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Fiscal Cliff: Republicans Will Lose

4:17 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

So far, I’ve abstained from posts about the Fiscal Cliff or Fiscal Crag or Hoar Frosty Diving Board Into the Socio-Economic Pits of Hell. One, there is chatter enough without me throwing in my rapidly worthless 2 cents. Two, it is the most predictable story in the history of politics. But, let me to throw in at least a cent and a half with the caveat that this post isn’t all about the cliff, but the behavior surrounding the tax hike on the wealthy.

It’s safe to say the Republican party is suffering  bit of internal strife. Their election bid failed for many completely foreseeable reasons, not the least of which was acting like imbeciles led by a candidate who never met  a position he wouldn’t gladly abandon. The Republican intelligentsia, like Bobby Jindal (And let’s face it, how intelligent can your intelligentsia be if Jindal represents it?), keeps trying to tell the Tea Partiers, Grover Grovelers, and Evangelical Loons to cool it. “Psst. They finally caught onto us. Shut up and look smart for a change you guys.” But, they just don’t get it.

The GOP still can’t figure out they lost the election. Or maybe they’ve just practiced ignoring facts for so long they can’t break the habit. They’re under the mistaken impression they can continue to act as they have and no one will be the wiser. Oddly, this is partly Obama’s fault. Until now, he’s negotiated every issue by coming into the room offering concessions before the ink was dry on his proposal. With each concession came a new Republican demand he almost always accepted until he became the proud owner of a 1969 Belchfire 5000 with no wheels or engine. Republicans call this negotiating in bad faith, which is true if by “bad faith” you mean not negotiating at all, just capitulating.

Obama Gets a Backbone

Suddenly, Obama gets a backbone and now sets the terms. He’s willing to negotiate, but he’s set some hard rules for what he finds acceptable, secure in the knowledge the vast majority of Americans will back him up on it. Republicans can complain all they want that Obama hasn’t presented a proposal (which he has) and that their proposal is balanced (while still containing the very things Obama said he won’t concede to).

In the process of not seeing what is wrong with this picture, they have said some unbelievably nutty things. Last week Boehner suggested that Obama actually following through on his campaign promise to raise taxes on the wealthy was madness, madness I say! Which, in a way, I suppose it is. A politician delivering on what he promised would seem mad to a politician who never has. Then, there are the simple lunkheads who dig a deep hole deeper.

Rep. Diane Black (R-TN) is the richest woman in Congress, a full-fledged member of the soon-to-be more highly taxed group. Thomas Roberts of MSNBC asked the genteel woman from Tennessee, “Over 65 percent of Americans agree that taxes need to be higher on those making over $250,000 a year. And I know you like to say these are small business owners, these are people that are going to give jobs to the American people. But when we look at this as a whole and the mandate that was given as a collective voice with the president’s re-election and he ran on the fact that he was going to raise taxes, and now this polling supports that Americans want to see taxes raised,” Roberts continued. “How can you stand there within the halls of Congress and say that’s not something you are willing to do?”

To which Black answered, “Well, I think that’s a really good question (but apparently one not good enough to answer). But here’s my question: If I say I want my neighbor to pay more than what I pay — I don’t care what level you’re at, you will always have that happen — but I think that what a lot of the American people are not aware of is how it’s going to directly impact them, and that is their jobs. Because these are the job creators.”

Diane, Diane, Diane. You just called 65% of the American people ignorant of what the taxes mean. Hell, even Mitt only insulted 47% of America. This is not the way to increase your voter appeal. Plus, you are arguing against many super-wealthy Republicans by single-mindedly refusing to accept tax increases on them — even though the rich can already see the handwriting on the wall. When Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein — surely one of the most arrogant, least sympathetic rich people on the planet — calls for heavier taxes on himself, you know you’re seriously on the wrong side of the issue.

There are Too Many Jobs

But, you’re not the worst. Billionaire investor and author Ken Fisher thinks we have too many jobs. In his words, “…if we continue to innovate as we have been it will mean more output with fewer jobs in the future. In the long run we will all benefit.” I suppose that is true if all means we folks who fund lower taxes on his $1.4 billion fortune. It would seem, at least in Fisher’s case, that he doesn’t intend to create many jobs with his windfall.

