Well, that was anticlimactic. We listened to a grueling (for voters) 4-year long campaign during which we witnessed the worst political spectacle of the epoch. If, “liar, liar, pants on fire” meant anything, there wouldn’t be a pair of Levis left on the planet. The country immersed itself in a boiling cauldron of rancor so deep there is no word in English to adequately describe it. And yet, after all that, we have essentially the same balance of power as before.Well played America, well-played.

It’s time for a few observations and maybe a little advice. For the “mandate” crowd, winning an election by the skin of your teeth does not a mandate make. For the “it’s imponderable we lost” crowd, no it isn’t. You acted like a bunch of jackwads. For the “gridlock will finally break” crowd, what makes you think reelecting largely the same people who are already bought and paid for is going to break gridlock?

But since the nation is populated with a large ignorati caucus, let’s break it down real simple like:

The Shallowest Anchorman in the History of Anchormen

• Ohio voting lines were as long as depression era soup lines because Ohio can’t run an election to save their incompetent lives. It was not the, “African-Americans Ken Blackwell.
• Brit Hume, America is not more liberal than many thought. Independents didn’t swing for Obama because they were liberal, they swung for Obama because Mitt Romney is a crapweasel.
• Bill O’Reilly stated the obvious and then spun off to his unhappy place. Minorities and women did vote for Obama because, “they want stuff”. Many white men voted for Romney because, “they want stuff” too – namely the “stuff” minorities and women seek.
• Brian Kilmeade, if America is the, “shallowest country in the history of man” because they considered Sandy a valid election issue, it is because you are leading much of the country away from common sense for a dip into the same “shallow” end of the gene pool in which you dog paddle.
• Karl Rove, calling the Wars of Error huge successes is a lot like not believing actual math showing Obama won Ohio. Are you running for President on the Ignorati of Upsidedownistan ticket in 2016?
• Ari Fleischer, a word to the unwise. Elections have consequences and if the Republican party never embraces LGBT and women’s rights you will suffer them.
• Kudos to Tammy Baldwin for becoming the first openly gay senator. It is a big accomplishment for the LGBT community. But it’s also a big accomplishment for the straight voters who supported her and for a senate in dire need of diversity. That it pissed off the fundies is just icing on the cake.
• Dear Central Virginia Assembly of God, putting religious voter guides inside the polls is against the law and upstanding citizens who feel obliged to lecture everyone else on morals should know that. May God visit his wrath upon you for worshipping asshatery above all else.
• Ha ha, very funny Charleroi, PA Republicans. Putting up “NO PARKING FOR DEMOCRATS” and “WALK THAT WILL BE THE MOST WORK YOU DO ALL DAY” [sic] signs is a hoot. May you get a voter intimidation ticket.
• Tea bagging True the Vote people, you haven’t taken back “your” country yet. Laws are still laws. Tampering with ballots is still tampering with ballots. Even if you hate the Big Government that passed them. Don’t complain if your cheating asses get thrown out of the polls.
• Why the hell is Wall St. complaining about an Obama win? They made record profits since he’s been in office. Huge bonuses for being stupid all ’round!
• So Diane Sawyer is a wine connoisseur. So what? She was just playing the drinking game where you take a hit every time a pompous asshole appeared on camera.

Donald Trump Impersonates Daniel Ortega

• Donald Trump isn’t calling for a revolution a treasonous offense? No, wait! That ungodly hair is treasonous to good taste. Viva la Donald!
• Puerto Rico, as a citizen of a state lemme tell ya’ being a state ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
• Obama won, but Republicans aren’t hysterical over it. Their wits are just temporarily misplaced.
• Dear Republicans,  remember when you joked about Obama being a “community organizer“? Not so funny now, is it?
• Word to Allen West, angry black man in conservative Brooks Bros. sends a confusing message. Ditch the wingtips wingnuttery if you plan to run again.
• It seems Univ. of Mississippi students are unclear on the concept of Sherman’s March to the Sea. Put out the fires, you look ignorant and riots are not what Mom and Dad are paying for.
• Twitterers, repeating the N-Word 31 times doesn’t change the fact Obama won. Oh, and that’s African-American to you, buddy.
• Newt, what do you mean “we” were wrong. You were wrong about who would win the election. Admitting a mistake just isn’t you so your confusion is understandable.
• Mitt, if you run for the trifecta loss next time, listen to why Chris Christie went from Seamus the Attack Dog to Obama’s loyal Bo. “Know-nothing, disgruntled…staffers,” aren’t the path to victory. Neither is charging the media for access.
• Mitt always seemed out of touch with ordinary Americans. Perhaps he needs to go to his ‘Socialist Hospital Paradise‘ for a free empathy transplant. Mitt, you don’t look so mahvelous today.
• Sarah Palin is “perplexed” at the Obama win. She was also “perplexed” at her loss too. Sarah, people don’t vote for morons…even ones wearing lipstick.
• Maybe Mika Brzezinski is onto something with Boehner. Buy stock in tanning beds NOW!

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor.