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You Know Why They Hate Us?

8:09 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Joe Scarborough, Conservative Fruitcake

(photo: DonkeyHotey/flickr)

MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough created a controversy on Monday by suggesting Muslims and Arabs protesting the infamous, and infamously bad, anti-Islamic video hate America because of their religion and culture. “You know why they hate us?” he said. “They hate us because of their religion, they hate us because of their culture, and they hate us because of peer pressure. And you talk to any intelligence person, they will tell you that’s the same thing, and all those people who think we’re going to go over there and change them are just naive.”

Joe is specifically blaming Islamic religion and Arab culture, which isn’t necessarily true, but there are some connections – just not the type he’s suggesting. Before throwing his baby out with the bathwater, consider this:

Islam is not the problem. The Koran teaches more or less useful, peaceful lessons about loving your neighbor and doing good – at least you can interpret it that way. The Koran is no different than most holy books in that sense. It is all in the interpretation and who does the interpreting. Fortunately, the vast majority of Muslims follow the peaceful part and leave the troublemaking to a relatively small percentage of over-zealous firebrands. Violence is not a Muslim thing, it is a human thing.

Using Religion to Stir Up Trouble

Just as some fundamentalist Christians make weird and violent interpretations of the scriptures, some Muslim clerics who do the same with the Koran. There is little difference between a preacher who advocates killing abortion doctors or spewing Westboro Baptist’s, “God Hates Fags” lunacy and a Muslim cleric launching a fatwa against the U.S. because we “allowed” a nutty, money-laundering, soft porn maker to insult Muhammad and Allah. Both are prostitutions of religious teachings. But, that doesn’t mean that media, and especially politicians, don’t use religion to stir up trouble in the service of their own agendas.

In the current case, a gaggle of extremists wanted to advance their agenda. They could’ve made a more genuine argument by pointing out the many pitfalls of American policy and the damage they’ve been dealt by the World’s Only Remaining Superpower™. However, that’s a complicated, tough sell. Bar charts, pie graphs, and lectures from historians about American policy’s effect on the Arab/Israeli/American quagmire are yawners. It’s much easier to get the kids busy making fire bombs and laying in a good supply of rocks and protest signs, then light a match. Poor, uneducated people who’ve heard nothing but lies for centuries are fertile targets for a little rage.

Middle Eastern governments have a variety of reasons for keeping America’s feet over their citizen’s fires. For some, like Egypt’s Mubarak, the reason was not appearing to be an American puppet. The current Egyptian government is in turmoil over sectarian divides and is a still morphing “democracy” sitting atop shaky legs. They don’t want their people probing the fault lines too vigorously for fear of an everlasting Arab Spring, summr, fall, and winter.

Until recently, Pakistan put on a love America storyline for westerners, but told Pakistanis all their problems come from Washington. In Afghanistan, Karzai wants to deflect attention from his unfortunate appetite for airplane loads of $100 bills. If he doesn’t distract his people, they might want some of those pallets of money themselves. Libya is in shambles and the government so weak they couldn’t help the U.S. even if they wanted. It is easier for them to float the idea that the U.S. could’ve made everything easy had they just invaded the place and thrown Gaddafi out – but since they didn’t go bomb their place, not ours. And, stop asking questions.
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Muslim or Mormon, What’s the Difference?

9:32 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Large and increasing numbers of Republicans, particularly conservative Republicans, believe Barack Obama is a Muslim. This fiction has been helped along by goobs conflating Islam with terrorism, or in Michele Bachmann’s fevered imagination, traitorous unamericanism. Many Christian zealots believe Muslims, and by extension the “Master Muslim” Obama, are filthy devils incarnate chiefly because they aren’t Christian. But aside from Atheists, they inexplicably don’t make such a big deal over Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, or any number of other non-Christian beliefs. Even child-abusing priests are somewhat OK as long as they are conservative child-abusing priests.

Among a group of people that wouldn’t believe Obama was born in Hawaii if the delivery doctor showed up and took a polygraph to the contrary, falsely believing Obama is a Muslim isn’t much of a stretch. ‘I want to see the long-form baptismal certificate, dammit!’

