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Missionary Service Is Not the Same Thing as Military Service

8:17 am in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Mitt Romney Serving in France

Missionary service is not the same thing as military service – a fact, and not just a semantic one – lost on Mommy, Daddy, and the Romney Boys. Donning a crisp white shirt and black tie to annoy the hell out of the good citizens of France from the back of a 10-speed is “service” to your church. Bleeding to death in a rocky Afghan Pass that a big flock of Mitt’s equally chickenhawkish supporters sent you to is service to your country.

Ann Romney, filling in for a hubby too pusillanimous to “serve” his campaign next to vicious warhawk Whoopi Goldberg, placed herself between the withering fire of Whoopi and her men folk. She’s due a Conservative Cross with Silver Dollar clusters for her bravery.

Goldberg fired the first round. “When I read about your husband, what I had read — and maybe you can correct this — is that the reason he didn’t serve in Vietnam was because it was against the religion.”

INCOMING!

BOOM! Medic, I’ve been hit!

“That’s not correct,” Ann cried out above the din of battle. “He was serving his mission, and my five sons have also served missions. None served in the military, but I do have one son that feels that he’s giving back to his country in a significant way where he is now a doctor and he is taking care of veterans.”

SON! Here’s my health care voucher. Take me to the Hamptons for treatment,” she screamed in agony.

As the Harvard Med School corpsmen carried her off the battlefield she croaked through tears, “So, you know, we find different ways of serving. And my husband and my five boys did serve missions, did not serve in the military.”

Powerful stuff. Battle action so daunting it approached being as hard as campaigning. When The View returned from commercial break, Whoopi stuffed a rag in Ann’s mouth and began to pour a champagne bucket of melted ice cubes over it. “So, when you’re facing these mothers whose children have not come back, how will you explain to them that your sons haven’t gone? Will you talk about the missions they’ve gone on,” Whoopi said as she beat the defenseless Anne with a rubber hose.

Oh, the vile eyebrowless bitch! The horror. The horror.

Through pain-clenched teeth, Anne whispered, “I would say it’s probably the hardest thing that a president and a first lady probably do is to comfort those that have lost a love [sic] one and have gone in harm’s way,” Ann continued before blacking out. “It is an amazing country, we have the most extraordinary fighting men and women, and we have to be so grateful for them. Of course, it’s hard, and I don’t think that any of us can understand the sacrifice [sic] that are being made by families.”

Poor Ann, she was too weak to even answer the question. Damn those socialist bastards of the Kenyan Self-Aggrandizement Force!

It’s easy to make light of the Romney family’s aversion to anything that doesn’t service them. It’s especially easy when they say things like this. Easy, but sickeningly funny.

There are so many ways their defense is a gold-plated load of crap from the finest Kobe Kow. For example, Mitt could’ve served in the noble tradition of Quakers  – whose religion actually doesn’t allow them to fight in wars – serving as battlefield medics. That’s infinitely more compassionate, patriotic, and braver service than a bike trip through the European countryside.

Ann is right when she says the boys all served their compulsory Mormon missionary tours though – quite admirably in fact. Citizens around the globe must have really appreciated it when:

  • Tagg served in Bordeaux.
  • Matt served in Paris.
  • Josh served in Leeds, England.
  • Ben served in Australia.
  • And, Craig served in Santiago.

Of course, the starving kids in Ethiopia probably would have appreciated it more if the boys had compulsorily served them – even if they did serve up the cold, thin rice gruel with a heaping, hot side dish of old-time religion.

Service by Not Serving

Ann says Ben “serves” the nation by treating injured soldiers at his private internal medicine practice in Boston. With a management degree from BYU and medical degree from Tufts, it’s probably damn good care too. I’m sure he offers an indigent veteran’s rate in thanks for their service to his country. As we know, compassion runs deep in the Romney family.

Tagg the Pugilist notwithstanding, Ann isn’t the only one who fights for the family honor. Last election, the boys toured Iowa on a comfy campaign bus from which they defended against charges that Dad might have a small stain in his pants by assuring everyone he was serving his nation too…by running for President!

Romneys, here’s the thing. I voluntarily served my country, and while I had the good fortune to serve under a democratic president who managed to keep us out of harm’s way, I’m proud of that. I would have accepted a combat job had one been needed, because that is what people in the military do.

However, I flew many humanitarian missions at home and abroad. My unit would have been one of the first into combat had those real socialists – the Russians – had invaded. Yes, I went to some very nice places in the 24 countries I traveled to, but I also went to a fair number of gravel strips that were too small to even have names. My war may have been Cold, but I practiced hard for it as did several friends killed in “safe” training accidents.

