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The Jewish Carpenter Would Look Down on George Carlin’s Nailing Fools

6:00 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

The brilliant George Carlin once said, “If you can nail together two things that have never been nailed together before, some dumb schmuck will buy it from you”. Nobody demonstrates this better than the Not So Fun Fundamentalist Right crowd.

Let’s watch as they pull out the hammer and pound a few nails:

Bryan Fischer Among the Cannibals The American Family Association’s Backward Christian Soldier, Bryan Fischer, stands in front of a billboard-sized copy of the Constitution to proclaim Conservatives should be foursquare in favor of discrimination. In the speech he compares gay Americans  to,  “people who…eat the faces off homeless people.”

Apparently, Fish didn’t hear face-eater Rudy Eugene’s mom describing her son. She said he was, “a church boy” and Miami police confirmed it. Eugene was carrying a Bible when he stopped for lunch at the Donner Party Buffet. He was apparently straight and had a girlfriend who “felt safe” with him because he was so religious. The Fischerman is no friend of the heaven-sent, people-eating grizzly bear either.

Know Your Enemy: Lesbian Jane Lynch! All you Glee fans out there turn off your sets! Televangelist James Robison is convinced the show will destroy America! And here I thought it was the blatant ripoff of the equally lame series Fame. Damn that lesbian, Jane Lynch!

A Profile in Courage Pastor Curtis Knapp of the New Hope Baptist Church thinks LGBT folks have it too damn easy. They’re just like incestuous people and polygamists and so should be put to death, “We punish incest, we punish polygamy and various things. It’s only homosexuality that is lifted out as an exemption.”

Even though incest and polygamy aren’t capital offenses, too damn bad. Off ‘em anyway. But, the good pastor is a little squeamish. When asked on CNN if he should be killing gays he said, “No, I’m saying the government should. They won’t, but they should.”

So Sayeth the Dean of Wingnuts…Of course, what’s a round-up of the odd without Pat Robertson, the Dean of Wingnuts? The man who can pray away hurricanes compares polygamy, bestiality, and pedophilia among many other things.

Beasts Making the Beast With Two Backs Ah, the gay-begets-bestiality cabal is in full voice. Pastor Tim Rabon, of Raleigh’s Beacon Baptist Church, believes in the Rick Santorum man-on-dog sex theory. The pastor thinks redefining marriage is the Devil’s Dog’s work. “What is stopping them from refining marriage from a person and a beast? We’re not far from that.”

Tamara Scott, Michele Bachmann acolyte, doesn’t see dogs in the picture, but the Eiffel Tower? That’s another story. BTW, Michele was pretty worried about being shipped off to a FEMA-run concentration camp once upon a time.

Heil Hitler! Bryan Fischer being Bryan Fischer, he gets two mentions. He believes almost the entire Nazi Party was gay. I’m not sure exactly how that would work when gays are such a small percentage of the population and that Hitler considered himself Christian and wasn’t gay and the Nazis were famously homophobic.

Nothing Hugs Like HuggiesOne of my favorite things nailed together is Pastor Patrick Wooden’s contention that gay sex causes gay men to need diapers or butt plugs. Aside from the fact he seems to think the real reason men can reproduce is because semen and sh*t don’t mix. He had no opinion on whether straight people, some of them surely Christian, engaging in anal sex would leak like a meal filled with Olestra.

I assume he also opposes sex education.

All of these people’s boss might have been a Jewish carpenter, but I’m skeptical he built the sort of house they have in mind. It would’ve had the worst foundation imaginable, paper-thin walls they’d blow out with their own unprayed away bloviations, and a roof that even a mother would wish they jump from.

George, you’re right. These boobs keep nailing things together and dumb schmucks keep tossing the money in their collection plates.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture.

Pick a Peck of Pol PACS

4:22 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

It’s not new to obfuscate political motives by coming up with ludicrous names for things. Bush the Lesser was a master of the craft. Seldom have these ideological splinters in the ass of the nation been clear enough to figure out just what in the hell they means.