Republicans who will drive over the cliff to save some tax money against the will of 65% of Americans are not displaying much political genius. They will eventually lose this battle one way or another. They will have to concede because the few rational supporters they have left will punch out or because there isn’t a chance in hell of them getting their demands met when they are in no position to demand anything other than calling french fries, Freedom Fries in the Congressional dining room.

They will lose because it’s folly to continue as the party of angry white guys when there are a rapidly dwindling number of angry white guys left. They will lose because they can’t cater to religious zealots who want to quash anything not contained in the Bible at the expense of millions who like their rights just the way they are thankyouverymuch. They will lose because their candidates show the intellectual capacity of turnips and their spokespeople throw hissy fits when their own bought-and-paid for TV network declares the election over when it is over…and then fires him because he was such a pain in the ass about it. They will lose because they can’t continue to say, “no” while nodding their head, “yes” as every conspiracy crackpot in the nation mouths off about commie plots, Kenyan pretenders, and FEMA death camps. They will lose because they will ice their cake by letting The Donald’s hair speak for them or don’t take the hook to Clint Eastwood rambling at an empty chair.

It would be hard to repeatedly expend thousands of rounds of NRA-approved ammo at their own feet unless they were trying…trying really, really hard. So in the vast scheme of things, capitulating to avoid the cliff dive or just doing a Thelma and Louise doesn’t amount to much. The only principle they have ever adhered to is the principle of free political market capitalism. They sold their entire party and a good part of the nation to a band of lunatics to plug self-inflicted holes in their Big Tent. Now that their political capital is well and truly squandered, they are looking for a bailout – a bailout from the people they sold their party to. The ones that got them into this pickle because they are too obstinate, arrogant, regressive, and, well ignorant not to see what they are doing to themselves.

So here’s my cent and a half’s worth: The physical cliff is the least of their worries.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor.

What Do Mitt Romney and Joe the Plumber Have in Common?

4:56 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Here’s a burning question. What do Mitt Romney and Joe the Plumber have in common? As it turns out, they are each running the most incompetent political campaigns ever.

Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber, is the honest-to-God, official Republican candidate for Ohio’s 9th Congressional District Representative. He opposes 15-term incumbent Democrat Marcy Kaptur. Joe has taken the novel position that the best way to run for Congress is to stay hidden. But not hidden in that Mitt Romney way where you cut a few stump speeches until the heat from your latest gaffe blows over. No, he means really hidden, as in you have to contact him through the country party chair because he doesn’t answer his phone hidden.

Obviously, this does not make the 9th District’s Republican swells happy. And therein lies the first commonality between Mitt and Joe. Their party hates them.

How Very Mittens

Former GOP County Commissioner Maggie Thurber said, “[Joe] has a campaign committee and a Web site, but has been conspicuously absent from the news over the last month. This is not the way to win a campaign.” It’s the same thing as Republicans in Congress running – not walking – away from him as we inch toward election day.

Steve Kraus, the man who lost to Joe in possibly the worst political embarrassment since John Ashcroft lost his Senate seat to a dead man, agreed. “It’s kinda sad. He’s not running the race he said he was going to run. Everybody’s complaining they don’t have signs; they don’t hear from him; they don’t know what’s going on.”

Even his opponent is disappointed. “It’s hard for me to really define what he stands for because he hasn’t appeared in public to explain any of his positions since the primary,” Kaptur said.

How very Mittens.

The second eerie Joe/Mitt parallel is their mutual dislike of Teh Media. “Quite frankly, politics suck, I hate it with a passion. Only reason I’m involved in it is I like history and I like government,” Joe said as he tried to dislodge a particularly big turd from a drain. Although Mitt doesn’t know any history, except the one he creates for himself, and hates government, except for the part that serves him, he hates the media too. But while Mitt will Dirty Sanchez the minions of Rupert Murdoch if he needs something, Joe shows a little backbone and eschews the media altogether.

“Quite frankly, it’s easier to talk to someone one-on-one instead of a group of people. You’re not going to be taken out of context, so somebody understands what you’re saying,” Mr. The Plumber said to the somebody who apparently understands.

“Last night I probably spoke to 100-some-odd people personally which is a lot better than speaking to 100 people at an event where I might meet 20 or 30 of them,” he said of the odd people. “It just comes down to simple mathematics. How can I meet more people, talk to more people, get them to know who I am?

