The press conference that should have been:

As part of the reforms we are announcing today, top executives at firms receiving extraordinary help from U.S. taxpayers will have their compensation capped at $500,000 – a fraction of the salaries that have been reported recently. And if these executives receive any additional compensation, it will come in the form of stock that can’t be paid up until taxpayers are paid back for their assistance.

Now, I know one Wall St. Executive Compensation guru has stated that $500,000 is not a lot of money, particularly if there is no bonus. He said also that Wall St. and banks will have a hard time finding qualified executives if they only pay that much. To him I would respond: blow it out your ass.

These motherfuckers have been getting rich while wasting investors’ money on worthless real estate loans and other complex financial instruments that not one of them is smart enough to understand. They should be driven down Wall St. like cattle on their knees, and whipped until their blood stains the pavement.

These guys are the best and brightest we have in this country? Man, have I got a bridge to sell you. Look, I’m tired of these guys whining that they can’t live on $500,000 per year. Do you have any idea how many Walmart jobs that money could support?

Do you know how much Social Security pays?So to the investment tycoons who suddenly believe in socialism when it saves their asses, I say, fuck you very much. You guys screwed the pooch. You’re now out of jobs. Using the Federal Asset Forfeiture laws, we have taken you bank accounts, your savings and stock holdings, and your homes, cars, and private jets. You are now broke, which is better than you deserve.That’s change you can believe in, assholes.

Thanks you, and God bless America.

Indeed.

(Slayer-I Hate You)