I served proudly and learned something about the men and women, like the Seals we often worked with, and their commitment to service and what it means. I’m pretty sure that almost 100% of veterans know something more about service to their nation, and what it means, than a kid taking a bicycle ride through Bordeaux.

The Romney’s political ambitions would have been well-served if they had served – or at least not tried to equate their “service” with the real thing. It cheapens their flag-waving promises to support our troops by hiding behind a pulpit – from which they could’ve easily served – that protected them from real sacrifice and service many regular Americans make every day of their lives.

It is insulting to serving troops and veterans.

The nation should be insulted.

I’m insulted. Damn insulted.

The Romneys should be ashamed of comparing their “service” to ours.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor.

Mitt Romney is a Fatally Flawed Man

2:36 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

I could not care less about, Mitt Romney’s money. I don’t begrudge him a penny. I do begrudge his highfalutin’ tax breaks and money he hides. You can’t do that unless you have more money than God (or substitute object or belief system of your choice) and because he is convinced, it is his birthright. Though mine? Not so much.

I don’t begrudge his wife a “therapy” horse that is also weirdly qualified for tax breaks and Olympic competition. I don’t like that he’s never met a position he wouldn’t take…then reject 5 minutes later. However, that is hardly unusual for a politician.

The problem is he doesn’t understand himself or anyone else. He is as empathetic as a powdered donut. Saying he is out of touch is a colossal understatement because he believes in a two-caste system. His caste and the untouchables. Wealth has nothing to do with that, common decency and respect for others does.

Oddity is Not a Political Calculation

There are reasons why he not only appears, but actually is, out of touch. I am aghast at Harry Reid’s tax charges. Mitt is innocent until Harry proves him guilty. Don’t get me wrong, it would not surprise me if the tax dodging was true, but it does tie into his odd decision to hide tax forms he already released to John McTheusela. That oddity is not a political calculation; it is how Mitt views the world. He is the product of a sheltered upbringing and Brigham Young’s great-great-granddaughter and ex-Mormon, Sue Emmett, thinks so too.

Mitt came from a moneyed family that became moneyed by the sweat of non-moneyed George Romney’s brow. Most people believe George would’ve been a 1000X better candidate than his progeny. That’s because George remembered his humble beginnings. He worked hard, didn’t lie, and had none of the noblese oblige of his son. He was of the common people and understood and cared for them.

Emmett shocked the LDS world when she left the church over their handling of women. She describes an, “entitled Mormon male syndrome, where the leadership professes compassion and concern but leaves the manifestations of that to the drones.”

Emmett points out that Mormon women can rarely question men, doubly so for all-male Bishops and triply so for all-male Stake Presidents. Congregants bow to Bishops, Bishops bow to Stake Presidents, and no one questions either.

Mitt was a Stake President, a man unaccustomed to questions and unable to deal with it. His wealth and position allowed him to have his way. He became an unassailable font of wisdom and did not take kindly to those who dared challenge him. When questioned he becomes mightily insulted – insulted in the same way he insults those he considers his inferiors.

Mitt is also a firm believer in the Mormon concept of “Lying for the Lord”. Ken Clark was an LDS teacher and Bishop before leaving the church. According to him, “Every Mormon grows up with the idea that it’s OK to lie if it’s for a higher cause…this becomes a part of your ethical tool kit, you develop a condescending attitude toward people.”

This says a lot about Mitt’s open and unassailable lies to protect his campaign and “reputation”. He believes you should believe him because he told you he didn’t lie, not because there isn’t ample evidence he did.

The Book According to Mitt

The Book According to Mitt says his tax returns hide nothing; therefore, he does not have to release them. And if you don’t believe him, he will say if all the other politicians release theirs, he will ‘think’ about releasing his.

The point is not that he has to release them, he doesn’t. The point is not that the returns may or may not vindicate him. The point is not that all the other politicos must release theirs for him to consider releasing his. It is not about their tax returns, it is about his. He said the returns hide nothing and is quite offended that others, including his own party, offend him by asking him to release them.

Mitt is not a man who understands why most voters want to know. He is a man who will take himself down because people questioned what he said. That’s a damning indictment of his sense of self-importance.

Despite all the work poured into making Mitt look approachable and like he understands, he spends an inordinate amount of time proving it is an impossible task. He insults people – in fact, entire countries. He says stupid things that make him look as clueless as a tree stump. He is more easily offended than those he tries to convince are being offended for no reason. He stands upon his “principles” like a B-movie Tarzan stands on quicksand and preaches his integrity as a businessman who practiced the same behavior he now rails against. He condemns Obamacare though it is Romneycare writ large. His defense is, but I told you that isn’t true. Why do you keep questioning me?

