Written by Martha Kempner for RH Reality Check. This diary is cross-posted; commenters wishing to engage directly with the author should do so at the original post.
Along with many others children, teens, and adults, this week I went back to school, too. I started teaching Introduction to Human Sexuality at a local college, something I haven’t done in about six years. In an effort to gauge what my students had already learned and what they wanted to know, I gave them an anonymous questionnaire which, in part, asked them to describe their sexuality education up until this point. At least five of them said that they’d had the “standard” or “usual” high school sex education. Unfortunately, this wasn’t particularly enlightening to me because as a new report from the New York Civil Liberties Union (NYCLU) highlights: when it comes to sex ed there is no such thing as standard; every district or even every classroom is different.
A survey of school systems across New York was conducted by NYCLU to determine what, if anything, they were teaching students about sex. Schools in the state are not required to teach comprehensive sexuality education, and while they are required to teach about HIV and certain other health topics, most of the lessons do not address sexuality or relationships. Schools do have to teach about alcohol, drugs, and tobacco; the prevention and detection of certain cancers; child development and parenting skills; and interpersonal violence. They do not, according to the new report, Birds, Bees, and Bias, How Absent Sex Ed Standards Fail New York Students, have to teach about “healthy relationship skills, STI and pregnancy prevention, puberty, [and] anatomy” or “other core aspects of effective, comprehensive sex education.” In 2005, the Department of Education issued state standards for health education, which included many topics related to sexual health. However, these standards are voluntary, and school districts do not have to comply with them. The authors also mention the National Sex Education Standards, which were released early this year by a number of national organizations. These set minimum content requirements for concepts in sex education but are also not binding. The report concludes:
“The current legal and policy climate permits schools in New York to decide what, if any, sex education they will teach beyond the mandated HIV education. As a result, whether New York’s teens graduate from high school with the information and skills crucial to making lifelong healthy and informed decisions about sex and relationships rests in the hands of each individual school district, principal and health education teacher, with little guidance and even less oversight.”
To determine what students are learning, NYCLU sent questionnaires to a sample of school districts across the state making sure to include small, medium, and large districts. New York City was excluded in part for efficiency purposes. Since the surveys were sent out, however, the city passed a sex education mandate that went into during the 2011-2012 school year. NYCLU says: “We look forward to reviewing New York City data and instruction at a future date.” In total, 108 school districts were included, representing 542,955 students or nearly half of all students enrolled in districts outside New York City. In addition, the authors reviewed the most commonly used textbooks in the state.
The study found major gaps in the education young people should have been receiving, as well as numerous factual errors and biases in the information they were actually given.
Outdated HIV Information
As the only sexuality-related topic that is mandated, HIV is one of the subjects most likely to be covered by school districts in the state. In fact, 93 percent of districts surveyed provided information on this topic. Unfortunately, many of them used outdated information on “prognosis, drug therapies, prevention and transmission.” Some of the outdated and inaccurate information includes districts telling kids:
- “Once you have AIDS you will live from 6 months to 3 years.”
- “[HIV] kills an individual.”
One district mentions AZT, the earliest antiretroviral drug, which was introduced in 1987, but does not discuss any of the newer available therapies. Another provides students with a handout that gives an illustrated timeline of what happens when you become infected with HIV. The timeline explains that one goes from being asymptomatic to having HIV symptoms within 12 years (without mentioning available drug therapies), that the individual then goes from HIV symptoms to AIDS and opportunistic infections within two years, and from there they go to a tombstone that says RIP within two more years.
Anything with a tombstone is clearly trying to instill fear in young people, which is bad enough, but this illustration is troubling in other ways as well. It misses many opportunities to talk about how people are now managing to stay healthy longer with HIV, and it misses all opportunities to mention how to prevent the spread of HIV. In fact, the person in the timeline gets tested for HIV and finds out he’s positive before going into the stage where he is asymptomatic which is described as “feeling healthy but still spreading HIV.”
Young people should know that HIV is preventable through both abstinence and the use of condoms and that it is possible to have it without spreading it.
Incomplete Information about Anatomy
I’ve always thought of anatomy as one of the more innocuous subjects in sexuality education. Everyone in that classroom has a urethra, so why is it such a big deal to teach them about it? But apparently, if New York schools are any indication, it is. According to the report:
“Of the districts sampled, 69 utilized some illustration of male and female genitalia and reproductive organs. But nearly two thirds excluded any mention or depiction of external female genitalia.”