Here’s a formula to meet more people Joe: media+audience=lots of people. Still, he knows absolutely nothing about how that tactic might work. “Is it is a winning strategy? I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone else has tried it,” Joe said. Mitt was thinking the same thing as Clint Eastwood was taking a chair.

Joe, like Mitt, blames the electorate. He said the public needs to do some of their own research.

Both men seek money by saying stupid things. Mitt made himself famous for his 47% and Middle East conflict speech at a fundraiser. And, let’s not forget his deft handling of the embassy bombing. at the same meeting. It turns out Joe is on the same extraterrestrial wavelength.

The Hollow ‘Victory Headquarters’

Joe the Unlicensed Plumber still appeals for contributions from his national sources, but maintains a “Victory Headquarters” he no longer uses. His latest bit of grifting attacked the media for bullying Mitt over his delicately nuanced comments about the deadly raid on the American consulate in Libya. He argued the real issue was the threat to national security.

Of course, all the bad press was caused by the press being bad – not, heaven forbid, the candidates themselves. But it doesn’t matter to the Romney or Wurzelbacher. “This week has been a disaster for Miss Kaptur, Barack Obama, and the Democrats as the world begins to crash in around them, yet you can see how the media is completely in the tank for them,” Joe wrote. If Mittens had seen the quote he probably would’ve added, “Yeah! What he said!”

There are other similarities too. Wurz is as great with Hispanic voters as Mitt. “For years I’ve said, ‘Put a damn fence on that border going to Mexico and start shooting,” he said about immigration reform.

Both of them claim to have come from humble economic stock. In Joe’s case it’s so bad he’s been “forced” to take a $5000 per month salary from his campaign. “I’ve not made millions of dollars off Joe the Plumber. In fact I’ve made less money. I’ve lost a lot of money, and I’ve sacrificed a great many things to represent a group of people who want their voices heard,” he said. Joe has about three and a half paychecks left in the campaign kitty.

Mitt and Joe are even in lockstep when it comes to supporting citizens in a transparent way. “I will work to earn your trust, and I will answer your questions directly. We may not always agree, but you will never have to guess where I stand,” Romney The Wurz said.

Mitt Romney and Joe the Plumber, two bat shit crazy peas in a Tea Party pea pod salad. Aside from one being bald and one having a fine head of hair, these guys are Siamese twins.

Hell, they even chose similarly insane vice presidential candidates.

Conventions and Clint Eastwood: May They Go the Way of the Dodo Bird

4:08 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Barack Show is underway, leaving us all to wonder why we even need conventions – especially if your secret guest speakers are His Eloquency Clint Eastwood and the Imaginary Barack the Kenyan Kommunist. They are outmoded in an instantaneous 24×7 world.

According to the Great Big Screaming Heads, the primary function of the Republican World Lie-a-Thon Champeenships was to introduce Mitt to America. Apparently introducing him is really hard. He’s been running since 2008. Of course, the crazy wing of the party could say incredibly stupid things at exactly the most inopportune times. Party swells cozied up to big donors and assorted cash-laden hangers-on for a little up-close and personal grifting. And, Mittens got to enjoy his favorite political banquet meal…rubber chicken slathered in Dom Perignon caviar sauce served by a brace of virgin Sister Wives.

Barry doesn’t need a convention to introduce himself, though maybe pretending to be someone else would be advantageous. When people can’t decide between you and an unprincipled, unlikable misfit there is trouble afoot. Still, Democrats will indulge in the same conventioneering as the Mittenites, except they’ll replace the infirm Clint with ancient Betty White. We should never allow people that old to drive or address large groups of people in prime time – with or without an empty chair. It’s a disaster.

Once upon a time, conventions – like 4-year long campaigns and the Electoral College – meant something. Today, not so much.

Before people became professional candidates instead of legislators and corporate lackeys, conventions still held some magic, some suspense. Occasionally, the primary orgy of the previous two years didn’t lock up every state before things even got off the ground. The parties didn’t usually squash the rugged individualism of states and single delegates out of existence by bald threats and deft agenda control. Votes still meant something. Now? Pffft!

People used to pay attention to conventions too. They tuned in to watch grown men and women in plastic straw boater hats tell the world their political shit not only didn’t stink, but was positively essential for a balanced diet. There were balloons and tchotchkes and back room deals. It was all quite festive and gave delegates a reason to vote FOR someone instead of prevaricate for an unapproachable, stock-still statue of the Angel Moroni.

