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Muslim or Mormon, What’s the Difference?

9:32 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Large and increasing numbers of Republicans, particularly conservative Republicans, believe Barack Obama is a Muslim. This fiction has been helped along by goobs conflating Islam with terrorism, or in Michele Bachmann’s fevered imagination, traitorous unamericanism. Many Christian zealots believe Muslims, and by extension the “Master Muslim” Obama, are filthy devils incarnate chiefly because they aren’t Christian. But aside from Atheists, they inexplicably don’t make such a big deal over Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, or any number of other non-Christian beliefs. Even child-abusing priests are somewhat OK as long as they are conservative child-abusing priests.

Among a group of people that wouldn’t believe Obama was born in Hawaii if the delivery doctor showed up and took a polygraph to the contrary, falsely believing Obama is a Muslim isn’t much of a stretch. ‘I want to see the long-form baptismal certificate, dammit!’

By comparison, everyone correctly believes Romney is Mormon. However, despite believing Mormonism is an unchristian cult and those clean cut fellows on bicycles wearing black tie and white shirts are vaguely evil because voters know zip about them (including that their church is called the Church of Latter Day Saints and not The Church of Mormon), they don’t seem much bothered.

Despite all that, the larger and more interesting question here is, “why does it matter”?

Except for the fringiest of the fringy, no one accuses Obama of terrorism against Americans. Hating the commie bastard for Obamacare and the fact he can’t create jobs isn’t a Muslim thing it’s a Democratic thing and no one, even the Muslim conspiracies, suggest otherwise. Conversely, cult member Mittens is the good, though not particularly well-liked, guy. Perhaps Romneylans believe the angel Moroni or God can both create jobs and repeal Obamacare equally well and Mitts is just the vessel for creating burger-flipping serfs. Who knows? We are not talking rational logic here.

Come on conservatives, hate him because you hate him, and don’t cower behind a false belief like some Democrat wussy. You’re supposed to be the party of hard-edge authoritarianism, not some gaggle of bleeding heart socialists. You are the self-professed, iron-willed masters of the universe. Hating him for being a Muslim is like you bowing to the Queen despite that special Anglo-Saxon relationship. Hate him for something real like being black or singing Motown passably well or being a taxing taxer of the over taxed taxpayer. Be genuine. Be real. Fess up and admit Obama being a Muslim and Mitt being a Mormon are about the same thing.

The answer to the question, “why does it matter” is this. It doesn’t. Not by a Muslim longshot.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor

Mormons! I Smite Thee in the Name of Common Sense

6:09 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Get a Brain Mormans

Theists, I appreciate your prayers for my heathen soul, but there’s no need. Really. I’m an atheist. I’m good. And Mormons, posthumous baptism is even more than one step over the line. That’s even more unneeded, creepy, and unwanted – unless you want to modify that whole 72 Muslim virgins thing to a Mormon Unlimited Virgin Plan.  I’m a big believer in more virgins at lower prices. It’s proof of the value of free markets.

When I’m dead, I’m dead. You can’t baptize me unless you want to bless an unholy ooze of font water, ashes, and genealogical records that artificially boost the number of Mitt’s Minions on the books. Second, even though I’ll be dead, I find it offensive while I’m still here. I own the copyright on myself in perpetuity and will defend it vigorously.

Posthumous baptism is no academic exercise.  Moroni’s Acolytes recently transplanted Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal’s parents from Judaism to Mormonism. It’s not the first time Joseph Smith’s gardeners pulled Jews up by the roots and carried them to the Zion Botanical Garden of Eden either.

The church has been sued several times over their ecumenical necrophilia and each time they’re caught, it’s always the same chapter and verse. They throw one of their own fontheads to the heathenous hordes by explaining he’s just an overzealous mailroom Warren Jeffs with a hankerin’ for more Mormon ghosts milling around with too much time on their hands.  Each time they lay the blame, tithe the damage awards, and seemingly go back to doing what they do best – creating jobs by buying Schwins for the White Shirt/Black Tie Army. But, they always seem to reemerge like a reliable grasshopper plague.

Clearly, the LDS Church isn’t anti-Semitic.  As far as I know, they’ve never picked on anyone other than Jews and Christians who don’t believe New York Native Americans are a lost, wandering tribe of Jews. However, they seem to discriminate against Muslims, Atheists, and other religions apparently under the belief we are too far gone to pull from the burning fires of a hell fueled by untaxed 10% tithes. After all, they wouldn’t want to damage the tires of all those missionary bikes. Inner tubes are expensive and stink when they burn. Being good, non-cultish citizens, they wouldn’t want to stir up the EPA.