In fact, in many places, women were defined solely in relationship to men or the birth process. The Holt Lifetime Health textbook, which is used in five districts in the state (and many more across the country), defines the vagina as the “organ that receives sperm during reproduction.” One district takes it even further and defines the vagina as a “sperm deposit.” Seriously? As the owner of a vagina, I find that deeply offensive. It’s even more offensive when you think about how it’s not just sexist (women count only for what they do for men), it’s hetero-sexist (the idea of the function of vaginas being for men completely discounts women who have sex with women).
But don’t worry, ladies. We’re not made just for men, we’re for babies, too. Many districts define the vagina as the “birth canal” and the uterus as “where the baby grows.” The best illustration of this is a picture called “after birth” which shows a full-term baby still attached by the umbilical cord to half of a woman’s body depicted from the waist down with one leg and a uterus but no external genitalia — just a gaping hole from the uterus. I suppose since the external genitalia of women are mainly for women, it is not that important for students to learn about — with the clitoris being the only organ in the human body that has no other function than pleasure and all. Or maybe they just couldn’t find any good male-centric language to use for the definitions.
The Virgin/Slut Dichotomy
One of the things that I’ve found most upsetting about abstinence-only-until-marriage curricula is their not-so-sensitive treatment of sexually-active students. Most of these programs use messages of shame to suggest that those who have had sex are somehow less worthy of love or respect than those who are waiting (presumably until marriage, though let’s face it, few get there). Though many of the districts are not using strict abstinence curricula, a lot of students in the state are getting these kind of messages. One district uses a 1997 pamphlet that says:
“Maybe you think your friends will say you’re cool if you have sex. Well, just wait until you catch a sexually transmitted disease. Every year, thousands of teenagers do. And the sex that was supposed to make them so popular, turns them into the school’s biggest outcasts overnight.”
Ten districts use a book that says:
- “Waiting until marriage to have sex preserves traditional marriage … Actions that preserve traditional marriage preserve the family. Actions that weaken traditional marriage lead to the breakdown of family life and much unhappiness.”
- “Being sexually active interferes with your values and family guidelines.”
- “Having sex outside of a loving, committed marriage increases your risk of feeling rejected, being compared to someone else, and feeling used by a partner.”
- “When you practice abstinence, you will not be guilty of having sex with an unwilling partner. You will not be accused of date rape.”
- “Character is a person’s use of self-control to act on responsible values. When you have good character, you uphold family values and practice abstinence from sex.”
With more than 63 percent of high school students having had sex, it’s particularly unfair to suggest that those who have never been sexually active have some kind of lock on morality, while those who are not virgins lack character. Moreover, while most parents do want their children to postpone sex until they are ready to be responsible, not everyone believes that pre-marital sex is wrong. Saving sex until marriage is not, contrary to what these districts are suggesting, a universal family value.
Everyone, and We Do Mean Everyone, is Heterosexual
The report also focuses on the messages that these districts are sending about sexual orientation to those students who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or questioning their orientation (LGBTQ). In fact, more than half the districts surveyed provide no instruction on this topic at all. They do not even mention gay men, lesbians, or bisexual individuals.
Unfortunately, that may be as a good as it gets because other school districts acknowledge the existence of homosexuality but only mention LGBTQ individuals in a negative context. For example, one school defines “homosexuals” in its lesson on AIDS in the United States saying the epidemic “… Involved homosexual, or gay, men. Homosexuals are people who are attracted to and may engage in sexual relations with people of the same gender.” Another put its explanation of same-sex attraction under the heading “Taboo Definitions.” And yet another tells students that same-sex attraction is a reason to “seek counseling.”
Most schools, however, just seemed to refuse to acknowledge the existence of same-sex relationships by relying on examples that include only male-female couples and defining everything from dating to marriage as happening between a boy and a girl or a man and a women. Families in which same-sex couples are raising children are also completely ignored.
Such messages are dangerous to all young people and likely to alienate LGBTQ students from their teachers and the course messages.
Boys will be Boys and Girls will be Virgins
The report highlights additional lapses in information (such as how few school districts actually teach students how to use condoms) and other biases (such as telling teen parents how impossible it will be for them to be successful or raise healthy children). Many districts, it seems, also go out of their way to reinforce gender stereotypes. A number of districts have created very interesting handouts:
- One states that: “Most teenage girls believe that sex equals love; other teens — especially boys — believe that sex is not the ultimate expression of the ultimate commitment, but a casual activity and minimize risks or serious consequences.”