Sometimes it’s something hideous, like a war – the “War on Terror” should more correctly have been called “The War of Error”. Our troops and citizens in Iraq were the only ones terrorized in that stupid war.

Legislation doesn’t escape either.  I’d wager not many people recognize “Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorists” as the PATROT Act. And political action committees, especially now that they’re allowed to contribute gobs of money with little or no transparency, do their best to play the old bait and switch name game. Thanks Supremes.

A recent list of ludicrous PAC names shows just how goofy the naming can be. For example, three different names not only don’t reveal what they represent but seem to misunderstand that whole space/time continuum thing. Get a load of these:

Neither the “We Believe in USA” PAC nor the “We Love USA” PAC give a clue as to what they “believe” nor what they propose other than “love” and “belief” – neither of which require money to demonstrate. Furthermore, who in America, aside from the random “Islamoterrorist” (that’s a mouthful too) doesn’t love and believe in their country in some way.

Americans Wanting Truth in Politics” doesn’t mention whose “truth” they want while the “Citizen’s Alliance for Better Candidates” doesn’t say what should be better or how they managed to let both Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum slip through their presumably expensive “better” filters.

Americans for More Rhombus”, “Just Drink the Koolaid” [sic, you morans], “Citizens Benighted” (though calling yourself ignorant seems like a questionable money raising tactic), and “The Dump Him Project” are shockingly loony. “Citizens Against the Peripheral Canal and Other Wasteful Projects” suggests there must be a Peripheral Canal to Nowhere someplace. Sarah Palin, being an expert of “nowhere projects”, can clear this one up for us peraps. You betcha.

It seems there are lots of Shamus Romney supporters too. Mittens comes out on the short end of the rawhide bone with:

No word yet on whether there is a “Dachshunds Against Undocumented Muslims Eating Dog Meat” PAC, though you’d think it would be a big winner amongst the wieners.

It just makes you to take the advice of the “Rethink PAC” name, which seems the sanest idea I’ve heard today.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Will You Join the Kardashian Party?

3:45 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

As self-made Hollywood celebrities go, Kim Kardashian could be much worse. In between endless photo shoots, making sex tapes, marrying and/or dating every man in the Northern Hemisphere, and selling clothes with too much gold braid and rhinestones, she sometimes has a somewhat self-deprecating view of her fame. On one of the Kardashian clan’s reality shows (E! Entertainment – All Kardashian, All the Time), she was asked what she was famous for. “I’m the girl with the big ass,” she said.

Refreshing honesty. You gotta love her for that.

Kim’s 24-hour, non-stop automated Twitter feed recently sung with the news that she has penned a decidedly non-Maoist 5-year plan for her life.

For example, she wants to do everything she can for the Armenian community. I’m not sure how many Armenians – minus the dozens of Kardashians in Calabasas – actually need help. But, standards of wealth are different in L-Lay and besides, it’s the thought that counts.

However, her biggest buzz was the news that she’s contemplating a run for Mayor of Glendale, CA – a move from Big Ass to Big Wheel as it were. Now this isn’t as odd as it may seem, certainly no odder than Rick Santorum or Mittens Romney. Heck, she could do no worse than the Princess of Wasilla and Half-Term Governess of Rogueistan.

First, she’s smart. She’s built an entire multi-million dollar empire on nothing more than an ability to sniff out a camera faster than a drug dog can find a suitcase full of cocaine and her aforementioned “big ass”. She’s the picture perfect poster girl for entrepreneurship and she’s doing nothing more than any other wealthy person does these days. I hear Khloe is training as a lobbyist as we speak and Kim has enough relatives to fill the entire Glendale city council, with spares to cover City Manager, Police Chief, and City Fashion-Forward Coordinator.  I’m sure her Q-Rating is over the top too. Clearly, this is a winning ticket.

Despite all the guffaws at her plan, she’s clearly more qualified than politicians who make major issues out of dogs riding on car roofs or accusations that the President of the United States is a dog-eating, closet Muslim, who hates America and is an illegitimate pretender to the Office.  It’s great that young people like her are willing to go into public service and she deserves rhinestone encrusted praise for it. If Michael Bloomberg can be the CEO Mayor of New York and cross-dressing Rudy Giuliani can be “America’s Mayor” then Kim Kardashian can lead Glendale into the future…with a lot more pizazz.

