this privilege as a traditional male-only perk, but that’s another gaffe for another day.

Robertson’s unusual advice comes with a sort of ecumenical escape clause. According to God’s worst PR person, marriage vows to take each other “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health,” are suspended by the whole “til death do us part” sub-clause.

Why? Robertson says Alzheimer’s is “a kind of death.” He doesn’t cite a traditional values bible passage explaining his position, but if gays can cause hurricanes and earthquakes I suppose Robertson can choose only the gospels he finds convenient.

Robertson also breaks from the traditional dogma followed by most other Christians by ignoring Jesus’s words in the Gospel of Mark. Words that say divorce and remarriage is adultery. You know, that pesky 7th Commandment plastered on school hallways across the land.

Perhaps Robertson needs to stop by a school hallway for a refresher course.

As with most of his goof-spouting, he derives his idea of consistent piousness comes from the same intellectual font as Michelle Bachmann’s – Nasty, Rude, Brutish, and Short – Official Barristers to God. He gets all the communal property in his traditional values divorce so he can dole it out as he sees fit, including his definition of death.

Morality is the business of the person living it, not some failed faith healer claiming to have a non-secular cellphone with the Big Guy on speed dial. Married gays would, and expect to be, in the same positions as straights. Some accept each other in, “for better or worse and in sickness and health, until death do us part” and stick it out. Some, not so much. Just like traditional couples. It’s a tough decision for anyone, so I’d suggest you follow your own wise advice. “(I) wouldn’t put a guilt trip on anyone who took such a step.”

But Pat, if you wouldn’t put it this on someone else, you should feel guilty as hell about putting a guilt trip in other circumstances – like gay marriage.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Married Women Abort for Secret Desire to Make Lesbians Equal

2:06 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

As a former Virginian, I’m all too aware of the asshatery that is Pat Robertson. I once lived a short distance from his colonial palace cum religious law school and occasionally saw some of his on-air “journalists” at the local Farm Fresh. I knew of him when Jim and Tammy Bakker were still producing a kids show starring gospel-spewing puppets (real puppets, not the marionettes that watch CBN). And I’ve followed his frightening career as he prayed away hurricanes and claimed the storms were God’s vengeance on Walt Disney World’s Gay Days.

His latest crusade against the Thundering Herd of Queerosity is a rip-roaring fantasy – aborting babies as a way to “level the playing field” for lesbians. He claims to speak directly with God on the celestial hotline daily, but this is more proof that God really should get a better PR man to service his temporal account.

As with all Robertsonian screeds, he fails in the simple logic his “God” bestowed on humans. Clearly the daily conversations with the Big Kahuna aren’t nearly often enough.

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