- One describes women as hazardous material discovered by “Adam.” The handout suggests that the uses of this new element include “highly ornamental especially when in sports car” and “can be a very effective cleaning agent.” The chemical properties include “reacts well to gold, platinum, and all precious stones.” And, the hazards include “turns green when placed next to superior specimen.”
My favorite, though, might be the brain maps. Apparently, the male brain includes an area for “crotch scratching,” a gland for “lame excuses,” and a pea size spot dedicated to “attention span.” The female brain, in contrast, has an “indecision nucleas,” (sic) and a “need for commitment hemisphere,” as well as areas dedicated to talking on the phone, shopping, and jealousy. Oh, and in case learning about such ridiculous stereotypes which are demeaning to both genders wasn’t enough to fulfill the “gee men and women sure are different” quota, the brains show that men have two big areas for sex and women have only one tiny little one. Yes, let’s once again tell girls that they shouldn’t really want sex and remind boys that there is something wrong with them if they’re not actively trying to get into every girl’s pants.
Where to Go From Here
The report makes a number of suggestions for how schools, legislators, and others can rectify the situation in New York. Here are some examples:
Steps for the State Legislature
Pass legislation. The Legislature could also pass legislation that requires voluntary sex education to meet certain minimum content requirements.
Steps for Local School Districts
Evaluate curricula and textbooks. Make sure the materials in use in your district are up-to-date, accurate, comprehensive, and inclusive of all students. Help educators select quality materials for their classes.Steps for Teachers
Supplement textbooks. Because textbooks are written for a wide audience — including states with abstinence-only decrees — they can be limited in scope and contain religious overtones. Consider supplementing textbooks with quality commercial curricula, materials from local reproductive health care providers and qualified guest speakers. Keep in mind that information enshrined in a textbook may seem more credible in students’ minds; think about how you can present other information in a way that makes it stand out.Steps for Parents
Speak up. Let your child’s teachers and principals know if you think they are teaching bad information. Going over lessons also gives you a chance to discuss what your child learns at a school — and an opportunity to talk openly about sex, health, relationships and identity issues.Steps for Students
Ask questions. Don’t be afraid to seek information from a trusted adult or health care provider, especially if your sex-ed class left you with questions. Medical providers, including your school nurse, are bound by confidentiality. They can’t tell anyone about your conversations. (The only exception is if they suspect, or you reveal, that you have been a victim of abuse.)
These pieces of advice are good, not just for the people of New York, but for elected officials, educators, parents, and students across the country. Though this report is just about one state, it gives us cause for concern about the gaps in and problems with sexuality education throughout the nation.
I’m also going to take this advice because when I’m done with this article I have to start planning my lecture for Monday which is on anatomy and physiology. And even though my students are all over 18 years of age and in college, and many said they’d had sex education before, I’m not going to assume they learned even the simplest information.




26 Comments

I figure everybody has their “era” when they learn how to make love or, at least, have decent sex with somebody and learns how to please a partner.
Men, in particular need this experience as they are generally so selfish and bad in bed.
I don’t know why there isn’t an equivalent word for a promiscuous man like there are dozens for women.
PS: it seems t eh lefties on this site really ignore your posts RC…and they consider themselves “activists”. HA!
I admit to lurking, or reading but not commenting much. This is an interesting topic. Things are sure different today than when I was in school, wow. That said, as a parent I offered a lot of what I deemed important at home, to supplement the school curriculum. Mine was a pretty straight-forward anatomy/physiology approach, evidence-based. Maybe it is my health care background, I don’t know. It has been several years ago now, but I never heard of the likes of this in the schools:
Talk about Ring-a-Ding-Ding.
Wow.
You touch on an issue that I was going to ask.
What do teens learn about sex at home.
And…
What do they learn from each other.
That’s where most of my sex ed came from and it was better than either my parents did (mom handed me a Kotex brochure and a box thereof when my period started) or school which had no sex ed in my day.
I think you do people a disservice. I comment when I feel I have something relevant to say and I always try to take my own advice and not comment on things I have no expertise in. I’ve commented often and at length in diaries created under the pseudonym of RH Reality Check when the topic was something I think I can intelligently weigh in on. But the diaries posted under that ‘nym are usually each written by different authors and covering various topics. The statement:
Is at the top of every post, along with a link back to the original post. This person(s) is engaging in the widely used and accepted method of trying to direct traffic to their own blog. Commenting isn’t the sole measure of participation, it’s not even a good one.