Many people used to look forward to the party platform’s grand reveal. Democrats and Republicans always used the same standard template. There were lots of flag-waving, no-brainer, popular, chicken in every pot promises that wouldn’t survive the inaugural ball. No one actually believed them, but they were such fun.

Today, nasty outliers conspire to create platforms guaranteed to piss everyone off – including their own supporters, God, and Jerusalem. Planks like no abortions – even when a rapist with a rusty Bowie knife stabs Mom to death – don’t elicit much support. Well, except for professional goobs like Rush Limbaugh, Tony Perkins, and any Republican who wouldn’t understand a rape if he woke up with a sore bunghole.

The modern convention – and likewise the Electoral College, primaries, and campaigns lasting more than 2 weeks – are anachronisms. They are overly expensive dodo birds that serve no discernible purpose. They distract everyone. But then, maybe that’s why we still have them. People need a distraction after a 4-year campaign.

“The delegate from the great state of Sensibilonia moves we abolish all conventions and adjourn so we can get to the massage parlors before they close for the night!”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor

Bad Company: The Music of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

9:10 am in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Who woulda’ thunk it? Paul Ryan loves Rage Against the Machine. I would have pegged him as a Randy Ayn and the Fountainheads fan or a sucker for Sweet Georgie and the Romneylans. And, all he got for his trouble was a little requited rage from the band and a head scratch from Mittens who is more of a Lawrence Welk Head who occasionally likes to rock out to the Osmonds.

Politicians and musicians always seem to have trouble with each other. The politicos are forever skipping over copyright laws and neglecting ASCAP fees to steal delightful ditties for their campaign songs.

Just last week, Romney panicked and flipped the Silversun PickupsPanic Switch. Over on the Veep side, America’s oldest young man ripped off Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It.

In both cases they chose to steal from groups that not only don’t support them, they vehemently and loudly don’t support them – plus some of them wear makeup and cross dress, which never goes over well at the Defense of Marriage Act meetings.

Lead Silversun, Brian Aubert, sounded quite miffed with Mitt. “We don’t like people going behind our backs, using our music without asking, and we don’t like the Romney campaign. We’re nice, approachable people. We won’t bite. Unless you’re Mitt Romney!”

Twisted Dee Snyder said much the same to Paulie, a double affront since Dee is a registered Republican. Impossible-to-balance budgets and glam rockers clearly don’t mix.

Despite being the party of All Business Big and Small, the Republicans seem to run afoul of the copyright laws more often than those socialist Dems. Perhaps that is just part of their whole, “What’s Yours is Mine and What’s Mine is Mine” philosophy – a song, grandma’s life savings…same difference.

But then, maybe musicians are generally creative types who wouldn’t be caught dead supporting a bunch of cultural wingtips like the everlasting GOPstoppers. Your typical Little Tenter is more of a wholesome Sippy Cups/Old MacDonald Had a Farm Subsidy bunch and would gladly bypass all that 666ish devil worshipping rock and roll anyway…but the Koch Brothers really like to rock when they’re out on the town.

Money talks, rock walks.

Republican musical historians are as incompetent as their fact checkers. They have the uncanny ability to steal music from people who will turn their amps up to 11, hit a low note on the Mighty Hammond B3, and blow them and their walkers away. Why do they do that?

In the interests of peace in the Kingdom of Rock, here are a few tips for my righty friends who love, though don’t understand, a good lyric and a catchy tune:

  1. Ask to use the music first. If the group flings cymbals at you like death stars, they are probably Democrats.
  2. Pay for what you take. To use an analogy you’ll understand better than those new-fangled cassette tapes, we don’t want to resort to putting those old Plexiglas plates with holes smaller than 8-tracks over the music bin.
  3. Use the song appropriately. Tom Petty’s American Girl is a poor match for Michele Bachmann. She’s more of an American Woman.

American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama let me be
Don’t come hangin’ around my door
I don’t wanna see your face no more

Always pick something with a good beat you can waltz to. If in doubt, check with Dick Clark.

Even dead, he’s hipper than Ryan Seacrest.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor

Quit Bitching About the Arizona ‘Bitch Session’

7:07 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

There are times when the level of inconsequential minutiae in politics turns into, well, a bitch session.

