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Prediction: It Doesn’t Matter Who Wins This Election

12:18 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Everyone with a mouth or some other means of communication is making predictions today. Of course, damn few of them will be correct, but what the hell, it doesn’t stop them. So being a very poor amateur pundit, it won’t stop me either. Prediction: It doesn’t matter who wins this election.

It’s not that the political outcome of the race is unimportant. There will be big policy differences whoever wins. Both candidates have fundamentally different visions of the future, but it will look nothing like the one they ran on. It will begin to change with a switch to a new DJ at the inaugural Ball and won’t stop for 4 more years. But whoever wins, voters will all fall into one of two huge blocks – winners and losers.

Supreme Court, Gas Up the Limos

America will be lucky to escape a Bush v. Gore-style ending today. The Supreme Court better have their limos gassed and ready to come into the office and make a choice that a the country appears unable to make on its own. Whoever “wins” may make their victory speech from the steps of the Supreme Court. Nothing good ever comes of this kind of ending. We see what happened last time and there is every reason to suspect it would be much worse this time. I’ve decided to renounce atheism for the day only so I can pray to Christ that we aren’t dragged through the mud again. You can find me visiting Richard Dawkins’ grave tomorrow where I will beg his forgiveness for my one-day defection from logic. But given the stakes, I think even the irascible Richard would understand. He understood you can’t speak logic to the illogical.

Hopefully the Big Guy will listen to a poor lapsed Methodist like me. But even if he does, we’re still in bad straits. So much money has been laundered through so many places it is inevitable someone will find a dryer full of cash left in a lonely laundromat in Tulare, CA. No one will show up to claim it. They’ll still be investigating it the day Darrell Issa shuffles off this mortal coil. So many mystery ballot boxes will float in the Ohio River you could walk from Cincinnati, to Covington, KY on them. State elections officials won’t even be able to vote in their own elections because they can’t produce long-form birth certificates and DNA of their own like they demand from others. Election fraud, an almost unknown problem before people decided it was the worst problem in an ocean of problems, will rule the day. If you have children going to college soon, recommend a legal career. There will be an ample number of ambulances to chase before the fallout of this election settles.

Do the Antler Dance of Victory

The “winners” will shout, “HUZZAH!” and do an antler dance of victory. They will brag about their 3-vote electoral college “mandate” and crow about recapturing “their” country. There will be cotillons and fireworks and their minions will leap to the battlements to build them higher and higher to keep the opposing scum at bay. They will swear on a stack of Bibles, Korans, and Torahs they won fair and square, even if the corner of their rug is held high by the events swept under it.

The “losers” will scream, “UNFAIR! THEY STOLE THE ELECTION!” and start the endless round of lawsuits and investigations that will plague us for years to come. They will probably be right too. It doesn’t take too many hanging chads to decide an election for someone pond-scummy enough to stoop that low. If you think the campaign has been nasty, rude, and brutish you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. The vote counting will make it pale in comparison.

Of course, this is a prediction unlike anything Nate Silver would factor. There are no polls. There are no stats and hunches, no pundit pronouncements or Palin endorsements. It’s not even forward-looking like a self-respecting prediction. It is simply a 100% statement of fact that almost everyone already knows. It doesn’t matter so much who wins this election, it will be stolen whoever is the victor.

May the best thief win.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! More than politics, more than pop culture & humor.

Calling Caspar Milquetoast a Thug

1:44 pm in Uncategorized by Omnipotent Poobah

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Care Bear-in-Chief made an ill-advised move to put the hammer – or more like a feather – down on SCOTUS. The hyperbole begins. Charges of  “playing politics” fly from the mouths of some of the most partisan politicos the world has ever seen. It’s just another shite-storm in Rancorstan.

Karl Rove decided the O-Man is, “some kind of political thug”. A thug that comes into the health care fight wearing a lace glove and with two hands tied behind his back and a shiv already sticking out between his ribs. Of course, Karl would know about such things since he is the embodiment of  bad faith and shakily ethical politiking.

Karl thinks Obama, by virtue of being President, gives up his First Amendment right to say anything he wants about the Court or even Rowe. Talk about your political “activism”. In fact, you can make a case that Obama is right on many counts. However, to suggest he will wreck the Constitution and bring about the end of the Republic while somehow intimidating the court is piffle.

Hot Air from the BalloonThe court is an independent branch of government and under no obligation to make a decision based on political opinion. The idea they can be intimidated as Karl suggests is absurd at best and disingenuous at worst. Karl’s idea of Obama’s move is about as empty a threat anyone can muster. Rove’s translation of Obama’s statement, “You better uphold my law or there’s going to be political damage created and I’ll help do some of the creating,” is just hot air out of the balloon – Karl Rove autographed edition.

Now giving Karl some credit, he isn’t the only one flinging Molicrapitov bombs. Appeals court judge Jerry Smith took the “unpresidented” step of ordering the administration to produce a 3-page letter – not 2-page or 4-page and single spaced, not double spaced letter- from the administration to explain themselves. Apparently Smith believes his court’s responsibility is to act as third grade teacher. Check that. Act as a third grader.

BTW your honor, I’d be happy to produce a letter – punctuated and formatted any way you like – to defend my assertion you are a whining crapweasel. Far be it from me to bully your honor or SCOTUS, given the immense political power I have over you and the Supremes.

SCOTUS is, like it or not, a political animal. The President recommends the justices  and the Senate approves them. I don’t think anyone could reasonably argue that a Congress and President viciously divided against themselves aren’t “playing politics” whenever possible. And thinking Karl isn’t the worst of the worst – or best of the best  depending on your point of view – is fantasy enough to have you committed to the closest asylum post-haste. After all, politicos are live in highly partisan institutions. Playing politics is what they do. In fact, it is what they are supposed to do.

The Business of the People Luckily, the court has been reasonably responsible for most of the nation’s history. Sometimes they make decisions I may not agree with and certainly decisions none of the professional politicians agree with, but that is what it is designed to do.

Would I have done as Obama did? No. Would I have criticised the Supremes during the State of the Union address? No.

In hindsight, even Obama agrees. He’s walking the statement back and that walkabout probably hurts him more than the original statement anyway. I’m sure it doesn’t change his mind unless he’s got some Romney DNA that makes him a compulsive pander bear with no mind to change.

We already have enough to distract us from the business of the people – unless the business happens to be acting stupid.

Fer Chrissakes, give it a break.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!