Breaking news — Minnesota’s gay community, in the person of John Medeiros, has officially apologized to Amy Koch, Republican state senator and former Majority Leader in the Minnesota state senate, for causing her to ruin her own marriage by straying with a staffer widely rumored by insiders to be Michael Brodkorb.

The apology starts as follows:

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

Both Koch and Brodkorb are noted for their opposition to marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples.