39 Responses to Oh My! Conservatives Are Rewriting The Bible To Their Liking! No Joke!

1. Bill Egnor October 5th, 2009 at 11:43 am «

   I don’t know about you, but I am rolling on the floor holding my sides about this!
2. AlbertFall October 5th, 2009 at 11:57 am «

   In 35 seconds on the site, I came up with this gem–paranoid, and unintentionaly accurate:

   First Example – Liberal Falsehood
   The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:[7]

   Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
   Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible, since some people will assume it is referring to us.
• Bill Egnor October 5th, 2009 at 12:01 pm «

  Yeah, I saw that too. Nutty huh? They are going to take Jesus and turn him into Rambo! Plus they don’t get it, Jesus is saying they don’t understand he is the son of God, not that they don’t know they are being mean to him.
3. TheLeftNut October 5th, 2009 at 11:57 am «

   I don’t know about you, but I’m fearing that my kids go to school with kids that have parents that believe this stuff is righteous.
• Bill Egnor October 5th, 2009 at 12:00 pm «

  Well, think of it as inoculation, your kids will have some exposure to this kind of craziness and won’t be as prone to fall for it.
4. Kathryn in MA October 5th, 2009 at 12:10 pm «

   re Mary Magdalene – she was labeled ‘prostitute’ only later in church teachings, fiddling has been going on forever.
• Bill Egnor October 5th, 2009 at 12:25 pm «

  Who knew? Well, you knew, obviously. But even if we leave that out, it is still not exactly a high social class crowd Jesus hung out with.
• Blub October 5th, 2009 at 3:59 pm «

  yeah, but at least a plurality of serious Biblical scholars agree that this type of fiddling occured and differ only over the real identity of Mary Magdalene, lost in the shadows of time (I was actually taught in Sunday school that the then-state of Mainline Protestant scholarship suggested that she was an older, wealthy donor and patron of Jesus who gave generously to the poor of her wealth, possibly out of guilt for something she did in acquiring that wealth.. including one theory, never validated, that what she regretted was that the business she ran was, in fact, a chain of brothels or some type of escort service – something that did not carry anywhere near the stigma that it does today and one of the few routes available to women for commercial success at the time).

  In any case, this change in her portrayal likely occured organically over at least three centuries, between Jesus’ time and the great council at Nicaea, over multiple translations (both linguistic and cultural), and not through the sort of professionally astroturfed process the rethugs are going through today.

  What the rethugs are doing here isn’t the same process that the Bible went through organically in reflecting various personal and political agendas of many voices and cultural biases, over long intervals of time, across several languages and throughout the Mediterranean region. What they’re doing is very much 20th Century totalitarian propaganda – of the type Orwell warned against.
• cinnamonape October 6th, 2009 at 1:07 am «

  I’ve always taken the view that Jesus was forgiving of prostitutes because he was descended from a widow Tamarwho play-acted as one, and then blackmailed Judah, the father of her two dead (accursed) husbands, about it.
• bluebutterfly October 6th, 2009 at 1:21 am «

  The Catholic Church did that in part to promote Jesus’s mother over Mary of Magdela. I think it was in 1969 when they finally changed their minds and said she was not a prostitute. Oral traditions were around for a long time before anything was written down. The Gospel of Mary shows her to be an important leader. It is but one of the gospels that was ‘discarded’.
  *******
  http://www.maryofmagdala.com/G….._text.html
5. Jim White October 5th, 2009 at 1:31 pm «

   Thanks for going there so that we don’t have to, Bill. Since the entire New Testament is an exercise in elevating the poor and downtrodden, their project is doomed from the start unless they stick to the Old Testament. Lots of good “eye for an eye” stuff there that will get their juices flowing.

   It will be very interesting to see how they handle this bit of socialism, where I like the New International Version:

   Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.
• letsgetitdone October 6th, 2009 at 6:34 am «

  The problem with the old testament for them is its concern with social justice and fairness. They also don’t do that very well, do they?

  Applying this to the health insurance companies, the old testament would be nothing less than Medicare for All, if only to punish the insurance companies who have been taking not only our eyes and teeth but also our lives for so many years. The old testament view: “put ‘em out of business.”

  Also, as long as I’m at this, an old testament orientation would never tolerate failing to hold people accountable for breaking the law on grounds that we need to move forward, would it?
6. freepatriot October 5th, 2009 at 3:37 pm «

   providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias.

   brilliant

   repuglitards have now found a way to remove Christ from christianity
• dopeyo October 5th, 2009 at 7:29 pm «

  if they could just get jesus and all those jews out of their bible, it would be safe for white christianist conservatives!
7. Jim White October 5th, 2009 at 4:46 pm «

   Great action on Twitter tonight. Search the hash tag:
   #ConservativeBible and laugh.
• tejanarusa October 5th, 2009 at 6:04 pm «

  That probably explains why I got a “service unavailable” message when I tried the link. heeheehee.
• Blub October 5th, 2009 at 6:28 pm «