Last Sunday Arizona Republic columnist Laurie Roberts wrote about the kookie nature of the Arizona legislature. In it she said, “To dekook Arizona, start with the state Republican Party.” GOP donor, Kathy Petsas, agreed, saying her party has “been hijacked” and should be wrenched back from ideologues.

One could reasonably argue the Arizona legislature, home of more than its fair share of kooks, is an ideolgue’s paradise. One could also argue the place needs a respite from the politinuts. Both are fair political game, even in the overheated environment that passes for public discourse these days.

So far, so good.

GOP spokesperson Shane Wikfors countered. He wrote in his blog that the women hadn’t even, “bothered to pick up the phone and call me or the Chairman and Kathy Petsas never made any attempt to provide any constructive criticism to the State Party,” he wrote. “Not surprisingly, I’ve never seen her come to the office to volunteer. Instead, Ms. Petsas ran off to Laurie Roberts and engaged her in a ‘bitch session.’

I’m not privy to whether Petsas and Roberts called or not. I also don’t know whether Pestas volunteers or even needs to volunteer. On the surface I think the call to toss the ideologues is “constructive”. But it doesn’t matter whether I do, I don’t live in Arizona. All of that may or may not be true, but none of it is what caused a kerfuffle this week. Instead, it was Wikfors use of the term, “bitch session”.

Many jumped on Wikfor and intimated that “bitch session” somehow implied he was referring to the women as bitches. That a bit of a stretch. The same sort of stretch that leads people to call Republicans, to a member, Nazis or people who voted against Barack Obama certified racists. To be sure there probably are some Nazis in elephant’s clothing and yup, I’m sure Obama didn’t poll well with the KKK. But, that sort of kookie hyperbole is part and parcel of the ideological behavior both sides use in spades – and not in the sense of black people, but in the sense of “to a considerable degree“.

The common use of  “bitch session” is clear to anyone familiar enough with the American idiom to mean “complaining, griping, bitching, moaning, and gnashing teeth.” As clear as the term “gnashing teeth” doesn’t mean actual dentine grinding  and moaning isn’t a reference to ghosts or orgasms.

Roberts agreed, telling Politico, “I don’t have any concern about the words. I’ve been called far worse.” Well, that’s sort of an agreement. That little dangler about being “called far worse” is the same sort of disagreeing agreement that those on the right use when they say Obama is American, but describe the question as “interesting”.

Look, there are plenty of things to ding politicians for on both sides. There are plenty of examples on both sides of people using words to say something they really want to say, but don’t have the courage to say.

If you want to say this whole affair isn’t about women’s issues, then say it – strong, unambiguously, and clearly. If you want to imply women are bitches, do it with your empty head held high and show the world just what a boob (no reference to the female anatomy) you truly are.

But either way, quitcher bitchin’.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture.

Fail Gunner Allen West

3:40 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

“Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?” harkens back to the bad old days when careers and lives were ruined by Tail Gunner Joe McCarthy, an alcoholic, demagogic Senator from Wisconsin. His bullying excesses become known as McCarthyism and he and his supporters caused far worse damage to the nation than the most evil of Communists ever did.

Apparently, Rep. Allen West (R-FL) has begun channeling Fail Gunner Joe as a sop to Tea Partying extremists and to avoid talking about real issues. He claims there are 80 Communists in the House or rather he “heard” – without producing any names – the dastardly 80 were hiding as Commies in Democratic clothing. As with Joe, he prefers the insinuation method of proving his point rather than facts.

Allie, there are no Communists in the House. The ideologically closest politician on The Hill is self-identified democratic socialist (Independent on the ballot) Bernie Sanders and he’s a Senator from Vermont, not a Representative in the House.

BTW, there is also a difference between Socialism and Communism. It would behoove Republicans, who have great difficulty understanding the difference between Fascism and Socialism, to learn the difference before spouting more ideological hog-wallop. While you’re at it, look up liberal too. The term is not synonymous with Socialism, Communism, or Despotism.

Second, Sanders is a legally-elected, presumably effective Senator from a legal political party elected by the citizens of Vermont. If he weren’t, he would be ex-Senator Sanders. As much as West might like to try, Vermont’s Congressional representation is in their hands, not some half-baked interloper from Florida. If he is worried about Vermont Commies, he can move there and try to unseat Sanders. It will be no easy feat if he tries.
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When Candidates Don’t Get Video and Audio Tape

6:05 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Barack Obama for CNN“BARACK OBAMA REPORTING FROM CAPITOL HILL” – Every politician will run afoul of evil video or audio tape. The good ones will get the hang of it and mostly stay off the Daily Show, the bad ones will get virtually bludgeoned on the evening news.