Kardashian 2013! I say, “You go GURL!”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Fail Gunner Allen West

3:40 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah


“Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?” harkens back to the bad old days when careers and lives were ruined by Tail Gunner Joe McCarthy, an alcoholic, demagogic Senator from Wisconsin. His bullying excesses become known as McCarthyism and he and his supporters caused far worse damage to the nation than the most evil of Communists ever did.

Apparently, Rep. Allen West (R-FL) has begun channeling Fail Gunner Joe as a sop to Tea Partying extremists and to avoid talking about real issues. He claims there are 80 Communists in the House or rather he “heard” – without producing any names – the dastardly 80 were hiding as Commies in Democratic clothing. As with Joe, he prefers the insinuation method of proving his point rather than facts.

Allie, there are no Communists in the House. The ideologically closest politician on The Hill is self-identified democratic socialist (Independent on the ballot) Bernie Sanders and he’s a Senator from Vermont, not a Representative in the House.

BTW, there is also a difference between Socialism and Communism. It would behoove Republicans, who have great difficulty understanding the difference between Fascism and Socialism, to learn the difference before spouting more ideological hog-wallop. While you’re at it, look up liberal too. The term is not synonymous with Socialism, Communism, or Despotism.

Second, Sanders is a legally-elected, presumably effective Senator from a legal political party elected by the citizens of Vermont. If he weren’t, he would be ex-Senator Sanders. As much as West might like to try, Vermont’s Congressional representation is in their hands, not some half-baked interloper from Florida. If he is worried about Vermont Commies, he can move there and try to unseat Sanders. It will be no easy feat if he tries.
Read the rest of this entry →

Anne Graham Lotz Helping to Create a Boston Bible Party

3:18 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

The First Bible Lesson

(Photo from Boston Public Library via flickr)

 

Billy Graham’s daughter, Anne Graham Lotz, took time out from her swim in the shallow end of the Graham family gene pool this weekend to assure everyone that she would NEVER vote for an Atheist.

This isn’t particularly unusual. The Graham family has a long-held antipathy toward Atheists and other minorities. Son Franklin Graham entertains rather birther-like suspicions that maybe Barack Obama isn’t a Christian.

“You have to ask him,” Graham said in a February interview. “I cannot answer that question for anybody. You have to ask every person. He has said he’s a Christian, so I just have to assume that he is.”

Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich: Holy Men?However, he gave Rick Santorum more benefit of any doubt. “Do you believe Rick Santorum is a Christian,” Frank was asked.  “I think so,” responded Graham. Why? “Well, because his values are so clear on moral issues. No question about it. I just appreciate the moral stances he takes on things. He comes from a Catholic faith… I think he’s a man of faith,” he said.

Ditto for serial thou shalt <del>not covet thy neighbor’s wifer</del> Newt Gingrich. “I think Newt Gingrich is a Christian, at least he told me he is.” Newt’s decidedly unchristian behavior to the contrary.

Frank isn’t so open to other faiths either. On Mitt Romney and the Mormons, “Most Christians would not recognize Mormons as part of the Christian faith,” Graham said. On Muslims and Obama? “Under President Obama…the Muslims of the world, [sic] he seems to be more concerned, than Christians who are being murdered in Muslim countries,” said Graham.

Even Big Daddy Graham had a Romney-like semi-commitment to racial equality and antisemitism in the closet. He kept his “eye on public opinion, and the shifting winds of American culture”  before finally settling down and denouncing his previous, less tolerant, positions. Plus, Billy tried to sue me once, but that was another story.

But back to Anne. Read the rest of this entry →

Rick Santorum, You’re Not the Only One Who Wants to Puke

4:06 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

 

Everybody knows Newt Gingrich loves to pontificate, but now he’s decided to simply elect himself Pope – not that you’d recognize it from his public statements.

Gingrich says he isn’t speaking as a “religious leader” – even though he’s running for world leader and spreading the gospel, sometimes against people’s will, far and wide.