  I guess that means God uses twitter and he’s going to smite himself a few rethug blasphemers ;-P
• PJEvans October 5th, 2009 at 7:26 pm «

  It’s being laughed – and snarked – at over at the Great Orange. (More than 800 comments so far on that diary.)
8. RaggMopp October 5th, 2009 at 5:51 pm «

   Darn, y’all took the words right out of my mouth. And they are, after all correct that the bible, old and new, was routinely edited and rearranged in the pre-christian times, and the Gospels agree on the name of Jesus, and little else. But this is a new effort since the Christian cannon of Nioaea. That was in what 300something AD? The Roman Catholic church had a lot better idea: Just issue Papal bulls.
   It’s been 1700 years for goodness sake! Maybe we’re due for a revision. The qustion is do we want a bunch of illerate “rethugs” or “repuglitards” doing it? How about the Princeton Theological Seminary? And maybe it would be more authentic if the focus were not dictated by the lunatic priests of a politico-economic ideology.
9. tejanarusa October 5th, 2009 at 6:01 pm «

   My favorite part – well, it’s hard to choose – is “starting from the KJV.” I’ve heard this sort of idiocy before from poorly-educated people – along the lines ,of, “if English is good enough for the Bible, it’s good enough for me”, or “in the original language, English…”

   Second, – the original “free market sense” – lololol.

   Third, later-inserted “liberal” stories, or

   OMG, “liberal” words!
   Where do these kooks get these insane ideas+
10. BargainCountertenor October 5th, 2009 at 7:53 pm «

    a Jewish guy from an aesthetic sect would have anything to say about the free market!

    Minor quibble about word choice. I think you mean ascetic rather than aesthetic.

    Starting from the KJV, though. That’s a real knee-slapper. On the other hand, the whole project is a knee-slapper: conservatives had their fingers way deep into the most widely used contemporary English translation among the evangelicals: the New International Version.
• PJEvans October 5th, 2009 at 8:12 pm «

  That’s what I seemed to remember. It’s not as conservative as some of them would like, I guess.

  Of course, the really conservative churches all claim that the KJV is the Only True Bible. I think they confuse ‘Authorized (for the use of the Church of England)’ with ‘Authorized (by God, Jesus, and the Holy Dollar Bill)’. /s
• cinnamonape October 6th, 2009 at 1:14 am «

  And King James II, the great promoter of the “divine right of Kings”…that monarchs were to be obeyed because the Lord” would not have put them in control unless they were intended to rule. Yeah, really liberal.

  Of course James II was very likely gay, so maybe they should start looking into the secret “gay” things in the Scripture.
11. iremember54 October 5th, 2009 at 7:58 pm «

    Religion has been at the forefront of most of the bad that has happened on this planet. Wars, genocide, are just a few things promoted by religions. We fail to see that even our most sworn enemy Bin Laden, and His movement is based on religion. Priests were with the Spanards, while they killed the people of Central America for their gold. Every religion writes and rewrites things to suit themselves. The Chatholics have their own Bible. The Mormans have their own Bible. The Jews Have their own Bible. All religions want to exert control over their faithful, by interpreting things to suit what they want from their following. So why is this so strange to be found out. The fact their are weak minded people who follow all religions, is the problem. Nobody’s God Has done much for them. If their God was so great, they would be the dominent society on the earth, and be enjoying the fruits of what he has given them. The muslums that prey to Meca, are some of the poorest bastards on the earth, so what does that tell You.
• PJEvans October 5th, 2009 at 8:15 pm «

  You’re overgeneralizing.
  Religion is also at the root of a lot of good things, from art and music to hospitals and universities.
  (We may be hardwired to have religions and philosophies of life.)
12. Hugh October 5th, 2009 at 8:11 pm «

    So is the idea that liberals traveled back in time and rewrote the 1611 edition of the King James Bible to fill it with liberal bias?
13. Primrose October 5th, 2009 at 8:35 pm «

    This is a good news story and one I hope all liberals pay attention to if for no other reason than the learning.

    All great movements eventually turn into their opposite and that’s what we’re watching right now. The once great Republican Party partnered with Christianity and they are taking each other down the road of destruction.

    While we’re laughing hysterically at their imminent demise, we need to remember that it’s just as likely to happen to us if we don’t pay attention to where we are going and recognize that the same possibility exists for liberalism.

    Imagining that our ideas are good for all of America is just one of those self-congratulatory seeds that has the potential for harm in the long run. For example the public option in healthcare. We should be hoping for success and making plans for failure — but not complete failure. Suppose three or four northern states, in a pilot program, were to begin a public option — just those states where democrats are in safe seats, and where they want a public option. (Maine is having trouble; but Snowe’s an idiot so while it looks good on the surface, it wouldn’t work. But what about Michigan, and a few of her neighbors?)