I can only speak for us. Most of all: we listened and we did not judge. We offered information about safe sex. I backed it with data. Lord it’s been a while now, but we did not encourage sex, nor did we discourage sex. I think we were realistic. Especially given the sorts of things we did when we were that age, LOL! I think I may have obtained a very readable, informative text on the male body (anatomy, physiology, and development) for my son, like I said, it’s been awhile.
I was in that Golden Age, after the pill but before AIDS.
These issues were not critical to me, though I did pick up thru the ether that my life would be ruined if I got pregnant without intending to. Think that musta been horror stories about girls my parents told, and I had a lot of ambition in my teen years.
I was expected to maintain virginity, LOL. Not in the cards.
We are having this debate (raging argument? war?) here in Toronto. Had a discussion on Monday with the electrician who was doing some work, nice guy, very conscientious, but rabidly against sex education. He was wearing a small gold cross and at a guess hailed from the north side of the Mediterranean, or his parents did. He was *most* outraged at the idea of his 5 yr old getting sex education. “He doesn’t need to know that stuff, he can learn it later on, the same way I did, on the street, for better of for worse. That’s how I learned it and I think I am a good guy, a good husband and father — I have two kids.” You could see the pride. He mentioned something about God creating Adam and Eve, and I could hear his brain continuing, “… not Adam and Steve.”
Where to begin? So I said that as I understood it, from friends who were teachers and parents, was that at that age, what they talk about is that your private parts are private, and if anybody touches you there you don’t have let them do it just because they are a grownup, and you don’t have to keep it a secret just because they tell you to. You can tell your parents or teacher or other grownup that you trust and they can help you. He told me that such a thing cannot happen if the parents are watching their children correctly. Hmmm, he has never heard the stories of sexually abused children. Perhaps the parents are the ones who need the sex education.
You know, the more I think about that idea, the better I like it.
I can’t really decide whether we got pretty good sex education back in high school or not — from nuns, no less. The mechanics were pretty well covered, I think, and the male and female anatomical drawings were accurate and complete, if totally unappealing. I still remember remarking to my classmates, though, that there was nothing there that made sex look at all *interesting*. I suspected that, as with our drugs education, they were leaving out some really important information.
I can’t think what on God’s green earth could have propelled me into this topic, as for current knowledge I actually have nearly nothing to add, but here I go:
We clearly are the recent victims of the rise of Christian fundamentalism.
I graduated high school in 1958 and we had no AIDS at the time, but we sure had gonorrhea, etc. We took Algebra I, Plane Geometry, Algebra II, Trigonometry and Solid Geometry. Calculus was added not long after I graduated. We had Civics (local government), US Government, Texas History, US History and World History (that may be out of order – American History was a stone bitch as I remember it.) We had General Science, Biology, Chemistry and Physics (That order is correct, because Physics was also a stone bitch.) English I, II, III, and IV. French and Spanish. I heard of people who had Latin, but I didn’t know any. I don’think it was offered at my school. Biology was quite specific as to anatomy, and did not quibble about Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection. (“Evolution is not a theory, it is a fact of nature, like the sun coming up in the morning – the question of why warrants the formulation of theories to explain it, as for instance, Darwin’s Theory.”) English II, III, and IV included a semester devoted to a Shakespearean play, few of which did not involve some serious sex education. I can’t swear that we took up Madame Bovary in English IV, but we definitely bumped into some very unsettling stuff. Great literature, even if scrupulousy limited to English literature is seldom easy on the soul.
But. BUT! I, not so long ago, asked my daughter-in-law what she had done vis-a-vis the (sex) education of my beautiful granddaughters. Two of whom were 10 and 11 at the time. I had the temerity to ask is the oldest one had started menstruating. She reacted as if I’d tossed a snake onto the table, treading very close to accusing me of being a dirty old man. I withdrew shaking my head. Here was clearly a case where sex education at school was not just a good idea, but absolutely critical, because Mama was not gonna address the any such issue on pain of death.
It occurred to me that she may not have known squat herself.
Same here, the Golden Age days. Thinking back here, I was 11 in 1971, in sixth grade, when I first had sex ed. Like you, I absorbed a lot through the ethers at home (with pamphlets and such).
