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The Election: Well, That was Anticlimactic

12:11 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Well, that was anticlimactic. We listened to a grueling (for voters) 4-year long campaign during which we witnessed the worst political spectacle of the epoch. If, “liar, liar, pants on fire” meant anything, there wouldn’t be a pair of Levis left on the planet. The country immersed itself in a boiling cauldron of rancor so deep there is no word in English to adequately describe it. And yet, after all that, we have essentially the same balance of power as before.Well played America, well-played.

It’s time for a few observations and maybe a little advice. For the “mandate” crowd, winning an election by the skin of your teeth does not a mandate make. For the “it’s imponderable we lost” crowd, no it isn’t. You acted like a bunch of jackwads. For the “gridlock will finally break” crowd, what makes you think reelecting largely the same people who are already bought and paid for is going to break gridlock?

But since the nation is populated with a large ignorati caucus, let’s break it down real simple like:

The Shallowest Anchorman in the History of Anchormen

  • Ohio voting lines were as long as depression era soup lines because Ohio can’t run an election to save their incompetent lives. It was not the, “African-Americans Ken Blackwell.
  • Brit Hume, America is not more liberal than many thought. Independents didn’t swing for Obama because they were liberal, they swung for Obama because Mitt Romney is a crapweasel.
  • Bill O’Reilly stated the obvious and then spun off to his unhappy place. Minorities and women did vote for Obama because, “they want stuff”. Many white men voted for Romney because, “they want stuff” too – namely the “stuff” minorities and women seek.
  • Brian Kilmeade, if America is the, “shallowest country in the history of man” because they considered Sandy a valid election issue, it is because you are leading much of the country away from common sense for a dip into the same “shallow” end of the gene pool in which you dog paddle.
  • Karl Rove, calling the Wars of Error huge successes is a lot like not believing actual math showing Obama won Ohio. Are you running for President on the Ignorati of Upsidedownistan ticket in 2016?
  • Ari Fleischer, a word to the unwise. Elections have consequences and if the Republican party never embraces LGBT and women’s rights you will suffer them.
  • Kudos to Tammy Baldwin for becoming the first openly gay senator. It is a big accomplishment for the LGBT community. But it’s also a big accomplishment for the straight voters who supported her and for a senate in dire need of diversity. That it pissed off the fundies is just icing on the cake.
  • Dear Central Virginia Assembly of God, putting religious voter guides inside the polls is against the law and upstanding citizens who feel obliged to lecture everyone else on morals should know that. May God visit his wrath upon you for worshipping asshatery above all else.
  • Ha ha, very funny Charleroi, PA Republicans. Putting up “NO PARKING FOR DEMOCRATS” and “WALK THAT WILL BE THE MOST WORK YOU DO ALL DAY” [sic] signs is a hoot. May you get a voter intimidation ticket.
  • Tea bagging True the Vote people, you haven’t taken back “your” country yet. Laws are still laws. Tampering with ballots is still tampering with ballots. Even if you hate the Big Government that passed them. Don’t complain if your cheating asses get thrown out of the polls.
  • Why the hell is Wall St. complaining about an Obama win? They made record profits since he’s been in office. Huge bonuses for being stupid all ’round!
  • So Diane Sawyer is a wine connoisseur. So what? She was just playing the drinking game where you take a hit every time a pompous asshole appeared on camera.

Donald Trump Impersonates Daniel Ortega

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor.


Pootiehead Romney Likes the Poop Head Bit

2:16 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Using the word “human” and Mitt Romney in the same sentence is such a weird concept that his campaign’s mission is to “humanize” him. When the man is a 1 percenter who brags of joy in firing people, describes corporations as people, and needs an elevator for his cars, it’s a tough order. Not everyone comes to comedy naturally – like Sarah Palin.

Mention the word “funny” in the same sentence as Mitt Romney and you get something wholly different. The man is funny, but not in that sharp-witted Jon Stewart way. No, he’s more of a crazy George Bush smirking, millionaire bumbler, accidentally scary sort of way.

However, Mitten’s sons may have found the trick to humanize him. They’ve revealed his humor is normal and all American. Two funny-assed birds with one hilarious…a human funny guy. This could change the election.

The crew of last election’s Five Brother Bus tour sat down with Conan O’Brien, a funny fellow himself, and revealed Mitt really loves poop jokes – specifically the one featuring a Will Ferrell-Cheri Oteri cheerleader skit on Saturday Night Live.

“Taco! Burrito! ” and then Mitt says, “What’s coming out of your Speedo?”