By comparison, everyone correctly believes Romney is Mormon. However, despite believing Mormonism is an unchristian cult and those clean cut fellows on bicycles wearing black tie and white shirts are vaguely evil because voters know zip about them (including that their church is called the Church of Latter Day Saints and not The Church of Mormon), they don’t seem much bothered.

Despite all that, the larger and more interesting question here is, “why does it matter”?

Except for the fringiest of the fringy, no one accuses Obama of terrorism against Americans. Hating the commie bastard for Obamacare and the fact he can’t create jobs isn’t a Muslim thing it’s a Democratic thing and no one, even the Muslim conspiracies, suggest otherwise. Conversely, cult member Mittens is the good, though not particularly well-liked, guy. Perhaps Romneylans believe the angel Moroni or God can both create jobs and repeal Obamacare equally well and Mitts is just the vessel for creating burger-flipping serfs. Who knows? We are not talking rational logic here.

Come on conservatives, hate him because you hate him, and don’t cower behind a false belief like some Democrat wussy. You’re supposed to be the party of hard-edge authoritarianism, not some gaggle of bleeding heart socialists. You are the self-professed, iron-willed masters of the universe. Hating him for being a Muslim is like you bowing to the Queen despite that special Anglo-Saxon relationship. Hate him for something real like being black or singing Motown passably well or being a taxing taxer of the over taxed taxpayer. Be genuine. Be real. Fess up and admit Obama being a Muslim and Mitt being a Mormon are about the same thing.

The answer to the question, “why does it matter” is this. It doesn’t. Not by a Muslim longshot.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor

Jerusalem on Edge of War on New Year

11:25 am in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Jerusalem – Sectarian tensions rose yesterday as the UN International Dateline Commission convened its 2012 session. At issue was determining how to move the tiny Pacific Island nations of Samoa and Tokelau to the opposite side of the International Dateline.

Minor skirmishes broke out when Christian, Jewish, and Muslim supporters fought for hours over which calendar – GregorianHariji, or Hebrew – to use in planning the move. Chinese representatives remain neutral on the calendar question and the Romans voted in absentia for the Julian Calendar.

The fighting broke out after the Christian delegation charged the Muslim and Jewish delegations of declaring a War on New Year.

“They declared a War on Christmas and now they’re trying to steal the entire year from us,” said Hank Hucklebuck, Chairman of the God Says We’re Right and You’re Wrong Alliance. “Like Christmas, New Year has been part of a Christian tradition leading all the way back to 1582 when St. Greg of the Equinox threw out that evil Julian calendar.”

“Look, Christians are a fair-minded lot and we would never want to deprive others of their right to celebrate the New Year as they wish. However, we’re right, they’re wrong and only God can change that. We have already contacted his representative, Pat Robertson, to negotiate when our calendar will be chosen. We are looking forward to resolving this issue peacefully,” Hucklebuck said.

Muslim representatives had a different point of view.

“Those Christians are always going around shoving Jesus into our faces. To me this has nothing to do with the calendar. Mohamed is clearly the most important of any prophet in any religion and he chose the Hariji. Of that, there is no question,” said Isaiah Mustafa.

Israel’s Hebrew Calendar Defense League threatened violence if the Gregorian or Hariji calendars were adopted.

“We may have nuclear weapons. We have a very capable fighting force. We have the might of the last remaining global superpower behind us. We will prevail,” said Bibi Badder, Chief of Israel’s Time Continuum Militia. “If our calendar is not chosen, as as God directs, we will bomb the US Congressional Prayer Caucus, Iran, and both Michele Bachmann and that other fool…Richard Santorum.”

Fighting calmed only slightly after several unsuccessful attempts to negotiate a cease fire. Sources say that negotiations broke down when representatives could not agree on a calendar to use in setting up the ceasefire timing. A small group of Atheists tried to enter the meeting and offer a compromise based on a scientific calendar, but Islamic, Christian, and Jewish members threw stones at them until they drove them from the Temple on the Mount.