He’s also said he’s not a  a “saint”  and that part’s true enough. The guy is a serial adulterer with woefully weak saintly qualifications, even if he did beg “God’s forgiveness” for trying to convince the exes to agree with an open marriage.

Pissing Off All Christendom

The occasion of his remarks was an address to an Atlanta church where he warned the “secular left” is on a – to borrow a good Christian word – 50-year crusade to piss off all of Christendom.

The far right are great believers in a fundamentalist Constitution as fundamentalist as their faith – and woe be unto the secularist who would dare to disagree. Yet, the Constitution says not one word about the Ten Commandments nor any other religious teachings. The only thing the First Amendment specifically mentions is, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or of prohibiting the free exercise thereof…”

There are two things wrong about that. First, religion ain’t free. America offers religious institutions tax-free status and proposed special dispensations, like not “forcing” religious institutions to deny equal access to health services by complaining their beliefs might be violated.

But hey, I’m an Atheist and I’d sure like a tax break too. I’d also like to get health services from any hospital when I need it.

But Newt isn’t the only one offering such “advice” to deny secularists (and in some cases other religions) the same rights he enjoys as a recidivist adulterer.

Rick Santorum is the leader of the lemming wing of the GOP that’s running over the cliff and pulling their party down behind them. Still, he marches to the same hypocritical drum, one whose cadence beats a little something like this:

“I’m for separation of church and state. The state has no business telling the church what do to,” Rum-Drunk Ricky said in a recent Michigan speech. But out of the other side of his mouth came, “I don’t believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute,” Santorum said during an ABC interview. The idea that the church can have no influence or no involvement in the operation of the state is absolutely antithetical to the objectives and vision of our country.”

Who, Who, Who Let the Snake Out”?

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but how is religion having “influence” and “involvement” in secular affairs the separation of church and state he sees in his non-secular, Christian Garden of Eden?

It sounds like someone has been in the snake’s apple barrel to me.

Santorum has other fears too. He thinks colleges and universities are the work of the Devil. He told noted ignorati, Glenn Beck, that academic “indoctrination mills” steal religious faith. “Sixty-two percent of kids who go into college with a faith commitment leave without it.”

No wonder he called Obama a “snob”  for encouraging, “everybody in America to go to college”. But Rick, aren’t you a “snob” too? You have more degrees than Obama.

The highly educated “non-snob” reads something other than the Bible though. He “almost threw up” after reading a 1960 speech by John F. Kennedy who said he believed, “in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute”. Apparently, Rick has a weak stomach for any opinion suggesting America will not be doomed by the forces of evil secularists, even if many are actually non-lefty Christians.

Newt, how do you square your thinking? How can religion be under a 50-year attack when it gets the perks secularists can only dream of?

Rick, you like to point out that Mittens flips and flops like a flag in a gale, but how can you claim you’re foursquare in favor of the separation principle, but in the next breath say, “I don’t believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute?”

I remember John F. Kennedy and neither of you is John F. Kennedy. If you get all puke-stained over a 40-year old speech that maintains the same principles you claim to share, something is wrong.

Wrong with you, not him.

If you’re going to draw these iffy analogies, ask yourself in an inside voice what the opposing view may be. Check yourself against talking out of your sanctimonious assholes and, at least, get your story straight.

You can’t have it both ways.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

I Know How Copernicus Must Have Felt

5:11 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Copernicus

NICOLAUS COPERNICUS – 21st Century man.

I know how Copernicus must have felt.  He’s the fellow who first posited that the Sun, and not Earth, was at the center of the universe. For his trouble he was branded a heretic and ostracized by the Catholic church. It turns out Nicolaus was right and the Pope, not so much. It’s a familiar story. It has legs. It’s still happening at the hands of the far right ignorati.

 

Burying the Copernican HatchetI’m not sure some of America is even in the 21st century. After all, the Catholic church didn’t officially bury the Copernican hatchet until 1999. There’s careful consideration of the facts and then there’s a rip in the Catholic Space/Time Continuum. Or just plain denial like many other things, “Johnny, meet Father Bosco. He’ll be molesting you today.”

