The long goodbye has been longer than we ever thought it would be; instead of days or weeks, it’s now been over a year since my mother-in-law was admitted to a nursing home.
In hindsight it was naive to think that the suffering would be so short in duration. It was also not apparent at the time that the nursing home into which she’d first been admitted was integral to the condition she was in when I first wrote about her long goodbye.
It was the cost of the facility that changed our perspective about her condition; at $6000 a month for care, she could not stay there overlong. She was moved to a family facility, a setting that was less institutional and more home-like, and at half the cost. Her condition actually improved, buying more time for my father-in-law and mother-in-law to disentangle themselves from each other.
And yet the ultimate challenge remained, one that might have been forced sooner by the institutional facility that the home facility has delayed. At what point does one finally say, "Enough," and begin to reduce the life-prolonging care which only prolongs suffering as well?
For many the question will be asked of them abruptly; they may not fully understand the question at the time, hurting from loss and confused by the suddenness, and yet the question may be very easy to answer. But the question is so much more difficult when a loved one’s decline is subtle, difficult to measure. What if organ failure has not started, but is very nearly begun? What if intravenous antibiotics will heal a minor injury, but trip organ failure? Do you refuse or pull antibiotics?
In this case, there will be no recovery. There will be no restoration to wholeness, there will be no guarantees that the antibiotics will even work.
We opt for mercy.
We opt not to turn this poor person, trapped inside a body that will no longer obey their will, trapped in a bed or a chair all day, unable to express their will, confused and no longer able to recognize loved ones or respond to stimulus consistently. We opt not to make this person a pin cushion poked with needles with no assurance but that there will be more opportunities for further poking in the near future.
And although it pains us greatly, we opt to make final this long goodbye.
One of the biggest frustrations with the so-called pro-life adherents is their inability to deal with this question; everything must be done to prolong life, no matter the quality of that life. There is never a moral hazard perceived, that such protracted efforts might constitute nothing more than prolonged torture.
The quality of mercy never enters into this equation.
What is mercy but having the emotional and spiritual fortitude to end suffering? Is there any virtue in prolonging suffering if it’s not yours but that of another who can no longer help themselves?
Is it not our moral obligation not to merely extend life, but to provide mercy, permitting the peace of death to descend rather than perpetuate the harassment of life by being harassment itself?
We all have to answer these questions on our own and with our families. We are giving our answer today. May you have the ability to make your own choices, and when choosing for others, the strength to choose mercy as you deem necessary.



13 Comments







Thanks very much Rayne.
digg
Thank you for sharing your struggle with us, Rayne.
hugs.
(((((rayne and family)))))
Excellent story.
The best to you.
Well told!!! Thank you, Rayne. I’m certain it’s a sad day for you. Ending suffering is an act of courage. It is the moral high road, IMO. My heart goes out to you. (((Rayne)))
Thank you Rayne. Love to your family.
Hugs to you, Rayne.
Jeeze.
How sad honey.
I personally do not believe in extensive measures to keep ones body alive just because the technology exists.Quality of life to me is a large part of staying alive in the first place.
If it were me I would beg you to put me out of the misery and ultimately you are the ones who have to live with the decision, but I know what I would do and have already had to do.
Thank you for sharing this, it must be a great burden but great burdens are made light by many hands.
Hugz.
Busted
Thank you, Rayne, for granting that mercy and having the courage to share it with us. Perhaps you have made this predicament more bearable for others. I have made known to my grown children that I wish them to do the same for me in like circumstances.
Feel our love and be comforted.
Peggy
Touching and profound, Rayne. Sad experience makes it too all too easy to relate to this sad tale.Touching and profound, Rayne.
Thanks, all. It’s an educational experience, if difficult; the kids are watching as we traverse this, and I wonder as I watch them watching us whether they will remember when the time comes the issues we faced when we had to make these important decisions.
It’s also been a changing of the guard; we are learning from our elders how to face the end of life, but we also having to hold their hands the way they held ours when we were little. One of the most important things we offer right now is validation — my father-in-law needs assurance this is the right thing, and only flesh-and-blood can affirm this for him.
What would he have her do if it was the other way around? What if it were him lying there unable to move, unable to respond, struggling for breath?
He would expect release from suffering. He would want mercy bestowed by a loved one.
A living will and lengthy discussion are the best gifts you can give your loved ones. Before the last discussion. The biggest problem is that no one wants to talk about it then.
Yes, we believe that, too. But the challenge for most Americans is understanding what the very end looks like: feeding tube or no feeding tube? IV fluids or no IV fluids? how much and what kind of pain relief?
When Americans talk with loved ones, they need to be that specific; most living wills and durable health care powers of attorney forms are not that detailed.