I have an interesting memory about how I first heard of AIDS. My oldest brother was at Emory, pursuing pathology, so he saw what was coming into the CDC at the time (early 80s). He came home for a break and announced to my parents something like, “There is going to be an epidemic the likes of which we have never seen, and we may not be able to find a cure for it.”
Bottom line on the topic is I feel kind of sorry for kids today, being bombarded with so much agenda and all sorts of other uselessness. In many ways, I am not sure if some parents really know their kids in terms of how kids make decisions, peer pressure, and the like.
Seems that the curriculum is being written for the ideology of the adults and not for the reality of the kids.
“She reacted as if I’d tossed a snake onto the table, treading very close to accusing me of being a dirty old man. I withdrew shaking my head. Here was clearly a case where sex education at school was not just a good idea, but absolutely critical, because Mama was not gonna address the any such issue on pain of death.”
Yeah. (Loved the comment, BTW) Seems like the girls are maturing earlier and earlier these days. Haven’t checked the latest theories on why that is, but you know, you’d think that person (girl) would be entitled to some useful basic information.
It’s like the Puritan era again. Or something.
I’m older than you are. 16 in 1960. Pill widely available in mid-1960s, AIDS not a problem until 1980ish.
I could do nothing wrt my son’s sex ed. Single mom, father died in tragedy, every time I broached sex ed with him embarrassed silence ensued.
To his self-ed, Joy of Sex disappeared into his room when he was 8. No better place to learn.
“Men, in particular need this experience as they are generally so selfish and bad in bed.”
Evidence of a bad encounter?
Just one bad encounter, or would you like a complete enumeration.
Who can remember them all…
Seems like the agenda is being written for the ideology of the adults… It’s like the Puritan era again, or something.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. OTOH I’m nowhere near as tentative as you. I know fucking well that’s what’s going on.
However, I don’t seem to be able to have any effect on the outcome.
Please don’t feel obligated to fill me in. I accept your verdict.
It does strike me as pitiful, and very sad.
Nor does anyone else. Agenda is set much above our level & we have no control over it.
No intention of going TMI.
Short, fit-for-public-consumption version, I decided much too late in life that I would not have an intimate relationship with a man who was not emotionally healthy.
Took a hard look around & couldn’t find any.
Been much happier since.
The best explanation I’ve found is in Dinnerstein’s Mermaid & Minotaur, but much too late to get into that.
Some people, instead of marrying, just change their names to the name of the guy who they decided was a man who was not emotionally healthy.
Then they gripe about it for years after they inherited all his money when they weren’t actually married, but tell everyone they were married.
Odd how some people act one way, but talk otherwise.
It bears mentioning here that the largest buyer of textbooks in the schools is the State of Texas. Because they are the largest purchaser, many of the textbooks and teaching aids used in the schools are designed with the Texas point of view. Texas, therefore, controls pretty much all of the content of schoolbooks in a detrimental way.
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2012/jun/21/how-texas-inflicts-bad-textbooks-on-us/?pagination=false
There have been examples posted on this website of the kinds of things that have been included, per the Texas school boards, and excluded, per the Texas school boards. The other 49 States do not get the opportunity to complain or challenge because they don’t have the purchasing power.
Which brings us back to the topic of this thread: how much of this dis/mis-information is directly caused by the publishers pandering to the Texas Boards of Education in order to get these books on the preferred purchase lists? A lot of this sounds like the backward thinking frequently attributed to folks who have no clue of and no desire to consider Science.
It seems as though being a Democrat has dwindled mightily from the New Deal and the Great Society to a couple of social issues–and not a very strong stand on even those.
Not a single man I have been with has been “so selfish in bed.”
Glad to see this frontpaged; and my apologies for anyone’s bent over feelers ;^)
I think some feelers DO need to be bent a bit however., as they are coming for us again
Cheers to RC!
Texas SBOE (State Board of Education.) Texas Freedom Network. We do the best we can.
Curious. Seems a very stringent criterion. If I ever knew anyone who was “emotionally healthy,” she died in 1998. Even she had some blind spots.
Since then I have accepted what the boards have on offer. I think women are mostly crazy too. Not a few have decided to move forward without true feeling. Warriors in bouffant helmets.
Per @ Kelly Canfield @ 20: Some change their names. They have given up, hardened their hearts, moved to the attack. They should expect to seldom find a saint, and mostly they would skin him alive if they did. Though they might feel some remorse later.
Yes, I can relate.