Even if you’re the stuffy, high nosed Miss Manners type, you have to agree that shite jokes are quintessentially American. No one in the world guffaws at a good old fashioned dog rocket joke than we folks in the land of the free and the home of the infantile. That 9-year old boy at the center of the American psyche just can’t suppress the twittering mirth after someone cracks wise about cutting the cheese.

“Hee, hee. Mitt said poop.”

Until now, mention Romney and “poop” in same sentence and it is probably  someone comparing him to an actual turd,  in much the same way George the Lesser referred to Karl Rove as, “Turd Blossom“.

“AH, HA, HA, HA, HA…oh. good times!”

You have to love the crapulent Mitt for his love of crap. He always said he was a mischievous little dickens. Remember that , “hold the kid down and shave him bald” incident? Mitt himself said it was just hijinks, nothing more. Hijinks just like writing “HE” “LP” on the shoes of a friend gettinig married so “HELP” appeared when he knelt at the altar.

That’s funnier than shit. Bwah, haw, haw!

Now that the boys have bailed Dad out of the Stepford Dad box he was in, he’s all prepped to, “Win One with No. 1 and No. 2″. Just another happy go lucky man of the people, able to laugh at immigration reform and give a sheepish grin when he explains his wife wrote off $77,000 on her “dress-age” horse.

The change will all but clinch the teabag fringed hat wearing, misspelled sign carrying Tea Bagglers and sew up the “Back to Bush” crowd that so ardentally follows him. Every one loves a good giggle. Except…

…those damn no-humor Democrat bums. Come on! These are people who don’t find job loss, firing teachers, or tapping phones one damn bit funny. WTF democrats? Jump on the Five Bothers Express and  laugh a little.

If you don’t, you’ll be forced to cry.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture.

Calling Caspar Milquetoast a Thug

1:44 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Care Bear-in-Chief made an ill-advised move to put the hammer – or more like a feather – down on SCOTUS. The hyperbole begins. Charges of  “playing politics” fly from the mouths of some of the most partisan politicos the world has ever seen. It’s just another shite-storm in Rancorstan.

Karl Rove decided the O-Man is, “some kind of political thug”. A thug that comes into the health care fight wearing a lace glove and with two hands tied behind his back and a shiv already sticking out between his ribs. Of course, Karl would know about such things since he is the embodiment of  bad faith and shakily ethical politiking.

Karl thinks Obama, by virtue of being President, gives up his First Amendment right to say anything he wants about the Court or even Rowe. Talk about your political “activism”. In fact, you can make a case that Obama is right on many counts. However, to suggest he will wreck the Constitution and bring about the end of the Republic while somehow intimidating the court is piffle.

Hot Air from the BalloonThe court is an independent branch of government and under no obligation to make a decision based on political opinion. The idea they can be intimidated as Karl suggests is absurd at best and disingenuous at worst. Karl’s idea of Obama’s move is about as empty a threat anyone can muster. Rove’s translation of Obama’s statement, “You better uphold my law or there’s going to be political damage created and I’ll help do some of the creating,” is just hot air out of the balloon – Karl Rove autographed edition.

Now giving Karl some credit, he isn’t the only one flinging Molicrapitov bombs. Appeals court judge Jerry Smith took the “unpresidented” step of ordering the administration to produce a 3-page letter – not 2-page or 4-page and single spaced, not double spaced letter- from the administration to explain themselves. Apparently Smith believes his court’s responsibility is to act as third grade teacher. Check that. Act as a third grader.

BTW your honor, I’d be happy to produce a letter – punctuated and formatted any way you like – to defend my assertion you are a whining crapweasel. Far be it from me to bully your honor or SCOTUS, given the immense political power I have over you and the Supremes.

SCOTUS is, like it or not, a political animal. The President recommends the justices  and the Senate approves them. I don’t think anyone could reasonably argue that a Congress and President viciously divided against themselves aren’t “playing politics” whenever possible. And thinking Karl isn’t the worst of the worst – or best of the best  depending on your point of view – is fantasy enough to have you committed to the closest asylum post-haste. After all, politicos are live in highly partisan institutions. Playing politics is what they do. In fact, it is what they are supposed to do.

The Business of the People Luckily, the court has been reasonably responsible for most of the nation’s history. Sometimes they make decisions I may not agree with and certainly decisions none of the professional politicians agree with, but that is what it is designed to do.

Would I have done as Obama did? No. Would I have criticised the Supremes during the State of the Union address? No.

In hindsight, even Obama agrees. He’s walking the statement back and that walkabout probably hurts him more than the original statement anyway. I’m sure it doesn’t change his mind unless he’s got some Romney DNA that makes him a compulsive pander bear with no mind to change.

We already have enough to distract us from the business of the people – unless the business happens to be acting stupid.

Fer Chrissakes, give it a break.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!