Across the nation, the electorate keeps putting people in office that are ignorant at best and willfully brain dead at worst. TN State Sen. Stacey Campfield (R), thinks heterosexual people are nearly immune from HIV and the disease reached humans via a gay airline pilot sexing it up with a monkey.

“Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community,” Campfield said. “It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.”

“Damn you United! Isn’t it enough that you charge us to check baggage?!”

Still, it’s not as if Campfield is alone in his ignorance. No lesser a Far Right-O-Con luminary than Rick Santorum once tried to explain how those filthy homos put us on a sure road to man-on-dog sex (though he denies it today).

As in Copernicus’s day, religion plays a key role in sewing the seeds of dumbassness. The Catholic Church thinks Obama probably wears the mark of the beast and Intelligent Designers think the Earth is 6,000 years old.

Noted Family Research Council crackpot, Tony Perkins, thinks homosexual characters in a Star Wars video game will damn all who play it to hell. Just to be clear software maker Bioware says there aren’t any scum sucking homosexual relationships in the game…yet. So Perkins must be launching a peremptory Iran-like strike against the Dark Side.

The far-right’s fear and loathing of the modern world is astounding. (Oklahoma Is Not OK) State Sen. Ralph Shortey is introducing legislation to keep you from getting an aborted fetus to go with that Big Mac.

“There is a potential that there are companies that are using aborted human babies in their research and development of basically enhancing flavor for artificial flavors,” he said. “I don’t know if it is happening in Oklahoma, it may be, it may not be. What I am saying is that if it does happen then we are not going to allow it to manufacture here.”

The Right-O-Cons Seem Sane…to ThemselvesFear is what makes the Right-O-Con’s positions seem so sane…to them. It is the same fear that says a Muslim who has lived next door to you for decades has suddenly become a jihadist because they asked you to celebrate Ramadan with them. It is the same fear that is driving several state and local legislative bodies to enact anti-Sharia laws.

North Carolina state Rep. Larry Pittman,  is borrowing from Sharia because he’s rightfully up in arms over death row inmate Danny Robbie Hembree’s bragging about how easy life is in prison. No doubt the guy is scum and may deserve the death penalty. I don’t know. However, I’m not sure that hanging is any more beneficial than lopping off a hand for stealing.

“We need to make the death penalty a real deterrent again by actually carrying it out. Every appeal that can be made should have to be made at one time, not in a serial manner,” Pittman wrote in a personal email. “If murderers (and I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well) are actually executed, it will at least have the deterrent effect upon them. For my money, we should go back to public hangings, which would be more of a deterrent to others, as well.”

Some of us look at these cases through the lens of Copernicus’s time. We fear what we do not understand and that fear drags us back into the Dark Ages. The human race has been there and done that.  Now it’s time we check this insane time travel and face the 21st Century instead of acting like a village full of superstitious peasants who believe a beast eats the moon each night.

We owe ourselves better than that or it’ll be, “Welcome to 1473.”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Newt Gingrich: Leading the Cockroach Ticket

2:58 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Newt's Dick

AND THEN I TOLD MARIANNE… – “Darlin’, I got some serious junk here and there’s just too much of Newt to not share the wealth.”

Newt Gingrich has an ego as big as all outdoors, or at least a big as Donald Trump’s. He’s a historian with only a nodding acquaintance with text book history and his own self-professed place in it.  The other thing Newt has is a propensity for pissing people off. People like voters and political allies in his own party. While this isn’t an altogether useless skill in an election, it isn’t so great when a President has to work with people rather than through them. If cockroaches will survive nuclear holocaust Newt will be right there tossing garbage to them.

Newt and the Bulldog
The Grey One has already screwed the pooch in the opinion of most political pundits. Screwed the bulldog just like The Crazy One, The Pizza Deliverer, Governor Big Hair, and The Unknown Candidate. He’s left competing with The Even Crazier One, The Crazy Little Old Man, and The Moronic Mormon.  As long as evangelicals, pissed off white guys, and the rest of the Ignorati from small, unimportant states vote like lemmings he’ll still be winner take all on pure political gutsiness.