“We may not be able to agree on a calendar,” Hucklebuck said, “but we can all agree that whatever the atheists propose is complete scientific mumbo-jumbo.”

When it appeared the chance for an agreement was unlikely the Christian delegation decided to gear up their grassroots War on Christmas organization for a War on New Year. They’ve called on Fox News to launch the crusade immediately. Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity have already come aboard.

“People will call things by their proper Christian names or they will be hanged as enemy combatants for their violations of our family values. If we do not win this war – though that’s impossible because God is on our side – homosexualist indoctrinators will tell our kids they can’t pray in school and a massive outbreak of man-on-horse sex could rage,” said GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

“Mark my words.”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Victoria Jackson Wears the Tutu of Fear

2:31 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Some Lovely Tutus (photo: ilovememphis/flickr)

Some Lovely Tutus (photo: ilovememphis/flickr)

 

There is no shortage of Americans full of crackpot ideas and imagined conspiracies. They’re usually part of an unknown cast preaching to like-minded goobs. But occasionally someone with a not-so-unknown name takes to the bloody pulpit.

Truth be told the left and right both have plenty of celebrities in their ideological quivers. But the right’s stable may be smaller and makes up in bat-shit craziness what it loses in quantity.

Ted Nugent is the prototypical conservative in camo. The Nooge never misses a chance to link omnipresent commies to nefarious plots bent on confiscating cross bows or some other equally deranged story. A lifetime of hearing Cat Scratch Fever set to 11 has damaged the man. But Nooge, step aside. There’s a new crackpot in town.

Victoria Jackson made a comedy career of dressing like a 10-year old girl and speaking in a voice that sounded like Carol Channing on helium. The combination was good enough to win her an SNL role and star in a few forgettable movies that required a vacuous girl wearing a tutu and playing the ukulele.

After a long stint playing a Florida homemaker – why is it always Florida – she’s back with a show of her own and a political ideology that makes a Michele Bachmann/Sarah Palin Siamese Twin sound positively grounded.

Vic’s latest rant – branded Victoria Jackson’s Still A Crazy Asshole – suggests she has fallen under the sway of the, President Obama is behind all of this and we will all have to “convert or be killed!” crowd. In her mind, Anti-Christ Hussein Obama will force everyone to join the Muslim Brotherhood and accept sharia as the law of the land. This isn’t an unknown position amongst the ignorati, even though it is illogical using their own logic: How can Obama be too stupid to tie his own shoes yet carry out what would have to be a cover up roughly the size and complexity of the Manhattan project?

Some might argue that her return to TV, helming a show on PolitiChics, is just an extension of her career acting like a bubble head. Others would argue she isn’t “acting”. If she weren’t so damn scary, in the same way Rick Santorum is scary, you could probably take the show and her actions as an inspired comedy patterned after Andy Kaufmann. Read the rest of this entry →

Mitt Romney Doesn’t Have a Friend in the Angel Moroni

2:06 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Not long ago most Americans thought Mormons were an odd band of people who all lived in Salt Lake City, worshiped seagulls, and had a rockin’ choir. They knew nothing of Joseph Smith and the Laminites, that gold dude on the temple roof, or that SF 49er Steve Young is a direct descendant of Brigham Young. In fact, even today not many people know that Mormons aren’t Mormons at all, but members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or LDS for the “in-crowd”.

Despite regular visits from the white-shirted, tie-wearing, missionaries on bicycles, most people don’t know much more about them today. They’re a cult. They’re not a cult. They wear underwear with holes. They dress in good old Fruit of the Looms.

Mormon MittThe Republican 2012 field has way too many candidates and they fall with the regularity of old-growth trees in a clear-cut forest. Each struggles for a hook to rope in GOP rubes. Michele went for the wacky vote, Ricky Goodhair had his moment before stumbling around like Dubya, while the Godfather of Pizza cranks out Meat Lover’s Supremes for the conservative masses.

He’ll no doubt be gone next week, just like the others.