Mitt is a fatally flawed man, by temperament and training. He is as incapable of understanding the problems of this country as he is of attempting to try. It is hard to believe otherwise.

Believe us. We say so.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor

Muslim or Mormon, What’s the Difference?

9:32 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Large and increasing numbers of Republicans, particularly conservative Republicans, believe Barack Obama is a Muslim. This fiction has been helped along by goobs conflating Islam with terrorism, or in Michele Bachmann’s fevered imagination, traitorous unamericanism. Many Christian zealots believe Muslims, and by extension the “Master Muslim” Obama, are filthy devils incarnate chiefly because they aren’t Christian. But aside from Atheists, they inexplicably don’t make such a big deal over Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, or any number of other non-Christian beliefs. Even child-abusing priests are somewhat OK as long as they are conservative child-abusing priests.

Among a group of people that wouldn’t believe Obama was born in Hawaii if the delivery doctor showed up and took a polygraph to the contrary, falsely believing Obama is a Muslim isn’t much of a stretch. ‘I want to see the long-form baptismal certificate, dammit!’

By comparison, everyone correctly believes Romney is Mormon. However, despite believing Mormonism is an unchristian cult and those clean cut fellows on bicycles wearing black tie and white shirts are vaguely evil because voters know zip about them (including that their church is called the Church of Latter Day Saints and not The Church of Mormon), they don’t seem much bothered.

Despite all that, the larger and more interesting question here is, “why does it matter”?

Except for the fringiest of the fringy, no one accuses Obama of terrorism against Americans. Hating the commie bastard for Obamacare and the fact he can’t create jobs isn’t a Muslim thing it’s a Democratic thing and no one, even the Muslim conspiracies, suggest otherwise. Conversely, cult member Mittens is the good, though not particularly well-liked, guy. Perhaps Romneylans believe the angel Moroni or God can both create jobs and repeal Obamacare equally well and Mitts is just the vessel for creating burger-flipping serfs. Who knows? We are not talking rational logic here.

Come on conservatives, hate him because you hate him, and don’t cower behind a false belief like some Democrat wussy. You’re supposed to be the party of hard-edge authoritarianism, not some gaggle of bleeding heart socialists. You are the self-professed, iron-willed masters of the universe. Hating him for being a Muslim is like you bowing to the Queen despite that special Anglo-Saxon relationship. Hate him for something real like being black or singing Motown passably well or being a taxing taxer of the over taxed taxpayer. Be genuine. Be real. Fess up and admit Obama being a Muslim and Mitt being a Mormon are about the same thing.

The answer to the question, “why does it matter” is this. It doesn’t. Not by a Muslim longshot.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor

I Smell Crapweasles

10:31 am in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Proving the Poobah’s posts are prescient, it’s seems the threat to smite the Mormons over posthumous baptisms caused them to collapse into mint jelly and quash the practice.

Maybe.

After the recent string of religious recycling, the all-male church elders have put the chastity belt on its database of Jews. It’s nice they’ve taken the pledge to swear off wholesale religious reassignment surgery but the promise has the smell of Rush Limbaugh’s apologies over Slutgate. Still, in a religion famous for resistance to change, it is a big step.

If only they’d not made the same promise in the 1990s, I’d be willing to give them a little more wiggle room. But for the time being, I’ll take the advice of St. Ronny of Reagan and, “Trust, but verify“. However, others aren’t quite so forgiving.

To Jewish genealogist Gary Mokotoff, who was involved in the 1990 negotiations with Jewish leaders, the promise doesn’t mean much.

“By not allowing public access to the records, it creates the illusion they have something to hide,” Mokotoff said.

Apparently, he is not the only one with lingering concerns, genealogical researcher Helen Radkey has been blocked from the database, but is eying how she might continue revealing the ongoing practice.

“I don’t believe for five minutes that they’re going to stop baptizing Jewish Holocaust victims,” Radkey said with good reason”. She claims former Mormon bishop Larry Shaw, who she hadn’t spoken to for more than 20 years, tried “to silence me as a dissenter.”

Radkey says Shaw, “told me, years ago, as a Mormon bishop in Salt Lake City, that God would kill me if I laid a hand on the Mormon church. The first question he asked me tonight was how is my health?” In fact, he played the death card three more times in the same phone call Radkey says.

Creepy.

The Mormons may also be hedging their bets by failing to mention members of other churches and non-Jews like Mahatma Gandhi. The Mormons caught his runaway soul in 1997, after the initial promise to leave other people’s religion to other people. It is a loophole big enough to give a 1 percenter a tax-free exemption hard on.

I’m no expert on the Book of Mormon, but surely there must be a “thou shalt not” clause for telling fibs. If so, they already have two strikes.

