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I just heard a Christmas poem on the radio, and he was smoking a pipe, I swear it.;

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth

I seem to remember images of this, but only vaguely, and he never had a pipe whenever I saw him in person

ever

(though I did see him making out with some of my friends moms…what’s up with that?…he didn’t have a pipe, that’s for sure)

and nobody’s house that I know he’s visited ever smelled like pipe smoke after christmas

has anyone ever seen him in person with a pipe?

I’m not buying it, I need more proof

and if he DOES smoke a pipe, what’s in it?