Meanwhile, the Mittster smiles and tries not to say anything. On paper at least, Mitt is a perfect candidate. He has the same fidelity to his positions as John McThusela. He’s as moderate as Richard Nixon and has nice hair. In fact, if you ignore the fact he’s a complete goob, the only thing wrong is that he’s a Mormon.

People invoke the parallels with the Kennedy election and they have a point. Kennedy was a squeaker because he was Catholic. But that’s where the similarity ends.

There were far more Catholics then, than Mormons now. Conventional wisdom says the Mormon can’t win, even though no one would bat an eye if another Catholic was behind the Holy Teleprompter. The Mormon take on votes would be a far smaller percentage than Catholics in the days of Camelot. There is also what I like to call The Hate Factor®. Read the rest of this entry →

A Hell of a Way to Rally People to Your Cause

6:22 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

One man’s immorality is another man’s religion, even if the immorality of that religion is pointed out by atheists. It’s common for religious adherents to sometimes act immorally – and sometimes hypocritical – despite what their religions supposedly teach. The same is true for atheists and what they believe. People are what they are, sometimes inconsistent, narrow-minded, and  disagreeable.

But, there’s the message and then there’s the way you deliver the message.

Backyard Skeptics, an organization that bills itself as, “Where humanists, rational thinkers, atheists and agnostics have a place to explore the world without religious dogma,” plans this weekend to rip pages out of the Bible they believe portray immoral biblical law.

The message that the Bible has passages that are immoral is a valid topic for discussion. Some reasoned discourse on biblical questions like these would be welcome in an era when understanding one another is limited to how loudly you yell at your opponents.

Non-Desecration By Destruction
But Backyard Skeptics Director Bruce Gleason says, “We’re not there to burn the Bible or desecrate. There are plenty [of] verses in the Bible that if you did any of those things today, you’d be thrown in jail immediately.”

True, some of those things would get you arrested, convicted, and maybe even sent to death row. But, Gleason’s claim that he isn’t there to “desecrate” the Bible rings hollow. Most Christians would beg to differ that ripping pages out of their holy book isn’t desecration and they aren’t the only ones.

Muslims understandably weren’t so pleased when renown nutcase and “clergyman” Terry Jones thought toasting marshmallows over an open fire of burning Korans would be a fine thing. In fact, Jones’ justifications weren’t all that different from Gleason’s. “Jesus would not run around burning books,” Jones said last year, “but I think he would burn this one [because He disagrees with it].”

And interestingly, Gleason’s protest engages in what Christians might call evangelism, but with a secular twist. “We want to make this a better world for secular and humanistic values,” Gleason said. “We don’t believe prayer works. We don’t believe religion adds anything except a sense of false hope.”

I believe Christians often rely too heavily on martyrdom. It’s their constant screed they’re an endangered species being systematically rubbed out by the forked-tailed devils around them. That’s an outrageous debating point for a group that makes up 75-80% of the American population. It’s nothing more than needless antagonism toward people who don’t believe what they believe…just as atheists ripping pages out of a Bible make their motives suspect.

Jugheads Doomed to Hell

And it’s not that theists don’t engage in their own intolerance. Atheists are probably one of the groups most singled out by theists. At least Muslims believe in some God, even if many Christians believe Allah is a mere pretender to the throne of higher power. Believe in yourself and you’re some sort of jughead doomed to Hell and sucking the faithful right along with you – a sort of reverse Rapture.

This isn’t a Constitutional issue. The Supreme Court has consistently ruled that desecrating books or flags, or almost anything else is free speech and on that I agree with them (as long as that freedom is doled out equally for all). After all, they only ruled the speech free, not that it wasn’t ill-advised or provocative.

No, this is a matter of communicating beliefs. Dueling billboards that promote God or atheism? OK. Handing out information about your beliefs? OK, as long as you don’t tag along trying to convert me when all I want is a nice walk in the park. Ripping, burning, pissing on, or otherwise disrespecting someone’s belief symbols is intrusive, insulting, provocative, and needless.

In other words, it’s a hell of a way to rally people to your cause.

The Omnipotent Poobah, aka Jack Koeneman, is an atheist.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!