It’s time the Mormons stop acting like crapweasels and do the right thing.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Mormons! I Smite Thee in the Name of Common Sense

6:09 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Get a Brain Mormans

Theists, I appreciate your prayers for my heathen soul, but there’s no need. Really. I’m an atheist. I’m good. And Mormons, posthumous baptism is even more than one step over the line. That’s even more unneeded, creepy, and unwanted – unless you want to modify that whole 72 Muslim virgins thing to a Mormon Unlimited Virgin Plan.  I’m a big believer in more virgins at lower prices. It’s proof of the value of free markets.

When I’m dead, I’m dead. You can’t baptize me unless you want to bless an unholy ooze of font water, ashes, and genealogical records that artificially boost the number of Mitt’s Minions on the books. Second, even though I’ll be dead, I find it offensive while I’m still here. I own the copyright on myself in perpetuity and will defend it vigorously.

Posthumous baptism is no academic exercise.  Moroni’s Acolytes recently transplanted Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal’s parents from Judaism to Mormonism. It’s not the first time Joseph Smith’s gardeners pulled Jews up by the roots and carried them to the Zion Botanical Garden of Eden either.

The church has been sued several times over their ecumenical necrophilia and each time they’re caught, it’s always the same chapter and verse. They throw one of their own fontheads to the heathenous hordes by explaining he’s just an overzealous mailroom Warren Jeffs with a hankerin’ for more Mormon ghosts milling around with too much time on their hands.  Each time they lay the blame, tithe the damage awards, and seemingly go back to doing what they do best – creating jobs by buying Schwins for the White Shirt/Black Tie Army. But, they always seem to reemerge like a reliable grasshopper plague.

Clearly, the LDS Church isn’t anti-Semitic.  As far as I know, they’ve never picked on anyone other than Jews and Christians who don’t believe New York Native Americans are a lost, wandering tribe of Jews. However, they seem to discriminate against Muslims, Atheists, and other religions apparently under the belief we are too far gone to pull from the burning fires of a hell fueled by untaxed 10% tithes. After all, they wouldn’t want to damage the tires of all those missionary bikes. Inner tubes are expensive and stink when they burn. Being good, non-cultish citizens, they wouldn’t want to stir up the EPA.

This is exactly the sort of thing that causes violence between religions. One would think the Mormons would know something about that after they were chased coast to almost coast to escape a never-ending string of massacres by  and against outsiders.

I’m proud to say there are no records of Atheist-on-Mormon homicide either. There probably weren’t enough of us in the 1800s to pull together a tar and feather brigade.

I think religions are being too soft on these shenanigans by merely accusing Mormons of running a cult. I’m thinking more along the lines of  the swipe of a 2X4 to the head of these poor, misguided geneologists. Something to get their attention if you will.

Say it with me, “I smite thee in the name of common sense you moron(i).”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Mitt Romney Doesn’t Have a Friend in the Angel Moroni

2:06 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Not long ago most Americans thought Mormons were an odd band of people who all lived in Salt Lake City, worshiped seagulls, and had a rockin’ choir. They knew nothing of Joseph Smith and the Laminites, that gold dude on the temple roof, or that SF 49er Steve Young is a direct descendant of Brigham Young. In fact, even today not many people know that Mormons aren’t Mormons at all, but members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or LDS for the “in-crowd”.

Despite regular visits from the white-shirted, tie-wearing, missionaries on bicycles, most people don’t know much more about them today. They’re a cult. They’re not a cult. They wear underwear with holes. They dress in good old Fruit of the Looms.

Mormon MittThe Republican 2012 field has way too many candidates and they fall with the regularity of old-growth trees in a clear-cut forest. Each struggles for a hook to rope in GOP rubes. Michele went for the wacky vote, Ricky Goodhair had his moment before stumbling around like Dubya, while the Godfather of Pizza cranks out Meat Lover’s Supremes for the conservative masses.

He’ll no doubt be gone next week, just like the others.

Meanwhile, the Mittster smiles and tries not to say anything. On paper at least, Mitt is a perfect candidate. He has the same fidelity to his positions as John McThusela. He’s as moderate as Richard Nixon and has nice hair. In fact, if you ignore the fact he’s a complete goob, the only thing wrong is that he’s a Mormon.

People invoke the parallels with the Kennedy election and they have a point. Kennedy was a squeaker because he was Catholic. But that’s where the similarity ends.

There were far more Catholics then, than Mormons now. Conventional wisdom says the Mormon can’t win, even though no one would bat an eye if another Catholic was behind the Holy Teleprompter. The Mormon take on votes would be a far smaller percentage than Catholics in the days of Camelot. There is also what I like to call The Hate Factor®. Read the rest of this entry →