Make no mistake, Newt will become the candidate. I’m not a believer in legislating personal behavior , but a man pandering to values voters while having none of his own isn’t a problem. The values folks vote that way all the time and a little pecker-waving is a small price to pay beating The Messiah (oh, and BTW, when’s he going to show us his birth certificate?). By election time, the Mormon will have as big a reputation for never meeting a position he didn’t like and revealing his birth certificate instead of his 0% tax rate forms will be the least of his problems.

Newt is Newt
Newt will stride across the GOP stage like John McTheusela and try to convince the Republicans that running as President and Vice President at the same time is a good thing. After all, he’s Newt and Newt is more powerful than God. Still, some single-payer corporate grifters will kibosh the idea and force Newt to take on a wildly ridiculous running mate, maybe a Dan Quayle comeback.

The Dems will float a Biden Presidential run because they are just as afraid of Newt as the few thinking Republicans are.  But eventually, The Messiah will clinch the nomination after some public cat herding. Eventually, the Obamunator will win by the skin of his socialist nose after Newt’s hubris trips him up by saying something so weird even the Republicans can’t overlook it – perhaps moving into the White House immediately after his nomination.

Never underestimate the power of a man who can schtup wife two while taking on the Stepford Wife with the bad hair and can explain that the whole thing was Calista’s doing.

Hey, it could happen.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Rick Santorum: Racist, Stupid, or Misunderstood

5:37 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

"Rocky" SantorumADRIAN! – “In this corner…Rockin’ Rick ‘Rocky’ Santorum”

I don’t know if Rick Santorum is a racist. I know he says many stupid things, so he might be an idiot, or maybe a racist idiot. It hard to tell when a person has a brain the size of an empty, withered walnut.

But, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Let’s assume he’s an earnest man without a trace of racism and that he really believes, “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families. The best way to do that is to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling.”

Minorities are as Rare as Untipped Iowan Cows
Let’s forget that most welfare payments go to white people and let’s forget that 91% of Iowans are white. Minorities in Iowa are as rare as untipped cows.

Getting manufacturing going is important. If it was working everyone in the economy would be better off, even the rich. However, many American manufacturers are so far gone they can’t come back. Plus, there are fewer people who can afford products, regardless of where they’re made. The golden goose has been fed rat poison by over-consumption and under-manufacturing.

Santorum rightly makes the point that while minorities aren’t the bulk of the welfare population, they are disproportionately represented. You know, sort of like the 1 Percenters. So, programs to help them get out and, “give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families,” is a tough, withered walnut shell to crack.

Santorum and others of his ilk want to put the poor back to work without funding schools, job training, medical care, affordable housing, or anything else that jacks up Bill Gates’ tax rate. In fact, some Republicans want the poor to pay more in taxes. What sort of math allows you to raise the poor’s taxes by 50% without understanding that 50% of nothing is, urm, NOTHING?!!

Welfare programs are hugely expensive, though not as expensive as other expenditures being stalked by ravenous budget-wolves. But assuming welfare will magically go away if we simply stop paying is wishful thinking – like absorbing millions of illegal aliens and then assuming they’ll disappear if we throw up some chain link halfway between Arizona and New Mexico.

Yes Rick, there is a problem. But no, busying yourself with the sex lives of other people doesn’t solve it. And further, this isn’t a new problem. It is the result of kicking a very large can down a very long road.

Many welfare programs were born of LBJ’s Great Society. The Great Society was an admirable effort to lift poor sharecroppers above poverty by trying to balance the economic and racial inequities of American society. In the end, all it did was move people to housing projects were there is no sharing or crops and minorities are contained so they wouldn’t be so noticeable.

The great failing was assuming you could start by giving kids something to eat, a place to live, and a school to go to while ignoring the generations of people who were already past the point of lifting up.

Mommy the Crackhead and Daddy the Pimp
You can teach a kid how to read and count, but Mommy being a crackhead and Daddy being a drug-dealing pimp isn’t exactly world-class role modeling. Too many people are simply warehoused in crumbling housing, ducking gang raids, and learning that dealing drugs makes way more money than flipping burgers. All the while listening to nitwits preach that fixing the problem is as simple as stopping payments for the crumbling housing and decrpit schools.

