We are working on a plan to maximize their final utility, with system which levies the cost onto generations to come, called Koch Soylent Green.

Following The Koch Supremes’ (The Koch Enterprise’s Band) latest decision on campaign funding, Americans for Prosperity have announced a new neo-libertarian platform for their new acquisition, The House of Representatives.

The announcement includes recognition by America for Prosperity that based on Modern Monetary Theory, Government is the true source of wealth, and taxes are social programs.

The neo-libertarian platform specifies how the wealth created by the Government will be shared by and for the private sector.

A spokesman for Americans for Prosperity described the acquisition and new wealth distribution mechanism:

We acquired the House because we wish to lay-off the complete and ineffectual progressive caucus. They are completely ineffective and a distraction to our platform. In addition they’ll not be missed because they are unable to influence public policy by using their alleged connection to ‘the masses.’ They will be replaced by left leaning libertarians who believe ‘One should help one’s brother, when he can pay for it’. The expenses of the House will be reduced through a permanent travel freeze. No representative needs to travel back to their district, because we are here. The people in the district will lose nothing as they are already not represented.

He continued:

We already own the Senate. It has been a wholly-owned subsidiary of our movement for over 230 years.

The spokesman then explained the new Economic program:

From our analysis, we have discovered that Government is the true source of wealth, and we have many very wealthy Government Contractors as our membership. Government creation of money has worked very well for them, but it needs to be improved. Our new slogan for wealth creation is: ‘From all, to the needs of the best,’ thus permanently embedding the extremes of the current system.

Our ultimate solution for people we will deliberately impoverish (aka: Wretched Poor) is the Job Guarantee and Employer of last resort feature of MMT, and are willing to hire any of the poor who are willing to work for what we want to pay them, as long as they promise to drop dead as soon as they present themselves to one of our Job Guarantee facilities – Walmart, McDonalds, Amazon and other fine socially beneficent institutions. We firmly believe in our new program – No Corpse Left Behind.

We are working on a plan to maximize their final utility, with system which levies the cost onto generations to come, called Koch Soylent Green. In early tests Koch Soylent Green feedstock improved the yield of Koch Nitrogen Plants by 334%.

This will eliminate any discussion of Workhouses or Debtor’s programs, by avoiding out forefathers’ dreadful (unprofitable institutions) mistakes in social planning, by extracting every ounce of profit from our workforce.

Further details of our economic program are contained in our press release, which is available for purchase after this announcement. Because of our libertarian principles, the press release is available in exchange for your firstborn, or $10,000, whichever we value more.

The Neo-Libertarian platform covers many topics. We received a leaked draft, strangely enough entitled “TTP strategy.” For reasons we do not understand, the draft includes a Foreign Policy section, an excerpt of which follows:

The US foreign policy is an application of the rule under which the Neo-Libertarian Empire will operate, and is designed to be constitutionally binding on all signatory states. This makes the signatory state subject to Neo-Libertarian rules, and further enhances our slogan of ‘From all, to the needs of the best, to hell with the rest.’

This provision will entice the rulers of potentially recalcitrant states, who might have some misplaced affection for their own people, to join us in the New American Century.

A domestic policy section contain the flowing statement:

The House of Representatives will become a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Enterprises, to be renamed Koch Representation, and its products will be branded Koch Democracy. We recommend that the product name be pronounced “Choke Democracy.” The launch will be placed by advertisements on the Fux News Network, (FuNN) and we expect the brain-dead audience to embrace our program until their (very soon) dying breath.