Six years after noted grifter and late Alaska Senator Ted Stevens showed his impeccable technology credentials by likening the Internet to a “series of tubes”, our erstwhile Presidential nominees struggle with the most basic pre-21st Century gadgets. Gadgets like cameras and audio tape. This is a disturbing trend for a gaggle of walking egos intent on becoming the most audio and video-taped person on the planet.

Them’s the BreaksNo candidate is totally consistent in their speeches, especially when their life is one extended press junket. We expect our candidates to have positions on every imaginable issue, but that’s simply not possible. There are far too many and some are too complex for your average Tea Bagger to hear above the “Death to the Obamunist” chants. Questions come by the bushel and candidates sometimes take an on-the-fly position to fill the dead air with something that turns out is wrong, indefensible, and inconsistent with dozens of other stands they take. When you talk for a living, them’s the breaks.

A candidate will repeatedly be excoriated as a flip-flopper if this happens, and there are only two ways to deal with it. If, like Romney, you change positions like a hummingbird with a nectar jones, you claim you never made the statement or were “misquoted”.  Let’s call this the Romney Method. Or, the Gingrich Method, in which the candidate simply labels the questions “stupid” and refuses to answer when they’ve talked themselves into a corner.

But, both methods have a critical technological fault – video tape.  Let’s call this the Jon Stewart Effect.

Misquotable QuotesSince candidates are publicly paraded like prize ponies it’s likely that when they change course an inconvenient camera or live mic will catch it.  Suddenly the Jon Stewart Effect kicks in. Jon will make a joke accompanied by some video, and then tell another joke accompanied by video showing a 180 degree spin – a move that even the most talented Olympic figure skaters can’t manage.  It’s hard to defend a flip flop or “misquote” when you’re right there on unedited tape flipping and flopping or proving that your “misquote” was really just a “quote” – one that’s undeniably verbatim.

Newt’s method is no better. He can refuse to answer the question, but chances are he’s already on the record facing in a different ideological direction. Invariably, Jon will pick up on it, or worse, the lamestream media – these days, the right wing media – will hand him his ass on a platter. If video technology doesn’t get him, displaying his monumental hubris will reveal him to be the vicious little prick he is. Not a winning strategy, unless he wants to piss on everyone – including current and ex-wives –  often enough they will do anything possible to ruin his self-declared moment in the sun just for shits and giggles.

Campaigners, here’s some advice: Assume every word, thought, and deed – from pillow talk to Iowa pork belly prices – is on tape somewhere. Assume that any contradictions will show up at the most inopportune time. When it does, be prepared to explain in simple words – and this is important…once and only once – that it was an honest change in view of new facts. After that, you said it, you own it, and you better stick to it. There will be no more opportunities to back out on something you’ve clearly said on the record, because, urm, you are ALWAYS on the record. Handle the impact of audio/visual like a technological problem and no one can contradict you, other than you. You can’t compare and contrast a position if there is nothing to compare it to.


Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Newt Gingrich: Leading the Cockroach Ticket

2:58 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Newt's Dick

AND THEN I TOLD MARIANNE… – “Darlin’, I got some serious junk here and there’s just too much of Newt to not share the wealth.”

Newt Gingrich has an ego as big as all outdoors, or at least a big as Donald Trump’s. He’s a historian with only a nodding acquaintance with text book history and his own self-professed place in it.  The other thing Newt has is a propensity for pissing people off. People like voters and political allies in his own party. While this isn’t an altogether useless skill in an election, it isn’t so great when a President has to work with people rather than through them. If cockroaches will survive nuclear holocaust Newt will be right there tossing garbage to them.

Newt and the Bulldog
The Grey One has already screwed the pooch in the opinion of most political pundits. Screwed the bulldog just like The Crazy One, The Pizza Deliverer, Governor Big Hair, and The Unknown Candidate. He’s left competing with The Even Crazier One, The Crazy Little Old Man, and The Moronic Mormon.  As long as evangelicals, pissed off white guys, and the rest of the Ignorati from small, unimportant states vote like lemmings he’ll still be winner take all on pure political gutsiness.

