I feel wrinkly,
Oh, so wrinkly,
I feel wrinkly, and gritty and grey,
And I pity
the man who is me today.

I feel deadly,
Oh, so deadly–
It’s warming how deadly I feel,
And so wealthy
That I only can believe I’m real.

See the wealthy man in The Mirror there:
Who can that repellant man be?
Such a ugly face,
Such a ugly mess,
Such a ugly smile,
Such a ugly me!

I feel like hacking
And bullying–
Feel like thumping and humping for joy,
For I’m loved
By a mercenary crew!

JAMES, REBEKKAH, LACHLAN
Have you met my good friend Rupert,
The richest man on the block?
You’ll know him the minute you see him–
He’s the one who is in an advanced
State of shock.

He thinks he’s innocent.
He thinks he’s in Pain.
He isn’t innocent,
He’s merely insane.

It must be the heat
Or some rare disease
Or too much to beat,
Or maybe it’s greed.

Keep away from him –
Send for James!
This is not the Rupert
We know!

Modest and pure,
Polite and refined,
Well-bred and mature
And out of his mind!

RUPERT
I feel wealthy,
Oh, so wealthy
That the city should give me its key.
Organize a Senate  committee
to honor me.

I feel smarmy
I feel Wendi,
I feel I deserve no time,
And so wealthy,
David Cameron can just resign!

See the wealthy man in The Mirror there:

JAMES, REBEKKAH, LACHLAN
What Edition where?

RUPERT
Who can that very wealthy man be?

JAMES, REBEKKAH, LACHLAN
Which? What? Where? Whom?

RUPERT
Such a ugly face,
Such a ugly mess,
Such a ugly smile,
Such a ugly me!

ALL
I feel like hacking
And bullying–
Feel like thumping and humping for joy,
For I’m loved
By Rush Limbaugh too!

With Apologies to Leonard Bernstein