This is exactly the sort of thing that causes violence between religions. One would think the Mormons would know something about that after they were chased coast to almost coast to escape a never-ending string of massacres by  and against outsiders.

I’m proud to say there are no records of Atheist-on-Mormon homicide either. There probably weren’t enough of us in the 1800s to pull together a tar and feather brigade.

I think religions are being too soft on these shenanigans by merely accusing Mormons of running a cult. I’m thinking more along the lines of  the swipe of a 2X4 to the head of these poor, misguided geneologists. Something to get their attention if you will.

Say it with me, “I smite thee in the name of common sense you moron(i).”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Romney: Obamunist Encourages Panhandling

4:51 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Despite conventional wisdom about the decidedly unconventional Republican primaries, Mitt Romney has surely doomed his campaign to failure. Why? Because he’s an unrepentant Obamunist.

Romney showed his true socialist colors at a campaign stop Thursday by throwing a “tithe” toward one of his unemployed campaign workers. Mittens forked out $50-60 (no one was quite sure how much) to Ruth Williams to help pay her electricity bill.

 

Said Williams, “I was on the highway praying (presumably using a hands-free holy cellphone) and said, ‘God, tell me how to get [my] lights on. I pulled up to a stop sign and his bus was there. And then God said, ‘Follow the bus.”

Of course, such largess runs directly counter to the common Conservative view that unemployment is a lifestyle choice designed to allow hobos to glom onto the public tit. But Mitt went all rogue anyway and defied his Conservative credentials because he knows first-hand about the loss and heartbreak of being unemployed.

The most surprising thing about this story is that Fox News’ crackerjack “Fair and Balanced” news team didn’t pick it up. I expected a two hour feature about how the woman’s arm was twisted to reveal that it wasn’t really God who listened to her prayers, but that Mormon cult-angel Moroni instead. They also missed the connections to Mitt’s erstwhile running mate, Bill Ayers. There wasn’t even a screen crawl questioning the validity of Williams’ birth certificate and “accidentally” identifying Romney as a Democrat.

Of course this post has a firmly planted tongue in cheek, but in its effect some Gingrichians, Paulists, and Cainiacs might not see it as so far off the mark. After all, in their thinking she would have a job if she hadn’t lost the one she had. And once she lost it she shouldn’t be out ripping off the public by setting up her own private dole. As Newt would probably advise, she should just suck it up and look for the nearest highway overpass to relax in comfort.

No electricity. No electricity bill. No problem. This poverty stuff is EZ-PeeZ, eh?

But by removing our collective tongues from our collective cheeks the sad truth is it’s a sad day in America when Ruth Williams is a stand in for the sickest joke of all.

Kudos to Mittens for breaking the conservative mold for that day at least.

A version of this post with video is cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Mitt Romney Doesn’t Have a Friend in the Angel Moroni

2:06 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Not long ago most Americans thought Mormons were an odd band of people who all lived in Salt Lake City, worshiped seagulls, and had a rockin’ choir. They knew nothing of Joseph Smith and the Laminites, that gold dude on the temple roof, or that SF 49er Steve Young is a direct descendant of Brigham Young. In fact, even today not many people know that Mormons aren’t Mormons at all, but members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or LDS for the “in-crowd”.

Despite regular visits from the white-shirted, tie-wearing, missionaries on bicycles, most people don’t know much more about them today. They’re a cult. They’re not a cult. They wear underwear with holes. They dress in good old Fruit of the Looms.

Mormon MittThe Republican 2012 field has way too many candidates and they fall with the regularity of old-growth trees in a clear-cut forest. Each struggles for a hook to rope in GOP rubes. Michele went for the wacky vote, Ricky Goodhair had his moment before stumbling around like Dubya, while the Godfather of Pizza cranks out Meat Lover’s Supremes for the conservative masses.

He’ll no doubt be gone next week, just like the others.

Meanwhile, the Mittster smiles and tries not to say anything. On paper at least, Mitt is a perfect candidate. He has the same fidelity to his positions as John McThusela. He’s as moderate as Richard Nixon and has nice hair. In fact, if you ignore the fact he’s a complete goob, the only thing wrong is that he’s a Mormon.

People invoke the parallels with the Kennedy election and they have a point. Kennedy was a squeaker because he was Catholic. But that’s where the similarity ends.

There were far more Catholics then, than Mormons now. Conventional wisdom says the Mormon can’t win, even though no one would bat an eye if another Catholic was behind the Holy Teleprompter. The Mormon take on votes would be a far smaller percentage than Catholics in the days of Camelot. There is also what I like to call The Hate Factor®. Read the rest of this entry →