Make no mistake, Newt will become the candidate. I’m not a believer in legislating personal behavior , but a man pandering to values voters while having none of his own isn’t a problem. The values folks vote that way all the time and a little pecker-waving is a small price to pay beating The Messiah (oh, and BTW, when’s he going to show us his birth certificate?). By election time, the Mormon will have as big a reputation for never meeting a position he didn’t like and revealing his birth certificate instead of his 0% tax rate forms will be the least of his problems.

Newt is Newt
Newt will stride across the GOP stage like John McTheusela and try to convince the Republicans that running as President and Vice President at the same time is a good thing. After all, he’s Newt and Newt is more powerful than God. Still, some single-payer corporate grifters will kibosh the idea and force Newt to take on a wildly ridiculous running mate, maybe a Dan Quayle comeback.

The Dems will float a Biden Presidential run because they are just as afraid of Newt as the few thinking Republicans are.  But eventually, The Messiah will clinch the nomination after some public cat herding. Eventually, the Obamunator will win by the skin of his socialist nose after Newt’s hubris trips him up by saying something so weird even the Republicans can’t overlook it – perhaps moving into the White House immediately after his nomination.

Never underestimate the power of a man who can schtup wife two while taking on the Stepford Wife with the bad hair and can explain that the whole thing was Calista’s doing.

Hey, it could happen.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Rick Santorum: Racist, Stupid, or Misunderstood

5:37 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

"Rocky" SantorumADRIAN! – “In this corner…Rockin’ Rick ‘Rocky’ Santorum”

I don’t know if Rick Santorum is a racist. I know he says many stupid things, so he might be an idiot, or maybe a racist idiot. It hard to tell when a person has a brain the size of an empty, withered walnut.

But, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Let’s assume he’s an earnest man without a trace of racism and that he really believes, “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families. The best way to do that is to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling.”

Minorities are as Rare as Untipped Iowan Cows
Let’s forget that most welfare payments go to white people and let’s forget that 91% of Iowans are white. Minorities in Iowa are as rare as untipped cows.

Getting manufacturing going is important. If it was working everyone in the economy would be better off, even the rich. However, many American manufacturers are so far gone they can’t come back. Plus, there are fewer people who can afford products, regardless of where they’re made. The golden goose has been fed rat poison by over-consumption and under-manufacturing.

Santorum rightly makes the point that while minorities aren’t the bulk of the welfare population, they are disproportionately represented. You know, sort of like the 1 Percenters. So, programs to help them get out and, “give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families,” is a tough, withered walnut shell to crack.

Santorum and others of his ilk want to put the poor back to work without funding schools, job training, medical care, affordable housing, or anything else that jacks up Bill Gates’ tax rate. In fact, some Republicans want the poor to pay more in taxes. What sort of math allows you to raise the poor’s taxes by 50% without understanding that 50% of nothing is, urm, NOTHING?!!

Welfare programs are hugely expensive, though not as expensive as other expenditures being stalked by ravenous budget-wolves. But assuming welfare will magically go away if we simply stop paying is wishful thinking – like absorbing millions of illegal aliens and then assuming they’ll disappear if we throw up some chain link halfway between Arizona and New Mexico.

Yes Rick, there is a problem. But no, busying yourself with the sex lives of other people doesn’t solve it. And further, this isn’t a new problem. It is the result of kicking a very large can down a very long road.

Many welfare programs were born of LBJ’s Great Society. The Great Society was an admirable effort to lift poor sharecroppers above poverty by trying to balance the economic and racial inequities of American society. In the end, all it did was move people to housing projects were there is no sharing or crops and minorities are contained so they wouldn’t be so noticeable.

The great failing was assuming you could start by giving kids something to eat, a place to live, and a school to go to while ignoring the generations of people who were already past the point of lifting up.

Mommy the Crackhead and Daddy the Pimp
You can teach a kid how to read and count, but Mommy being a crackhead and Daddy being a drug-dealing pimp isn’t exactly world-class role modeling. Too many people are simply warehoused in crumbling housing, ducking gang raids, and learning that dealing drugs makes way more money than flipping burgers. All the while listening to nitwits preach that fixing the problem is as simple as stopping payments for the crumbling housing and decrpit schools.

Santorum probably thinks that being poor trumps being a minority. He may not want black folk in his neighborhood, but that wouldn’t be as bad as a white family of project transfers moving in next door. He just doesn’t like one, the other actually drives down his property values.

