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I Smell Crapweasles

10:31 am in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Proving the Poobah’s posts are prescient, it’s seems the threat to smite the Mormons over posthumous baptisms caused them to collapse into mint jelly and quash the practice.

Maybe.

After the recent string of religious recycling, the all-male church elders have put the chastity belt on its database of Jews. It’s nice they’ve taken the pledge to swear off wholesale religious reassignment surgery but the promise has the smell of Rush Limbaugh’s apologies over Slutgate. Still, in a religion famous for resistance to change, it is a big step.

If only they’d not made the same promise in the 1990s, I’d be willing to give them a little more wiggle room. But for the time being, I’ll take the advice of St. Ronny of Reagan and, “Trust, but verify“. However, others aren’t quite so forgiving.

To Jewish genealogist Gary Mokotoff, who was involved in the 1990 negotiations with Jewish leaders, the promise doesn’t mean much.

“By not allowing public access to the records, it creates the illusion they have something to hide,” Mokotoff said.

Apparently, he is not the only one with lingering concerns, genealogical researcher Helen Radkey has been blocked from the database, but is eying how she might continue revealing the ongoing practice.

“I don’t believe for five minutes that they’re going to stop baptizing Jewish Holocaust victims,” Radkey said with good reason”. She claims former Mormon bishop Larry Shaw, who she hadn’t spoken to for more than 20 years, tried “to silence me as a dissenter.”

Radkey says Shaw, “told me, years ago, as a Mormon bishop in Salt Lake City, that God would kill me if I laid a hand on the Mormon church. The first question he asked me tonight was how is my health?” In fact, he played the death card three more times in the same phone call Radkey says.

Creepy.

The Mormons may also be hedging their bets by failing to mention members of other churches and non-Jews like Mahatma Gandhi. The Mormons caught his runaway soul in 1997, after the initial promise to leave other people’s religion to other people. It is a loophole big enough to give a 1 percenter a tax-free exemption hard on.

I’m no expert on the Book of Mormon, but surely there must be a “thou shalt not” clause for telling fibs. If so, they already have two strikes.

It’s time the Mormons stop acting like crapweasels and do the right thing.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Mormons! I Smite Thee in the Name of Common Sense

6:09 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Get a Brain Mormans

Theists, I appreciate your prayers for my heathen soul, but there’s no need. Really. I’m an atheist. I’m good. And Mormons, posthumous baptism is even more than one step over the line. That’s even more unneeded, creepy, and unwanted – unless you want to modify that whole 72 Muslim virgins thing to a Mormon Unlimited Virgin Plan.  I’m a big believer in more virgins at lower prices. It’s proof of the value of free markets.

When I’m dead, I’m dead. You can’t baptize me unless you want to bless an unholy ooze of font water, ashes, and genealogical records that artificially boost the number of Mitt’s Minions on the books. Second, even though I’ll be dead, I find it offensive while I’m still here. I own the copyright on myself in perpetuity and will defend it vigorously.

Posthumous baptism is no academic exercise.  Moroni’s Acolytes recently transplanted Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal’s parents from Judaism to Mormonism. It’s not the first time Joseph Smith’s gardeners pulled Jews up by the roots and carried them to the Zion Botanical Garden of Eden either.

The church has been sued several times over their ecumenical necrophilia and each time they’re caught, it’s always the same chapter and verse. They throw one of their own fontheads to the heathenous hordes by explaining he’s just an overzealous mailroom Warren Jeffs with a hankerin’ for more Mormon ghosts milling around with too much time on their hands.  Each time they lay the blame, tithe the damage awards, and seemingly go back to doing what they do best – creating jobs by buying Schwins for the White Shirt/Black Tie Army. But, they always seem to reemerge like a reliable grasshopper plague.

Clearly, the LDS Church isn’t anti-Semitic.  As far as I know, they’ve never picked on anyone other than Jews and Christians who don’t believe New York Native Americans are a lost, wandering tribe of Jews. However, they seem to discriminate against Muslims, Atheists, and other religions apparently under the belief we are too far gone to pull from the burning fires of a hell fueled by untaxed 10% tithes. After all, they wouldn’t want to damage the tires of all those missionary bikes. Inner tubes are expensive and stink when they burn. Being good, non-cultish citizens, they wouldn’t want to stir up the EPA.

This is exactly the sort of thing that causes violence between religions. One would think the Mormons would know something about that after they were chased coast to almost coast to escape a never-ending string of massacres by  and against outsiders.

I’m proud to say there are no records of Atheist-on-Mormon homicide either. There probably weren’t enough of us in the 1800s to pull together a tar and feather brigade.

I think religions are being too soft on these shenanigans by merely accusing Mormons of running a cult. I’m thinking more along the lines of  the swipe of a 2X4 to the head of these poor, misguided geneologists. Something to get their attention if you will.

Say it with me, “I smite thee in the name of common sense you moron(i).”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!