    A 50-state public option appears to be out of the question — what about a 4 or 5 state public option. Other states could opt in as we change the personnel in the state house.
14. PJEvans October 5th, 2009 at 9:17 pm «

    Aren’t these the same people who tell us that if we don’t believe the way they do, that the bible is 100 percent truth, that every word is literal truth, that we’ll go to hell?

    Isn’t there some irony (or something) involved, when they’re changing those ‘literal truth’ words to more closely reflecting their own political philosophies? (And are they going to be hit with blizzards, ice storms, and hurricanes for it? Or turned into pillars of salt?)
15. dosido October 5th, 2009 at 10:38 pm «

    I want to know how many of these literal truthers know Hebrew?
• bluebutterfly October 6th, 2009 at 12:54 am «

  A bit of trivia about Hebrew. Not too long ago, nobody could speak it.
  *******
  “The revival of the Hebrew language was a process that took place in Europe and Israel at the end of the 19th century and in the 20th century, through which the Hebrew language changed from a liturgical, written language to a spoken language of official status in the State of Israel. Not purely a linguistic process, the revival of Hebrew was part of an ideology associated with Zionism and the establishment of the State of Israel in 1948.

  The process of Hebrew’s return to regular usage is unique; there are no other examples of a language devoid of native speakers becoming a national language with millions of first language speakers. “

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R…..w_language
• cinnamonape October 6th, 2009 at 1:19 am «

  My understanding was that Hebrew really was never the common language of the Jewish people until after 1950. It was strictly liturgical even at the time of David and Solomon. It was a secret language in which the presumed words of God were read by the established rabbinical classes.
• bluebutterfly October 6th, 2009 at 1:41 am «

  The common language was Aramaic. Most likely what Jesus the Nazarene spoke. The bible says Jesus of Nazareth; another translation error..intentional or not..Nazareth did not exist at the time of Jesus.
• bluebutterfly October 6th, 2009 at 1:46 am «

  Hasn’t been too long since the Catholic sermons stopped being secret ie they were spoken in Latin which few could understand.
  *******
  “The Council of Trent (1545-1563) codified the Latin mass from earlier liturgies and approved the Roman Missal that was used from 1570 until the mid-1960s. The priest celebrated mass with his back to the congregation, which prayed silently or followed the Latin prayers in books called missals. This is properly called the “Tridentine mass” but often just the “old Latin mass”. “

  http://www.reuters.com/article…..2020070707
• cinnamonape October 6th, 2009 at 1:20 am «

  And Greek. And Latin. And smidgens of Aramaic.
16. maximus7 October 6th, 2009 at 12:52 am «

    Interesting. I have noticed that Klanservatives have twisted the word of God to serve their mean spirited economic and social policies and now they want to take it a step further and change the text of the scriptures so noone can point out that they have twisted the word of God. They’re now going direct to the source.

    http://democratz.org
17. bluebutterfly October 6th, 2009 at 2:40 am «

    Well..no wonder..look who founded Conservapedia. This site has an example of the changes. Pharisees become intellecuals? Say it isn’t so.
    *******
    “It looks like Conservapedia, the conservative alternative to Wikipedia founded by Andy Schlafly, son of the Eagle Forum’s Phyllis Schlafly, has undertaken a new project – making a more conservative Bible: “

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/…..tive-bible

    “Pharisees were in a sense blue-collar Jews who adhered to the tenets developed after the destruction of the Temple; that is, such things as individual prayer and assembly in synagogues.”

    http://www.jewishvirtuallibrar…..senes.html
18. mapsguy1955 October 6th, 2009 at 5:17 am «

    Western Religion is the greatest excuse for inequality and devaluing education… EVEN though, it wasn’t always completely that way. I can’t do it anymore.
19. bluebutterfly October 6th, 2009 at 6:14 am «

    What happens to the much quoted passage on homosexuality?
    *******
    “Schlafly also fielded questions from reporters — on John F. Kerry’s Vietnam record, on abortion, but mostly, on homosexuality. Which brings Schlafly to another thing she wishes: that people would stop asking her about her gay son.

    John Schlafly, 53, the eldest of her six children, acknowledged he is gay in 1992. Since then, Phyllis Schlafly — who believes homosexuality is wrong, because all sex outside marriage is wrong — has had to publicly square her vehement opposition to gay rights with her son’s sexuality.

    “It’s not a problem for anybody but the press,” she said, a little impatiently, on Tuesday night. ”He is very supportive of everything I do. He’s a good lawyer and very helpful. He is not a proponent of same-sex marriage.”

    Indeed, John Schlafly works for the activist group Schlafly founded in 1972, the Eagle Forum, and traveled to New York to help his mother at the convention. “

    http://www.boston.com/news/nat…..ive_force/
20. libbyliberal October 6th, 2009 at 9:36 am «

    Denial of truth and justice brings such willfulness to twist and distort for one’s own and one’s cronies self-aggrandizing purposes. Cult-engineering. Seduce with tradition to authoritarian followers and then keep poisoning the kool-aid, until the tradition actually represents the exact opposite of its original intention.