Being poor or a minority is a problem in this country. Sometimes they’re inextricably linked, other times you can tease economics from bigotry. But either way simply stopping funds and pretending that all the downtrodden need is some paternal advice to get a job won’t make it go away. No matter how hard he might try, Rick can’t make these people and their problems invisible. He can’t pretend their problems aren’t the nation’s problem.

In the end Rick’s solution is no solution at all, it’s merely another kick of the can. If we want to lessen the need for welfare, we’ll need to reform what we spend on, not how much we spend. Throwing cash at ill-advised, half-assed, ineffective programs is just as bad as doing nothing.

And nothing is exactly the change Rick’s plan will make.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Newt “I Got My Ass Kicked Over That Name A Lot When I Was a Kid” Gingrich

2:16 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Poll watchers are writing the obituary for Newt “I Got My Ass Kicked Over That Name A Lot When I Was a Kid” Gingrich. Pundits are screaming at each other with full-throated vigor and the public stands agog that none of the punditocrisy saw this coming.

“Newt’s a smart guy and will pull it all together!” Newt has too much baggage and doesn’t have a hope in hell” go the chants.

My opinion is that Newt has an ego that would give Donald Trump a hard on. And, he likes to play the “(revised) history professor” to a party well-known as the ignorati since medieval serfs used sticks for shovels… and housing… and, when necessary, food. Besides, everyone had a 7th grade history teacher that hated them. That memory is really hard to overcome.

Newt, the Small Salamander
In the end, Newt will fall into his own mouth and swallow himself into a heftily paid lobbyist and “professor” in some of the nation’s most academically-challenged institutions of higher learning. Besides, he’s named for a small amphibian and that’s a heavy cross to bear.

Noting unusual here. Politicians flame out all the time.  What seems to differ this time is that the Republican field is like the Kentucky Derby with 6 more horses than starting gates.

So far, the ultra-insane wing – Michele Bachmann and Governor Goodhair – have fallen prey to that old political disease, Village Idiot Syndrome. Herman Cain – who passes for a moderate in today’s Republican Party – went down with “I Can’t Keep it in My Pants” Disease.

Rick Santorum is a late bloomer angling for the “Uber-Ultra Insanitite With a Cherry on Top” vote. He’ll fare about as well as anyone who, when Googled, displays a picture of runny shit.

Jon Huntsman will die a quiet political death while trying to explain how his billionaire father has nothing to do with his campaign while accepting more money than God from him. Breeding truly tells.

Ron Paul will pull the hardcore daffies like he’s the second coming of Dennis Kucinich, but daffiness doesn’t sell nearly as well as bat-shit, full-moon lunacy.

That religious cultist Mitt Romney – who’s sole redeeming feature is that he isn’t one of the others – will still lose. It seems what you don’t say is almost as bad a saying something stupid. Wearing special underwear and having been named for a piece of baseball equipment will not overcome his challenges either.

I Love the Smell of Moose Urine in the Morning
Who’s left? No, not Donald Trump. He won’t find campaigning nearly as cool as delusional idol worship, gold-plated everything, and swag lamps. The White Trump House is simply not klassy enough for him.

But, is that moose urine or wolf carcass offal on the tundra I smell? Why of course, Yosemite Samantha Sarah is baaaack!

She’s nowhere as loony as Santorum or Bachmann, but they’ve been genetically bred for maximum hilarity – religious, anti-chimp/anti-evolution claims notwithstanding.  Perry gives her a run for her money, but in the end he still sounds like George the Lesser raised from the dead. And the one thing everyone agrees is that George the Lesser should be exiled to Sardinia… forever.

For some inexplicable reason, people will listen to her. Maybe it’s her folksy delivery or sexy schoolmarm schtick. Maybe it’s her “just plain folks” sensibilities. “She just seems so darn nice,” Republican women will gush. People see her as having the same troubles as them. After all, her reality show was cancelled and it’s replacement withered on the vine. Everyone can relate to that, can’t they?

Of course, Obama will win the election – not because people like him – but because they see how bad things are now and are absolutely terrified it’ll get even worse with someone else in the catbird seat.

Surprisingly, Republicans aren’t driving nails into their own coffin with this baffling array of candidates with donut holes for brains. No, they’ll just look like buffoons until such time as the Democrats out-buffoon them and then put up some yokel with lots of money and no morals for the win.