Santorum probably thinks that being poor trumps being a minority. He may not want black folk in his neighborhood, but that wouldn’t be as bad as a white family of project transfers moving in next door. He just doesn’t like one, the other actually drives down his property values.

Being poor or a minority is a problem in this country. Sometimes they’re inextricably linked, other times you can tease economics from bigotry. But either way simply stopping funds and pretending that all the downtrodden need is some paternal advice to get a job won’t make it go away. No matter how hard he might try, Rick can’t make these people and their problems invisible. He can’t pretend their problems aren’t the nation’s problem.

In the end Rick’s solution is no solution at all, it’s merely another kick of the can. If we want to lessen the need for welfare, we’ll need to reform what we spend on, not how much we spend. Throwing cash at ill-advised, half-assed, ineffective programs is just as bad as doing nothing.

And nothing is exactly the change Rick’s plan will make.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Jerusalem on Edge of War on New Year

11:25 am in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Jerusalem – Sectarian tensions rose yesterday as the UN International Dateline Commission convened its 2012 session. At issue was determining how to move the tiny Pacific Island nations of Samoa and Tokelau to the opposite side of the International Dateline.

Minor skirmishes broke out when Christian, Jewish, and Muslim supporters fought for hours over which calendar – GregorianHariji, or Hebrew – to use in planning the move. Chinese representatives remain neutral on the calendar question and the Romans voted in absentia for the Julian Calendar.

The fighting broke out after the Christian delegation charged the Muslim and Jewish delegations of declaring a War on New Year.

“They declared a War on Christmas and now they’re trying to steal the entire year from us,” said Hank Hucklebuck, Chairman of the God Says We’re Right and You’re Wrong Alliance. “Like Christmas, New Year has been part of a Christian tradition leading all the way back to 1582 when St. Greg of the Equinox threw out that evil Julian calendar.”

“Look, Christians are a fair-minded lot and we would never want to deprive others of their right to celebrate the New Year as they wish. However, we’re right, they’re wrong and only God can change that. We have already contacted his representative, Pat Robertson, to negotiate when our calendar will be chosen. We are looking forward to resolving this issue peacefully,” Hucklebuck said.

Muslim representatives had a different point of view.

“Those Christians are always going around shoving Jesus into our faces. To me this has nothing to do with the calendar. Mohamed is clearly the most important of any prophet in any religion and he chose the Hariji. Of that, there is no question,” said Isaiah Mustafa.

Israel’s Hebrew Calendar Defense League threatened violence if the Gregorian or Hariji calendars were adopted.

“We may have nuclear weapons. We have a very capable fighting force. We have the might of the last remaining global superpower behind us. We will prevail,” said Bibi Badder, Chief of Israel’s Time Continuum Militia. “If our calendar is not chosen, as as God directs, we will bomb the US Congressional Prayer Caucus, Iran, and both Michele Bachmann and that other fool…Richard Santorum.”

Fighting calmed only slightly after several unsuccessful attempts to negotiate a cease fire. Sources say that negotiations broke down when representatives could not agree on a calendar to use in setting up the ceasefire timing. A small group of Atheists tried to enter the meeting and offer a compromise based on a scientific calendar, but Islamic, Christian, and Jewish members threw stones at them until they drove them from the Temple on the Mount.

“We may not be able to agree on a calendar,” Hucklebuck said, “but we can all agree that whatever the atheists propose is complete scientific mumbo-jumbo.”

When it appeared the chance for an agreement was unlikely the Christian delegation decided to gear up their grassroots War on Christmas organization for a War on New Year. They’ve called on Fox News to launch the crusade immediately. Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity have already come aboard.

“People will call things by their proper Christian names or they will be hanged as enemy combatants for their violations of our family values. If we do not win this war – though that’s impossible because God is on our side – homosexualist indoctrinators will tell our kids they can’t pray in school and a massive outbreak of man-on-horse sex could rage,” said GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

“Mark my words.”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!